The Library - The Complete Series (35 page)

Claire

I land hard against the ground, with a thud that sends a violent tremor through my body. I try to get up, to beg for mercy, but seconds later there's another impact and I'm sent flying across the ground.

The Forbidders are getting angrier and angrier. They want me to resume my old form, to become the book they've been seeking for so long, but they don't seem to understand that I have no idea how to give them what they want. They seem to think that I'm denying them their victory on purpose, when the truth is that I'm desperate to give them what they want. I can already feel that several of my bones are broken, and I'm bleeding heavily. I just want the pain to stop.

"I'm trying!" I shout as I get to my feet.

One of the creatures leans closer and roars, causing the ground to tremble.

"Tell me what to do!" I scream, stumbling back. "I know what you want, but I don't know how to give it to you!"

The creatures are circling me now, and I can't shake the feeling that their patience is wearing thin.

"Wait!" I shout, as another of them steps closer. "I don't know if you can understand me, but I'm only trying to help. I want to change, but I can't." As I try to get up, I feel my broken ribs start to mash against the inside of my chest, sending a searing pain through my body. I drop back down to my knees, and a sudden realization hits me: this is the end. No matter what happens, I'm never going to get away from these creatures. Either they'll get what they want and I'll become a book, or they'll kill me.

"Fuck," I say quietly as I realize that my clothes are caked in blood from the wet soil. So many people have died in this place recently, the entire land is like a mulchy sea of blood and tears.

"Fuck!" I shout, before one of the creatures swings its tail and me and sends me flying several meters across the barren ground. I land hard, and I feel my wrist snap as I desperately try to protect myself. The pain is intense, but I almost feel as if I
want
pain. Every strike is another move closer to death. I know they want to play with me, to torture me until I change my form, but I just want them to end my life.

"Do it!" I shout, barely able to get back up. "Kill me!"

The creatures come closer, and they suddenly seem bemused by me. Leaning closer, they examine me, as if they're trying to understand what I am or why I'm here. I watch as their eyes narrow, and for a moment I swear it's as if they're thinking. I've got no idea what to believe about the Forbidders anymore, and I don't know whether they're intelligent creatures or just big, dumb animals. Either way, it's clear that they've got me in their sights, and I don't know why they won't just finish me off.

"Please," I beg, my voice sounding weak and frail. "If you don't know how to make me change, then kill me. I don't want this anymore. I can't do what you want."

Slowly, one of the Forbidders opens its lips to reveal two rows of huge, sharp teeth. The thought of being chewed to death isn't exactly enticing, but at the same time I feel as if it's the quickest path to death. Besides, the actual moment shouldn't last too long. I'm pretty sure I'll pass out almost instantly, and the pain won't be with me forever. All I can do is wait for them to decide to strike.

"What are you waiting for?" I ask, staring into the creature's mouth. "You killed Gum. Why not me? It's obvious that I can't give you what you want. You destroyed a whole world, trying to get hold of me. You were willing to destroy another. And now look at me. I can't ever give you what you want, so why bother trying? Why not just end the misery for both of us?" I stare at them, waiting for them to strike. "Please," I whisper, with tears streaming down my face, "just do it." Finally, I look down at the ground, close my eyes and wait for the final moment. I've always wondered what it will feel like to die. I guess I'm going to find out.

"Come on," I whisper, wondering what they're waiting for.

I wait.

"Please," I say. "Please, just get it over with. Please just -"

Suddenly there's a huge splitting sound from above. Looking up, I see that the sky has burst apart to reveal a bright crack, spreading from horizon to horizon. The ground is starting to shake, and I feel as if this world is about to die.

"Claire!" a voice calls out, barely audible over the howling wind.

Turning, I see Vanguard hurrying toward me. I swear to God, I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life. Even though it seems as if there's no way out of this situation, I can't deny that there's a flicker of hope in my heart as Vanguard reaches me and turns to face the Forbidders. I know it's crazy, but ever since I arrived in the Library, I've seen Vanguard as someone who knows this place and can deal with its challenges. He'll know what to do. Even with the Library destroyed and three Forbidders staring down at us, Vanguard's going to know what we should do.

"So?" I say, keeping my eyes on the Forbidders as they size up the new arrival.

"So?" he replies.

"So what do we do?" I ask.

"We die," he says, "but we do it in the best way possible."

"Hang on," I say. "I'm not sure -"

"Trust me," he replies, glancing back at me as he holds his sword out toward the Forbidders. "Sometimes death is not defeat. Sometimes death is victory."

"So I have to become a book again?" I ask.

"No. First we have to get rid of the Forbidders, and then we're going to save the Library."

"Isn't it too late for that?"

"It's never too late," he replies, as one of the Forbidders leans closer. "Just stay behind me and try not to draw attention to yourself."

"I hope that's not your whole plan," I tell him.

