The Lost Trucker (The Trucker Saga) (12 page)

    “So you promise that you’ll never leave me? And that no matter what you don’t hate me?” I asked him as he drew lazy circles on my back with his fingers. I never want to leave this little cocoon of lust that we have flowing around us. For the first time in my life I actually feel whole.

*****

   The next day I wake up in my old bedroom to the sound of my brother Jax.
This should be interesting!
Considering that Ryder is sleeping next to me in my childhood room.

  
He told you that he loves you? Are you gonna trust that?
My mind is screaming at me again, I feel great a little sore from the 3 times that we made love on the beach and when we got home we did it again in the shower. I can feel my cheeks blush and I am not sure why.
Because you love him DUMMY!
I hear my heart screaming at me again. I need to shut my body up from talking to itself before I commit myself to a mental ward.

   
Just as I tell myself to shut the fuck up I feel an arm come around my waist and pull me backwards. “EEKK!” I squeak as I am pulled down and my back is shoved into a hard chest. I instantly smell Ryder and my childhood home. Coal, diesel and breakfast; I try to sit up but Ryder has a hold of me with all his might. “Can I please get up? I would like to go see what’s cooking.” My stomach growls as I run my fingertips along his forearm.

     “Well, good morning to you too babe. I think that’s what woke me up was the food, either that or knowing that
you’re in the bed next to me and I didn’t want to waste another minute sleeping.” He grabs my head and pulls it towards him but he meets me with the gentlest kiss that I have ever received.

KNOCK, KNOCK

      Someone knocking on my bedroom door interrupts us, I stop kissing Ryder and try to push back a little bit. “Yes! One minute please.” I say to my door knowing damn well that if it isn’t Will or my daddy asking to wait a minute is out of the questions.

        “Squirt, you little shit!” Jax comes busting in the door and I let out a little scream as I grab the blanket and cup it around myself. Ryder is still lying in the same spot unfazed.

       “Jax! Do you ever fucking listen!” I scream at him. “No, fuck off! Let us get dressed for fuck sake!”

     “Fine, hurry your ass up. You like pancakes?” He says as he jerks his head quickly at Ryder.

   “Yep, sounds fine to me.”
Why is Ryder so confident around Jax?
There is something going on here and I intend to find out what the hell it is!

   
Jax walks out the door without saying another word to me. I turn on my heels to look Ryder right between the eyes. “What the hell was that all about?” I blurted out in a slightly raised whisper.

   “I had to take a late night or rather an early morning call with the guys at the MC club house to finalize a few last things. Jax happened to be just getting here when I was outside. So I introduced myself and we talked for a few.’ He winks at me and flashes that damn dimple. “We have to leave Alabama tomorrow babe. Sorry.” He says as he grabs my hand and brings himself to a sitting position on the bed. With his legs apart he pulls me in towards him.

   I reach up and run my fingers through the hair above his ears. He gently leans his head against my stomach. “I don’t want to do this last run Faith.” He confesses as he tightens his arms around my waist. Honestly, if he squeezes any harder he might pop me in half.

  “Ryder, everything is going to be fine. It will be like any other trip, you drop and hook.” I push his shoulders back a little bit and then raise his face so that I can see those beautiful eyes. “You may hate me for me letting you fall in love with me. But then I would have to say that I hate you also.” I lean down and gently kiss his lips. I don’t exactly come out and tell him that I love him although I know that I am so fucking close to being madly in love with him, I don’t want to actually say it ‘til I know that it is the head over heels kind of love. The kind of love I didn’t have with Beau.

Gettin
’ down on the farm!

          We walk down the stairs hand in hand together. I feel like I am a child again and I am going to be in a lot of trouble. I get half way down the stairs and I smell, bacon, toast, waffles, eggs and coffee! I hear my two dumbass brothers talking shit to each other. “Nah, dude. You don’t understand how HOT
Mila Kunis
is in
Oz the Great and Powerful
. She is so damn hot bro. I can’t believe that you don’t think so.” I hear Jax say to Will and I hear Will let out his low laugh. “Dude, when you find your number one girl. You will understand why I just don’t notice most women anymore.” Will has been with his girlfriend Bree for about 8 years I think. They got together a few years before Beau and I.

