The Lie of Love (12 page)

As the crowds began to disperse,
back to their holiday cottages, tents, caravans, or even back to their homes
just up the road,
Ged
made
his way to where Darcy and Amanda were discussing who would be able to bank
their donations the following day.

‘I suppose you don’t need me
now?’ he spoke awkwardly to Darcy as Amanda looked on, tight-lipped.

‘We can manage… but I do need to
stay behind for a while, until everyone goes.
Just to thank
people really.’

‘Of course… So what time can we
expect you home?’

She shrugged. ‘I’ve no idea. It
depends on how long it takes everyone to leave.’

‘Right… so I’ll take the kids
with me?’

‘That would help. If I’m late you
may need to feed them too.’

‘Can we go to get burgers?’ Jake
squeaked, his eyes lighting up. Sophie nodded eagerly in agreement.
Ged
blew out a long breath.

‘I suppose we’ll get burgers
then.’

‘No need to wait for me; I’ll eat
some toast when I get home.’ Darcy tried to keep her voice neutral, but the
tension in the air between them was so heavy they could almost touch it.

‘Right….’
Ged
gave Jake a gentle nudge to start walking and
followed with Sophie in the chair.

‘You two are still not friends?’
Amanda asked as they watched them go.

‘Is it that obvious?’

‘It would only be more obvious if
you had taken a hammer to his head.’

Darcy smiled thinly. ‘I suppose
so.  Some days that’s quite a tempting idea.’

‘Well…’ Amanda said briskly,’ I
expect it will blow over.’

‘Hmmm, I expect so.’

After a few words of thanks to
all participants, and after bidding Amanda and Julia goodbye, Darcy couldn’t
quite face the drive back home – not just yet. As the last person left, she
took a walk along the sand in the mellow evening sun, her mind filled with
troublesome thoughts and uncertainties, and a melancholy that she couldn’t
shake. The day should have been her triumph, the best day of the campaign so
far.  Instead,
Ged
had
turned it into something that left a sour taste. She didn’t stop walking until
she was far out of the path of the tourists still out on the beach to make the
most of the last warmth of the evening, on a stretch of the beach that she had
often visited as a girl but mostly only known to those who had lived in the
town their whole lives.

Taking a seat on a large, flat
rock, she gazed out to sea, watching the last rays skim over its undulating
surface in a dazzling light show. On another day, she would have been charmed
by its beauty, reminded of the reason why she loved this coast so much.
But not today.
All she could think about today was how her
life was unravelling before her very eyes.  In the distance, the sounds of
squealing children barely registered; the rumble of the tide, like great
breaths in and out, hardly encroaching on her consciousness at all.  Was
it time to admit that her marriage was a sham? She had wanted to be in love
with
Ged
still, had fought any notion that she might
not be for years, but today she had been struck by the awful truth… any love
she had once felt for him was fading fast.  But how did he feel about her?
 Was there anything left worth trying to save?

Tears squeezed her throat, the
expanse of gentle waves shimmering and dancing in her blurred vision. All day
she had fought them, but now she was alone there was nothing to do but let them
fall.  And she did, quietly and without fuss, her soul cleansed with every
gasp of sadness.

‘Are you alright?’

Darcy hastily dragged a sleeve
across her eyes and squinted up. Harry stood looking down at her. How had he
found her? More importantly, why had he come looking? She nodded, embarrassed
that her outpouring had been discovered.

‘Yes,’ she said, forcing a smile.
‘I just got a bit emotional about today, that’s all.’

He perched on another rock next
to hers.  His scent was musky, overlaid with the freshness of hastily
applied deodorant.  In the months and years to come, Darcy would think of
the smell often. 

‘You got loads of money?’

She nodded. ‘You were all amazing.
I know I said it before but I can’t say it enough… and you especially for
having the idea and making it happen.’

He shrugged and smiled. ‘I had
nothing else to do.’

‘I’m sure that’s not true but I’m
grateful.’

‘But if you got loads of money
and the day went well, that doesn’t seem like a reason to cry to me.’

‘It’s nothing… honestly… you
don’t need to know about my silly problems.’

