The Life I Now Live (9 page)

“Broadway?”

“Hoping.”

“Thought you didn’t want that kind of life?”

“Nothing else to do. I won’t let the fame get to my head.” She laughed. “Doubt they will accept me anyway.” She stuck out her hand. I shook. “Nice meeting you. What’s your name?”

“Patrick.”

She stood. Something mysterious and intriguing about her smile. “Goodbye then, Patrick.”

I watched her skip down the street with one hand on her hat. Yes, skip. She crossed the street, stood on her toes, and waved to me. I waved back, laughed. Weird girl, I thought. Very weird. 

Ch. 13 | Heidi

New Years Eve I opened my eyes in bed. Andy packed most of our essentials and told me to be ready to leave for another country by New Years Eve. So I was.

Riley slept passed her normal time. I rolled over to wake Andy with a kiss before the baby would steal my attention, but he wasn’t there. He always woke up before me. Since the day I met him. He called me his little night owl and I called him my early birdie. We had so many cutesie names for each other. Enough to sicken the average person.

I closed my eyes and listened for the shower. Didn’t hear a thing. Patrick. I needed to tell him the truth. He deserved to know. Except Andy didn’t want anyone knowing he was still alive, not even his parents. He believed some crazy gang was out to get him. I loved him, so I kept his secrets. At the very least I needed to tell Patrick that I loved him, but I would be moving away and he needed to move on.

My stomach turned. I sat up. Nauseous at the idea of never speaking to Patrick again. His smile. The way he fought for me and waited for me. Not once did he try to kiss me, even when I desperately wanted him to. The way he respected me and loved me from a distance, no matter how much he wanted to be with me. Andy was the wall between us, and crazy as it sounded, Patrick stayed on the other side. He became my best friend. The best one I ever had. And as much as I wanted to believe in my marriage, my heart really resided in my best friends hands.

But I needed to be faithful. Andy was a good guy too. I couldn’t break his heart.

After checking on Riley, I went downstairs. No sign of Andy. I walked to the front door and saw a note on the table by the couch. Andy’s writing in scratches of blue ink.

They are after me again. I don’t want you to get hurt. Burn this note and live without me again. It won’t be long. Just until they forget again. Next time I come back be ready to leave with me right away. Keep a bag packed in case. I will come back for you, bug. Don’t forget me. So sorry about this mess. 

The first time he left I balled like a baby. Took me two days to get out of bed and eat again. This time I sighed, annoyed. What did he expect from me? From Riley? We needed stability, and although I didn’t need it to survive, I wanted romance. I wanted true love.

Andy feared death. I feared living my life without love. Death didn’t scare me, but a life unlived scared me a lot. 

I texted Miranda to see what her New Years plans were. She replied within minutes. A gathering at Matt and Lydia’s. I bet Patrick would be there. Would be weird seeing him again. Especially since not talking to him in a while.

Will Pat be there?
I texted.

Thought you knew? He’s in Chicago until Monday. Been there since Christmas.

We haven’t talked. I will be there. See ya then.

I wanted to call Andy and tell him to come back and deal with life, but he refused to own a cell phone. He said they—not sure who “they” were—would listen to his calls and track his location. Last time he left he never contacted me. Not once. Not until his bearded face came back home and expected me to pretend like he never left.

I got Riley out of bed and looked at her leg. Poor thing should’ve been walking, or trying to, but her leg was about an inch shorter than the other one, maybe a little more. She tried to creep around furniture but I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t want her to cause any more problems. Doctor said it was okay, but I couldn’t help worrying.

“Hey, sweetie,” I said. “Your birthday is coming in a few days.”

She smiled and babbled. No daddy to celebrate her first birthday with her. He probably didn’t even know her birthday. 

But Patrick did.

Ch. 14 | Patrick

New Years Eve in a big city and no plans. I liked it that way. After a long shower I settled under the blankets of the stiff hotel bed and opened my book again. Four pages into chapter fifteen and blue ink caught my attention.
Nora Madison. 610-555-883
4. Call if you’re bored.

I hadn’t turned on my phone since I left. Didn’t want to see a thousand emails and texts pop up. So I ignored the blue ink and kept reading until the curiosity sparked my fingers and I dug my phone out of my backpack.

I ignored the text and email notifications and dialed her number. Her voicemail picked up and I left a message. Five minutes later the phone rang.

“Hey, Patrick,” she said. “You looking for something to do later tonight?”

“I guess. I’m actually heading back tomorrow. Earlier than I thought so I can get back to work. Do you have New Years plans?”

“Now I do. Meet me at the ice skating park in thirty minutes.”

I hung up the phone and wondered if it’s really possible for a man to be “just friends” with an extremely attractive woman. The answer is no. At least for me. So what the hell was I thinking?

Not thinking. That’s what I was doing. And that’s what I did as I walked through cold air to the ice skating park, which was a hundred times busier. I sat on a bench and watched love skate by. Five hundred times. Couples holding hands, gazing into each others eyes, making me sick to my stomach.

“Boo.” A figure popped out from under the bench.

