The Makeover (50 page)

Church, Jesus,
prayer, God, and salvation seemed fine when one considered what it had done in
the lives of people like Paulo, Cara, and James.  She had heard the
testimonies of the members of Paulo’s study group, but the Gospel hadn’t done
the same things for her.  She had changed on the outside, but got uglier
on the inside, and nothing was working out.  She had lost Paulo—a gift
sent right from the Throne of Heaven—because of her own foolishness. 

Letting herself
into the apartment, she walked down the long hallway and froze. 

She felt such a
sense of fear and darkness around her that she could barely speak.  It
felt as if Satan himself was standing there in the apartment, waiting for
her. 

The crushing
weight of despair descended upon her.  She could barely breathe as the
tears climbed up her throat.  She went over to her sofa and sat motionless
as her emotions overwhelmed her. 

She buried her
face in the sofa cushions as she cried and cried.  She cried for all that
had happened to her.  She cried for the father that decided to leave her
family and never look back.  She cried for the barely-there relationship
she had with the rest of her family.  She cried because she had not
reached out to her grandmother, mother, brother, or other relatives for six
months.  She cried for the brokenness in her mother.  She cried for
the friends with whom she had spent all of her youth that had pushed her
away.  She cried for the man who had broken her heart only to give his
heart to someone else.  She cried for the man whose heart she had broken
that very afternoon.  She cried because she knew now that she was truly
alone.

She cried, most
of all, because she had to finally admit that it was all her fault.

“Paulo,” she
whispered.  She longed to hear his voice.  But she could not call
him. She had hurt him so many times and he had continued to give her his
love.  Yes, there were times when he got frustrated or angry, but he had
loved her from the very beginning.

And she had
pushed him away.

She yearned to
be in his arms again, to hear his voice caress his special names for her. 
She had to see him again.  She needed to apologize and make things right.

She got up,
putting on her jacket, ready to run to him.  But the voices in her head
reminded her of how she had failed him.  They told her that she was
selfish, that she didn’t deserve him.  Other voices told her that he had
not fought for her when she left his home because he was finished with
her.  It was pointless to try to reconcile when she had already ruined
things. 

One voice told
her it was too late for her and Paulo.

Another voice
told her that she should go forward with her plans for revenge because she had
nothing left to lose.

And the loudest
voice told her that she was under so much stress, she should just stay home and
have a drink.  The voice encouraged her to take her mind off things
because there was nothing she could do or say to change the situation.

“Maybe it’s not
too late to pray,” Phoenix whispered out loud.

Pray? 
What will that do?  All that prayer and going to church hasn’t really done
much for you, has it?  You really have nothing to show for all of
that.  Why waste your time?

“Why waste my
time.” Phoenix repeated, as though in a trance.

Just take
your mind off of everything.  Have a drink.  What can it hurt?

“I just need to
take my mind off everything and have a drink.  What can it hurt?” she
asked out loud.

So, while still
wearing her down jacket, she walked to the kitchen and found her last bottle of
vodka that she had kept hidden for emergencies.  She had not had a drink
since the night before Paulo had stormed into her apartment and cleaned for
her, almost six months prior.  She had kept the bottle in case she felt
down or anxious, but had never needed it.  God had begun to heal her heart
and Paulo had filled the space in her head.

But God and
Paulo were no longer in the equation.

Finding a
bottle of organic fruit juice that Paulo had made for her, she emptied it into
an old glass beer mug of Cedric’s filled with vodka.  She sat on the
kitchen floor and guzzled the drink, feeling the liquid heat its way down her
throat.

After several
gulps, she felt halfway alive again.

And when that
glass of fruit juice and vodka was finished, she poured herself a glass of
sugar-free lemonade and used that to mix with the vodka.

And when that
glass of lemonade and vodka was finished, she poured herself a glass of vodka
with ice because she had no more juice to mix with the vodka.

And when that
glass of vodka with ice was finished, she poured herself a glass of vodka
straight because she had no more ice to mix with the vodka.

And after four
tall drinks, in two short hours, she felt invincible.

