The Letter (8 page)

Small steps. It wasn’t what he had planned. He had thought to leave the two of them at the lodge, remove himself to Draven Park, and visit Jamie for a few hours now and then. Changing his strategy meant staying here, not to mention a longer delay in returning to London. How would Serena react to that?

It might be best to make a quick trip next week and spend a day or two with her. She could be tenacious when she wanted something. She would track him down if he didn’t make an appearance soon. A visit should appease her, but it would mean more lies. That part of his new plan didn’t settle well.

After one last bout of wrestling, Michael threw himself onto his back, arms outstretched. “You have done me in, lad.”

“Can we play again tomorrow?”

“If you wish it, but for now, would you like your mother and me to see you off to bed?”

Jamie gave his mother a hopeful look. She smiled and stood. Michael took one of Jamie’s hands and waited for Diana to take his other. Walking up the stairs with their possible son between them, a deep sense of contentment settled in Michael’s heart. A dangerous thought, one he pushed away.

Once they had Jamie tucked into his bed, Michael kissed his forehead and left the room, allowing them a few private moments. He leaned against the wall in the hallway and waited for her to emerge.

Ten minutes passed and he wondered what they were talking about, wondered if he was the subject of their conversation. He had closed the door behind him when he left, so he couldn’t hear anything. Diana finally emerged and he pushed away from the wall.

She stopped. “Oh, you are still here.”

“Yes, I am still here. The thought occurred to me that you needed help unbuttoning your gown.” A look of fear crossed her face. “Be at ease. I have no intentions other than to assist you with your buttons.”

Her distress didn’t diminish with his words of assurance. He held out his hand. “Put your hand in mine, and allow yourself to give me a little of your trust.” He smiled. “At least enough to put your buttons in my hands so you don’t have to sleep in your gown.”

He waited. Slowly, so excruciating slowly, she reached for him. Another small step, yet it seemed like a grand victory. In silence he led her to the door of her room. As they walked, he marveled at the feel of her soft, slender hand. Such a small, delicate hand she had, making his feel big and strong.

When they reached her chamber, he opened her door. “Turn around.”

She obediently turned and he unbuttoned her gown doing his best not to touch her skin. He wanted her to know she could trust him to keep his word. At the sixth button down, just above her chemise, the burn on her skin was revealed. Were there other scars on her body that testified to Leo’s cruelty? He took a deep calming breath.

“There, all done.” He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. She was rigid under his palms, her eyes fixed on his cravat. “Sleep well,” he said and kissed her forehead.

He went to his room, changed into riding breeches and boots, then headed for the stables. Leo had tortured her. If he stayed in his chamber he might start destroying things. He saddled one of his hunters and rode the poor beast to near exhaustion before he felt like he had outrun his fury.

****

From the window seat in her chamber, Diana watched Michael gallop down the lane, disappearing into the dark. Where was he going at this time? Leo had kept a mistress in a nearby cottage at Brant Manor, often visiting her late at night. So grateful he had someone else to fulfill his needs, she had occasionally, and very secretively, left gift baskets of food on the woman’s steps when Leo was not in residence. Was Michael going to see his mistress? Her disappointment surprised her.

She brushed her fingers over her skin where he had kissed her. She had expected to be repulsed, but his kiss had been sweet. She pulled up her knees and wrapped her arms around them. He said she could trust him, and she wanted to. But she no longer had faith in her judgment, so how was she to know if she could believe him?

Still sitting in the window seat two hours later, she watched Michael return. Where had he gone? She hadn’t lit any candles and was able to clearly see him walking the horse down the lane, talking to his mount and patting the animal’s neck.

She closed her eyes and recalled the deep rumble of his voice, a voice that was the same and yet different from the Michael she had once known. Long buried memories of words spoken with love and passion assailed her senses. She had believed every single one, but his promise of forever had been a lie.