"Listen to me!" he shouts, stepping forward and waving his sword in the direction of the nearest Forbidder. "I know why you're here, but you've made a mistake! You've overlooked the most important thing!"

One of the creatures steps around us, as if it's trying to sneak up to me. I move around Vanguard, but it's impossible to completely protect myself and eventually I resort to standing with my back to him, hoping that the Forbidders aren't quite ready to strike just yet.

"You must look deeper into the void!" Vanguard shouts. "There's something new! I've seen it myself!"

The nearest creature opens its mouth and lets out a roar that shakes the ground.

"Can they even understand you?" I ask.

"I hope so."

"You
hope
so?"

"Yes. If they can't, there is nothing more we can do."

"I'm not sure they're very interested in talking," I say as one of the creatures moves closer, leaning in to sniff me.

"Look for yourselves!" Vanguard shouts. "Take a moment and look into the void. Open your eyes and witness the eighth planet!"

As the words leave Vanguard's mouth, the creatures roar in unison.

"I think they understand you," I say, "but I don't think they like it."

"Look!" Vanguard shouts. "There's an eighth world! The darkness has emerged from that place, spreading out to the other worlds! If you want to defeat the darkness, you must open a bridge to the eighth world and go to the heart!"

"Is that true?" I whisper.

"Every word," he replies. "I'm hoping that if they see the eighth world, they'll abandon their plan to steal you and instead they'll decide to go and attack their real enemy. After all, they remain dumb creatures, and I'm certain they'll prefer to use violence where possible, even if they're doomed."

"So you don't think they've got a chance if they try to go to this eighth world?"

"They're immature," he replies. "All they know how to do is destroy."

"I've noticed," I say, as one of them steps back for a moment, almost as if he's ready to strike out at me. It's as if they're enjoying playing with us. Now that they've realized I'm not going to change back to my original form, I guess they've decided to kill me. "What if I find a way to change?" I ask. "I was going to give them what they want, but I couldn't do it."

"It's too late for that," he says. "Besides, I have a better plan."

"Care to share it?" I ask.

"If you must kill us," he shouts, "at least first look into the void and see that what I tell you is true! You have mastery over all seven worlds. You could move from one to the next, destroying them as you go, but what of the eighth?"

Together, the three Forbidders slowly look up. It's as if they've heeded Vanguard's words.

"What the hell is that?" I ask, seeing a faint dark shape high up in the sky. "Is that the eighth world?"

"You see it!" Vanguard shouts. "You know it's real!
That
is the source of the darkness! If you truly want to face your greatest enemy, I dare you to open a bridge that
that
world! Go and face your enemy!"

After a moment, the Forbidders start to roar with anger. The cracked sky starts to change, spitting sparks of light as a new bridge is formed. Seconds later, the Forbidders' roar becomes even louder, and a huge black sphere erupts above us.

"What's that?" I shout. I wait for Vanguard to answer, but when I turn to him I see that he's staring up as if the vision is too much for him to comprehend. "Vanguard? What
is
that thing?"

"A bridge to the darkness," he says, still staring up at the sky. "The darkness that awaits us all. Maybe there's no point in us fighting today. After all, even if we rid this world of the Forbidders, the darkness will reach us in the end."

I want to argue with him. I want to tell him that there's still a way for us to survive. However, as I stare up at the sky at the growing sphere of darkness that seems set to envelop us, I realize that he's right.

Vanguard

As the sphere grows in the sky above us, the Forbidders release a raucous, angry howl. After so much pain and suffering, they are finally face to face with the darkness, and I have no doubt that the sight is driving them mad. I have heard rumors over the years that only a handful of Forbidders remain, and it's not hard to believe that these three creatures are the last of their kind. Soon, their species will be gone forever.

I watch as one of the Forbidders launches itself up toward the sphere, disappearing across the bridge and entering the darkness. It's hard not to feel a little pity for the beast, as it allows its rage to drive it toward an inevitable death. The Forbidders have always been violent, chaotic creatures, and they seem to have no sense of self-preservation. All they want to do is attack their enemy and hope that their brute strength will be enough to assure them of victory. It's a tragic sight, but I can't help but sympathize with them a little. After all, I too have on occasion chosen to charge at an enemy that overpowers me. Perhaps the Forbidders and I are not so very dissimilar, except for one crucial factor: I have learned from my mistakes, while they have learned nothing despite having watched the rest of their species die.

"Now what?" Claire asks, as we watch the remaining two Forbidders.

"Wait," I say, just as one of the others reaches up and disappears into the sphere.

"What happens to them when they cross the bridge?" Claire asks.

"They succumb to the darkness," I tell her. "They simply fail to exist."

"But they don't realize that, do they?" she continues. "They think they can fight?"

