The Man of my Dreams (3 page)

“I'm so sorry, Cassandra. I don’t know what came over me. Of course I'm not going to leave you."

I was reeling from the roller coaster of emotions. Relief flooded me. I rationalized that poor Paul had simply been in a bad state of mind. He saw the error of his ways and knew this was where he wanted to be. Everything was going to work out, right? I comforted myself with these thoughts.

He had to go out for a few hours for work but would be back that evening. We'd sort everything out properly then. He kissed me and departed, leaving my head spinning. For the next several hours I pondered the situation. Paul was like a yoyo, wavering back and forth, leaving then not leaving. I clung to his assurance but, honestly, was unsettled. To clear my head I ran a warm bath and soaked in it for ages. I climbed into bed, exhausted.

He turned up around 11 p.m. and started packing up his stuff. He left that night. I never really found out what had happened but a year later he was married. Not long after that his first child was born. I guess it wasn’t that he wasn’t ready. He just didn’t want to do any of it with me.

Paul's abrupt departure turned my whole world upside down. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. My stomach hurt all the time and I couldn’t stop crying. After a few days of suffering I went to the doctor to get something to help me to sleep. That, plus a few glasses of wine, seemed to do the trick . . . until I woke every new morning faced with reality. Thank God for timing. I didn’t have to report to work and had the remainder of my time off to pull myself together.

I tried to start planning my future.
Let's see, what should I do from here?
I couldn’t think straight. Everything had changed. I had no family and didn’t want to burden my friends. Once again I decided to take a sleeping pill, go to bed, and deal with it later. I felt the drug working and slowly started to drift off to sleep.

A warm body cuddled up behind me. I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy from the sedative. I could feel kisses on the back of my neck. A hand caressed my stomach. Soft fingers touched my breasts, slowly moving down my body. I pushed myself backwards and snuggled into them, so relaxing, so arousing. I let the sensations take over, drifting in and out of sleep, seeming to dream . . . but it felt so real, very real.

Someone was on top of me. My arms were wrapped around his waist and my legs rested over his. I could feel the soft strokes inside me gently bringing me to orgasm. The sensation was so intense that I managed to open my eyes . . . but could see no one. My arms were still wrapped around my invisible lover and I was quivering slightly. It was so familiar and I felt no fear.

I'm in a drug induced dream
, I thought to myself and fell back into a deep sleep.

I woke with a start at 3 a.m. feeling groggy from the sleeping pill. I thought I heard something outside and decided to go out onto the balcony to take a look. My legs were heavy and my eyes didn’t want to open properly. I opened the sliding door and walked out into the night, relishing the cool air. It felt wonderful against my skin, sensitive and still a little aroused from the dream. I looked around but couldn’t figure out where the noise was coming from or even what the noise was. Curious, I looked out over the railing, leaning further than was safe in my impaired state. Something moved out of the corner of my eye, startling me. I lost my balance and the next thing I knew . . . I was falling. It was surreal. I wasn’t frightened and remember thinking that perhaps the pain in my heart would soon be over. I wasn’t afraid of dying; it might be the easiest way out of all this.

I felt strong arms around me and warm breath on my neck. Then everything faded to black.

Chapter 4

Dream Lover

I woke in the morning feeling like I'd just had the most wonderful night’s sleep in my life. I vaguely remembered falling from the balcony and someone catching me. I must have been dreaming about Him again. Oddly, I felt renewed— calm and in control for the first time in days. My stomach no longer churned and my head felt clear again. Today was the first day of the rest of my life and I was going to start living it!

I got up, showered and decided to get dressed in something nice and summery. I found a pretty dress and decided to venture out. I wanted breakfast in the sunshine. I felt alive again, better than I had in years. I didn't know what had bought on this sudden change in mood . . . but I liked it!