    Ryder squeezes my hand and he stops at the bottom of the stairs and turns around to me. He leans forward and wraps his strong wonderful arms around me and picks me up. He kisses me sweetly as he turns away from the stairs and starts to walk towards the kitchen still carrying me. “You need to put me down. My brothers will have a field day with this.” I say against his lips not wanting to stop our kiss.

    “For some reason I feel that your brothers don’t mind that you’re with me. I talked with Jax and Will seems pretty laid back. They both understand that I have no ill will towards you and that I would never hurt you intentionally or by accident. I love you Faith Anne and you’re it for me.” He kisses me hard enough that his teeth are pressed hard against mine.

   
He loosens his hold on me and I slowly slide down his body. I feel my feet touch the floor again so I run my fingers through his hair, and down his cheek to his jaw one last time. “I know you do Ryder. Just give me a little bit of time. Okay?” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him. I turn on my heels and reach back for his hand, as he takes mine in his I notice how small mine feels in his big strong one, and I instantly feel safe.

*****

   The kitchen looks like Jax has been cooking for HOURS! There is so much bacon, eggs, toast, waffles and coffee that it looks like we are feeding an army! “Damn Jax! Are we feeding an army?” I ask him as I walk around to my normal spot at the table and point for Ryder to sit next to me.

    
“Faith, really? Have you seen your boyfriend? He looks like he could eat a small army to himself!!” Jax says jokingly as he walks to the table with a jug of OJ. We all start laughing at Jax and his ability to turn an uncomfortable situation into a comedy show which is one of the only things that I honestly find charming about my brother.

       I can’t believe that Jax and Will are joking around like this about Ryder. I thought that they would be royally pissed because he slept in my bed. I really do wonder what the hell they talked about; it is something that will haunt me till I ask. Once we are alone of course.

      Ryder and I sit down and we start to dig into the food that is on the table in front of us. We all sit there silently eating ‘til we hear a loud beeping noise coming from upstairs. Will and Jax look at each other and all I can do is look up at the ceiling like it is going to disappear.

    
Will moves and stands up at the same time that I get up. “Please, Will. Sit and eat your breakfast. Can I have a minute with him?” I look at my older brother and he just nods his head slightly. “I will be right back.” I lean down and kiss Ryder on the cheek.

     “Take your time babe.” He says to me as I start out the room but I am stopped by Jax.

     “Here take this up to him.” He hands me a sponge that is on a stick. I give him a look like what the fuck is this and he laughs a little. “It is dad’s pain medicine. Since his lungs have…” he starts to trail off slowly. “Just take this up to him and let him suck on it when you talk to him. We will talk when you come back down.”

     
I turn and start to walk towards the stairs. I get to the top of the stairs and I slowly walk across the landing towards my parents’ room. I am now noticing in the daylight that it looks just the same as it always has. The ugly pink wallpaper that my momma hung up when they bought the house is still here. It smells like pee and bleach and something I can’t quite put my finger on, but a smell that I would associate with death, it is a very unsettling smell. It reminds me that my father’s body is shutting down basically against his will.

       “Squirt, I was hoping that I was going to see your smiling face today.” He tries to push himself up the bed so he can see me better.

    “No daddy. Daddy, don’t move I will tilt your bed to the sitting position. Okay?” I look at my father and he looks so defeated. He doesn’t have much more fight left in him and I can see it. “Here daddy. Jax told me to give this to you.” I hand him the sponge pop.

    “Thanks Squirt. So tell me something, are you very fond of your Ryder friend?” He asks me with all seriousness in his face.
Where is this coming from and where is it going?
I start to wonder to myself.

     
“Well, daddy. I told him everything about what happened with Beau. Right down to…” I actually needed to  talk about it again. I thought that once I told Ryder about the baby that I would never have to speak or think about it again.
Oh, whom the hell are you trying to kid! You will always think about it!
My brain is one smart cookie!

     
“Baby girl, you don’t need to bring it up again.” I look down and see pure pain and loss in my father’s eyes. “If I had only known about you being pregnant when you were...” he wheezes a little bit and pushes the oxygen closer to his nose inhaling as deeply as he can.

“If you‘d told me, I would have supported you in having my grandchild. But I
don’t blame you for doing what you did. I have always told you; do not cry over spilt milk. And that is what you are doing right now, crying.  Faith Anne, it is now time to sink or swim baby girl. I love you with all my heart you are my daughter. My only daughter. I want you to live your life to the fullest and never expect too much from any one person.” I have never heard my father talk like this in all my years he has always been considered to have a black heart, no feelings.

