The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (57 page)

     The important thing then in knowing the bottom nature in any one is the way their real being slowly comes to be them, the whole of them comes to be repeating in them.
     As I was saying some can have quick learning and nervous attacking or one or the other in them with slow resisting being in them as their natural way of winning. There is every kind of mixing. There is every degree of intensification. There is every degree of hastening the resisting into more rapid realisation. There is every degree of hurrying. In short there are all degrees of intensification and rapidity in motion and mixing and disguising and yet the kind he is each one, the kind she is each one, comes to be clear in the repeating that more and more steadily makes them clear to any one looking hard at them. These kinds then are existing, the independent dependent, the dependent independent, the one with attacking as the way of winning, the other with resisting as the way of wisdom for them. I know then this is true of every one that each one is of one or the other kind of these two kinds of them. I know it is in them, I know many more thing about these two kinds of them. Slowly they come to be clearer in every one, sometime perhaps it will be clear to every one. * Sometime perhaps some one will have completely in them the history of every one of everything in every one and the degree and kind and way of being of everything in each one in them from their beginning to their ending and coming out of them.
     This is then a beginning of the way of knowing everything in every one, of knowing the complete history of each one who ever is or was or will be living. This is then a little description of the winning of so much wisdom.
     As I was saying the important thing is having loving repeating being, that is the beginning of learning the complete history of every one. That being must always be in such a one, one who has it in them sometime to have in them the completed history of every one they ever can hear of as having being.
     There are so many ways of beginning this description, and now once more to make a beginning.
     Always repeating is all of living, everything that is being is always repeating, more and more listening to repeating gives to me completed understanding. Each one then slowly comes to be a whole one to me, each one slowly comes to be a whole one in me, slowly it sounds louder and louder and louder inside me through my ears and eyes and feelings and the talking there is always in me the repeating that is the whole of each one I come to know around, and each one of them then comes to be a whole one to me, comes to be a whole one in me. Loving repeating is one way of being. This is now a description of such being.
     Always from the beginning there was to me all living as repeating. This was not in me then a conscious being. Always more and more this is in me developing to a completed being. This is now again a beginning of a little description of such being.
     In their beginning as children every one has in them loving repeating being. This is for them then their natural being. Later in conscious being some have much in them of loving repeating being, some have in them almost nothing of such feeling. There are then these two kinds of them. This is then one way of thinking of them.
     There are two kinds of men and women, those who have in them resisting as their way of winning those who have in them attacking as their way of winning fighting, there are many kinds, many very many kinds of each of these two kinds of men and women, sometime there will be written a description of all the kinds of them. Now this division is accepted by me and I will now give a little more description of loving repeating being and then go on to describing how it comes to slowly give to me completed understanding, loving repeating being always in me acting, of this one and that one, and then there will be some description of resembling coming to be clear by looking at the repeating in men and women and then there will be more history of Martha Hersland and the being coming out of her all her living and the being in every one she came to know in living.
     Always then from the beginning there was in me always increasing as a conscious feeling loving repeating being, learning to know repeating in every one, hearing the whole being of any one always repeating in that one every minute of their living. There was then always in me as a bottom nature to me an earthy, resisting slow understanding, loving repeating being. As I was saying this has nothing to do with ordinary learning, in a way with ordinary living. This will be clearer later in this description.
     Many have loving repeating being in them, many never come to know it of them, many never have it as a conscious feeling, many have in it a restful satisfaction. Some have in it always more and more under standing, many have in it very little enlarging understanding. There is every kind of way of having loving repeating being as a bottom. It is very clear to me and to my feeling, it is very slow in developing, it is very important to make it clear how in writing, it must be done now with a slow description. To begin again then with it in my feeling, to begin again then to tell of the meaning to me in all repeating, of the loving there is in me for repeating.
     Sometime every one becomes a whole one to me. For many years this was just forming in me. Now sometimes it takes many years for some one to be a whole one to me. For many years loving repeating was a bottom to me, I was never thinking then of the meaning of it in me, it had nothing then much to do with the learning, the talking, the thinking, nor the living then in me. There was for many years a learning and talking and questioning in me and not listening to repeating in every one around me. Then slowly loving repeating being came to be a conscious feeling in me. Slowly then every one sometime became a whole one to me.
     Now I will tell of the meaning in me of repeating, of the loving repeating being there is now always in me.
     In loving repeating being then to completed understanding there must always be a feeling for all changing, a feeling for living being that is always in repeating. This is now again a beginning of a description of my feeling.
     Always then I am thinking and feeling the repeating in each one as I know them. Always then slowly each one comes to be a whole one to me. As I was saying loving repeating in every one, hearing always all repeating, coming to completed understanding of each one is to me a natural way of being.
     There are many that I know and always more and more I know it. They are all of them repeating and I hear it. They are all of them living and I know it. More and more I understand it, always more and more it has completed history in it.
     Every one has their own being in them. Every one is of a kind of men and women. Always more and more I know the whole history of each one. This is now a little a description of such knowing in me. This is now a little a description of beginning of hearing repeating all around me.
