The Lily and the Lion (18 page)

‘Her condition?'

‘She was with child!' Elizabeth snorted her disgust. ‘You'd think she would have been pleased by such a judicious union, but that was not the case. But then I cannot imagine I would be happy living with
that
formidable family?'

‘I don't understand. What family do you mean?'

‘Why, Salisbury, of course! She was with child to that cruel little William of Salisbury.'

I suddenly felt quite ill as though I had eaten something bad, my stomach lurching in a sickening manner as the colour drained from my face. ‘What happened to the babe?' I whispered.

Elizabeth flicked her hand. 'Apparently she lost it! No one knows for sure. Oh, my dear, are you unwell?' She rose from her seat.

‘Please forgive me, Lady Elizabeth,' I gasped, fighting to gather as much air as I could into my lungs.

‘Stay here.' She stumbled to her feet and dashed from the room.

The walls swayed and the colours swirled as his face reappeared in front of me. Those words, in the corridor at Denny Abbey, I heard them again so clearly – ‘I know what you are, you
and
your sister! Teasing whores! Just like your mother!'

Cécile, I could not believe it. My last thought, before blackness enveloped me, was could this be the truth? Is Joan our mother and Salisbury our father? I awoke later upon my bed. It was dark with only a single candle bringing the barest of light to the room. I could hear nothing, no movement below and no Anaïs in the corner. I assumed that our guests had gone home and my maid had yet to return. Lifting my head I felt a new wave of nausea assail my senses. But I was not alone and immediately regretted the moan that I had just uttered.

‘At last you are awake.' Lord Wexford sat rather impetuously upon my bed. ‘I thought you of all people would be aware of the sin of overindulgence. In future I will have to keep the wine with me when you are unsupervised.' I could clearly imagine the smugness on his face. How delightful he must have found my situation but, lacking skills or the confidence to defend myself, I was unable to reply.

‘However, a number of things I have been left to ponder,' he continued. ‘I found the wine jug to be more than half full, much like your goblet, yet Lady Elizabeth, when she burst through the doors of my library, appeared very unsteady on her feet. She was a little ashen of face and even, dare I say, a little guilty? Could it be that she was responsible for your condition?'

He rose from the bed and, as I peered out through half closed lids, I could see him standing near to me. Very gently he placed a sweet smelling cloth upon my forehead, patting it several times and drawing the blanket up over my shoulders before he turned and left the room.

A man, then, not without some compassion.

As I lay there in the dark, only my thoughts for company, I could not believe that which I feared to be true. Could we be the offspring of such a man as Salisbury and did this confirm that our mother is Lady Joan, the Maid of Kent, therefore making us of royal blood?

How desperately I ached for your company, your advice, your comfort. For whom can I trust with this information, so deep the connotations?

It was many hours before I drifted into a restless sleep.

Not long past the morning hour of nine my solitude was broken by the noisy return of Anaïs, whose expedition to the seamstress appeared to have been a productive success. Without knocking, she burst through the door with several maids in tow, her arms laden with parcels.

‘Still in bed?' she exclaimed. ‘Ill, are we?'

I had not the desire to speak with her, so mumbled an inaudible apology.

‘Well, I have had a most delightful time at Madam Poufrey's, as you can see. It would appear that Gillet's purse is much open to my needs and overflows with generosity.'

I watched as she pranced around the room and it struck me how quickly she had recovered her health now that she was dressed in the finest silk and weaves.

Shooing the maids out the door, she continued chatting amiably, opening parcels and displaying their contents, most unaware of my condition or depression or, worse, simply choosing to ignore it. Finally realising that I had failed to reply to any of her more pointed comments she threw off her cloak and sat heavily on my bed.

‘If I did not know better, sweet Catherine, I would think you jealous,' she winked, placing her newly-slippered foot upon the coverlet. ‘But then, how could this be? For you are much too devout and far too forgiving to feel anything but gratitude towards me.'

‘Gratitude? That is not what I feel for you, Anaïs. I cannot imagine why you would think thus.'

‘Really, Sister Mary Catherine, have you forgotten so quickly that I, too, made sacrifices in order to play your nursemaid?'

‘I don't understand what has happened to you. Where is the Anaïs with whom I grew up?' My hand slapped the covers as my newfound temper burst forth. ‘Where is the Anaïs who walked me to morning prayer, sat with me, ate with me and prayed with me? Where has she gone?' I sat up and placed my hands upon her arms. ‘Where is my friend, my confidante and protector?'

She said nothing, her face solemn and reflective and for an instant she reminded me of the young woman of my youth. But just as quickly it was gone and in her place a stranger, stiffness in her bearing and a chill in her embrace. She stood quickly and reached down for her discarded cap before turning her spiteful gaze upon me.

‘You don't know me, Catherine. You never did. All those years a captive, a prisoner to another's whim. I longed for freedom and for finery, a home, a lover, a husband and child. Your silly ideology provides small amusement but your naïveté begs belief!'

I sat back, pulling myself further up the bed.

‘You may think me fooled by your silly excuses,' she spat, ‘but I know you seek solace with Wexford, even if it is only privacy you want. But what is he after?' She laughed, a shrill and uneven noise that echoed through my aching head. ‘He will soon become impatient and will take you, willing or not, and then we will see how repentant the nun when no longer virginal.'

‘How dare you speak to me this way! To suggest that Lord Wexford would act in such a manner is nothing but despicable, for he is an honourable man and far above those with whom you are familiar.'

‘So, because he is
gentry
he will act like gentry,' she smiled, taking much pleasure in our disagreement. ‘Tell me, devout Catherine, why does a lord such as Wexford take care to personally choose clothing, much like an emerald green gown of the finest silk, for a ward of no consequence?'

