The Longing (11 page)

She had forgotten that Richard was Kyle’s
friend, that Kyle didn’t know about the brief romance she’d shared
with Richard during his first summer home from college. Kyle’s
father had just died and Kyle had been too busy running their mill
to spend time with Richard. So Richard had found another diversion
that summer. Catherine had been married to Richard’s father at the
time, but neither she nor her husband had been privy to the true
nature of Amelia and Richard’s relationship.

Amelia gripped the railing and reminded
herself to breathe, to keep her legs beneath her. Whatever happened
she would keep her chin in the air. She had to convince her guests
and her mother that she was happy, that she wanted to marry Kyle,
and she would die before letting Richard know otherwise.

With that thought in mind Amelia kept her
eyes on Kyle. She told herself it didn’t matter that he was angry
with her, that he was too arrogant and ambitious, that she’d had to
marry him. It could have been worse. It could have been Richard
waiting for her in some clandestine place, shredding her
self-esteem each time he walked away without offering to marry
her.

In that moment, Amelia knew she’d made the
right decision and she was able to appreciate how handsome Kyle
looked in his dark brown suit and starched tan shirt that closed at
his throat with a matching bow tie. He stood tall and proud with
his face lifted toward her as she descended the last steps. But his
dark eyes revealed a hard, guarded businessman who was simply
assuming a burden he felt was his responsibility. And Amelia had
suddenly become an actress in a tragic play.

For her mother’s benefit, Amelia dredged up a
ghost of a smile. She would find a way to be gracious to Richard, a
man she wanted to forget, and to ignore Kyle’s coldness so she
could speak her vows with him. But God help her, she had no idea
how deep she would have to dig to be able to consummate those vows,
or to bridge Kyle’s resentment and make their marriage into more
than a mistake.

Her legs trembled as she and Jeb stepped onto
the parquet floor then moved to stand next to Kyle and Duke. Pastor
Ainslie climbed onto the first stair tread and turned to their
guests. “Who gives this woman’s hand in marriage?”

“Her mother,” Jeb said. “And me.” He placed
Amelia’s hand in Kyle’s waiting palm then stepped back to stand
beside her mother.

Kyle squeezed Amelia’s hand and she jerked
her attention to him. Though she was expected to be sad because of
her father’s recent passing, Amelia knew she had to look at Kyle
with love in her eyes, not dread.

She managed a tremulous smile and he returned
it with an encouraging nod. They turned toward the pastor who asked
her to love, honor, and obey her husband, and Amelia promised she
would and prayed she could. Kyle vowed to love, honor, and protect
his wife, and Amelia silently asked him to add the word
forgive
to his vows.

“Is there anyone present who has a reason to
protest this marriage?” the pastor asked, and Amelia knew she was
going to faint. She couldn’t even breathe as she imagined Richard
lifting his blond head to announce that Amelia was a fraud, that
only a few days ago, she’d been considering the proposition of
becoming his mistress. The silence in the room deepened, lasting an
eternity before the pastor smiled and closed his Bible. “You may
kiss your wife, Mr. Grayson.”

Kyle sealed their vows with a brief kiss.
Amelia pulled back, but summoned a believable smile for her
husband. Her husband. Oh, God. Her stomach wrenched so hard it
nearly doubled her over.

Kyle tightened his grip on her arms and
pulled her close, making it look as if he were kissing her cheek.
“Are you all right?” he whispered.

She nodded, but she was definitely not all
right. How on earth would she convince her mind and body in the
next few hours that she must become this man’s wife?

“We’ll leave early,” Kyle said, and her
stomach took another wild turn.

“Quit mauling the bride,” Duke said. He and
Lucinda offered their best wishes as everyone surged forward to do
the same.

“Be good to each other, honey.” Her mother
gave Amelia a fierce hug, then she turned to remind Kyle of his
duty.

Amelia found Evelyn and they embraced,
rocking in warm silence. “I’m so happy for you,” Evelyn said,
sincerity and joy flowing from her voice. “Kyle needs you in his
life. He might seem hard-edged at times, but that’s only a cover
for when he can’t express what’s in his heart.”

Amelia drew back and stared at Evelyn, but
before she could encourage her friend to reveal more about Kyle,
Boyd hooked his arm around Amelia’s shoulders. “Don’t believe a
word Evelyn says. I’ve known Kyle as long as she has and he’s as
stubborn as a mule. You’d have done better to marry
me
,”
he declared with a flirtatious wink.

