The Lovely Chocolate Mob (17 page)

Miss Planter just looked at me. She stopped chewing her salad and was focused; that was a good sign. At least she was listening, and seemed to understand.

“I hope this doesn’t upset you, Miss Planter.”

“No, this doesn’t upset me, Mr. Owen. This sounds quite within the realm of normalcy.”

“I’m glad you think I’m normal, because there’s more.”

And with that stated, we finished our meal. Miss Planter was a picky eater, or else was watching her figure because she really didn’t eat very much. And she had a fine figure.

I walked slowly with Miss Planter back to the medical building, rode up the elevator with her and made sure she got to her office. Phyllis was already back, and I could see a little gleam in her eye watching us. I don’t like kids sizing me up; it’s not very comfortable.

Once in the office, Miss Planter said, “I’m curious as to how you managed to save a marriage all by yourself, Mr. Owen. Did you sit them down and have a little heart-to-heart discussion?”

“Yes. Well, no. Not with both of them, at least. I did have a little talk with her husband.”

“Indeed? What did you say to him?”

“I reminded him of his past with his wife and with the children, who he really loves, by the way, and …. then I threatened to tell his children about his mistress.”

Miss Planter froze, standing behind her desk next to her chair. “You did what?” she said.

“I said if he didn’t call it off between him and Susan Lovely, I would tell the kids that their daddy was having an affair and were likely to get a new mother, after their dad divorced their real one.”

“Oh… my… God,” she said while slowly sitting down. She stared up at me, since I hadn’t sat down yet. Her mouth was open; I’d laugh, but this was a time of honesty for me, and a time of shock for her. “You blackmailed him!”

“Yes…,” I said, “…and no. He didn’t know it was me. I was wearing a disguise.”

“Whaaaat?” was all she could get out.

“That’s right. I dressed up like a doctor and went to see him at the hospital, and met with him and locked him in a room where we had a discussion, and I let him know that he was suspected of having an affair with Susan Lovely, and that I threatened to tell his kids if he didn’t stop the whole affair. And he agreed.”

“And he didn’t know who you were?”

“That’s right.”

“Didn’t anybody else see you, in that disguise?” she asked, then again, “You dressed like a doctor?” as though that were the last thing on earth anybody should dress as.

“No, nobody saw me. I took steps to remain hidden. We had to be discreet.”

“We?”

Oops.

“There were more of you?” she pressed.

“Yes. I had accomplices. But we’re not a gang or cult or anything. We’re just friends who don’t want to see a family split up.”

“I-I-I…,” Miss Planter was on information overload.

“I’m sorry to tell you so much at one time, Miss Planter. I should have just told you a little bit, maybe a little bit at a time.”

“I… you… we…,” was all Miss Planter said. She was going into an implosion; I had to talk fast.

“We didn’t hurt anybody or damage anything. We only fixed what was about to break. We only helped people, not hurt them. It’s like what you do; you help put people back together. Well, that’s what we did.”

“What… he…”

“And blackmail is such a strong word. We didn’t ask for or demand any money. Money wasn’t a factor in this operation.”

Miss Planter put her head in her hands. She covered her face; her elbows were on her desk. I hoped she wasn’t going to start crying. Women like to do that, especially when they’re upset. I hoped I didn’t upset her too much.

There was a knock at the door. Phyllis opened it and said, “Miss Planter, your 1:30 appointment is here.”

Miss Planter looked up. The receptionist probably thought I was taking up too much time. Maybe she was right.

“Guess I’d better make tracks,” I said. “I’ll call and schedule another appointment. I’ll head out the back way.”

Miss Planter just nodded, watching my every step as I left the office. She didn’t seem very happy.

“You did what?” bellowed Walter. “You told a
woman?”

This reaction wasn’t expected. “What’s the big deal?” I asked.

Walter looked at me as though I had a hole in the middle of my forehead. Then he said, “Don’t you know that’s the quickest way to spread a secret around town?”

I had to laugh at Walter. “Don’t worry,” I said, “she’s bound by a code of confidentiality! Besides, I didn’t say anything about you or David. I didn’t mention your names, at least.”

“You’ve already said too much!” continued Walter. “It only takes one leak to sink us; loose lips sink ships! L-L-S-S, don’t you know that?”

