The Mandates (13 page)

WHERE YOU MEET HIM

The good and bad news is that nowadays you can meet a potential date anywhere. Thank God we no longer live in the kind of restrictive society where suitable mates originate only from social introductions and the best schools in New England. That's a good thing.

But the variety of options for meeting potential dates and mates can be confusing. Just remember that the twenty-five Mandates always apply and can help you navigate successfully through the maze of expanded high-tech options.

Here are tips and strategies for maximizing your chances of a successful dating experience, when you meet him in any of the following places or situations:

TIPS FOR ON-LINE DATING: HOW TO DEVELOP A WINNING PROFILE!

Of all the different ways you can meet a man these days, on-line dating is the most compelling and popular social parlor of the new millennium. Chat rooms are a growth industry.

Just when you thought you had mastered the art of face-to-face interaction, now you need to learn how to present your self via computer. That means you need to get a photo of yourself taken, one that reflects how you look now, not at the prom. You need to find the sites and chat rooms that reflect your desires. And you need to create a profile. But how do you describe your sexy self in a nutshell?

You must develop a winning profile! Use the following top ten tips to create a winning profile that'll create a dating triumph instead of tragedy.

Don't lie much.
Spell out who you are and what you want honestly. If you're obese, don't call yourself beefy. If you're sixty-five, don't say you're in your thirties. It's good to be specific, but for God's sake, keep in mind you are not an ATM. Don't sound too transactional.

Avoid Dorian Gray syndrome.
Picture-swapping is the quickest way to get a man to respond to you. But make sure your picture is from the most recent decade. If your picture makes you look like you're twenty-five when you really look forty-five, either carry a red silk scarf for instant light dimming, or don't be surprised when you get a negative reaction.

Be Sharon Stone and trust your “basic
instincts.”
If someone gives you the creeps after you have talked with him awhile on-line, just spare yourself a bad drink or dinner and move on. He won't be more interesting in person.

Don't be an HR statistic.
If your company has strict policies about private Internet use, don't turn your PC into a downloadable version of
The Dating Game.
Save your man search for home, or you might end up paying for your dates from your unemployment check.

Remember Glenn Close!
You are having a fun time talking, and before you know it, you have sent him your work telephone number once you have decided to meet him for at least thirty minutes at Starbucks, the standard, if unoriginal, minimum for an on-line date. Two dates later, your “fatal attraction” date seems unstable enough for you to send your bunny to Europe for the summer. Don't give him your work number, or even your home number, until you have gotten to know him better.

As time goes by, some things look the same.
As the song goes, “You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss,” and a penis is still a penis. So before you send him a picture of your privates, remember that the chances of distinguishing yourself by sending a grainy, x-rated shot of yourself are slim. And if you are really looking to date, guess what image he'll have when he looks into your eyes during dinner.

Keep your expectations in check.
Though on-line dating is a reasonable alternative for today's busy, professional gay male, it takes two wise men to overcome the inherent danger of unreasonably high expectations. After all, you have a vision in your head of Mr. Right, you see a wonderful, self-selected picture of someone from when he thinks he looks the best, and you are hearing all the greatest things about him (the moonlight talks and beach walks). Just remember that you are a real person with flaws meeting another real person with flaws.

Loose lips sink ships.
It may be easy typing secrets to strangers during a weak moment when you are in a chat room, but think twice. Telling him about the men who never understood you, and the deep dark secrets that only your therapist knows, should be saved for much later in your relationship, preferably when you are on your deathbed after a long and happy life together.

Believe 50 percent of what you hear and
none of what you read.
It is healthy to be a little skeptical about people you might chat with on-line. Don't believe everything you read, and take profiles with an enormous grain of salt.

First meeting should be public.
Don't meet him for the first time at your, or his, apartment, unless you are comfortable never seeing him again. No matter how much you talk about inviting him over to your place just to “hang out,” make no mistake: it's a sex date. And sex dates are sex dates. Not that they can't turn into real dates, but you are playing a numbers game and the percentages aren't in your favor if you think you can turn a sex date into a dating relationship.