Resentment and hurt, feelings she had long thought dealt with, hit her with the force of a fierce storm whose screaming winds toppled hundred-year-old trees. She hugged her knees, pressed her face against them and helplessly sobbed for the first time in years. And as she wept, she let the pain of Michael’s betrayal and Leo’s brutalities consume her. She cried until she had no tears left and when she was done, the heaviness in her heart eased a bit.

A while later, she heard Michael moving about in his chamber. She held still until the light shining through the bottom of their connecting door went out. She slipped quietly into bed and slept soundly.

****

Michael leaned in and inhaled, wanting to know what scent Diana wore today. The second day he had expected the rose fragrance again, but she surprised him with a lemon scent, reminding him of sunshine and summer days. Yesterday had been lavender and, he sniffed, today was vanilla. His mouth watered, and he had the urge to lick her. These unwarranted urges needed to stop.

“Why are you sniffing me?” She took a step away from him.

“My pardon, but I couldn’t resist. You smell like a pie, which happens to be one of my favorite things.”

He caught the slight twitch of her lips before she admonished him. “Well, try to control yourself, please.”

“I will.” He held out his hand. “Come, Jamie is waiting for us outside.” Without hesitating, she took his hand. Small steps. Over the past four days, he had made a point to touch her whenever it seemed a natural thing to do. She no longer recoiled at the contact of his hand on her. Someday, when she fell in love again and wanted to marry, she would thank him. Some long, long away day.

They had fallen into a routine of taking walks after breakfast, and in the afternoons there would be an activity that focused on Jamie. Today, he planned to teach them how to fish.

“I don’t think anything has ever excited him as much as the idea of catching a trout,” Diana said.

“I believe his reasoning is this. I told him that whatever he caught would be dinner tonight. The idea of being the one to put food on our table makes him feel important.” He glanced at her. “A man likes to feel needed now and then.”

She met his gaze for a moment before looking away. She didn’t seem to have a response, nor did he want one. He did not know why he even said such a thing. They reached the door. Not letting go of her, he opened it, leading her out. He liked her hand in his. There was an intimacy to it that made him feel close to her.

If he continued with these errant thoughts, he probably should remove himself to Draven Park.

For these few days, his intent was only to see that she and Jamie were well fed and rested. Nothing else. He had no designs on her.

That settled in his mind, he glanced at her. Both she and Jamie were beginning to look healthier and color was returning to their faces. The extra food and outdoor activities had brought a glow to their faces. A little pleased with his part in making that happen, he smiled at her when she met his gaze.

“A perfect day for fishing,” he said and looked up at the cloudless, clear blue sky.

He had kept his conversations with her to only things involving Jamie, the weather or books they had read. There were serious discussions awaiting them, but for now, his strategy of small steps was working.

Leo’s letter, stored in the desk in his study, weighed on him. When to give it to her to read? He should have done so already.

Jamie ran up to them. “Where are our rods?”

“Obadiah is at the stream as we speak, setting things up.” His gamekeeper was as old as the earth and Michael loved him dearly. Obadiah had taught him to fish, hunt, and how to survive in the woods. Things his father might have taught him if he had lived past Michael’s fifth birthday.

Jamie danced ahead of them, walking backwards at times. He showed them with his hands spread wide the size of the fish he would catch. Michael seriously doubted there were any three feet long trout in his stream.

He glanced at Diana and raised his brow in amusement. Bless the gods, she rewarded him with the first true smile he had seen on her face since he found her again. His heart took a little bounce, something that hadn’t happened in eleven years
.

Her hand was warm in his. On impulse, he lifted it to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of her wrist.

“Why did you do that?” She tried to pull away.

He shrugged, but refused to let go of her. “It was a whim, nothing more.”

“Well, don’t do it again.”

Deviltry took control of him. “What? This?” He did it again.

“Yes, that.”

When he did it once more, she surprised him with a giggle she tried to smother. He knew this because she choked on the effort. Inspired, he repeated his little performance.

“Stop it!”