     
“I know Daddy. You’re my best friend, I have always been able to come to you with almost anything and you not pass judgment on me. I have learned my compassion, loyalty and faithfulness from you. I am very proud to say that I am your daughter.” I feel a lone tear run down my cheek. I am holding back my outburst because I know that my father is looking at me to be strong right now and that is what I am going to do. Be strong;
buck up Faith, you got this shit!

   
    “I know you know baby, but I needed to tell you that. And I also need to tell you that I am so god damn proud of you. I heard what happened at the truck pull last night, you really are a Landon. And it makes me so proud to know that I taught you to be that strong in the face of what caused you so much hurt. Damn good, squirt.” My father actually has tears coming out of his eyes. It isn’t just his eyes watering it is true blue tears.

      I let a few more tears slip and I squeeze my father’s hand. “Daddy, I am going to let you rest now. Okay? I love you.” He nods his head gently and pushes the oxygen into his nose more and starts to inhale deeply.

       It is in this moment that I realize my father is dying. He is going to die soon; he will no longer be a car ride away or a phone call away. What the hell am I going to do without my father? What am I going to do?

     I turn on my heels and hurry out of my father’s room; on my way out I grab the door and close it a little bit because I can hear the guys in the kitchen getting a little loud.

     As soon as I hit the stairs I start taking them two at a time and I am out the door in no time. I vividly hear Ryder calling my name and I think I also hear my brothers say something like “Ah, hell.”

*****

      I am just about to reach the hay barn when I am being picked up and thrown over Ryder’s shoulder; he smacks my ass I yelp. “Don’t fight me. We need to go have a talk with your brothers then I am taking you to my bed.” God, why is his dominating side so damn sexy?

    “Why do we need to go talk to my brothers? I don’t wanna go back in there Ryder. I can't be in the same house as daddy when he goes. I don’t want that Ryder.” I start to squirm a little bit and feel him smack my ass again.

    “Stop squirming or I will punish you.” I instantly stop my fighting and just enjoy the ride back up to the house.

    We walk into the house into the living room and Ryder drops me on the couch, he literally drops me. Bends over a little bit and drops me. I let out an “Hmpf!” as my ass hits the couch kind of hard.

      Will and Jax come walking into the living room at that same moment Ryder takes a seat next to me. Will and Jax sit in the two chairs across from the couch. Our house has only changed very slightly since my momma passed away. The only things that have changed are the paint, some of the furniture and the flooring. Of course other basic changes that needed to be done as and when. But other than that the décor and feel of the house is from the late 80’s to early 90’s.

   
“Faith Anne, we need to have a talk. And a serious one.” Will says to me as he rubs his hands together nervously. He is usually the calm and leveled headed one so why is he so nervous? I lean back into the couch and Ryder’s side to listen to whatever these two have to say?

    
“Daddy is dying. He isn’t going to make it much longer. When Jax called you all those months ago it wasn’t as bad as it is now. His lungs are starting to fill up with fluid, the sponge pop that you took up to him is his medication. He is getting most of his nutrition and hydration thru his IV and that is helping to keep him medicated. But he only gets Morphine every 3 hours so the doctors have given him pain pops. They are 3 times stronger than Morphine. His body is fighting itself and he is in a lot of pain.” I look at Will with utter shock on my face.

     “I haven’t seen and talked to both of you assholes in a while and neither of you decide to tell me this before I get down here? You could have called!” I am so upset, hurt, pissed and every other emotion possible right now and all I can do is
shake. I feel Ryder stroking my upper arm trying to comfort me. “Why didn’t you call? I asked Daddy the same question. You guys should have called.” I can feel my tears start to well over the bottom of my eyelids.

      “Really Faith, you left a fucking note. You left in the middle of the fucking night and left only a note. A note that said ‘Please, don’t try and find me but I will be in touch’ or some shit like that. You expect us to go against your will like that?” I can see the disappointment in Will’s face.
You need to tell them. You need to be honest, no more secrets.
Ah, fuck it – here goes nothing.

    “Beau cheated on me, I walked in on him pretty well into Peggy Sue. I also found out the same time that I was pregnant. Beau tried to lie about what he was doing with Peggy
Sue. He also started flaking out on me after I told him I was pregnant.” I wring my fingers together and wobble my knees back and forth. Ryder drapes his calf over my calves so I will stop fidgeting.