The last Forbidder roars, and its voice sounds a little more fragile than before. As I stare at the beast, I feel that I can almost feel its fear. It's the last of its species, the only Forbidder left in the world, and it knows that it's about to die. It could choose to run, of course, but I have no doubt that it will allow its anger to shape its actions. For a moment, it turns and looks over at us, and I worry that it might decide to kill us before it consigns itself to the darkness. Finally, however, I realize that there's a very different look in its eyes, almost as if - for the first time ever - I'm seeing a hint of intelligence in its countenance. Before I can say anything, however, it launches itself into the sky, following its brothers into oblivion.

"It's over," I say, watching as the dark sphere continues to grow above us.

"What about the darkness?" Claire asks.

"The bridge will close," I tell her. "Now that the Forbidders are gone, there's nothing to anchor it here."

Sure enough, the sphere starts to fade, and soon the sky returns to its usual calm. Staring up at the clouds, I try to imagine what it must have been like for the Forbidders as they met their deaths. Driven by their own sense of fury, they couldn't hold themselves back, even if perhaps they understood the futility of what they were doing. They were unable to reason with themselves, or to challenge their instincts. Once, a long time ago, I was the same, but now I merely pity the beasts. They had no place in this, or any other, world.

"Is that it?" Claire asks. "Is the darkness gone?"

I shake my head. "The bridge to the eighth world has collapsed, but the world itself remains. It might take hundreds, or even thousands of years, but the darkness will eventually grow to envelop us all unless some way can be found to stop it."

"Is there a chance?"

"Perhaps. Until today, no-one
knew
of the eighth world. Now that we know it exists, we can study it and possibly determine how to deal with it."

"And the Library?"

I take a deep breath, still staring up at the sky.

"Vanguard? What about the Library?"

Finally, I force myself to look across at the wrecked landscape. It's hard to believe that this land was ever home to the Library. All I see now is a barren wasteland, with a few pieces of burned timber sticking up from the blood-soaked soil. So many creatures have died here, and it's hard to believe that this world will ever again be teeming with life.

"Is it over?" Claire asks. "Is the Library gone forever?"

"No," I say, with a heavy heart.

"Can you bring it back?"

"No."

"Can
someone
?"

Turning to her, I pause for a moment. "You."

"Me?" She stares at me. "I can't do anything. I'm just... I tried going back to my old form, but I couldn't. Even if I could become a book again, I'd never be able to -"

"That won't be necessary," I reply. "When he took you away from here, the Librarian knew that you carried a record of the entire Library in your mind. You're the seed, Claire... You're the seed that he hoped would one day allow the Library to be regrown. But..." My voice trails off as I realize that the moment has come. In order for the Library to be reborn, Claire must set down her life. Until this moment, I would have believed that such a choice would be easy. The life of a lone girl in exchange for the life of a whole world... Why does the decision suddenly seem so difficult?

"But what?" she asks, with tears in her eyes. "Do I have to become a book again? I mean, I can do it. If that's really what it takes, then -"

"No," I say. "You can bring the Library back, Claire, but in order to do so you must
become
the Library. Not just one book, but all of them."

She stares at me for a moment. "Okay. How?"

"Never mind," I reply, realizing that I can't make her go through with this. "I was wrong. The Library is gone forever. The shelves have fallen, and the books have been destroyed."

"You're lying," she says. "I can tell. Come on, tell me what to do."

"You must..." I pause. It's strange, but when I first met Claire, I planned to kill her and serve her as a meal. Now that I understand her true place in the Library's history, I find it hard to accept what must happen next. "Your blood contains a blueprint, Claire, and that blueprint can be used to grow the Library again from scratch. But in order for that growth to occur..."

She stares at me, waiting for me to continue. "What?" she asks, as tears flow down her cheeks. "What do I have to do?"

I take a deep breath, trying to work out how to explain it to her.

"I have to..." She looks down at the dry, barren soil. "My blood? In there?"

"Perhaps it is better to take no action," I reply. "Perhaps the Library's time is over. Just because the Librarian sought to ensure its survival through your body, we don't have to go through with such a thing. All worlds have their time. All places have to die eventually. Perhaps -"

"So it's me or the Library?" she asks. "Can't we both survive?"

"You would survive on one level," I tell her. "You would be... everywhere. You would be the source of every shelf, every tree, every bush, every living thing. It would all come from your blood, for time immemorial".

"That's sounds pretty cool," she replies, her voice filled with fear. "Would I... would I be conscious?"

"I do not know," I tell her. "I can make no promises". Taking a deep breath, I put a hand on her shoulder. "As I said, the Library had its time. We must let it go. The Library was a wonderful place. It was filled with all the knowledge of the seven worlds, but perhaps there is no need for it anymore. We cannot cling to the past".

She pauses for a moment, and I can see the fear in her eyes. "Okay," she says finally, her voice filled with tension. "What do I have to do?"

