The Love He Craves (The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Book 2) (27 page)

“You are home. Your home is with me.”

Declan was afraid to release her in the state she was in. He suspected she was flashing back to those moments of terror. Would she dart under his bed if he let her go? Would she disappear into the night if he let her leave? Holding her securely with one arm, he reached out, pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped her in it.

It was a good thing her father was already dead, because if he were still alive, Declan would want to kill him.

As he continued to hold her, he began to feel her slowly cry herself out, and eventually the tension in her body began to ebb away, but she refused to allow sleep to overtake her. He wanted to help her but other than holding her, he didn’t know how. Declan had never felt so useless in his life.

“You have to work in the morning,” she said in a tone that sounded subdued, but in the quiet of the room, it sounded out of place. He knew instinctively, Nyxie had pulled the walls back up around her and she would fight to keep him out.

She pulled away from him to rise, and since she was calm, this time he allowed it. As she crossed to the bed, she adjusted the comforter around her shoulders and lay down on the top of the sheets, holding the thick spread tightly.

Declan was acutely aware of her lack of emotion as she rose, climbed into bed and shut off the lamp, leaving him to return to the bed in the dark.

“I want you to talk to a psychologist,” he said as he came up behind her and put his arm around her waist.

“No.”

The word set his teeth on edge. “Nyxie, you have PTSD.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know,” she said sarcastically.

“I don’t know how to help you.”

“You can help me by not bringing it up again. I don’t want to talk to you about it. I don’t want to talk to a stranger about it. I just want to forget it and get on with my life.”

He sighed. “A psychologist can help you move past it; maybe even help you not relive it.”

There was a long pause before Nyxie spoke again. “Don’t you have to get up early?”

“Yeah, but how can I sleep if I don’t know if you’re all right?”

Nyxie made no attempt to respond and neither one drifted off for more than an hour.

Chapter 25

Nyxie stared at the coffeepot, waiting for her cup to finish brewing. She was having a bit of trouble getting going this morning after she spent the night with Declan. A blush came to her cheeks as she realized she was grinning. And why wouldn’t she smile after they made love before he went to work this morning. After reaching over her to shut off his alarm, he held her and had taken her slow and gently, treating her as if she was fragile.

The pace had felt wonderful. But even more than that, she loved the way he kept kissing her on the mouth while they had sex. She craved his love. Craved him. Her smile slowly disappeared. She didn’t believe she could ever be what he wanted. He wanted Onyx. Onyx was all the parts of herself that she hated. She wanted to be Nyxie. Nyxie was independent and a hard worker who smiled all day so people wouldn’t see Onyx. Nyxie was her new beginning.

She pulled the cup of coffee from the fancy machine and opened the fridge to add milk to the strong brew. As she reached in, she spotted an old-fashioned glass bottle of chocolate milk. If Sonia hadn’t been taking care of Nyxie’s shopping, that would have never been there. She had seen the expensive milk in the store and would’ve never purchased it. Looking around to make sure no one would see her, Nyxie poured a bit of the milkshake-flavored liquid in her cup to see if it would make her coffee taste like the designer coffee Declan sometimes bought for her.

She chuckled, feeling as if she’d just gotten away with something. Adjusting to her new life had not been easy nor complete. She still felt as if she was a guest in someone else’s house—and that Declan was not her husband nor her Dom. Sometimes it felt as if he were a complete stranger, and yet she felt she had always known him.

Upstairs, Nyxie could hear the nanny waking the girls. She didn’t understand why the woman wouldn’t let them sleep late since it was summer. Declan’s alarm clock had awakened her early this morning and she would live, and she supposed, so would they. But she was dragging. She took a big swallow of the coffee and began searching through the kitchen cabinets, fridge, and pantry to find everything she needed to make Lotus a special breakfast for her birthday.

As the bacon cooked in the microwave, Nyxie mixed up the pancake batter from a biscuit mix. Once the bacon was cooked, she chopped it into pieces and put it in the batter. She squeezed half a bottle of syrup into a small saucepan, and spooned a large glob of peanut butter into the syrup to melt over the low flame.

While she cut up the bananas for the syrup mixture, the doorbell rang. Her heart dropped, thinking CPS must be making another surprise visit.

Nyxie looked around to make sure everything was in order as she crossed to the front door and was relieved to find Declan’s housekeeper on the porch.

“Dr. Stryker asked me to come over to give the place a quick cleaning. He wanted me to get a grocery list from you before I go to the store.”