    He leans closer to my ear and pushes my head towards his face, “Calm down babe.
You’re okay, I’m right here. And I love you. Look at me Faith.” He demands and I look up at him seeing him eye to eye. “You can tell your brothers, they love you and want to protect you. So tell them babe.”

     “Two months before I left I had an abortion. Beau was being a cock hole and I really didn’t want to have his kid after he did what he did. He slept with my best friend and the worst of it all.” I kind of laugh a little bit as I start to tell my brothers what happened last night, then it dawned on me that my dad had brought up what happened and I hadn't told anyone. “Wait a minute! Ryder, have you been upstairs talking to my dad?” I turn and look at him backing away from him a little bit.

     “Yeah, babe. I did go up and introduce myself because I needed to talk to him about a few things.” He looks at me as he rubs his thumb across my cheek and I smile a little bit. “We will talk about this later. Finish your story, I am sure your brothers are curious why you laughed and I am excited to see their faces.” He starts to laugh a little bit and I can feel his chest tightening up against me. It is a pretty hot feeling, my core feels it.

      
“Well, I took Ryder to the truck pull down by the bayou last night and you would never guess who took his ass there as well? We were having a great time when Beau walked up to us and said Hi. And you couldn’t mistake the football up Peggy Sue’s dress, she is pregnant and by the looks of it she is several months pregnant at least 7.” I stop to look over at Ryder; he is rubbing comforting
circles on my back. So they have been sleeping together for a while.” I let out on a sigh.

     
I start to laugh as soon as I think about what I did. “
Well, I told Beau what I think of him. Told her good luck because she was going to need it and then slapped Beau in the face hard enough for the both of them.”

     
Ryder is now obviously remembering last night because he is laughing, and I mean laughing hard. He has moved me away from him so he can laugh. “I’m sorry babe. I know that he hurt you and he hurt you bad but that shit was funny. The look on his face as you told her good luck followed by a slap to his face, it was classic! They were both dumbfounded. My boo knows how to fight back. That is just one of the things I love about her.” He leans over and kisses my temple, I look at my brothers and they have a look on their face like they could kill.

    “Are you two okay? You haven’t said much.” I say to my brothers as I lean forward nervously.

    “You had a fucking abortion because of Beau not being in your life? Are you kidding? Why didn’t you tell any of us, we would have stood by you.” Jax looks at me like I kicked him in the chest. This is exactly why I didn’t tell my brothers about this.

    
“Jax, please don’t be like this. Either of you, I have thought about the choice I made over and over again. I think about it every damn day. It doesn’t make a difference. I did what I had to do I was not in the place to become a mother. It would have been worse to have the baby adopted out. Knowing that I have a child out there in the world that I, me, gave up because I was stupid and fell in love with the wrong man. I kick myself every damn day. So please, I beg you, don’t you guys start judging me.” I say to them as I feel tears start to burn my eyes again. God, I have cried so much lately. I hope I don’t cry anymore once this trip is over. 

   
“Faith, I understand why you did what you did. But you should have told one of us so that we could have been there for support for you.  You are our sister and will protect you no matter what.” Jax says as he comes and sits next to me on the couch. He grabs me and pulls me into his arms. This is the first time EVER that Jax has done this so I start crying.

    “Let it out, it’s okay squirt. I got you. Men that love you and care about you surround you. NOTHING is ever going to happen to you again. I promise.” He kisses the top of my head and moves me into Ryder’s arms.

     “Thank you Jax. But what are we gonna do about daddy?” I wipe my eyes and lean into Ryder’s chest.

    
“We will talk about that later. You guys are leaving tomorrow so we would like to do dinner tonight. So go do whatever you were gonna do and we will figure everything else out over dinner.” Will says to us as Ryder stands up and reaches down for my hands.

    
I grab on and he pulls me to my feet. “Let’s go for a walk and talk things through.” He says with a wink and starts to walk towards the front door.

*****

        As we step outside I look up and see the beautiful blue sky that I love, I can hear the field crickets and I can smell the sweet smell of the wheat field. I miss all of this almost as much as I miss my family when I am in Kentucky. Ryder and I walk towards his truck, our bodies move like we have been together for years. Every time his leg moves I move that same leg. We are so in sync that it only helps build the union between us that our souls hold together. 

