The Man Who Ivented Florida (3 page)

"That's right."

"Because you were working in the lab and didn't want to be bothered, huh?"

Ford, who tried to make a living from his small biological supply business, said, "I was doing a procedure. Making up starfish embryology plates. The whole business has to be timed just right, and there are eighteen stages. From the germinal vesicle right through fertilization. Zygote, blastula, gastrula, the entire chain of development. I couldn't be interrupted."

"You started yesterday?"

"Nope. Got the order two days ago and I collected yesterday. I took Crunch &. Des with me. He's a pretty nice cat."

Tomlinson was still staring at the phone. "But you're done now."

"For the day, yeah." Ford looked up from the radio. "Why? You want to use the phone."

"No—"

"Then you're expecting a call. You told someone to call you here." Being logical.

Tomlinson said, "Nope. I heard Jeth was trying to get in touch. I went into the marina this morning to get ice and Mack told me. He said Jeth tried to call you all day yesterday, only couldn't get through. It was busy—your phone. And you hadn't been into the marina for a couple of days."

Mack was manager of Dinkin's Bay Marina, which was just through the mangroves, three hundred yards down the shoreline. Jeth was Jeth Nicholes, the marina fishing guide who had taken off to travel to Palo Alto, California, but had ended up in Sao Paulo, South America, due to a miscommunication with an airline clerk who'd had no experience with Jeth's bad stutter.

The cat was Jeth's, and Ford was keeping him while he was away.

Tomlinson said, "So your phone was off the hook yesterday," showing Ford that he could be logical, too.

Ford said, "Maybe it was."

"Even though you weren't working in the lab."

"Guess so."

Tomlinson was smiling, tugging at the brim of his fishing cap, trying to draw the guy out and enjoying it. "You don't want to talk to Jeth?"

"Of course I want to talk to Jeth. It's not that."

"Ah. Some women hounding you. I've toured that course, amigo."

"Good Lord, no." Ford was growing impatient. But then he said, "Well, there're a few who call, but they don't exactly hound me. In fact, I wish a couple of them would."

Tomlinson said, "Then what? You want to be a hermit, just take the phone out. I can relate to it, man. Solitude. Nothing like it. Be a perfect way to go—if you knew how to brew beer and had a female hermit living down the road. Nice young one with blond hair, maybe. That would be a good spiritual way to live. Seriously."

Ford was kneeling before the radio, touching the fine-tune dial as carefully as the tumbler of a safe, trying to lock in Radio Romania. He had a brief mental flash of the red-haired woman out on her sailboat. Beyond the window was the orange windscape of clouds at sunset. It was swim time, and the woman would be out there on the stern of her boat. Probably taking her clothes off right now, standing with the moist air of the bay on her.

Ford made a point of ignoring the telescope as his head swung toward Tomlinson. He said, "I've got the phone off because this old guy I know, lives down the coast, he's been calling me a lot, and I got tired of it."

"Oh. So it's not Jeth."

"No, it's not Jeth. It's this old guy."

"Why don't you want to talk to him?"

"The old guy? Because he's crazy, that's why. Or probably just senile." Correcting himself because he preferred precise language. "He's about seventy-one, seventy-two. Senile dementia. Or alcohol poisoning. Both, maybe, the way he drinks."

"So why's he bothering you?"

Thinking, When Tomlinson hasn't had food, the beer affects him and he asks too many questions. Ford said, "Because I used to know him. I mean, I do know him." Which wasn't enough for Tomlinson; Ford could read it in his expression, so he added, "He's my uncle." And knew instantly that was a mistake.

Tomlinson said, "You mean you're not taking calls from your own uncle?" Packing a lot of disapproval into his tone.

Pious old hipster.... As if he didn't have the ethics of a goat.
Standing, suddenly eager to get supper going, Ford said, "That's right, I'm not taking his calls," already surveying things in the little kitchen: propane stove, countertop, sink with spigot that piped in rainwater from the wooden cistern outside, braced at roof level. Nice grouper fillet soaking in lime juice for him; green tomato slices with sweet Florida onion he'd fry for Tomlinson if Tomlinson would just let the damn issue drop.