‘You could try me.’

Darcy looked across to see him
staring intently at her. She felt herself colour and gave a self-conscious
laugh. ‘That’s nice of you but I’m afraid you’d want to jump into the sea after
ten minutes of listening to my boring life.’

‘You weren’t happy with Mr
Blake?’

‘How did you…’

‘Mum said something to me. And
then I could tell – the way you two were with each other.’

‘Oh God… did everyone on the
beach see it?’ Darcy squeaked
,
mortified at the idea
of what she thought was a private spat on public show.

‘Chill… I think most people were
too busy watching the games to notice. And I only looked because Mum said.’

Darcy smiled thinly and returned
her gaze out to sea. A brace of broad-winged gulls swung through the sky,
swooping and diving as she watched.

‘For what it’s worth, I hope you
sort it out,’ he said, interrupting her thoughts.

‘I expect we will.’

And from nowhere, Darcy was
overwhelmed by emotion again, and the tears fell, hot and fast. This time there
was no stopping them no matter how she might try.

‘Hey…’ Harry placed a tentative
hand on hers. ‘I didn’t mean –’

‘I know,’ Darcy sobbed, ‘I know
you didn’t mean anything and I feel like an idiot for crying like this but…’

He reached for her and she fell
into his arms. Though not quite the musculature of a fully mature man, they
were still strong, his chest still broad and firm.  It had been a long
time since she had felt so safe, so comfortable in an embrace.  Drying her
eyes she looked up at him…

The next moments were a
blur.  Looking back, she would never know what made her do it. Darcy
kissed him. Then he kissed her back – urgent and full of fire, his hands in her
hair as hers crept beneath his shirt, exploring his back.  It felt like
her first kiss, something fresh and pure, untainted by years of
second-guessing, of insecurities and duty.  She could have kissed him
forever but then something made her stop.

‘God…’ she panted. ‘I don’t know
why…. I’m so sorry…’ She leapt up from her rock. Harry grabbed her arm.

‘It’s ok.’

‘It’s not ok!’ Darcy ripped her
arm from his grip. ‘It’s not ok at all!’

‘Please… don’t go in this state
if you must go. Sit down for a minute and we can talk.’

Darcy chewed her lip, torn. His
advice made perfect sense but in her present state of mind she wasn’t sure she
could trust herself.

‘I won’t touch you, I swear,’ he
said, giving her a Boy Scout salute.

‘It’s not you I’m worried about.’

He pulled her gently down to sit
next to him. ‘I wouldn’t mind so much if you did.’ He shot her a sideways grin.

‘Harry… we can’t. I’m married.’

‘I know. But if nobody knows,
nobody gets hurt, do they?’

‘
We
know.’

‘We don’t have to tell though.’
He smoothed a stray hair away from her forehead. The action forced her eyes
shut as pulses of desire shot down her spine.  And then his lips were on
hers again, softly this time, the lightest of touches.

‘Harry…’ Darcy sighed, ‘Harry,
don’t…’

‘Don’t what?’ he whispered as he
kissed her again. ‘Don’t do this?’ his lips found her neck and the waves of
heat in her grew.  Through the muddle of her thoughts, she knew if she
didn’t stop this now they would go too far. She pushed him away, the action so
feeble that he simply smiled and kissed her again.

‘Please…. Harry…’

His kisses were harder in reply,
his hands now at the small of her back, pulling her in.  

‘Anytime you want me to stop,
I’ll stop,’ he breathed in her ear. ‘You just have to say.’

But she
didn’t want him to stop and he knew it.

‘I didn’t think you’d be this
long.’
Ged
looked up from
his laptop as Darcy crept in. She had hoped he would be asleep in front of the
TV – as he so often was in the evening these days – but it seemed this time
luck was against her.

‘Amanda wanted
to go over some things for next week.’

‘Right… only…’
he closed the lid on his laptop and placed it on the sofa beside him. ‘I
thought after today…’

‘Forget it,’
Darcy said. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘You’re not
still angry with me?’ he asked, a note of surprise in his voice.

‘You turned up
eventually and did the newspaper thing, and that’s what matters in the end.’

