The Lightning-Struck Heart (9 page)

“I would recommend him for euthanasia,” I said. “And I don’t want to know the criteria you came up with to vet out any less desirables.”

“I did nothing of the sort,” the King said. “I just had your stats and the date and time of the ball written on every tavern bathroom wall within a sixty-mile radius. There was no vetting.”

“Remember that one time I laughed at a joke you told?”

He grinned at me. “I do.”

“This is not going to be like that time.”

He laughed enough for the both of us.

I bit my lip. And then opened my mouth. “Is”—
Ryan
—“Justin happy?”

The King’s smile softened. “I think so. Love can do that to a man. Just look at them.”

And I did. I didn’t want to, but I did. They were dancing on the other side of the floor and they moved gracefully together. They were of an even height, and I was pretty sure that Justin’s hand was
almost
touching Ryan’s ass, which I absolutely was not staring at. Ryan had changed out of his armor and wore white trousers and knee-high black boots, almost like he was going riding. His black jerkin stretched tight against his chest and arms. And yes, they
did
look happy. Mostly. Maybe. I couldn’t quite figure out the look on Ryan’s face.

Ryan must have felt us watching them because he looked over and caught my eye. He frowned again, and I looked away quickly.

“I suppose,” I eventually said.

“He makes Justin happy,” the King said. “And I hope Justin can do the same for him. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Ryan smile.”

Which, odd. Because I’d seen it a few times. Earlier that night, even. And that morning.

“I still don’t know what that has to do with me,” I said.

The King sighed. “Sam, ever since the day Morgan brought you to the castle, I knew there was something special about you. It had nothing to do with your magic or whatever Morgan thought you would one day be. It had to do with the size of your heart. You have so much to give to people and I think you sometimes hide it behind your wit and words. I want you to find that someone who makes you feel complete, who allows you to let your guard down and just
be
.”

“I have you,” I said honestly. “And Morgan. And my parents and Tiggy and Gary. What more could I possibly need?”

“Someone to call your own,” he said.

“I have priorities,” I said weakly.

“Do this, and I’ll agree to fund your proposal for more teachers being hired in the slums.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You cheater.”

He smiled at me.

The King and I danced on.

A
ND
I
did dance with a few of them. The King wanted me to try, and there was no way I’d ever let him down. Not after all he’d done for me and my family.

That didn’t mean I’d let him off the hook so easily.

It was awkward and weird, and I found out I
really
hated dancing with strangers who were trying to get up in my business, so I filled in the silence with vivid descriptions of how we’d have at least ten kids and that I knew a spell that would allow us to get pregnant so we could take turns just popping out the ass babies. I’m pretty sure a couple of them all but ran by the time we’d finished. I waved after them.

And then Todd came over with his ears and nervousness, sputtering about how he couldn’t even
fathom
how ass babies would work and I thought,
Okay. Okay, why not?
I was drunk and reckless and why the fuck not. I looked good (mostly). I felt good (kind of). Why the fuck not?

I said, “Dance with me.” I waggled my eyebrows at him.

He flushed. “You were dancing with the
King
.”

“I had to. I needed to yell at him.”

He looked horrified. “You’re going to lose your head!”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, because
that
happens so often around here.”

“I can’t really dance. I told you this. Remember the awkwardness? It’s
awkward
.”

I shrugged. “Dance with me awkwardly, then.”

Maybe I thought I saw the hint of a smile. And maybe I thought it was a nice smile.

So he bowed in front of me, and I laughed at him.

He took me by the hand and led me to the floor.

From there, he seemed unsure where to put his hands.

Because I liked seeing him blush, I said, “Anywhere.”

He went full-on red, but one hand went to my back and the other gripped my fingers and we moved.

He stepped on my foot.

I said, “Well, then.”

I counted out the waltz.

He followed, staring down at our feet.

The song ended and another began, and I said, “You haven’t run away yet.”

He said, “No, sir.”

He was nineteen. His parents were in the King’s Court. His father was a businessman who owned hotels across Verania. They made lots of money.

He said, “So I can provide for you.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes as he said it.

And I laughed at him again. I told him I didn’t need to be provided for. That I didn’t want to be.

“What
do
you want?” he asked me curiously.

Ah. Now that was the question.

“Many things,” I said, and he left it at that.

He was a better dancer than he gave himself credit for. Mostly.

But still felt… off. Because it was so
nice
. Just… nice.

The alcohol buzz was dampening. Things felt a little heavier now.

A third song was about to begin when Todd said, “Shall we—”

“Mind if I cut in?”

And I
froze
.

Todd flushed again and sputtered, “Sure. Yes. Of course, Knight Commander. My apologies.” He disappeared as if he’d never been there at all.

Ryan Foxheart took his place.

His hand went to my waist and it
burned
.

His other hand took mine, and I felt every scrape of his fingers against my skin.

I could feel the heavy muscle of his arm under my touch.

This was not
nice
.

This was an inferno.

The music swelled.

We moved. I didn’t have to count for him.