She stumbled to
the living room and fell down into her sofa.  The numbness began to sweep
away the debris of her broken heart and she felt much, much better.

She jumped of
the sofa and wavered.  “Those drinks did more for me than all those
prayers combined!” she shouted as she struggled to take off her jacket. 
She turned around in a circle three times, trying to pull her arm out of the
sleeve, before she succeeded.

Phoenix giggled
as she remembered the sounds Cara and James made during their prayer. 
“MADODHOADOAPADPPAALALABABALASASBAS!  Amen! Halleluiah, Jesus!”  she
shouted, mocking her friends’ prayers.  “Yeah, like what was that speaking
in tongues gibberish going to do for me anyway?”

The Holy Spirit
grieved as He watched her mocking Him, led by the spirits of Unbelief,
Drunkenness, and Bitterness.  The Spirit watched as Phoenix committed a
sin punishable by death—blaspheming of the Holy Spirit of God, the one other
unforgiveable sin.  But He ached for His child who was being attacked by
the enemy.  He led Paulo to petition for Phoenix’s forgiveness, as He kept
watch on His child.  He commanded Cara and James to pray for protection
against what was to come.

And she
continued to mock and laugh at the Lord so loudly that she almost didn’t hear
the doorbell ring. 

Phoenix
stopped.   “Oh, man, that could be Paulo!”   She panicked
when she realized she had vodka fumes coming out of her pores.  “Oh
man!”  She rushed to the bathroom.  On her way there, she tripped
over her rug.  “Shoot!  In a minute!  I’m coming!” she shouted towards
the door. 

In the
bathroom, she furiously brushed her teeth, gargled with hydrogen peroxide and
mouthwash, and bathed herself with shower spray.

“Man!” she
whispered as she struggled to freshen up the makeup that was a mess of tear
stains and mascara streaks.  “Why did I drink all that?  Now my
defenses are down.   Paulo will be so mad at me! I just hope I don’t
say or do something stupid…again!” 

A few minutes
later, she made her way to the door. 

She flung it
open with a relieved smile.

“I’m so glad
you—” she began, before pausing to let her jaw drop to her chest.

“What’s up? Is
Phoenix home?”

Phoenix didn’t
know if she should pass out at seeing Cedric standing at her door or at the
fact that he didn’t recognize her.

Put on
the armor of God,
the Holy Spirit whispered. 
Paulo
taught you from My Word about Ephesians Six.  Put on my armor in prayer.

Phoenix stared
at Cedric, weakened by the pain of the evening, tempted by her need for
revenge, lulled by the alcohol flooding her defenses. 
This is
it.   I knew it was meant for me to get what I need.

Daughter,
pray to Me for protection.  Put on My armor
…
the Lord
petitioned louder in Phoenix’s heart.

I need to
pray,
she told herself. 

But when Cedric
flashed his confident smile, and let his eyes sweep Phoenix’s body with
enticing approval, her plan to reach out to God for His protection died away.

“Hey, Sexy
Lady, I’m Cedric.  Is Phoenix here?” he repeated.

He had never,
in two years, called her sexy.  Phoenix stood a little straighter, and
arched her back to place her assets from and center.  She threw on a
flirtatious smile and batted her eyelashes.  “Yeah, Phoenix is here.”

Cedric gave her
a grin and tried to look around her into the apartment.  “Well…uh, can I
talk to her, please?”

Phoenix let out
a full bodied laugh.  Oh this was fantastic!  It was what she had
been dreaming of for several months.  “You mean after almost two years of
being together, you don’t recognize me?”  She made sure to use her hand to
trace a line from her neck to her firm hip that was hugged by the very tight
sweater dress.  She only wished she had not changed out of her
stiletto-heeled sexy boots in favor of the ugly, but comfortable,
Uggs
earlier.

Cedric stared
for several moments.  “Fe?”  He stepped back, covering his open mouth
with both his palms.  “What?  Oh!  Phoenix?  Phoenix Jean-
Baptise
?”

Phoenix clapped
and giggled like a school girl, twirling around to give Cedric a better
look.  Turning back to him, she smirked.  “You like what you see?”