I was unable to reply, for if this were true and he had chosen the gown, what would be his reasons?

‘I see that you cannot answer. Methinks you need time to consider and then …' But she was unable to continue, her manner so completely altered upon the appearance of Lord Wexford at the door that she was rendered speechless.

‘Should I have a horsewhip to hand, I feel sure that I would want to use it now.' His face was flushed and his words squeezed through pursed lips. ‘Anaïs, retire to my library where I will speak to you directly,' he articulated, his eyes remaining fixed upon my face, ‘and when I turn you will be gone.' She did not hesitate but swept instantly out of the room. He bowed to me before following her.

I did not know what to think but I knew I had to act, for I could not risk losing my safe haven as a result of one silly outburst. I dressed quickly, forcing a ruffled cap onto my head. I could hear raised voices from below and recognised Lord Wexford's distinctive tones. Making my way to the hall, I tried to glimpse the library door from atop the stairs but was unable to see much more than the rug on the floor. Correcting my posture, I threw back my head and marched down the stairs as confidently as possible. I had done no wrong, so what was there to fear? But my knees were weak and my heart pounding. What if the Earl were to throw us out? Surely this he was considering after the outrageous display he had just witnessed? I hesitated a moment before knocking and entered at his command.

He was once again seated at his desk, surrounded by a mountainous pile of parchments, some so aged their colour was a deep jaundiced hue. Directing me to a chair, he rose and moved to sit on the edge of his imposing oak table. ‘I have spoken with Anaïs. She will not be returning to your room.' I could not deny the feeling of relief that this statement brought me. ‘I have informed her that her delicate …' he coughed slightly before continuing, ‘her delicate condition will not withstand such outbursts from you, so, in the interest of her own health, she will be removed to my private chamber.'

I hung my head in shame, for this was my fault.

‘Catherine, we must placate this woman, as you very well know. I have come to realise, especially after this morning's confrontation, that I was asking too much of you and sacrificing very little myself. As my home is currently under renovation, I will move down here, into the library, and you will have your privacy, without fear of, what did she call it? Ah, yes.' His eyebrows rose. ‘Without fear of me losing my patience.' He smiled broadly as though the very idea was completely amusing. Colour flooded my cheeks. ‘Anaïs is a bitter woman, intent on manipulating those around her to her own ends. You must not believe what she has said. I am well known for my arrogance and my stubbornness and I am very much aware that I terrify you. However, you must believe me when I tell you that I am not in the habit of taking liberties with my young guests.' He smiled. ‘I can assure you that your maidenhood is safe with me.' He moved to the window, his silhouette stark against the heavy drapes hanging from the ceiling. ‘Gillet placed you in my care because he trusts me, and you, my dear, must do the same.' I nodded, unable to find any words to contradict him. ‘I must add that your show of defiance this morning was a welcome sight. I was beginning to think you more a mouse than a young woman.'

I did not know what to say, for a show of temper was a sure sign of evil, according to Lady Mary Pembroke.

‘Gillet will be gone for some time as you know. You cannot wait for his return to discuss any concerns you may have or indeed share any information you have gathered.' His look was one of unease but I sensed his curiosity. He was eager to learn what I had discovered from the Lady Elizabeth.

I was undecided as to what to do. Apart from you I trust no other but Gillet. However, neither of you are here with me in England. I knew that it would be impossible to discover much more without help, but to trust Lord Wexford required enormous faith.

‘I cannot adequately protect you, nor Gillet protect your sister, if you do not trust me.'

I had to relent, for he was right and I could not risk any further danger to you. My head pounded mercilessly and I stilled the wringing of my hands but my wavering voice betrayed my heightened emotions. ‘Lady Elizabeth was very forthcoming. She was gracious with her time and knowledge and provided me with much to consider.'

‘Such as?'

‘She told me of the scandal between the Lady Joan, Maid of Kent, and Lord Salisbury.'

‘Salisbury,' he replied, his face now clouded with contempt.

‘Yes, it appears that whilst Joan's husband, Thomas Holland, was in Prussia she was bigamously married to William Salisbury.'

‘Good Lord!'

‘She indicated it was a marriage of … convenience and I now fear … I fear …' I stumbled, unable to speak those most terrible words.

‘You fear that you are the child of William of Salisbury and Joan of Kent!'

‘You know that Lady Joan is our mother?' I exclaimed, unable to believe what I had just heard.

‘I suspected as much but I did not know that Joan had been married to Salisbury. If Holland wished to have the marriage dissolved it would be a great reason indeed to hide the offspring.'

My dearest, I do not know what to say. To finally know the truth about our mother is wonderful, but our father? Even Lord Wexford was speechless, unable it seems to offer any words of comfort, his gaze fixed upon a point somewhere above my head. Oh, how can this be? How could we be the daughters of such a despicable man? My heart was broken and with my spirit so weak the tears came easily and ran down my face unchecked.

The Earl passed me his silk kerchief.

‘We must not place too much credence on the word of one lady, gossip though she may be. I must make additional inquiries before we can assume the worst, for I think that this does not fully explain Salisbury's conduct at Denny Abbey.' He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. ‘For why would a man, even a man like Salisbury, threaten a daughter so?'

‘He claimed he was due compensation.' I dabbed my eyes.

‘I do not quite understand his meaning, unless he intended to sell you. But that hardly makes sense.' He grimaced. ‘I will ask about this so-called marriage. There are many at court with knowledge of such facts and their counsel must be sought.' He turned, looking directly at me. ‘Now dry your eyes and return to your room. Have no fear on account of Anaïs and take rest this afternoon. I will keep you informed of anything I discover.'