“Oh, he didn’t say anything. I was thinking about picking up a few things this morning,” Nyxie said, stepping back to allowed the woman to enter. Sonia carried in Declan’s expensive vacuum and a tote bag filled with cleaning supplies over her shoulder. After closing the door, Nyxie headed back to the kitchen.

“I was just fixing breakfast, would you like some?”

“No thanks. I already ate,” Sonia said, removing a dust cloth from her supplies. “Just pretend I’m not here and I’ll get to work.”

Nyxie added the banana slices to the syrup before testing the griddle pan to see if it was hot enough for the batter.

“Dr. Stryker wanted me to tell you to make sure everyone had swimsuits—two for Cody for his therapy.”

“Oh, okay.”

Lotus came tearing down the stairs making as much noise as a percussion band. “Morning, Nyxie.” She stopped as soon as she saw Sonia. “Don’t look now, but there’s a lady dusting the living room,” she said in a mock whisper.

“I know,” she whispered back. “That is Ms. Sonia. She’s Declan’s housekeeper.”

“Oh! Does that mean I don’t have to clean my room?”

“You wish! You will not make extra work for Sonia. Anything you leave on the floor, Sonia is going to confiscate for a month.”

Sonia and Lotus exchanged a brief glance as if Lotus was trying to size up an enemy.

“Where are Reina and Ms. Kiki?” Nyxie asked, looking up the stairs for the others.

“Reina peed the bed. Ms. Kiki made her go take a bath.”

A small sigh escaped Nyxie’s lips. It had taken Reina a couple of months to stop wetting the bed when they had first come to stay with her. Nyxie had made her sleep on a folded towel and had had to wash it by hand and dry it on the line because she did not have access to a washer and dryer except on their weekly trips to the laundromat. Thank goodness, she had a washer and dryer now.

She smiled widely at her niece and wondered if she was awake enough to remember today was her birthday. “Ah, a little birdie told me it’s your birthday, Lotus. What do you want for breakfast?” Nyxie asked, although they both knew the tradition.

“Chocolate cake and ice cream!” Lotus shouted.

“Ha! And Ms. Kiki doesn’t think you’re funny.”

“She’s not,” the woman in question said as she descended the stairs. “There is nothing funny about sarcasm.”

Nyxie’s eyes met Lotus’s as she bit back her own sarcastic reply. She had tried to defend Lotus the day the nanny moved in, trying to explain her niece’s attempts at humor, often came off as sarcasm, but the girl had no meanness in her.

“Have a seat. Pancakes will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Elvis pancakes,” Lotus chimed in.

“It’s no wonder you can’t get these girls under control feeding them garbage like that.”

“It’s Lotus’s birthday. We don’t eat these all the time. And there is nothing wrong with their behavior. They’re little kids. They have moods and feelings just like anyone else.”

The nanny made no attempt to hide the way her eyes shot heavenward. “And the rest of the time they’re eating sugary cereal,” Ms. Kiki said condescendingly.

“That’s my fault,” Sonia said. “I didn’t know what everyone liked, so I just bought my kids’ favorites from when they were young.”

Ms. Kiki looked over her glasses at Sonia. “And you are…?”

“Hi, I’m Sonia. I’m Dr. and Mrs. Stryker’s housekeeper.”

Kiki’s brows lifted as she turned toward Nyxie. “Why do you need a maid and a nanny, when you don’t work? Surely, you could clean up before you go sit with your brother in the hospital.”

Nyxie kept her eyes on the pancakes. It was unfair for Kiki to imply she never cleaned the house, when Nyxie had put out a great deal of effort to keep it tidy. Every morning before she left her bedroom, the bed was made, and she had dried off the shower walls with her towel before dropping it in the chute. At night, everyone had to pick up their belongings before bed. She always tried to make sure the lunches were made and the kitchen cleaned before she left for the hospital.

Nyxie served up the first batch of pancakes to Lotus, trying to ignore the woman.

Ms. Kiki rolled her eyes again and shook her head. “I mean, I understand why your
husband
doesn’t trust you to watch the kids,” she said, making air quotes when she said
husband
. “He doesn’t want to see CPS intervene the way they did after your neglect nearly got your brother killed. But surely you can be trusted to vacuum.”

At Nyxie’s gasp and subsequent silence, Sonia stepped in. “I’m happy to have a job. You should be too,” Sonia said. “If you’ll excuse me, sounds like I need to put a load of sheets on to wash. Do you want me to wash yours also, Kiki?”

“Yes, please. But if you don’t mind, I’d rather not have them washed in the same load with Reina’s soiled sheets.”