I was sitting at the table outside Dome Cafe drinking coffee, eating pancakes, and reading the paper. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around but there was no one there. Was it just my imagination? As I went back to the paper a wonderful, warm sensation spread up my body. Euphoria, almost drug-like, caused me to catch my breath. Wow, what a feeling! My whole body felt alive and almost glowing. If pancakes in the sun could do this, I would eat here every morning! I no longer missed Paul and the anguish of him leaving had all but disappeared. Instead, I had a sense of wellbeing and utter happiness. I didn’t feel the slightest bit lonely and was looking forward to the rest of the day.

What to do now, maybe a bit of shopping? I could do with some new shoes. A woman could always do with new shoes! I still had 10 days of my holiday left. I owned a beach house in Lancelin left to me by my parents. The weather was beautiful. The shops were beckoning. I decided I should grab some new clothes and a new bathing suit while I was at it. Then I'd go to the beach for a few days. Excited, I couldn’t wait to start my holiday!

Although my parent's death left a void that would never quite be filled, I was fortunate they'd left me quite well set up. I didn’t want for much as the interest on their estate was enough to live on comfortably. The family house in Ellenbrook was freehold. I didn’t really have to work but enjoyed my job and needed to do something to keep busy.

I withdrew a few grand from my account and went on a shopping spree. Morley Galleria, here I come! Morley was only about 20 minutes from Ellenbrook and had an excellent mall. Going all out I bought new dresses, bathing suits, shoes and perfume. I loaded it all into my jeep and headed off to the beach. I would grab a few supplies in the little shopping centre there . . . I could already taste the wine and chocolate!

The day was gorgeous and I felt invigorated. I turned the radio up loud and sang along. It was a miracle to feel so wonderful after just a few short days of being dumped. I honestly had never felt better. The beach was only an hour’s drive from Morley and it was still quite early in the day when I arrived.

The house looked cosy and inviting, just as I remembered it. I couldn’t wait to unpack the jeep and haul my stuff inside. It was a little musty as all the curtains were drawn. I hadn’t used it in a while. I opened up all the windows, turned on the stereo and started putting away my new clothes. On went the bathing suit, as there was still plenty of time for a swim. It was very flattering and showed my figure off well. Not that I needed any confidence at the moment . . . I was flying high! I grabbed a towel and dashed down to the water.

The beach was deserted. It was spring and not a lot of the people from Perth would think it was warm enough to go swimming. There were a few people at the pub just down the beach, but my little spot in paradise was still quite secluded— just the way I like it!

The water, a little cold at first, made me gasp. But I soon acclimated and enjoyed the coolness of the waves moving over me. The water here was so clean and clear. All my senses were alive and even the water touching my skin felt amazing. I went up on to the sand and grabbed my towel. As I dried myself I felt a kiss on my check and then hot breath on my neck. I spun around. This time I saw a wisp of what looked like smoke but again no one was there. I was sure I hadn’t imagined it this time . . . could my mind be playing tricks on me? It hadn’t changed my mood but left me a little intrigued..

I went back up to the house and had a quick shower. I jumped back into the jeep and headed to the shop to grab some wine, chocs and a TV dinner. I thought about going down to the pub for dinner, but I'd been there a few times with Paul. I felt like a bit of a loser going on my own, so down to the little shopping centre I went. The shop had a good selection of DVD's. I grabbed a couple of my favourite flicks and headed back.

With dinner in the microwave and a bottle of wine opened, I put on a DVD and snuggled down on the couch. It felt so comfortable sitting there, eating my dinner and drinking wine.

Wow, this is the life,
I sighed, quite drowsy and content.

He was back and utterly gorgeous. Dark hair and green eyes, tall and muscular, and that smile . . . it took my breath away. And he’s all mine! He was lying on the couch shirtless with his arm around me. I had my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair, telling me how much he loved me. I felt so happy and content. Life was wonderful. He lifted my face to his.

I love you and you can be sure that I will always be here for you no matter what. I'll never leave you as he did.

I knew he meant it. His eyes were so sincere and I felt overwhelmed and completely loved for the first time in my life. He kissed me tenderly at first. His lips were soft and moist. I felt a surge of warmth flooding my body. Then his kisses became more urgent and I felt like I would utterly explode with desire. I wanted him to make love to me desperately.