For the fist time in over three weeks Amelia
found an honest smile. “I suppose you feel safe proposing to me now
that I’m married to your brother?”

Boyd grinned and Amelia almost felt sorry for
the woman who would try to tame him. If he had ever turned that
look on her with sincere interest, he would have owned her body and
soul. His eyes twinkled and he gave her shoulders a light squeeze.
“Welcome to the family, sis. Now, I’m dying to know what on earth
attracted you to my brother.”

Amelia couldn’t deny being attracted to her
own husband, but she found herself unable to expound on Kyle’s
virtues when he was staring straight at her.

Kyle joined the group with Duke and Radford
in tow and Boyd lowered his arm, stepping back to stand beside
Lucinda Clark and her sister Catherine.

Lucinda smiled at him, but it was a friendly
exchange rather than flirtatious. “Actually, that’s a very good
question, Boyd.” Her green eyes revealed a hint of mischief that
Amelia had never seen before. “But I’d rather know what men find
most attractive in a woman.”

Instead of answering, Boyd grabbed Richard by
the coat sleeve and pulled him into their circle. “We need your
opinion on something.”

Hearing the commotion, everyone else in the
parlor turned their attention to the small cluster surrounding Kyle
and Amelia, and the two of them exchanged a glance that suggested
they’d both prefer to be anywhere else in the world.

“Lucinda wants to know what men find most
attractive in a woman. I say it’s her figure.”

“That’s not true,” Radford interrupted. “A
woman’s hair is the first thing a man looks at.”

He winked at Evelyn and she laughed, a bright
smile lighting her beautiful face. “Let’s take a census. Duke, what
attracts you to a woman?”

“Her cooking abilities.” His answer made all
of them laugh and the heat that had branded Amelia’s face began to
lessen. Perhaps she was taking this all too seriously. Perhaps they
were all just having a bit of fun to celebrate the evening.

Boyd nudged Richard in the ribs. “Well?” he
prompted. “What do you think?”

Richard looked at Amelia and her breath
jammed in her lungs. She pressed a fist beneath her rib cage,
silently cursing Kyle for inviting him. How could Richard stand
there looking so innocent while knowing he’d taken the gift Amelia
was supposed to give her husband?

With a glance at Catherine that seemed rich
with unspoken meaning, Richard slowly shifted his gaze to Lucinda,
the adoration in his expression enough to make Amelia’s stomach
burn. The wretch! The traitor! He hadn’t wanted her at all! Sweat
prickled Amelia’s neck and she clenched her fists. Richard had
looked at her like that once, as if she had the power to take him
to his knees, but Amelia had learned that Richard ultimately held
the power.

Feeling protective of her friend, Amelia had
to bite her lip when Richard kissed Lucinda’s hand. “The most
attractive thing about a woman is her smile,” Richard said, but he
didn’t laugh, nor did he spare Amelia another glance. His eyes and
his attention were for Lucinda whose soft laugh stayed in the
circle of their group instead of ringing through the room like a
desperate attempt to draw attention to herself. Lucinda didn’t need
to beg for attention. Men’s eyes were automatically drawn to the
petite, slender blonde with slanted green eyes and an angelic
smile.

Boyd nudged Richard in the ribs. “If you’re
not going to propose, get out of my way so I can.”

With a laugh, Richard released Lucinda’s
hand. “Spare your pride, Boyd. I think Lucinda would decline both
of us. But perhaps Catherine would be kind enough to suffer our
attention for a while this evening.”

Catherine’s smile faltered, but Evelyn saved
her from having to comment, by asking Jeb, “What’s your opinion on
attraction?”

Jeb glanced at Amelia’s mother, who had been
quiet all evening, her heartache apparent despite her efforts to
smile. “Their eyes,” he said. “The way they show everything a woman
is feeling.”

Jeb’s words touched Amelia, but it was the
shadow of sadness in Boyd’s eyes that intrigued Amelia.

Evelyn tapped Kyle on the arm. “Your turn,
and don’t try to get out of answering.”

He released an exasperated sigh. “All right.
It’s a woman’s intelligence.”

