The Light of the Blue Pearl (14 page)

“So you see, Scott?” she asked. “I can’t put
anyone in that same situation. It was hard enough losing my
parents, and I’m as much of a ticking time bomb as my father was,
medication or not.”

He was quiet. Having no clever or insightful
responses this time, he simply sat there holding her hands in his
and didn’t say a word.

For a few minutes all he did was look at
her, the softness in his face telling her everything without
words.

She knew what he was thinking, that she was
right to make the decision she had. That anyone in her shoes would
have done the same. What he said to her next though was as far from
that as she could have imagined.

“Ethne…,” he started. “I understand why and
how you feel the way that you do. And I’m very sorry you had to go
through such a terrible thing.

“But I still don’t think you should be
resigned to spend your life living alone in fear of what may or may
not happen, just because of something that sadly did. Your life is
not their life, what happened to them isn’t necessarily going to
happen to you.”

She was dumbfounded by his words. Had he not
heard her? Had he not just seen in her eyes and face what she has
been living with? She started to feel anger rise up from deep down
in a place that she rarely went.

“I don’t expect you to understand, Scott,”
she said. “You weren’t there, you haven’t lived it.”

He could hear the bitterness in her voice,
saw her anger, but he wasn’t going to back down.

She started to get up; he did the same, but
reached for her keys before she was able to get them.

“Give me my keys, please,” she said.

“I will, when we are finished talking,” he
said.

He put them in his pocket and tried to get
her to sit back down. She refused.

If it weren’t for the seriousness of the
story she had just told him, he would have thought her huffiness
was pretty cute. But in this case, he knew she was not in the mood
for any of his humor.

“Ethne,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you
feel like your past didn’t warrant how you’ve chosen to live your
life. And you’re right, I wasn’t there. I didn’t live through it –
but we all have pasts.”

She looked over at him and saw a sadness in
his face that she hadn’t seen before.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked.

He looked up and smiled.

“I’ve lost people too, Ethne,” he said. “I
know it’s a very difficult thing to live through. And I know that
given the fact that you have the same thing your father did that
you might feel the way that you do. But you’re not him, you’re you
– and you should get to live your life.”

She sat down next to him feeling less angry
than she had.

“I know,” she admitted. “I’ve been feeling
that way lately, ever since the trip.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “It opened my eyes to
how…asleep I’ve been - I haven’t really been living at all.”

He took her hand again and they sat there in
silence for a few minutes.

“Who did you lose, Scott?” she asked.

“My sister. She was killed in a car accident
too – she was 17.”

“I’m sorry,” Ethne said.

“It was a long time ago,” he said.

“Doesn’t really matter, does it?” she said.
“I’m still sorry.”

“No, it doesn’t, thank you,” he said. “Okay,
so we are now a couple of workaholics with sad secrets – what do we
do now?”

He was actually grinning at her. How he
could be grinning at her she had no idea, but it was kind of
cute.

She smiled back at him and looked down at
the ground.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“I say we go skinny dipping,” he said.

She laughed and whacked him in the arm.
“It’s a little cold to go skinny dipping.”

“You are such a chicken,” he said.

It was amazing to her that they could have
just had the conversation they did and he could still make her
laugh.

“I suppose that was part of the reason you
didn’t go scuba diving then?” he asked, finally connecting some
dots.

“Well…that and I’m a chicken,” she said.

He laughed at that and stood up grabbing her
hands and pulling her up too. He hugged her tightly, she sunk into
him.

“Why didn’t I know about your epilepsy?” he
asked. “I mean, I am your boss, I should know these things.”

“Yeah, you know I like turkey sandwiches and
chocolate, but not my health history,” she said. “I think you’ve
been slacking off.”

“Ha…ha. No seriously, I don’t recall it
saying that anywhere in your file.”

“
My file
?” she asked. “You’ve been
looking at my file?”

“Well, I am your boss,” he said. He wrapped
his arms around her waist and waited for an answer.

“I never wrote it in,” she admitted. “I
didn’t start working there until after the medication started
working, and I figured – hey, I’m at a hospital, if there are ever
any problems, what better place to be.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” he said.
“Though as your boss I really should fire you for leaving out such
important information.”

“Well, go ahead,” she said, contentedly
sinking further into him. “It may be a bit awkward dating my boss
anyway.”

E
thne woke feeling
a soft finger slowly making its way up her right leg which was
draped comfortably over Scott’s abdomen. She lifted her head and
gazed at him, her eyes coming to focus on his sweet smile.

It had been three months since that night on
her porch when she had told him everything about her past. They had
been together ever since, dating whenever possible.

Always keeping her on her toes, the notes
hadn’t stopped; they would still appear from time to time, telling
her to go somewhere – usually to meet him, sometimes to find a nice
gift.

He was always full of surprises and she
loved that. In truth it had taken her a while to get used to the
attention, but not that long. There was something about how he made
her feel that she had no interest in arguing with.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said.

She lifted herself up a little so she could
kiss his lips. The finger that was once making its way north was
now a hand fully holding her thigh as she gave him a proper good
morning kiss.

“Good morning,” she said, now fully awake
and happier than she had ever been.

“What time is it?” she asked, trying to look
around him to see the clock.

“It’s almost three,” he said, as if sleeping
until three in the afternoon was a normal occurrence and no big
deal, which had actually become true.

“We should probably get up, huh?” Ethne
asked with her head laying on his chest, showing no signs of
moving.

“I suppose,” he said. “Though I was rather
enjoying this thigh of yours.”

She giggled and responded by pinning him
down, kissing him again; she had no intention of getting up just
yet.