     As I was saying learning, thinking, living in the beginning of being men and women often has in it very little of real being. Real being, the bottom nature, often does not then in the beginning do very loud repeating. Learning, thinking, talking, living, often then is not of the real bottom being. Some are this way all their living. Some slowly come to be repeating louder and more clearly the bottom being that makes them. Listening to repeating, knowing being in every one who ever was or is or will be living slowly came to be in me a louder and louder pounding. Now I have it to my feeling to feel all living, to be always listening to the slightest changing, to have each one come to be a whole one to me from the repeating in each one that sometime I come to be understanding. Listening to repeating is often irritating, listening to repeating can be dulling, always repeating is all of living, everything in a being is always repeating, always more and more listening to repeating gives to me completed understanding. Each one slowly comes to be a whole one to me. Each one slowly comes to be a whole one in me.
     In the beginning then learning and thinking and talking and feeling and loving and working in me mostly was not bottom being in me. Slowly it came out in me the feeling for living in repeating that now by listening and watching and feeling everything coming out of each one and always repeating the whole one gives to me completed understanding.
     There was a time when I was questioning, always asking, when I was talking, wondering, there was a time when I was feeling, thinking and all the time then I did not know repeating, I did not see or hear or feel repeating. There was a long time then when there was nothing in me using the bottom loving repeating being that now leads me to knowing. Then I was attacking, questioning, wondering, thinking, always at the bottom was loving repeating being, that was not then there to my conscious being. Sometime there will be written a long history of such a beginning.
     Always then there was there a recognition of the thing always repeating, the being in each one, and always then thinking, feeling, talking, living, was not of this real being. Slowly I came to hear repeating. More and more then I came to listen, now always and always I listen and always now each one comes to be a whole one to me.
     This will be clearer now in a description of how several men and several women came to be a whole one to me. Later then there will be more description of the knowing of the kinds there are of men and women, of the resembling that makes kinds of them around one. Now there will be a little description of the slow way repeating makes a whole one to me. Later there will be again a continuing of the description of the living of the Hersland family, the father and the mother and the three children.
     Now this is the way I hear repeating. This is the way slowly some men and some women, each one, comes to be a whole one to me.
     There are many that I know and always more and more I know it. They are all of them repeating and I hear it. More and more I understand it. Always more and more I know it, always more and more it has completed history in it.
     Every one then has their own being in them. Every one is of a kind of men and women. Always then I listen and come back again and again to listen to every one. Always then I am thinking and feeling the repeating in every one. Sometime then there will be for me a completed history of every one. Every one is separate then. Every one is always repeating the whole of them.
     Sometimes it takes many years of knowing some one before the repeating in that one comes to be a clear history of such a one. Sometimes many years of knowing some one pass before repeating of all being in such a one comes out clearly from them, makes a completed understanding of them by some one listening, watching, hearing all the repeating coming out from such a one.
     As I was saying always then I listen and feel and say and come back again and again to the repeating in every one. Sometime then each one comes to be to me a completed being. This is now the slowly completed history of some.
     There are many that I know and I know it. They are many that I know and they know it. They are all of them themselves and they repeat it and I hear it. Always I listen to it. Slowly I come to understand it. Many years I listened and did not know it. I heard it, I understood it some, I did not know I heard it. They repeat themselves now and I listen to it. Every way that they do it now I hear it. Now each time very slowly I come to understand it. Always it comes very slowly the completed understanding of it, the repeating each one does to tell it the whole history of the being in each one, always now I hear it. Always now slowly I understand it.
     There are many that I know and always more and more I know it. They are always all of them always repeating themselves and I hear it. Always I stop myself from being too quickly sure that I have heard all of it. Always I begin again to listen to it. Always I remember all the times I thought I had heard all of it all the repeating in some one and then there was much more to it. Always I remember every way one can hear only a part of it, the repeating that is the whole history of any one and so always I begin again as if I had never heard it.
     Always I love it, sometimes I get a little tired of it, mostly I am always ready to do it, always I love it, listening up to completed understanding of the repeating that sometime is a completed history of each one is all my life and always I live it. I love it and I live it. Sometimes I am tired in it, mostly I am always ready for it.
     Mostly in the beginning as I was saying I heard repeating, I was learning, thinking, talking, living not really anything I was really knowing. Slowly I came to be living, loving thinking, feeling, hearing every one repeating, beginning again and again so as to feel all changing, remembering all the ways one always can come to be mistaken. Sometime there will be more history of it the way some young people live it the beginning and then slowly the bottom in them comes to be all them. Sometime there will be a history of all young living, feeling, talking, thinking, being. Some have their real being in young living, some do not have it then in them. Later there will be a history of all of them, of every one.
     To begin then again with a little description of my coming to completed understanding of some now that I am always hearing, seeing, feeling all being in each one repeating. Later there will be a description of earlier learning. Now there will be some description of realising some, now when hearing repeating is my natural way of learning. To begin then.
     There are many that I know and always slowly I understand more, and more of it, the way I know it, the way I come to know it. There are many that I know. Always slowly I understand more and more of it. Slowly each one that I know comes to be a real one to me.
     Every one has their own being in them. Slowly in listening, seeing, feeling all the repeating in each one of them slowly each one of them comes to be a whole one to any one that so hears and feels and sees them. This is now a little description of some, this is now a little description of how hearing, feeling, seeing repeating in some makes of such of them to such a one completed beings. This is now a little such a description to lead up to kinds of men and women. To begin then.
     Every one I am ever knowing slowly comes to be a whole one to me. Each one slowly comes to be a whole one in me. Sometimes for many years some one is baffling. I hear them and I see them and I feel them in all the repeating I can see and hear and feel from them and seeing, hearing, feeling does not give to me completed understanding of the completed being in them.