Boyd and Richard burst out laughing and the
ladies pretended to swoon. Radford and Duke grinned like idiots,
but Amelia looked at Kyle in surprise. He valued intelligence?

He folded his arms across his chest and
glared at his male companions. “What?” he asked through gritted
teeth.

“Matt Carson claims he married Charlotte
Ladamere because he loved her mind.” Boyd hooted. “Every man in
this town has loved more than Charlotte’s mind, Kyle.”

“I haven’t.”

“Well, there’s one,” Boyd said, not in the
least chagrined at his crude statement in front of the ladies.

“Two,” Radford said, slipping his arm around
Evelyn’s shoulders.

Duke arched a censuring brow at Boyd.
“Three.”

Boyd held up a hand. “Don’t even say it, Jeb
and Richard.” He looked at Kyle. “You can’t tell me a woman’s
intelligence is so attractive that her reputation doesn’t
matter.”

Richard’s eyes locked with Amelia’s. As if
someone had pulled a plug from her lungs, her breath rushed out so
fast she nearly lost her supper.

“If the rumors are true about Charlotte,”
Kyle said, “then it obviously didn’t matter to Matthew.”

“Then you’re saying it shouldn’t matter
whether a bride is pure or not?”

“I didn’t say that,” Kyle countered,
irritation filling his voice. “I just said it may not have bothered
Matthew.”

“Which implies that it would matter to
you?”

“Of course it would!” Kyle said. “Now stop
being an idiot. You’re embarrassing the ladies.”

Richard glanced away, but Amelia knew he’d
seen the shame in her eyes. She could have killed him in that
instant. Her hands trembled and her fingers itched to rake his
handsome face. He’d ruined her reputation and would have thought
nothing of doing it again, had she been inclined to accept his
offer.

Amelia stepped from the cluster of friends
and family who were there to celebrate a marriage that would never
be more than a business arrangement at best—a living hell at worst.
“I’ll get some glasses for our toast,” she said. Before anyone
could offer to help, she hurried across the room, praying she’d
make it to the kitchen before she threw up.

Kyle leaned in the kitchen doorway watching
Amelia at the counter arranging glasses on a serving tray. She wore
her hair in a loose twist up the back of her head, and though her
gown of midnight black was fancy enough for their wedding while
still being appropriate for mourning her father, it looked sleek
and provocative to Kyle.

His gaze swept from her magnificent hair to
her midnight hem and he imagined sliding the gown off her shoulders
and unpinning her hair. Soon they would be alone and he would slide
his fingers into the autumn strands and pull her down beneath him.
That was the only positive thing he could say about this whole
damned mess.

She turned toward him then and his heart
jolted. She looked panicked and near tears, her gaze darting around
the kitchen as if she wanted to escape.

Kyle levered himself off the doorframe and
shook his head to clear the image of Amelia in his bed. “What’s the
matter?” he asked, crossing the kitchen.

She cast a nervous glance toward the kitchen
door. “We’ve made a dreadful mistake. I’m not the right woman for
you.”

“Isn’t it a little late to be having this
conversation?”

She met his eyes, her own filled with fear.
“What if you find out that you don’t like me? What if we’re
miserable together? What if you hate the way I keep house, and I
dislike your sense of humor? What if we’re not suited at all?”

“If you’re trying to tell me that I’m not the
man for you, I’ll walk back in there and end this now.”

“No!” Amelia sagged against the sink. “It’s
not you, Kyle. I didn’t mean that at all.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m not...I...I’m afraid that you’ll regret
this night for the rest of your life. I’m afraid that you’ll never
forgive me for...forcing our marriage.”

Her fear was unnerving him. He drew her into
his arms because he didn’t know what else to do, but he sure as
hell couldn’t calm her fears when she was expressing his own so
eloquently.

She buried her face in his chest. “How will
we spend our whole lives together if we don’t even like each
other?”

A loud knock on the wall jerked his attention
to the doorway where he could just see Boyd’s shoulder and his
finger pointing toward the parlor. Whatever anger Boyd still
harbored toward Kyle for keeping him from buying the tavern, he’d
found a way to set it aside for the evening. Kyle still had three
weeks to come up with Boyd’s money, but he suspected they both knew
it would never happen. Still, instead of being a pain in the ass
tonight, Boyd was warning Kyle that someone was on their way into
the kitchen.