Nyxie the doormat stood silently, wishing she could come up with something to say. She watched Sonia as she climbed up the stairs, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

“There’s granola in the pantry and yogurt in the fridge if you don’t want pancakes,” Nyxie said quietly.

The woman climbed up on the stool. “I suppose yogurt and granola will be fine,” Kiki said, and looked expectantly at Nyxie.

After spending the last six years serving tables, Nyxie automatically fell into waitress mode. She headed into the pantry for the cereal, and located a bowl and spoon then placed the last yogurt cup in front of her. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes, dark roast.”

“Do you need any help, Aunt Nyxie?” Lotus asked.

Nyxie shook her head as she put the pod in the machine and began brewing a cup for the nanny.

“No, Princess. It’s your birthday.” Nyxie was thankful for the distraction. “You don’t have to lift a finger all day if you don’t want to. Do you know what else? Declan wants us all to buy swimsuits, and if there’s time, I thought we might like to walk to the park.”

“Are we going swimming?” Lotus could barely contain her excitement.

“I don’t know. Not today, but sometime.”

Nyxie scooped up the second batch of pancakes and they were supposed to be for Reina but they were a little burnt, so she set them aside knowing they would be hers and put on another batch for Reina.

“God, that looks vile,” Ms. Kiki said.

A look of surprise flashed across Kiki’s face and she pulled out her cell phone. She glanced at the display and frowned as she answered it.

“Hello?” Kiki said, after putting her phone to her ear. She listened for about half a minute. “You’re kidding? You’re fucking kidding me.” The woman got off the stool and headed up the stairs.

Nyxie’s phone began ringing. It was sitting at the end of the bar. She glanced at the display and answered Declan’s call.

“Hey,” she said, trying not to let him hear from her voice how upset she felt.

“If that woman isn’t out in fifteen minutes, called the police and have her thrown out.”

He sounded mad. Really mad.

“How…?”

“Did you give her a house key?”

“I haven’t gotten around to having one made. I let her have the extra garage door opener.”

“Go get it out of her car, now.”

Lotus made eye contact with Nyxie and turned in her chair at the sounds of raised voices coming from upstairs. Nyxie could feel a surge of adrenaline that brought her back to her childhood. She wanted to locate Reina and grab Lotus and hide in the pantry.

“She’s arguing with Sonia.”

“I told her to pack the bitch’s shit. She probably didn’t like it. Are you in the garage yet?”

Nyxie rushed through the mud room into the garage. “Yes, sir,” she said, pulling the door closed behind her.

“Who am I?” he demanded.

“You are my Dominant,” she said, recognizing the tone of his voice.

“That’s right, Nyxie. And I am telling you, you will not let anyone treat you like that again. Not her, not my parents. No one. You are that woman’s boss. If she spoke disrespectfully to you, you should have told her not to talk to you that way, and if she did it again, you would fire her.”

Obviously, Sonia had related the whole conversation to him. “I’m sorry, sir.” Nyxie crossed to the woman’s car and opened the door. It took her all of ten seconds to locate the clicker on her visor.

“You are the most precious person in my life. It infuriates me that anyone would treat you like that. But they do it because you let them. I’m not always going to be close enough to fight your battles. If you don’t start standing up for yourself, I’m going to punish you.”

Nyxie could hear him talking to someone else. “I’ve got to go. I’ll have the security company call and walk you through changing the code. Text the new code to me.”

“I love you, sir.”

“Love you too.”

After they hung up, as she stood in the dim light of the garage, she felt her eyes fill with tears. She didn’t know which upset her more:  the fact that she had displeased Declan, the things that Kiki had said, or that he expected her to fight back. God, how could he demand of her the one thing she found nearly impossible to do for herself. Surely taking the punishment would be easier than standing up against someone like Ms. Kiki or his parents.

Blowing a deep breath through her mouth, she tried to stem her tears so Kiki wouldn’t think
she
had made her cry. Why did life have to be so complicated? She didn’t like the way she was. She hated her weaknesses. Didn’t she want to be stronger? Didn’t she want Declan to be proud of her? More than anything. Could she do it? Could she stand up for herself? What was she afraid of?”

Nyxie lifted her phone and snapped a selfie. She told herself it was the last picture of Onyx. That stupid, weak girl was dead as far as she was concerned. Onyx had come into the garage and Nyxie would leave.

As she dried her cheeks with her fingertips and stared at the likeness on the screen, she studied the sad face and thought she looked somewhat pretty with the way the dim light softened her features. She knew Declan liked to see that soft vulnerable side of her, so she texted the photo to his phone with the caption. “Say goodbye to Onyx.”