“Heck
yeah!  Girl, you look amazing!  I wish I’d known there was all that
underneath all that mess you were carrying.”

Phoenix felt
his words cut through her stomach.  Again, as always, he found a way to
insult her.  She had to make him pay, and having the chance to finally do
so, was the only thing that gave her the strength to keep from cursing him out
and slamming the door in his face.

She
shrugged.  “I wish I’d known too.”

Cedric looked
around her again.  “Where ole boy at?  He here?”

“Nope.” Phoenix
smiled.  “Why do you ask?” 
I am going to seduce him and make him
fall in love with me for real.  Then I am going to crush his heart!

Daughter,
do not do this.

Phoenix
struggled against the words in her heart.  She had to do this.  She
would make Cedric pay.

“I’m saying,
can I come in?” Cedric asked, again snaking his eyes up and down Phoenix’s
frame as he licked at his bottom lip.

Daughter,
remember My Word.  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls
around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour
.

Phoenix struggled
against the words of 1 Peter, 5:8.  Paulo had led a discussion focusing on
many scriptures about the devil earlier that week in the group Bible study.

The thief
comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,
and have it to the full.
 
The Holy Spirit spoke words from
John 10:10 into Phoenix’s heart.

But Phoenix was
thinking with her heart, that was the problem.  It was the same heart that
was full of defeat, bitterness, and vengeance.  It was the heart that led
her to answer, “Sure,” in a hesitant voice. 

Cedric’s gaze
swept her from head to toe as he licked his lips again.

“Close the door
behind you,” Phoenix commanded as she went back into the apartment. She ignored
the sudden churning in her stomach.  She pushed past her uncertainty and
used her last bit of courage to throw an extra swing in her hips as she led
Cedric down her hallway.

“Girl! You are
looking hot!  Look at you!  How much weight did you lose anyway?”

“Almost sixty
pounds.”  Phoenix tried to look bored as she demurely took her seat and
crossed her legs.  “So, what brings you by, Cedric?”

Cedric took the
seat opposite her on the sofa.   He looked around the apartment for a
moment and settled his light brown eyes back onto hers, throwing her a crooked
smile that he knew had always set Phoenix’s stomach to quivering.  “You,”
he said simply, widening his smile into a grin.

“Oh yeah?”
Phoenix tried to breathe away the flush of pleasure creeping into her
cheeks.  “How’s that?  I heard you were getting married to that
whore…woman and was having a baby.”

The grin
slipped off his face.  “How’d you hear all that?  Been keeping tabs
on me?”

“San told me
y’all got together recently.  She was very excited for you.”

“Yeah? 
I’m surprised to hear that.  She’s always hated me.  She ain’t say
one word to me or
Shia
when were over there.  I
was shocked she even let me in.  I thought it was some kind of ambush.”

“You were
always cool with her husband,” Phoenix said, thinking about the fact that San
had, at least, given Cedric the silent treatment.

“I guess,”
Cedric shrugged.

“So why are you
here when you’ve found the one?” Phoenix asked, uncrossing her legs,
recrossing
them, and enjoying the way Cedric watched her
closely.

Cedric let out
a breath as he shifted in his seat, scratching the back of his neck.  “I
don’t know.  All this week, I have been thinking about you nonstop. 
I don’t know why, really, since things ended so…uh, badly between us.  I
mean, I couldn’t sleep or think.  You were on my mind all the time. 
It’s like someone flipped the Phoenix switch or something and you were
on!  I just started thinking maybe I made a mistake.”

“Out of the
blue like that?” Phoenix asked, her heart thumping at her good fortune.

“Yeah.  I
mean, one day, I was minding my business.  The next, I couldn’t stop
thinking about you.  I started remembering how much you loved me and my
family.  I kept thinking about how you had my back and how you shared
yourself with me.  I decided I just had to see you.”

“What about the
girl?” Phoenix asked, leaning forward.

“I don’t
know.  I don’t want to talk about her right now.”

“But she is
pregnant with your baby, right?” Phoenix inquired, struggling to relax her jaw
to prevent her teeth from clenching as she said the words.