The Mammoth Book of Regency Romance (42 page)

Tessa scanned the room for Garrett. Where was he? Grace had said he would be here, but as she searched the room, she could not find him. She casually strolled to the gaming room. And there he sat, playing faro with his friend Mr Harris. For a moment, she could only watch him. But her yearning to be close to him brought her nearer.

“Are you winning?” she asked softly.

Both men stood and bowed towards her. Mr Harris looked over at her with a slight frown. “Good evening, Lady Townson.”

She nodded at him. “Mr Harris.”

Garrett finally glanced at her. “I am winning a small amount.”

“Ahh,” she said, wishing she could have come up with a witty retort and not one that sounded completely simple-minded. “Perhaps I will see you later.”

“Perhaps,” he muttered.

Mr Harris smirked at Garrett’s mumbled reply.

Feeling rather dejected, she returned to the ballroom and the scornful looks from the ladies. There were days when she wondered if it would have been better to stay in the country. She might have found a nice man to marry there. But after seeing Garrett again, he was the only man she wanted.

After standing alone for a few moments outside the gaming room, Garrett finally approached with a wary look on his face. “Did you wish to speak with me?” he asked.

She did, but she had no idea what to say to him. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

He tightened his jaw but said nothing.

“Did you enjoy the play two nights ago?” she asked, hoping for some reply.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“I’m glad,” she said softly.

“Why?”

Why?
“Why wouldn’t I be?” She pulled out her fan and swept it near her face a few times. “It is stifling in here.”

“I suppose we could take a turn in the garden.”

Her fan stilled in front of her face. Did he just offer to take her to the garden?
Alone?
While she knew she should rebuff his advance, she heard herself answer, “Yes, I would like that.”

He held out his arm, and she linked hers with his. They walked slowly, allowing him to keep up without limping too much.

“Are you ever going to tell me how you were shot?” she asked as they reached the terrace door.

“There was nothing terribly fascinating about it.” They walked towards a bench. “Napoleon’s forces were bearing down on us. My unit was trying to defend our position. I took a shot in my hip and fell off my horse. Dreadfully embarrassing to fall off your horse in front of your men.”

“But you had been shot!”

“True,” he said with a slight smile. “But I should have been able to hold on to my horse. I resigned my commission after that and returned home once the surgeon had patched me up.”

Tessa shook her head with disbelief as she sat on the bench. Were all men worried about embarrassing themselves? Her own brother had never seemed to care.

She looked up at him and patted the place next to her. “Please sit down so your hip doesn’t bother you.”

He looked away, but even in the dimly lit garden, she noticed the colour stain his cheeks. She would have to remember that any talk of his wound apparently shamed him.

“Very well,” he said, reluctantly taking the seat.

The scent of his sandalwood soap filled the air around her, overpowering the scent of spring flowers. His shoulder brushed against hers and tingles of desire crept through her body. She pressed her hand to her belly.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yes.” She smiled over at him. “I was just remembering the time we were at the Halsteads’ country party.”

He frowned for a moment before nodding his head. “I remember.”

“We played that game of chess and talked for almost two hours.” Tessa sighed, remembering what a wonderful night they had shared. That was the evening she realized she loved him. Hearing his excited tone as he spoke of leaving for the war had softened her heart. She understood his need to defend his country from the dreadful Napoleon.

“And you told me how you wished you’d been born a man so you could fight beside me.”

She laughed lightly. “Well, I was only twenty and my brother had just gone off to the war.”

“How is Mitchell?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, staring down at the tips of her shoes peeking out from her skirts. “He hasn’t written me or even called on me since …”

His large gloved hand covered hers. “I am so sorry, Tessa. If I had known what would happen, I never would have made love with you that night.”

“It was worth it,” she mumbled. She had wanted him so desperately back then.

“How can you say that? It cost you your reputation. Even now, after paying your penance by marrying that old bastard, you are still being cast out.”

She turned her head and stared into his light green eyes. “I was in love with you, Garrett. I wanted you to make love with me. I wanted to …”

“To?”

She turned her gaze away from his prying eyes. “To marry you,” she whispered.

“Oh, Tessa,” he said with a sigh.

She looked over at him as his head slowly inclined towards hers. Her lips parted instinctively as his lips brushed against hers. He deepened the kiss, shattering her senses, and his tongue swept across hers. She shifted and pulled him closer.

He drew away slightly. “I missed you, too,” he whispered before kissing her again. Only this kiss was more heated than the previous one.

She moaned. Desire flooded her body for the first time in five years. Heat seared her as his hand cupped her breast, his thumb rubbing her nipple. She wanted desperately to be closer to him, to feel his naked body against hers and erase the memories of her late husband’s pathetic attempts.

Kissing him brought back images of their one and only night together. She could still remember the sensation of his mouth on her breast. The fullness of him deep inside her.

Oh, God, how she wanted that again.

“My, my, one would think you would have learned your lesson five years ago,” a sharp feminine voice sounded.

Tessa pushed away and looked up to see Georgiana Chambers staring down at them both. Heat crossed Tessa’s cheeks. The woman continued to glare at them.

“Haverhill, I do hope once we marry your penchant for chasing this little slut will stop.” She turned and strode away, leaving Tessa gape mouthed.

Marry! He planned to marry Georgiana Chambers! The same woman who had ruined Tessa’s reputation by spreading her poisonous venom about finding them in the garden? She took one look at Garrett’s guilty face and raced from the garden … just like five years ago.

Guilt slammed into Garrett as he watched Tessa run from him. God, he was a fool to let her go. But he didn’t stop her. He knew this was for the best, so why did he feel so damned dreadful about it?

Because he loved her.

He’d loved her since the first time he saw her. She deserved better. She’d suffered enough with Townson; she didn’t need another burden.