He started to unbutton my blouse and then slipped it over my shoulders, all the while kissing me passionately. He rolled towards me and pressed himself against me. I could feel him hot and hard and hear his breathing getting heavier. I'd never felt so out of control in my life! He undid my bra and gently started caressing my breasts. Every part of my body was alive and aching for him now. I couldn’t hold back any longer and started to rub up against him while unbuttoning his shorts. Oh, how I wanted to rip his pants off! Within minutes he was above me and then inside me. Oh my God, it felt good! He was so hard and I could feel every inch. I lost myself in the moment and relaxed completely. This was so amazing and I didn’t want it to end. Every part of my body felt unbelievable. My skin was awakened to every sensation, every touch. He kissed my neck, my lips, my breasts….

Please don’t be over quickly
. I wanted this feeling to last forever.

I shouldn’t have worried. He took me to the edge and then stopped, leaving me begging for more time and time again. He teased me over and over then rewarded me by making my whole body shake with ecstasy. Every stroke felt like heaven. His body was so beautiful and felt so at home between my legs. His lovemaking took me to the heights of ecstasy as I felt myself shuddering against him again and again— my first ever multiple orgasm!

I was totally exhausted but felt wonderful. I had never been made love to like that and never felt such rapture, such love. I was totally and utterly satisfied. He was the most amazing and considerate lover. I snuggled up to him and he smiled at me and pulled me close.

Always remember that I love you, no matter what. Promise me.

I promise,
I replied.
I love you too
.

We lay there for ages with him stroking my hair.

I woke to the sun streaming through the window. I was lying alone on the couch and was fully dressed! I felt a little confused. Had it been a dream? Surely I couldn’t dream that! I got up and started to search the house for my dream lover. There was no sign of anyone else ever being there. I must have fallen asleep watching DVD’s and dreamt the whole thing. I sat down, puzzled. It certainly felt real, very real. And my body still remembered his touch vividly. What was going on? Was I losing it?

I was puzzled. Where did he come from? Obviously, he wasn’t here last night before I fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t even know his name. But he must be the dark haired man that I dreamt of almost every night. Was my dream lover actually visiting me or was this just a figment of my imagination? I felt disappointed but at the same time strangely content. Once again I had that amazing feeling as if I was finally alive and nothing could ever hurt me again. If it was just a dream . . . well, then I would look forward to going to sleep every night!

Chapter 5

Daydreaming

As my holiday at the beach house flew by, I enjoyed the beautiful weather, lovely beach, awesome views, peace, tranquility . . . and wonderful dreams!

I resigned myself to the fact that I'd dreamt the whole experience with my lover. Maybe, somehow, it was more than that . . . but all I knew was that every time I was totally relaxed or asleep he was there. I slept late, swam in the ocean, read, watched movies and just totally regenerated from the devastation I felt just over a week ago. And in my dreams he'd come to me and literally wipe away all the stresses of the world. Bad memories were replaced with new visions of love. This was the life!

But soon I'd have to get back to reality. How I'd miss this little recluse, but I was also looking forward to going back to work soon and catching up with my friends. I loved my job and my friends were a lot of fun. I hadn’t even told any of them about Paul yet. Would I mention the new man in my life? Or should I keep him all to myself? Since he was probably just an illusion, I opted to keep quiet.

I grabbed my iPod and stepped out onto the patio. It was another beautiful day, so I thought I'd chill out on the deck lounge and listen to music. The sun felt nice on my skin and a soft breeze was blowing the wind chimes just a little. I snuggled down, put my earplugs in and switched on my iPod, closing my eyes . . .

You make me feel so wonderful,
I said, looking up at his angelic face.
Where did you come from?

He smiled that beautiful smile of his.

I've always been with you, my love, always just a whisper away. I watch you from afar, making sure you are safe. You cannot see me, which is saddening. But you feel me, I know you do. That's enough for me for now
, he answered.
When you are asleep and your mind is open I can come to you and show you my love. You feel my caresses and hear my voice. This is my time with you and I savour it more than you can imagine. I wait patiently for you to fall asleep, my darling, so I can show you what it is to be loved completely.