    Ryder opens the truck door for me and I climb in purposefully taking my steps and executing how my body moves as I climb in because I know Ryder has his watchful eye on my ass. He flashes that sexy dimple of his when he smiles at me, then closes the door behind me. He walks around to his side of the truck, gets in and climbs over his seat. “Come on, let’s go lay back here on the bed.” I watch as he reaches up and pulls a curtain that is hiding in a spot by the doors and pulls them closed.
“So that conversation went OKAY with your brothers? They seem to understand now why you left from here the way that you did.” He says as he walks over to the bed; which isn’t very far from the front of the truck and kicks off his shoes. “Scoot over.”

    I scoot over on the bed and lay down against the wall. His bed is actually pretty comfortable. Ryder grabs a blanket from the storage above and covers us up when he lays down next to me. “Yeah, I guess it went OK, but I am just afraid of what my brothers might do if they see Beau.” I confess to Ryder and I feel him rest his hand on my stomach, it gives me butterflies.

   “Babe, you don’t have to worry about your brothers. They are fine and just like Will said you have three very big, strong and manly men that are here to protect you. I am so glad that your family is so welcoming to me.” He leans down and kisses the tip of my nose. He is so gentle and compassionate.

     “How did I get so lucky to have
ran into you when I did. I thought that I would be alone for the rest of my life because of my past.” I confess to him because it’s true. If it weren’t for me running into him when I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I would probably be a cold-hearted bitch.

    “Faith every time I look into your eyes I see past just their beautiful color, I see deep into your soul, we are soul mates, I feel it like we are as one.
  I love your eyes and I love the way you look at me.  Don’t ever stop that no matter what.” He says as he looks deep into my eyes and caresses the side of my face.

    “I need to tell you something Ryder.
  I need you to know… I…I… really care for you and right now I need you, all of you.”  I desperately want to just tell him that I love him but something inside keeps holding me back, making me wait. This is too perfect, something could go wrong, break us apart, and my fear of that stops me from telling Ryder how I really feel. 

     He reaches up and strokes the side of my face with the back of his hand.
  Then taking both hands he cups my face with them. He leans in and places the gentlest kiss on my lips, the lingering kind from the 1950’s.  We entwine our arms and we lock our legs in an embrace that screams I am here, I am yours, and we are one. Our kisses linger and our tongues dance to the sound of their own music.

       Ryder sits us up and I am straddled over him. He reaches down and grabs the bottom hem of my shirt then lifts it over my head. He tosses it aside never once letting his beautiful eyes stray from mine. I reach down and mirror his actions, I grab his shirt pull it over his head, all the while looking deep
ly and lustfully into his eyes, I throw it to the side. 

       Ryder cups my breasts making my nipples hard through my balcony bra whilst I reach down and pinch his pierced nipples again. “God, Faith. Why must you do that? It is a huge fucking turn on.” He says to me as I continue to lightly play with his nipples. He flips me on my back and looks down at me with such passion. He leans in to start kissing me again.

       We are kissing with tongues twisting and licking in and out. Ryder undoes my bra and throws it towards the door. The desire and need to take each other is overwhelming. He pushes my skirt up to the top of my hips and rubs his fingers in circles around my hipbones. I reach down and undo the button on his shorts, freeing his extravagant man horn. It stands proudly, showing me just how much Ryder wants me. I start stroking him up and down mimicking the actions of a person sliding down a helter skelter whilst he slips two fingers inside of me and starts to rub my clit with his thumb rolling it round and round in circles until it is as hard as he is.

          Ryder lies down on top of me. “My love, I love you, have all of me.” He kisses me with deep eager
passion, our bodies are frenzied in the need for each other.  Ryder slowly eases his heavy erect penis into my hot wet, juicy and now very full pussy. Our love making starts off slowly and playfully, our eyes never straying from each other’s, but it's not long until our lust and need for release makes us hotter, wetter and more passionate.

My breasts become fuller and harder, my nipples are hard and almost painfully erect; my belly starts quivering desperate for Ryder to let go and thrust into me with all his strength. His eyes are still on me, searching into my soul, his hard cock is increasing in size, getting harder where possible, the slow strokes he makes are taking their toll, I can tell he is trying to take his time, making sure I am getting as much pleasure as he can give me.

His chest is heaving, his nipples round and solid. I reach up and pinch them, and he growls “God damn, you're so fucking hot babe. How am I meant to hold on?”