‘
Darc
… sit down, love.’

Automatically,
she perched on the sofa next to him. The last thing she needed now was
intimacy. She could still smell Harry on her skin, and was convinced that he
would too if they got too close. ‘I’m quite tired; I think I’ll go bed if
that’s ok.’

‘I’m sorry about
today,’ he said, reaching for her. She wriggled away from his embrace. ‘I know
you’re still angry but I’m going to try harder from now on.’

Anger wasn’t the
right word for the way she was feeling – at least, not anymore. Guilt, shame,
elation… they were closer to the tumultuous range of emotions that raged within
her. What had happened on the beach that evening had changed everything
forever. It didn’t matter if anyone else but Harry and her knew; the important
thing was that she knew she was capable of deceit in a way she had never
imagined before. It was a revelation that shocked her to the core.

Despite this,
the urge lingered for more.  Through her head pulled flashbacks: the way
his lips tasted, the way his skin smelt, the way his hands felt on her bare
skin.  As they parted, both vowing never to let it happen again, they both
knew it was only a matter of time before it did. She was sure the vow had been
made with more meaning by her than him – after all, she was the one who had
everything to lose. But she feared that she would be the first one to crack and
break it.

As she looked
across at
Ged
now, she
wondered exactly what that
everything
was.

‘I told you, I’m
not angry. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired. I just want to grab a drink and
go to bed.’

‘So we’re ok?’

‘Where are the
kids?’ she asked, suddenly aware of how oppressive the silence of the house
was.

‘Jake ended up
going home with Brandon after we
left you and he’s staying over. Sophie’s asleep.’

‘I’ll go and check
on her…’ Darcy pushed herself from the sofa, evading the hand that followed to
hold her back.

‘You didn’t
answer me,’
Ged
called.

Darcy didn’t
reply. Instead, she trudged up the stairs, intent on checking that Sophie was
asleep before showering and falling into her own bed. She doubted sleep would
come, but she was so emotionally drained from the day that at least a quiet
dark room would be better than having to make small talk with
Ged
downstairs.

Peering around
the pony-covered door, she was satisfied to see that Sophie was lying with her
back to her and appeared to be settled. But as Darcy began to close the door
again and the hinges let out a stubborn crack, Sophie flipped over to face her.

‘Cheeky monkey,’
Darcy smiled. ‘Daddy told me you were asleep but you were pretending all along,
weren’t you?’

‘I was sleeping.
But then I heard you and Daddy talking…’

‘Oh.’ Darcy’s
smile faded. ‘I thought we were talking quietly.’

‘It’s alright.’
Sophie held her in a measured gaze for a moment. ‘Did you get lots of money
today?’

Darcy nodded.
‘We did. A bit closer to our dream, eh?’

‘Daddy says it’s
a shame you don’t put this much energy into getting money for everyone else in
the family.’

Darcy frowned.
‘Did he now? Well, the money that Daddy is talking about is for silly things
like new televisions and a better car and those things can always wait. But
your legs can’t. That’s what I think.’

Sophie smiled.

‘So we don’t
need to listen to Daddy, do we?’

‘Sometimes,’
Sophie said, a look of doubt crossing her features.

‘Sometimes, yes.
About things like not
touching his toolbox and keeping away from the gas fire.
But not about this.
  I’m going to make you well, my
gorgeous girl…’ Darcy crossed the room to sit on the edge of Sophie’s bed and
took her in her arms. She kissed the top of her head. ‘I have to make you as
well as I can.’

‘It’s not your
fault, Mummy.’

Darcy pulled
away and stared at her daughter. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I know you
think it’s your fault my legs don’t work, but it’s not.’

‘I know that. But
mums want to do the best they can for their children no matter whose fault they
think something is. And I’m going to do my best for you.’

‘I know.’ Sophie
buried her head in Darcy’s breast. ‘I love you, mummy.’

Darcy kissed her tenderly. ‘I love you too….
Very much.’

‘Where did you get to on Saturday?’
Amanda stirred her coffee and shot a sultry look over the top of her mug.

‘When?’
Darcy asked.

‘After the lifeguard games.’