I yelled and jumped out of my seat. Nora laughed, half of her body still under the bench. 

I held my chest. “That’s not even right.”

She stopped laughing. “Couldn’t help myself. You looked deep in thought.”

“No, just analyzing the couples skating by.”

She stood in front of me. Hands at her sides. Hair curled down to her elbows. Cream scarf wrapped around her neck and tucked into her red coat. No hat this time.

“You have a thing for red?” I said, trying not to look into her eyes.

“Favorite color to wear.”

“What’s your favorite color not-to-wear?”

She grabbed my coat and pressed her peppermint lips against mine. My heart, breaking in half, pulled away, but my lips stayed on hers. I kissed her back. Without my heart. And I hated every second of it.

She sat on the bench. “That was a test.”

“Huh?” I said.

“I failed.” She pointed to me. “But you passed.”

“I’m not good with riddles.” I sat beside her.

“I wanted to see if I kissed this super attractive guy with one of the sweetest personalities I’ve ever known, if I’d think of Greyson.” She smiled. “Good news. I didn’t think of him at all. I think I’m finally over him.” She pointed to me again. “But your heart is still with someone else. I could tell.”

“My heart is in the trash can.”

She laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh too.

“I’m serious,” I said.

“How melodramatic of you to be so serious.”

I tilted my head back and looked at the stars. She did the same.

“I’ve been reading Oscar Wilde lately. He says, ‘We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.’ I guess I can see what he’s saying.”

“And Shakespeare says, ‘It’s not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.’”

“I wonder what that means.”

“I think it means we have a say in the story of our lives.”

I nodded. Imagined Heidi. Imagined going back home and talking to her again. Telling her what I heard. I loved that girl so much that part of me wanted to ignore it and love her anyway, but I couldn’t. Not after everything with Emily. I wanted a normal relationship. I wanted someone who didn’t sleep around.

“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?” Nora pulled her knees to her chest and faced me.

I nodded. “I’m always thinking about her.”

“Why are you sitting here then?”

“Because she is probably sitting with another man.”

“Go.” She stood. “I mean it. Go right now. “

I laughed. “You remind me of my friend Ella.”

“She sounds nice.”

I laughed again. “She is.”

She tugged my coat. “Go get your backpack and leave. Where do you live again?”

“Philadelphia.”

“Okay. Meet me at the airport in twenty minutes. I’m gonna grab some clothes.”

“What?”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Why?”

“Why did you come to Chicago?”

“To get away. Take a break.”

“Same here. I’ve never been to Philadelphia. So, thanks for inviting me.”

I smiled. “You’re a weird one.”

She spun around with a smile, then skipped off, turning once to shout, “Twenty minutes. Don’t be late.”

Nora took the window seat and I sat beside her. Only a handful of passengers on the plane. There were more on Christmas than New Years, which I found strange.

She took off her coat and made herself comfortable. We barely talked the entire way.

As the plane landed she finally turned to me. “So, your friends doing anything special tonight? It’s about an hour till the ball drops.”

“They’re all at my friend Matt’s house.”

“Will she be there?”

“Doubt it. She’s taking a break from everyone right now.” I looked at my phone. “I would’ve gotten a text or call from her if she wanted to see me again.”

“Why isn’t she talking to you?”

“She said she needed some time to think.”

We didn’t say another word until I parked in front of Matt’s house.

“This is Philly?” she said.

“Are you disappointed?”

“I thought we’d see the city.”

“Meet some people tonight and you’ll find your way around town. You can probably stay with Miranda or Dee. They’ll give you a tour.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“We’re friends, right?”

“I guess.”

She laughed. “Such enthusiasm.”

I knocked on the door. No answer. Too loud inside. We walked in and I introduced Nora to Matt and Miranda. They made her feel comfortable as they always did with new people. Then I scanned the room. Pregnant Lydia next to Dee. A group of guys I met once before. Probably Dee’s friends. Couldn’t remember their names. Some girls Lydia went to school with, Myra being one of them.

Gavin and Ella gave me a hug.

“How was your trip?” Gavin said.

Before I could answer Ella introduced her brother. “Have you met my brother Derek yet?”

“At the wedding.” I shook his hand. “Nice seeing you again.”

“You too,” he said. “I’m thinking of moving here from Virginia.”

“Oh yeah?” I smiled. “How’s that going?”

“Who knows.”

I looked at Ella. “So what’s new? What did I miss?”

“Not much. Sarah is doing well. Her recovery is going a lot better than the doctors anticipated. She hides her emotions though. Kills me when she doesn’t open up, but hopefully she does with James. He’s doing really well. Tylissa is a wreck. We may have her move in with us because she is having a tough time paying the bills. Um.” She looked at Gavin. “What else?”

He continued for her. “We announced our pregnancy to everyone tonight. Other than that, can’t think of anything new.”

“Who’s the girl you brought?” Ella said.

“Met her in Chicago. She’s a little crazy, but nice. Maybe you can play Cupid tonight. She could use a nice man.”

Ella’a face glowed. “Maybe Griffin. He’s a little strange on the surface too, but very deep and reflective.”