Slowly, he stood and walked back towards the house. His heart ached with every step he took. The love he’d felt for her had never died. Even if he still didn’t completely understand why she’d married Townson, it didn’t matter. He loved her.

As he reached the small terrace a voice stopped him. “Did you accomplish what you’d hoped?”

When he’d seen Georgiana enter the ballroom earlier, he knew he had found his way to stop Tessa’s flirtations. He didn’t have the strength to resist her. She was and always had been his weakness. Georgiana had reluctantly agreed to help him.

He turned to her and nodded slowly. “I suppose I did.”

“Well, that is a shame,” Georgiana replied and started to walk towards the door.

“What do you mean?”

She stopped and stared at him. “I was married for two years before my husband died. I would have given anything if he had looked at me the way you look at her.”

“It’s for the best.”

She shook her head and blew out a breath. “You are the only one who considers your slight limp to be a defect. Why would you discard a woman who loves you and doesn’t care about it? She’s not after your money or your title. She only wants to love you, and be loved by you.”

Garrett stood there unable to say another word as she walked away. He leaned his head back and looked up at the stars. This was supposed to be the right thing to do. Having Georgiana find them again had been his plan. A plan that suddenly seemed very foolish indeed.

He had to talk with Tessa.

Tonight.

He walked back into the ballroom. After speaking with a few people, he discovered that she’d left. Not that that would stop him. He collected his things and departed for her cousin’s home. He impatiently tapped his cane against the coach floor as they drove the few blocks. Walking up the short flight of steps, he then pounded on the door, determined to rouse everyone in the house if needed.

“My Lord, do you realize the time?” the butler asked as he opened the door.

“Yes, I do. I will speak with Lady Townson now.”

“Sir, she is not at home.”

Garrett pushed his way past the butler but stopped after seeing the two hulking footmen.

“What is going on down there, Gates?”

Garrett looked up to see Tessa’s cousin and her husband staring down at him. “Mr Billings, please excuse the interruption. I must speak with Lady Townson immediately.”

“Lady Townson has no desire to speak with you,” Mrs Billings stated.

“I am sorry, My Lord,” Mr Billings said, “but my wife is correct. Lady Townson will not speak with you tonight. You may try to call on her tomorrow.”

“If she doesn’t come down, I will find her,” Garrett warned. Hearing another door open, he waited for her to look down the stairwell at him, too. Instead, he saw a small figure with long, curly red hair. She couldn’t have been more than four years old.

“Who are you?” she said from the top step.

He knew the Billingses had no children. This little girl had to be Tessa’s.

Oh, dear God, was she his child, too?

He reached for the newel post for support. She couldn’t be his daughter. Tessa would have told him.

Except Tessa had thought he was dead.

It all made sense now. She was the reason Tessa had married Townson. Guilt slithered through his mind. If he hadn’t made love to her that night and gotten her with child, she never would have married Townson. It was all his fault that she married that old bastard.

“Go back to bed, Louisa,” Mrs Billings shouted.

“What is all the commotion?” Tessa asked as she exited another bedroom. “Louisa, what are you doing out of bed?”

The little girl ran to Tessa and confirmed Garrett’s suspicions by burying her head in her mother’s nightdress.

“Tessa, I need to speak with you now. If you don’t come down, I’ll be forced to come up.” Garrett crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

“I will be down after I get Louisa back to bed,” she replied. “Wait in the parlour.”

“As you wish.” Garrett followed the butler into the parlour. He poured himself a snifter of brandy. He drank it down before finally hearing Tessa’s light footsteps approaching.

She stopped on the threshold and stared at him. The redness in her eyes told him how badly he’d hurt her. He never wanted to hurt her again. She wore a white wrapper that only accentuated the pale colour of her cheeks.

“Tessa, please come in and sit down.”

“Just tell me why you are here so I can go back to my room.”

Obviously, she wasn’t about to make this easy on him. “Tessa, please.”

“Very well.” She walked into the room and dropped into the wing-back chair closest to the doorway. Crossing her arms over her chest, she asked, “Why are you here at this hour?”

“I came to apologise.”

“For what? Kissing me? Making me think that maybe you felt something for me again?” she choked out.

“For all that and more.” He finally sat down in a chair near her.

“Go on.”

“Mrs Chambers came out into the garden because I asked her to,” he mumbled. Saying this aloud made it sound even worse than when he’d thought up the foolish plan.

“What?”

Hearing the cold tone in her voice made him wonder if she would ever forgive him. “I thought it would be best if you realized that I wasn’t going to marry you.”

“Of course not, you plan to marry Mrs Chambers.”

“No, I have no intention of marrying her. She only said that so you would think it possible,” he admitted. “Because I told her to.”

Tessa blinked rapidly as if attempting to hold back the tears. “How could you be so cruel? All you had to do was tell me you didn’t want me and I would have left you alone.”

“I
do
want you, Tessa,” he muttered. “I’ve wanted you since the first time I met you.”

She shot to her feet and stared down at him. “Then why would you do such a hurtful thing?”

“Because … because I am a cripple.”

Tessa stared at him, unable to conceive of what he’d just admitted. How could he think that his insignificant limp could be a burden? Her heart swelled with so many emotions that tears slipped down her cheeks. She fell to her knees and placed her head on his legs.

“You foolish man,” she whispered. “I don’t care if you have a limp.”

“I can’t even ride a goddamned horse.”

“Then we shall take carriages,” she offered.

“I can’t dance with you,” he said softly. “You have no idea how badly I want to dance with you. I want to see your face light up with pleasure as you dance across the floor.”

“Then we shall stand in the background, holding hands and watching the others dance. None of those things matter, Garrett. I love you,” she sobbed. “I never stopped loving you even when I thought you were dead.”