He said, “You’ve been busy all night.” There was no smile on his face and a heat to his words.

And because I had enough of a buzz still going, I deflected and said, “Congratulations. On everything.” The words came out light and sweet.

“Thank you. You danced with him twice.”

“What?”

He moved as he always did, with beautiful precision.
He was leading and I didn’t even try to fight it. “The others. You sent them away after one song.”

“Or they ran.”

His lip twitched and the skin around his eyes crinkled slightly. “Or that. But he didn’t.”

“No, Todd didn’t,” I agreed.

“Is that his name?”

“It is. He’s very nice.”

“Is he?”

“Yes.”

“Because you like nice.”

“Perhaps.”

We danced on.

“I’m not nice,” Ryan said suddenly. “Not all the time.”

“You’re a knight,” I said, because that almost meant the same thing.

“Knight Commander,” he said with a glint in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m so impressed.”

“You don’t sound like it.”

My mind wandered. “You know, I think this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.”

He arched an eyebrow at me, and with that single motion, a fire burned in my belly like I’d never felt before. “And whose fault is that?”

I grinned at him. “Mine. You scare me.”

“Why? Because I’m too pretty to exist in this world?” He threw my words back at me, his voice teasing and soft.

“Because you’re scary,” I managed to say.

His eyes never left mine. “Why did you dance with him twice?”

“Because he was different.”

“Why?”

“Well, for one, he didn’t lick my hand like the first guy did.”

Ryan’s hand tightened in mine. “Is that so?”

“Sure. It’s been a weird night.”

“I know.”

“You didn’t know, did you?”
About the marriage,
I couldn’t say.

He didn’t need to ask. He just shook his head. He said, “Todd didn’t lick your hand. Why else?”

I laughed. It felt like it was edging toward bitterness. “He told me he didn’t know how to dance. I thought it was sweet. And he didn’t run screaming after the ass babies.”

Ryan chuckled darkly. “Why sweet?”

“It was honest. When’s the wedding?”

“We haven’t decided. When are you seeing Todd again?”

I narrowed my eyes. “I never said I was.”

“Why not?” he asked, jaw set. “He’s sweet. And honest.”

I felt dizzy. “I don’t have time for such things. I have priorities. Goals to accomplish.”

“So do I,” he said, and it was like he was trying to tell me more than those three words, but I wasn’t in the mood to understand anything.

“I suppose. I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“That so?” he said, and I thought he pulled me closer.

“Yes,” I said and I didn’t allow my voice to drop. “I’m the apprentice to the King’s Wizard. You’re the Knight Commander of the King’s Guard. Seems as if we’ll see each other more often than not. Especially after you’re married to the future King of Verania. I will be his wizard.”

“Will you run this time?” he asked, and when had his face gotten closer? I could feel his breath on my cheek. It was hot and moist and mint and wine. “I try and I try but you run away. Every single time.”

Suddenly, I felt very out of place. Or rather, I
remembered
my place. My skin was too tight, and I was sweating. The song was ending, and I pulled away. He didn’t release my hand. I could hear him being called by someone and realized tonight was supposed to be about him. He needed to mingle and kiss ass and make out with his fiancé in darkened corners because he was getting married.

“Thank you for the dance, Knight Commander.” I bowed to him because rank and custom made it so.

“Dances,” he said, voice pitched so low I could feel it crawl over me. “Plural. Because we went through three waltzes. Not one. And definitely not just
two
.”

Oh shit.

Ryan bowed back to me. I pulled away and his fingers trailed against mine.

I
NEEDED
air.

The stars above were bright as I moved into the garden. Lanterns hung from metal poles, lighting the paths near the roses and the tulips.

I took a breath and let it out slowly.

Footsteps came up behind me. Of course they would follow me out here. They would follow me anywhere.

“Had to escape to hide your raging erection?” Gary asked sympathetically.

“You know,” I said, “I came across a spell in Morgan’s Grimoire. In one of those back pages for the truly evil shit? It called for the dust of unicorn bones. I’m thinking about trying it out.” I kept walking.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Gary said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen dance fucking before. It was illuminating to see a live demonstration.”

I walked into a tree.

Tiggy and Gary laughed at me, because that’s what best friends do.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I said as I picked tree bark out of my mouth. “Todd was very nice.”

“Todd,” Gary mocked. “Yes. Todd.”

I ignored him. “Tiggy, did Morgan say when he was sending us out again?” Because being in the castle for the foreseeable future seemed like a Very Bad Idea.

“Two weeks,” Tiggy rumbled.

“That motherfucker,” I muttered. “He’s doing this on purpose.”

“Kind of like how Ryan was dancing all up in your business on purpose,” Gary said.

“You shut your mouth!”

“Dance fucking!” he hissed at me.

“I don’t even know what that
is
.”

“It’s when you’re all, like, dancing, but it’s so easy to tell you’d much rather be
naked
and dancing. And by dancing, I mean fucking.”

“That’s so stupid. And we
weren’t
. We were talking about his
wedding
and about
Todd
.”

“Who Todd?” Tiggy asked.