I just laughed some more. Walter was going overboard with his ship references. David sat there with his drink, but he wasn’t laughing.

“I’m with Walter on this one,” he said. “You shouldn’t have said a darn thing.”

“Hey, I’m in therapy!” I said, defending myself. “We haven’t broken any laws; there’s no stealing going on; no crimes have been committed. What’s the harm in my clearing my conscience with my counselor?”

“Your counselor is a woman, that’s what,” said David. “What’s worse, a woman with credibility. She’s educated, probably refined and sophisticated. Somebody might believe her!”

“She won’t tell.”

“How do you know? How do you know that?” said Walter. “Women can’t keep secrets. They have to SHAAAARE,” putting great emphasis on that word while leaning over the table towards me.

“We’ll see about that. Kim!” I called. “You two are way off; you’ll see I’m right.”

Kim was a bit surprised to be called by a voice she wasn’t used to. Usually, only Walter hollered for her, but now here was another customer who might be getting a little bit too demanding. I hoped she didn’t find me to be that way. She walked over to our table.

“Yes sir?”

“Kim, Walter, David, and I are having a discussion on the trustworthiness of women. After a lively debate, we have come to an impasse; we need someone to break the tie.”

“Tie?” said David. “There’s no tie; it’s two-to-one!”

“My friends here feel that women, not you, but women in general, can’t keep a secret. I say they can. What are your viewpoints on the subject?”

Kim laughed for a moment; I guess she thought we older gentlemen were being silly. Then she said, “I think it would depend on the woman. If you mean women in general, I’d say ‘No,’ but if we’re talking about one woman, then I’d say ‘Yes.’ If a woman feels like it’s important enough, she’ll keep a secret. At least, that’s how it’s always worked with me.”

“There, gentlemen!” I said. “I win. Buy me another round.”

“Win? You didn’t win!” said David. “She said ‘No’ to women in general, which proves us right!”

“Are we gonna argue, or are we gonna drink?” I said.

“We might do a little of both! Kim, bring us some more drinks, please,” said Walter.

“Yes, sir.”

Kim trotted off, and Walter said, “Isn’t she the cutest thing? If I had a daughter, I’d want her to be it.”

“Didn’t you used to date her mom?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“You could have been her stepfather.”

“I’d have to give up my freedom,” replied Walter. “I’ve been in jail.”

“That’s right; I forgot,” I said, agreeably.

David laughed at the both of us. I guess we were a sad sight. David had married a woman of the Orient, bypassing all liberated western women and their tell-all flaws. But who knows what faults the women of the Orient possessed? I wouldn’t know; I guess he’ll have to find out on his own.

Walter was driving me home, or at least to a place where he could drop me off, hopefully near my house. We talked about the past few days.

“Randall, I have some bad news for you,” he finally said.

“Uh-oh, what kind of bad news?”

“I didn’t want to break this to you in the grill, in front of David or Kim. I wanted to give you a chance to sort this out first.”

“What kind of bad news is it?” I repeated, trying not to sound too antsy.

“It’s about Franky Burke and Miss Chocolate…”

“What about them?”

“Now, you know I wouldn’t purposely do anything to hurt you; I remember your visits to the pen…”

“What about them?” I asked again, growing impatient.

“Things aren’t over with them. They’re still a couple, romantically linked.”

That felt like a kick in the stomach. It blew out our successful “high” feeling, plus I’d already assured Helen and Mindy that Dr. Burke was in the clear.

“How do you know this?” I asked.

“I know.”

Not trying not to sound exasperated, I said, “
How
do you know?” This might perhaps give Walter a little time to go into his technical expertise, which included bragging. I guess it’s not bragging if you can do it, however.

“I’ve continued tapping in on telephone conversations. Franklin is pretty slick; he bought a new cell phone, but he’s not fooling anyone.”

“Do you have any proof of this?”

Walter smiled and reached over to a switch on his dashboard and flipped it. What came over the speakers were the voices of Dr. Franklin Burke and, from what I could tell, Susan Lovely.

“You haven’t called me in the past few days.”

“Things have been busy down at the hospital. I’m always on call; I’m a doctor, you know.”