“Not until you say the magic words.” He brought her hand to his lips.

“Then tell me what they are so I can say them.”

He inclined his head and peered into her eyes. “Please, Michael.” The very words she had whispered to him in the heat of passion. Did she remember?

She jerked her gaze away from his. “Please, Michael,” she whispered.

Ah, so she did, but why did it matter? It shouldn’t. His future plans did not include her. He laughed away his uneasiness and began his own bragging of the size of the fish he would catch.

After spending time showing Jamie how to use the fishing rod, Michael turned him over to Obadiah’s capable supervision. The old man and boy left hand-in-hand to go further downstream to a secret place where Obadiah promised the biggest trout were.

It took considerable effort, but Michael convinced Diana to give it a try. He stood behind her with his arms around her, being careful not to press against her back. With his hands covering hers, he showed her how to cast the rod. When he drew her arm up to throw, she backed against him and he grew hard, instantly responding to the feel of her soft bottom pressed against him.

The devil.

He took a quick step away and hoped he had done so before she realized what was happening. She didn’t give any sign of noticing and seemed to be intent on her task of casting the line. The trout fly hit the water very close to the spot he told her to aim for.

“Well done,” he said.

She looked at him over her shoulder and gave him her second true smile of the day. Another bounce of his heart. He might be willing to walk over hot coals to keep that smile on her face.

The very devil.

****

Well done, he had said. Warmth flowed through Diana. With each passing day, she grew more comfortable being with him. She even liked holding his hand. When his fingers clasped hers, she felt protected, something she desperately craved.

Something tugged on the line and she almost let go of the rod. “Michael!”

“I’m right here.”

He talked her through reeling in the trout. When she managed to get it close enough, he scooped it up. With a big smile on his face, he held the net up so she could see her prize.

“A magnificent catch, my lady.”

“I was so surprised when he first took the line that I almost dropped the rod. I didn’t think I would catch anything.”

He put the fish in the basket and then took the rod from her. “Well, you did and I predict he will be the biggest one caught today. Now that you have your dinner, let me see if I can put one on my plate.” He expertly cast the line into the stream.

“Who taught you to fish?”

“Obadiah. He took a confused and hurting little boy in hand and gave him other things to think about than the loss of his father.”

She remembered then that his father had died when he was only five years of age. “You were fortunate to have him.”

“I was.” His eyes focused on her, his gaze burning with intensity. “I was also fortunate to have you, and then I went and made the biggest mistake of my life.”

She didn’t want to hear this, not now, wasn’t ready for it. It was a discussion she wanted to have with him, but she needed to be better prepared, needed to be stronger. She held out her hand to stop him. “Please, don’t.”

“No, you’re right. This isn’t the time or place. My apologies.”

He turned away, but not before she caught the sadness in his eyes. So he was sad. Why should she care?

“I have one,” he exclaimed, reeling in the line. He held it up and studied it. “Not as large as yours so it is up to Jamie to best you.”

She forced a smile, but the enjoyment of the afternoon had been lost, along with the feeling of peace that had been slowly growing for the last several days. He had told Jamie that he had been young and a fool. That, she could whole-heartedly agree with. He had also said he would regret for the rest of his life not having trusted her. Was that the reason for his appearance now? Was he trying to assuage his guilt by taking them into his care?

“Mama, look!”

Jamie ran to her and opened the basket he carried. Inside were three fish. Relieved to have her thoughts interrupted, she praised his catch.

“Obadiah caught one and I caught the other two. Obadiah said I was a natural.”

Diana picked up the basket and took Jamie’s hand. “Well, I’m proud of you. Let’s take these to the kitchen so Cook can prepare them for our dinner.”

She tried to resist glancing back, but failed. Michael stood, staring after her, a scowl on his face. It pleased her in an unexpected way. Somehow, she had upset him and was walking away unscathed for her daring. She turned her face forward so he wouldn’t see her smile.

Chapter Six