They didn’t spend every night together; it
was actually fairly rare that they could. But when they did, they
usually spent a lazy day doing little but enjoying each other’s
company.

Sometimes they went for walks on the beach,
sometimes he even joined her for a run, though even when he did she
was still usually running by herself; a fun jab at him she enjoyed,
since she ran just a little faster than he did. He didn’t seem to
mind that she ran ahead, and she certainly wasn’t going to let him
hold her back. It was nice that he understood that about her.

She had spent pretty much her entire
existence on her own, he seemed to take it in stride and respected
that she was rather independent.

They had gotten very close in a short amount
of time. At times that made her uncomfortable; she always had her
concerns in the back of her mind. But he made her incredibly happy;
she felt alive.

It was too difficult to think of going back
to waking up in her bed, always alone.

They were in a bit of a dream state, only
returning to reality when it was absolutely necessary. She supposed
that was why they were still together; she wasn’t letting her
concerned negative mind think at the moment.

“Want some breakfast?” he asked.

“Breakfast?” she said with a laugh. “It’s
the middle of the day – I think we are way past breakfast.”

“Well I don’t care, I feel like pancakes,”
he said.

“Oooh pancakes!” she said, already pushing
him out of bed so he could start making her food; she was
starving.

He laughed and put on some pants before
leaning over and kissing her again one more time, looking at how
beautiful she was lying there.

“What are you looking at?” she asked. “Go
make me food!”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay I’m going.”

She heard him whistling in the kitchen,
banging pots and pans. She smiled at the thought of him in her
kitchen, making her pancakes.

She toyed with staying in bed and waiting
for her food, but she was going to have to eventually get ready for
work that night so she decided she better shower.

When she walked into the bathroom she turned
on the light and looked at herself in the mirror, wondering what it
was he thought was so beautiful – especially now given that she had
just woken up.

She was thinking this thought when she went
down, hard. It had come on suddenly with absolutely no warning.

When Ethne woke up, Scott was hovering over
her with a very concerned look on his face.

She was very groggy and felt like she had
just been rudely awakened; she looked around and saw she was lying
on the bathroom floor.

That was weird.

“What happened?” she asked.

“You were having a seizure, baby,” he said,
bluntly saying the words she had hoped to never hear again.

“Oh,” she said, still feeling a little
dazed.

After a while he helped her back into bed
and tucked her into her blankets.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, not really
knowing what else to say.

“Tired,” she replied.

Her lower lip started to tremble as she
finally realized what had happened. She hung her head and looked at
her hands in her lap.

She had been so happy just a second ago.
Then boom, like lightening, her worst nightmare happened; she now
felt like a sitting duck, waiting for the lightening she knew could
strike twice to find its mark.

He sat down next to her and held her hands,
looking at her; she assumed trying to assess the damage. She had
fallen and had hit the bathroom floor…hard. She had probably hit
her head too, she couldn’t remember.

But she knew enough to know that instead of
a lovely afternoon together and work, she would be going to the
hospital for a different reason.

“When you’re feeling up to it we should
probably get you to the hospital to have you checked out,” he said,
reading her mind.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I will call ahead right now so they will be
ready for you, hey, one of the perks of working there, huh?” he
said, obviously doing his best to lighten the mood, but failing
miserably.

“Okay,” she said.

She took a deep breath and laid her head
back down on her pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

Why did this have to happen now? She hadn’t
had a seizure in ten years; the medications were working so well.
Why after finally finding some happiness, some kind of life, did
that have to be taken away from her now?

She had learned a long time ago to not ask
why, but to just accept. But she was having a really hard time
remembering how to do that at the moment. She was getting angry,
and her anger was coming out in the form of tears.

“Honey, don’t cry,” Scott said, after he
returned from making the phone call.

She took a deep breath again. “I’m sorry. I
can’t help it,” she said. “I was so happy with you, I’m so
sorry.”

“What do you mean was?” he asked, suddenly
holding her hands even tighter. “Don’t you think for a second that
one seizure is going to keep me from you.”

“But it probably won’t be just one, Scott,
and I don’t want to do that to you, remember? It’s ultimately my
decision to make here,” she said, pulling her hands away and
turning on her side facing away from him.

“Well, while I respect you, Ethne, I’m not
going to give up on you that easily,” he said. “Let’s get you
checked out and take it from there.”

“Fine,” she said, feeling very, very
grumpy.

***

They pulled into the hospital parking lot
and even though she protested, he wheeled her up in a wheelchair. A
few people recognized her in the halls as they passed.

Embarrassed, she sunk further down in the
wheelchair. “Oh sure, now they notice me,” she thought.

As he had promised everything was ready for
her, a room and a doctor were waiting for her when they arrived.
When she had moved to San Francisco she hadn’t bothered to get a
new doctor, her way of warding off never needing one again she
supposed.

After she was examined they sent her for a
CT scan to make sure she hadn’t caused any injuries to her head
during the fall.

When she was back in her hospital room with
Scott she lay there quietly looking out the window.

Scott had asked them to rush her results so
he could get her back home. He was sitting on the edge of her bed
holding her hand when the doctor came in.

“Hello again, Ethne,” he said. “How are you
feeling?”

“Fine,” she said.

“Good, good,” he said, taking a seat
opposite them and looking over her chart. “Well, everything looks
fine, Ethne, all of your tests came back normal and your CT looks
clear. We may want to have you back for another look in a little
while just to be on the safe side, that was a pretty good
fall.”

“Okay,” she said, her mood as flat as her
tone.