“I was worried you’d forgotten about our little Caribbean cruise getaway…”

“I hadn’t forgot, baby. Things just got a little hectic at work. Say, that reminds me. You haven’t been talking to anybody about us, have you?”

“No, nobody. I know what secrecy means to you.”

“Well, good. I need to tell you something… something strange. This might move our schedule up a bit, but… I’ve been found out.”

“By your wife? The hospital? Who?”

“That’s the strange part. I don’t know who. I was hoping you could give me some clues.”

“What happened?”

I reached over to the switch and flipped it to “off.”

“Don’t you want to hear the rest?” asked Walter.

“I’ve heard enough. Franklin’s still got a girlfriend on the side, and after I’ve told Helen and her daughter Mindy that there was nothing to worry about.”

“Wow, guess you talked to her too soon. So what happens now?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not sure what else we can do. We’ve tried going to the source, tried to talk some ‘sense’ into Franklin…”

“I’ve already done something.”

I looked over at Walter, who was grinning ear to ear while driving his huge vehicle in the dark. We were entering the city again, and lights were beginning to appear, which showed Walter’s teeth; he must have been really pleased with himself. I started to worry.

“Uh-oh, what have you done?”

“Well, I got to figuring. Franky’s a hard-working doctor who wished he could have saved a little of his dough for a comfortable retirement, but his wife is a high-maintenance dame, see? Boy, you really missed the bullet there, Randall!”

He looked over at me for a second; I wasn’t laughing.

Looking back at the traffic, he said, “Anyhow, I got to thinking that this chocolate bikini model probably had so much appeal to him because…. Why do you think?”

“Because she’s so good-looking?” I guessed.

“Well, yeah, she’s good looking; there’s no doubt about that,” concurred Walter. “But his
wife
is just as good looking, even if she is a little bit older. Try again.”

I was growing a little annoyed, but this was Walter’s game. Eventually he’d make sense.

“Because of her family business?”

Walter laughed. “Close, but no chocolate cigar. You wanna know why?”

“Why?” I asked. I’m sure I already knew.

“Because she’s so dang
rich
, that’s why! If he married this broad, he’d have no financial worries for the rest of his life, even if Helen Ceraldi-
Burke
sues him for every penny he’s got.”

“It’s doubtful that he’s got any pennies left to sue; it would cost her more in lawyer fees than what she’d get out of him.”

“Well, perhaps,” said Walter. “So, do you wanna know what I did?”

“Okay, Walter,” I said, “what did you do?”

This is what Walter lived for. He could now explain to me his ingenious plan and its execution for my wonderment.

“I’ve been watching the news and listening on the phones and internet, and today was the day that the will from Old Man Chocolate, that’s Cornelius Lovely,” he said as he looked over at me, ”was to be read and probated, all within a few hours of each other. As everybody thought, Mr. Lovely left his granddaughter Susan the big prize, the bulk of his estate. She’s worth billions! Or at least, she was.” Then Walter stopped talking. Apparently I was supposed to ask questions.

“She was?” I said. “You’re using past tense, what do you mean, ‘she was’?”

Walter started laughing again. “Well, she
was
worth billions, but
now
she’s worth only bikinis!”

“Walter, what did you do?”

“I did a little internet banking, Randall-boy. When they transferred the wealth out of the old man’s estate to her bank account, I intercepted the money, and it’s all safely hid in anonymous bank accounts in Switzerland, the Cayman Islands, even in the former U.S.S.R….”

Interrupting, I said, “Walter, don’t tell me anymore.”

He looked puzzled. This seemed to take all the fun out of his story telling. “Why? Don’t you want to know how I did it?”

“I suspect you had access to all the bank account numbers and made the switch online, but how you did it is beyond me. What I’m saying is the less I know the better it would be for you and me.”

A puzzled look continued to cover Walter’s face, who was still trying to drive, and then he became enlightened. “I get it! You’re saying if you’re the one who gets caught and the cops try to sweat the truth out of you, you won’t be able to tell them anything!”

“That’s it, precisely.”

“You’re covering for me. Gee, thanks, Randall. You’re a pal. But it sure takes the fun out of giving you all the details.”

“Just one question, Walter.”