But Tomlinson wouldn't. "That's not the uncle who raised you, is it? The old guy who played Triple-A baseball with Preacher Roe? Way back?"

"He didn't raise me. I lived with him for three years. Well, two—it just seemed like three."

"Then it is him. On that little ranch. You told me about it. Mango? The name of the town where you lived."

"Mango isn't a town,- it's not even much of a ... well, it's an old fish camp about thirty miles south, where the coast turns in, just above the Ten Thousand Islands. It used to be a little cattle port, too, back when they shipped cattle to Cuba. And I think I've talked about this all I want."

"This old guy raises you, your uncle, and this is the way you repay the kindness." Tomlinson was shaking his head, genuinely disappointed. "I don't want to get heavy about this, Doc, but, kar-mically speaking, you're pissing all over your own aura. Black mood ring stuff, man. The vibes"—Tomlinson put his nose in the air, as if sniffing for rain—"the vibes here are definitely out of whack."

Ford was cracking eggs into a bowl, then he poured in Italian dressing and added six dashes of Louisiana Bull hot sauce. "Look, Tomlinson, I don't pry into your private affairs, and I'd appreciate the same consideration." Talking as he used the whisk, blending the batter as carefully as he would his lab chemicals.

"Hey, don't get chilly on me, man. Don't put the shields up. You're not under attack here." His mind drifting back into 'Star Trek' mode, but looking at Ford earnestly, his palms held out in supplication. "Who's your buddy? Come on, give us a smile."

Ford said, "Geeze!" but smiled a little, anyway.

"So you don't mind if I put the phone back on, just in case? For Jeth, I mean."

"No, go ahead. I don't care what you do."

Tomlinson stood, replaced the phone, and, while he was at it, crouched in front of the little ship's refrigerator and reappeared with another bottle of beer. "I shouldn't be telling Jeth's story, but Mack says he's become some kind of hero down there in Central America."

Ford looked up from the bowl. "Jeth's in South America. Brazil. I've been getting cards from him."

"Yeah, but a month ago he started working his way back to Florida, and he got to this little island republic off Honduras a couple days before they had a hell of an earthquake. Somehow, Jeth saved the life of the president's mother. Or his aunt, maybe. Now the president wants to reward him by making him a citizen and ambassador to someplace. France, I think."

"He's joking. Or Mack's joking. That can't be—"

"Mack was dead serious. Said Jeth was, too. Jeth wants your advice. Mack was pretty sure it was an ambassadorship."

Ford said, "With his stutter, Jeth probably said they were giving him an Ambassador fishing reel and . . . France? He probably said a new pair of pants. That's just crazy."

"This guy, the president, his mother was having tea on the presidential yacht when the earthquake hit. Or maybe his aunt. Some important woman, and the tidal surge swept her overboard. Everybody in the whole town is panicking, and Jeth looks out and thinks he sees a dog drowning. You know Jeth and animals. He swims out, but instead of a dog, he finds a drowning woman. He told Mack she looked like a Pomeranian. Now he's a hero."

Ford was laughing; couldn't help himself. Picturing Jeth down there in Central America, the hero of some island republic where he probably couldn't even speak the language. Being hosted at dinners, getting his name in the papers and considering an ambassador's post—though that couldn't be true. Not that Jeth wasn't smart, he was. But ambassador to France? Tomlinson and Ford played with the idea while dinner sputtered in the cast-iron skillet; exchanged different scenarios as gray dusk absorbed orange sunset, then faded to darkness, with stars sparkling beyond the stilt house's windows. They were still talking about it, just finishing dinner, when the telephone rang.

Ford said, "Boy oh boy oh boy."

Tomlinson was already up, headed for the phone. "Probably Jeth's social secretary. Doing phone gigs while someone feeds Jeth grapes." But when Tomlinson picked up the phone, he said, "Nope, this isn't Duke. There's no Duke— Oh! Hey, wait a minute—" Tomlinson put his hand over the mouthpiece, looking at Ford. "Does your uncle call you Duke? It's an old guy—"

Ford said, "I knew it."

