The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (53 page)

     Madeleine Wyman then had in her the feeling of the early living of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland and this all her later life was an important part of her being and her feeling. She had this in her always as a possession, she had it in her more than Mr. or Mrs. Hersland had it in them, she had it in her as much as Mrs. Hersland had it in her talking, she had it in her more than Mrs. Hersland had it as a feeling, her having it in her gave to Mrs. Hersland her important feeling of herself inside her. Mrs. Hersland could never have had this in her from her own feeling, from her own talking of her early living, she would only have it in her from Madeleine Wyman having this as a possession.
     It is clear then, Mr. Hersland had not in him any feeling of his early living, it was part of him because it had happened to him, it came out of him sometimes as bragging, sometimes as illustration, sometimes as moralising, but it was not really ever then in him in his middle or in his later living as feeling. It was in him only as having happened to him.
     It is clear then that Mrs. Hersland had in her early living in her as something that was in her, in her middle living, as part of her feeling. Really, her being was her children and her husband and her country house living. To herself in her feeling she was never cut off from right rich living, really she was then not at all of such living, later when she met any of such of them she was cut off from them, to herself then it was not that she was cut off from right rich living, to herself then it was a little then that she was cut off from her family living and eastern travelling and visiting. This was stronger in her from Madeleine Wyman. It always had been all through her Gossols living, a little in her. It had not, before Madeleine Wyman was in the habit of listening to her, it had not been in her, a conscious feeling. Later then it was more consciously in her, it was really then not an important part of her being, it was really then an important part of her feeling herself inside her in her being. Her feeling herself inside her in her feeling was not an important part of her being, her feeling herself inside her to herself from her family being, from her children, a little from her husband, was the important being in her. Feeling herself to herself inside her was not really ever very important being in her. Feeling herself to herself inside her from her talking to Madeleine Wyman, from her defending her against her nagging father and mother was not really important being in her, feeling herself to herself inside her from having in her as part of her her family living, her husband and her children, her country house living, was important being in her.
     As I was saying his early living sometimes came out of Mr. Hersland as talking. Mrs. Hersland's early living and her early living with her husband sometimes came out of her as talking, very often, to Madeleine Wyman in the house with her. It was very different in the two of them, in Mr. and in Mrs. Hersland.
     As I was saying it came out of him, sometimes as bragging, sometimes as illustration, sometimes as moralising, sometimes as just talking, but it was not in him as feeling, it was not to him really then in his middle living an important part of his being. It was as I was saying early living to him, it had no more meaning than that in him.
     In Mrs. Hersland it was in her as feeling, not really as very important feeling, but it had really meaning in her as feeling. It came out of her in talking, it had then to her real meaning, more even than it had to her feeling.
     She had always talked some about her early living, when she was living at the hotel sometimes with Sophie Shilling, sometimes when she was visiting she would speak of eastern living to other ones in right rich living who had back of them too early eastern living, sometimes she told stories of it to her children, it was in her a little then as feeling, in the beginning in the hotel living it was in her fairly strongly as a feeling, not really a lonesome feeling, her children, her husband, Sophie Shilling, and Sophie's sister, Sophie's mother were then all the feeling really in her but she had then still a little in her a feeling of her early living and eastern travelling. As I was saying she would speak then of it but it did not then make her even a little important to herself inside her. This came to her later, this came to her when she told it over and over to Madeleine Wyman who was living then the complete being of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland in their early living. It came then to be in Mrs. Hersland her feeling of herself to herself in her feeling. This was not in her resisting or yielding, it was not like her being with her husband or her having anger in her or being a part of the children around her, it was in her like her being with the servants and seamstresses and poor people near her, being of them and above them, it was being herself inside her to her. It was the important being of herself to herself inside her it was not really the important being in her, important being in her really was herself as part of her family, as resisting to her husband or yielding in him, as being part of her children, as being part of rich right living.
     As I was saying those having in them dependent independent being have in them resisting as their way of winning fighting. Resisting though is not their only way of fighting they can have yielding winning in them. Resisting and yielding then are not in them stupid being. Mrs. Hersland had in her dependent independent being. Madeleine Wyman had in her dependent independent being. Mrs. Hersland then had in her resisting and yielding to give her winning. Madeleine Wyman then had in her resisting and yielding to give her winning. Resisting and yielding then in both of them was not stupid being in them. Attacking then for both of them was stupid being. This is now a description of the different ways these things came out in them.
     There is as I was saying two kinds of being, independent dependent, dependent independent. Resisting is to the dependent independent the natural way of fighting. Those then who have in them dependent independent being as the bottom of them have resisting in them as their natural way of fighting. Many of them have very little fighting in their living. This was true of both of them, Mrs. Hersland and Madeleine who both had dependent independent nature in them.
     Resisting fighting is for these then who have dependent independent being in them not their only way of winning. They can have yielding and sensitive being and instrument being in them, sometimes for winning just to keep going, sometimes for winning to subdue some one near them.