"Claire," I continue, "I fear you do not comprehend the enormity of what is about to happen. You have to understand -"

"I
understand
," she says firmly. "I get it. It's about saving the Library. It's about the Library, a whole world, being born again from my blood. I mean, that's pretty amazing, right?" She pauses. "Everyone has to die sometime. And anyway, I never would have been alive unless I'd been created for this moment".

"You will die," I tell her. "You will die, and your body will be absorbed into the soil, and it is from that point that the whole Library will grow again and the cycle will be reborn. The necessary knowledge is stored in your body, and in order for it to be released, you will have to make the ultimate sacrifice."

"How do I have to die?" she asks. There are tears in her eyes, but she seems strangely calm.

"It is your choice," I tell her.

"My choice?"

I nod.

"I don't want to choose," she replies after a moment. "I can't choose."

"You must."

"Then you might as well get it over with," she continues, looking down at my sword. "I mean, the more blood the better, right?"

"It's possible that a great spillage of blood at this point will speed the process along," I reply. "But -"

"Then let's do it." She smiles weakly. "It's not really death, is it? Not if we all come around again. I mean, it sounds like I'm going to live again, just in a different way. I won't really be dead, will I?"

"Perhaps not," I say.

"But I won't remember?"

"You might have an inkling," I tell her. "You might have moments where you feel as if you've been along a path before, or you might feel that you've met someone in the past, even if you don't remember exactly where. These little wisps of understanding are all that we are permitted, and they are precious. Most people never notice the way that the cycle repeats."

"It's enough," she says. "It means we don't really have to die. And I don't think I
will
die. Not really. I'll just change. I'll become a whole world. Sure, it's not perfect, but it's enough. And I believe I'll be in there somewhere. Somehow, I'll persist."

We stand in silence for a moment. I know what I must do, but I am delaying the final moment for as long as possible. I have no enthusiasm for the task at hand, and I worry that I will be unable to spare Claire's pain.

"Do it," she says, stepping closer. "Don't drag it out. We've got work to do. Well, hell,
I've
got work to do. This isn't suicide. It's life." She pauses. "I mean, if it doesn't work, and if I just die, then I guess it
is
suicide. But I think it
will
work. Maybe I'm wrong. Hell, maybe I'm just full of myself. But I think the risk is worth taking".

Reaching down, she takes the tip of my sword and raises it until it's pressed against her chest.

"I'll remember," she says. "All of it. Sharpe. Natalia. The Forbidders. I don't know how, but I'll remember it. There's no way I'll let myself forget. Next time around, I'll find a way to make things better. I'll do it all differently, I'll..." Her voice trails off. "Surprise me," she says eventually. "Don't give me any warning when you kill me. Just do it suddenly, when I'm not expecting it. Please. Before I chicken out."

I nod.

"Do you promise?"

I nod again.

"I swear to God," she continues. "I'll remember. I'll remember you, Vanguard. I don't know how, but I'll make sure I remember all of this, and I'll use that knowledge to make sure that things are different next time. I won't let the Library become a soft target, and I won't let the people in the Citadel ignore the darkness, and I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll remember it all, and... I'll... I'll know... I'll remember, and... I'll..." She looks down at her chest, at the spot where a few seconds ago I thrust the blade directly through her heart. "I'll... I'll..."

I pull the blade out and blood flows from her chest. She opens her mouth as if she's going to say something, but no words come out. Instead, she drops to her knees, and finally she collapses onto the ground. I look down and watch as her blood seeps into the already-saturated soil.

Without saying a word, I turn and walk over to a nearby stump of wood. Taking a seat, I stare at the horizon. Soon, the Library will start to grow again, as Claire's blood flows throughout the land. I know that I won't last much longer, and that the process of recreation will take many hundreds of years. Still, as the sun begins to set in the distance, I realize that I am the last person alive in this entire world. Of all the people who ever lived, and who ever
will
live, I am the only one who is privileged to sit and watch as the old world becomes new again. Still, looking up at the sky, I realize that the eighth world is still out there. After all, the timelines of the worlds are not synchronized, so the darkness of the eighth world will continue to spread. Eventually it will reach this place, and we shall have to find a way to defeat it. If we do not, the cycle will be broken and this land will fall into perpetual darkness.

Taking a deep breath, I decide to focus on the moment. Claire's blood is spreading, and the process of rebirth will have started deep beneath the surface. Soon, the entire Library will grow from the remains of her body, and the cycle will begin again. Although I doubt that Claire will truly be able to carry her memories over from this cycle to the next, there is a part of me that admires her determination and thinks that perhaps she will remember
something
of her experiences. As for me, I'm certain that I will be like all the others. I will remember nothing of recent events. Finally, the sun dips below the horizon and I am left in complete darkness, the only witness to the end of one world and the beginning of the next.