Into the phone, Tomlinson said, "You want Doc Ford? Hah! You call 'em Duke?" To Ford, Tomlinson said, "Tucker Gatrell. It's your uncle, right? Why's he call you that?"

Ford thought, Because he's crazy as a loon, that's why. He was standing, taking his time while Tomlinson said, "Sir, you don't mind me asking, why do you call him Duke?"

As Ford took the phone, Tomlinson was laughing, repeating what he'd heard: "Said because you sit on your butt all the time, read books, and act like an asshole!"

Ford said, "Good to talk to you, too, Tuck. But don't call me Duke," talking into the phone but giving Tomlinson an evil look.

Ford listened, then he said, "Some drugged-out old hippie who hits me up for free meals. Uh-huh, probably a draft dodger. Commie drug fiend, yep, no doubt. Yeah, that's him laughing. Kind of a hyena sound. Uh-huh. Firing squad, you bet, they probably shoulda. Machine-gunned the whole bunch."

Ford was listening, still looking at Tomlinson. Then he said, "I know, I know, you already said .. . great discovery, amazing stuff. Why wouldn't I believe something like that?" He was silent for a time, then said, "Your horse, Roscoe, right. Sounds like quite an animal. But I'm a biologist, not a vet. Besides, I don't have the facilities to test water. Not the kind of tests you're talking about."

Ford listened a while longer, and Tomlinson's eyebrows raised a little when Ford said, "But I'm not the guy for the job. You need a real scientist for that. Cellular regeneration, fascinating stuff, but way out of my league. I just don't carry that kind of weight—"

Tomlinson waited patiently, moving dishes to the sink, listening, until Ford hung up the phone. Then Tomlinson said, "That's the crazy old man? He sounded full of vinegar to me. What's he want?"

Ford swung down into his chair, turning his attention to the shortwave radio. "I don't know what he wants. Tuck never comes out and says what he wants." Being uncommunicative again.

"Ah, come on, he was telling you stuff—"

"He didn't tell me anything."

"Sound carries in a room this size. Cellular regeneration. I heard that."

Ford said, "He likes to steer people. Like his cows. Turn them this way and that. A Florida cowboy, that's what he was. A fisherman and a cow hunter. Tuck never comes right out and says what's really on his mind. He wants to use me somehow. It was bad enough when he wasn't crazy. I mean, senile."

Tomlinson said, "I like the guy and I never even met him."

From the old radio's speaker, a voice said through the static: "You are listening to the Voice of Romania." Still looking at the radio, Ford said, "Here's an example. What Tuck told me was. . . ."

"What? Come on."

Ford said, "He says his horse found an artesian well way back in the mangroves, and his testicles grew back. The horse, because he was drinking the water. He'd been gelded."

"Yeah?" Tomlinson sat beside Ford, noticing the radio for the first time, thinking, Romania? That's some powerful rock station. To Ford, he said, "Uh-huh? The water healed the horse. So what's the weird part?"

TWO

When
Tucker Gatrell hung up the telephone, he thought, That nephew of mine. I shoulda whacked his pants back when I had the chance.

He needed to get Marion Ford involved in things; needed an outside helping hand with a little respectability up there in the county seat. Not that Marion hung out with those shitheel politicians, but at least he was a scientist—or so Tucker had heard—and them dim bulbs who always got themselves elected might pay attention to a scientist. Give him a little time, at least. Which was something they wouldn't do for an old person who had no money to speak of. When politicians looked at old people, all they saw was saggy skin wrapped around a voting finger.

Tucker stood tapping his big worn fists together, then he pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. Little after seven, so what the hell? Why not just go ahead and keep things moving? Lord knows, he'd spent enough time talking to his attorney, old Lemar Flowers. And reading all that little bitty print in all them books and papers. Then flying all over creation with his buddy Ervin T. Rouse; 'bout froze his butt off in that ratty little plane. Now he had to start putting the rest of his ducks in a row, so to speak, find himself a helper, and he knew just the man—well, knew just the Indian, anyway. Joseph Egret, if he hadn't gone wacky up there in that rest home. Get Joseph and a few others,-hell, start having some fun for a change. He still had—what?— nearly four weeks before that meeting old Lemar had finagled for him.