     Mrs. Hersland and Madeleine Wyman were then for a while then closely in each others living, Madeleine always then all the rest of her living was in her being in Mrs. Hersland's living. In Mrs. Hersland later there was weakening, she had never had Madeleine Wyman in her as real being. In Mrs. Hersland, real being was rich right living, her Bridgepoint family living and her marrying, and her country house living and her children. Later in her living she was weakening inside her, she was scared then, her children were big around her and outside her, trouble was coming then, the country house living was ending and often then Mr. Hersland forgot her as being and later then she died away from among them and they soon, all of them then, lost remembering her among them. So then this was real being in her this was really being herself inside her. This was a real history in her. Her early living, later when she talked so much about it to Madeleine Wyman it was real in her but it was important to her then more than it really was as being in her. It was sentimental feeling and romantic feeling in her, it was not real being in her. To Madeleine Wyman, this early living of Mrs. Hersland was being, it was real being inside her, inside in Madeleine Wyman, it was not sentimental and romantic in her, it was real being in her. It was a little too then real being in Mrs. Hersland but in talking it came to be to her feeling more important than it was then in her being. This was the difference then between them. Mrs. Hersland then had a real being from her early living but it was not, later then, so important to her being or her feeling as in her talking of it to Madeleine Wyman she made it come to be in her Mrs. Hersland's feeling. Later more and more when she was weakening, it was all fainter and fainter in her. In Madeleine Wyman, Mrs. Hersland and Mrs. Hersland's early living was real being. It came to be always stronger in Madeleine Wyman always more and more a part of her being, Mrs. Hersland and Mr. Hersland and their early living. Later the Hersland children had a sore feeling at her having such possession.
     To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with resisting being, with sensitive being. To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with earthy instrument being, with little or much resisting, with little or much yielding, with little or much winning.
     To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with resisting being, with sensitive being. To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with earthy instrument being, with little or much resisting, with little or much yielding, with little or much winning.
     Neither Madeleine Wyman nor Mrs. Hersland had in them really efficient being. They both had in them some resisting fighting, some yielding winning. It showed in the two of them in very different fashion. Madeleine had in her really more instrument being than Mrs. Hersland had in her. Mrs. Hersland had in her more sensitive earthy being than Madeleine Wyman. Neither the one nor the other had really an efficient nature. They were very different from each other. Madeleine was drier and had more energy in her, not enough to carry her, to make for herself a living in her, but enough to make her want to listen and answer, and to carry into action Mr. Hersland's talking about education, enough to make her have later Mr. and Mrs. Hersland as a possession, enough to make her then have Mr. and Mrs. Hersland's early living a part then of her being. Mrs. Hersland had enough energy in her to be a mother, to be a little resisting to her husband in their beginning, to have the dignity in her of country house living and Bridgepoint Hissen family being, she had her own being in her, her children were a part of her, she had a sensitive and later a scared weakening being in her, she could have anger in her and a sharp indignant injured feeling, she had not instrument being in her. Later this will be clearer. More and more then it will be clearer the difference between the being in Madeleine Wyman and in her. They both had in them dependent independent being, it was in them in different fashion, Madeleine had in her instrument being, Mrs. Hersland had not in her such being, she had yielding in her but that was to loving in marrying, yielding in her to the being that was part of her as in her children and her sisters and her brothers and her mother and her father. She had not instrument nature, she had not any living in any being that was not in her a part of her. She was different then from Madeleine Wyman.
     Neither the one nor the other of them had in them really efficient being. This came out more and more in them in their later living. This came out in them in their resisting to the trying of the Wyman family when these wanted Madeleine to marry John Summer.
     As I was saying attacking in Mrs. Hersland was stupid being. It was in her when she had inside her her feeling of herself to herself in her, when she was resisting the Wyman family about Madeleine. In Madeleine, attacking was stupid being but she was then not showing such being, she had no attacking with which to resist her family's trying. Stupid being then was in her as attacking but it showed then only in her handling of children. Later she showed it with her husband, later when she had really no power over John Summer. She could sometimes stop him in business or in adopting a daughter, she could never really have any effect inside him. Now, then, stupid being as I was saying was in Mrs. Hersland's attacking to stop the Wyman trying, the giving Madeleine double wages and a dress made by Mabel Linker and Mary Maxworthing. Then Madeleine was not attacking, was not having stupid being excepting with the children in trying to carry out Mr. Hersland's ideas for them. Mostly then she had strongly in her instrument being. She was living in Mrs. Hersland's and in Mr. Hersland's being.
     The Wyman family then the mother and the father with their children as a background to make a more solid seeming, won out then with trying, Madeleine went back to them and later married John Summer. She really had no objection to marrying John Summer, she did not want to leave the Hersland family, she was willing to marry John Summer later.
     In all of them who have dependent independent nature in them, there is resisting and yielding and stupid being as attacking. Sometime there will have been written a history of many of them as by repeating it comes out of them. Sometime some one will know the amount of resisting, yielding and stupid acting there is in every one who ever has or has had or will have dependent independent being in them. Some have less, some have more of one or the other of these things in them, in some it changes in them in the different parts of their living, in the way they have in them excitement or nervous or quiet or melancholy or happy or contented or diseased or healthful or hungry or thirsty or tired or satisfied being in them. Mrs. Hersland then had stupid attacking being mostly in her when she was having important feeling of herself inside her with a servant or a governess or a seamstress or, for her, poor people to arouse it in her and to give to her indignant and injured feeling inside her. This then was strongest in her when Madeleine Wyman was with her, when she was making to herself a being by always telling of her early living, when she was resisting for Madeleine the Wyman family's trying, when she was making Mr. Hersland pay money for her attacking fighting. This then now is always getting clearer.
     To begin again then with the dependent independent being in Mrs. Hersland.
     It is interesting in each one, the success and failure, that one has in living. Every one has their own nature in them. This comes out of them as repeating. This comes out of them as making success or failure in their living. Mrs. Hersland and Madeleine Wyman had not in them either of them very efficient being, they had not success or failure in living, they went on well enough both of them from their beginning to their ending. This is now to be a history of each one of them.