The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (30 page)

There is no difference mentally between a young boy who joins the same class as the girl he is interested in, an adolescent guy who goes to the gym every day to beef up, and a middle-aged male who arrives to a nightclub in his colorful sports car. They all think like women; that simply being noticed is enough to
somehow
seal the deal, which is why most of the attention they get from this behavior will be from other
males
, asking them why they are taking that class, how much weight they can bench press, and how fast their car is. That sounds both gay and like a huge waste of time, because it is.

To get the small amount of attention that you actually need, all you often have to do is just walk up right in front of the woman you want and say hello. This also saves you a lot of money, time, effort, and unwanted attention from the people you actually are not interested in anyway.

To have a woman’s
full
attention means that you have established eye contact with her, but also that she has stopped doing whatever she was doing, which is best done by interrupting her. Having to interrupt women in some way when you approach them is great, as it instantly communicates your confident dominance as well.

For example, this means that if she is talking to someone, you have to politely interrupt them because you have something important to tell her, and you can tell you did so successfully if they stopped talking without becoming upset.

This also means that you have to physically stop a woman in
case she is moving; otherwise, she will keep on going. If that is the case, just approach her head on, so that she is walking, running, or roller-skating straight toward you and you are walking straight to her. Look her in the eyes with a sly smile on your face, slow down or stop yourself, and tell her to please stop while raising your hands to make a stop gesture when you get close enough, without being so close that it will freak her out. However, if you did not see her coming in time to stop her
smoothly
and she walks past you because you did not say or do anything because it would have startled her; stop yourself, turn around, and tell her to please stop. Shout if necessary, the same way you would get the attention of someone who just dropped her wallet without noticing —
without
actually saying that she did something like that though.

No excuses are necessary.

Real Reason

If you have to stop a woman, you definitely already have her full attention; otherwise, you might need to say “Hey!” or even “Excuse me, Miss …” if she is not noticing your presence or is busy with something or someone.

For the record, it is perfectly okay to both stop her and to get her attention by saying, “Excuse me …”, as long as the next thing that comes out of your mouth is the real
reason
why you want to talk to her, instead of an excuse. Telling her your real reason is then the natural next step, even if you did not have to stop her, as her attention will now be completely on you wondering what you want. She will be forming her opinion of you very quickly as her mind collects all the information that she needs for a first impression.

You have to tell a woman your reason for approaching her in a way that also conveys
your
attractiveness and
hers
while at the
same time taking full responsibility for your approach. If women were not conditioned to worry about their sexual reputation, you could tell them right away that you want to have sex with them because you find them very attractive. Being that blunt actually works very well with some women, those few who are unaffected by traditional social conditioning, but the problem is that it is hard to tell who those women are up front and they are far from the majority of women. A better idea is to rephrase the same message into something that is more socially acceptable and to take full responsibility without tangling yourself up with excuses that would make things more complicated than they have to be or the two of you seem less attractive.

An attractive male can start a conversation with a woman in any manner he pleases while still eliciting a good response, as the response depends on
him
, not his words. You can even just introduce yourself while women’s jaws drop if you are very attractive and carry yourself that way, but I assume you are not
yet
, and if you are unattractive, introducing yourself will just bother women. While it is true that you can literally say anything as long as it is both confident and charming, if you have not developed those skills, you will have a hard time knowing what is acceptable. Thus, I will give you one example — a simple guideline that you can follow for the rest of your life: Give her a compliment
and
express your intentions. Include not just one of these elements, but both at the same time.

A compliment will always be charming but not necessarily confident. On the other hand, if you express your intentions, that is always confident but not necessarily charming. Thus, you must combine the two. When you do, you are taking the responsibility too.

If you find her attractive and want to meet her, say
it!

Do not downplay your interest or how attractive she really is by only calling her “cute,” do not apologize or explain that you “know that this is going to sound odd,” do not laugh nervously, do not look away, and do not bow your head or torso forward. If your confidence is low, your mind will want to do such things in the heat of the moment. Smile, maintain eye contact, stand tall, and hold your head high instead.

Also, notice that this is a statement, not a question. It is assertive and should hence be said as such. This means that you cannot end it with an inflection or pause afterward as if you just
asked
something and are now awaiting a response. It is not a pickup line, an icebreaker, or an excuse. It is deeper and more real than that, as you say what you really think, so make sure to say it like you mean it, since sincerity is not enough if you still come off as not really meaning what you say. You have to keep your calm, maintain eye contact, and smile without laughing.

Although being this straightforward requires a lot of balls, it is not yet another way to try to impress women. It is just a way to get a conversation going in the right direction right away. Afterward, you still need to spend time talking to the woman in an
equally
attractive and flattering manner to move forward. It is your general beliefs and behavior that make you successful with women, not one-liners.

Starting a conversation is really the easy part, and although it is a very important step, it is only one out of many until you have walked into the bedroom or down the aisle together. Males who are unsuccessful with women put too much emphasis on the first seconds of interaction and believe that getting girls all revolves around it, as they have never gone much further and are not aware of all the rest that remains to be done.

Audacity

A direct approach like this involves audacity, and audacity is the highest form of confidence there is. It is confidence that is so strong that not even the forces of socialization get in its way. It is behavior that challenges our conformist tendencies by
crossing
a social norm, and as the social dating norms are all about being indirect and using excuses to meet women, the only way to challenge them is to be direct and to take responsibility.

With audacity, you are able to execute extraordinary actions, but rather than robbing a bank in broad daylight or pulling off the greatest con in history, there are more productive and perfectly legal applications, such as getting girls. Everyone admires audacity, and women absolutely love it when you mix it with charm and direct it toward them. This combination becomes so powerful that it even has the potential to sweep women off their feet and make them fall in love at first sight.

One thing that you have to keep in mind, however, is how powerful and intense such an approach is and how women will perceive it on their end. A smooth, direct approach may make
you
appear intimidating to the woman that you approach, the same way that you feel intimated when you run into a stunning woman and temporarily lose your breath and ability to think clearly. That might actually happen to her. Although this type of intimidation is very different from being afraid of something dangerous, it will still put women on edge, so you have to be careful. You want to appear confident, not confrontational, so you have to emphasize that you are friendly and harmless with your body language.

It is great if you can make a woman feel nervous in a good way, to make her feel butterflies in her stomach, but you do not want to startle or scare her. However, there is no point in
verbally
telling women that you are friendly, as they will make the judgment themselves by observing your gestures, posture, facial expression, and tone of voice, which means that you have to be aware of these elements yourself.

This also means that you must pace yourself when you walk up to women, because if you rush toward them, you would rightfully freak them out, so a slower-than-normal approach would be better than a faster one. Your decision to make the approach should be fast, but the approach itself should not be.

Reaction

If you have never done anything like this before, your mind has probably already started to wonder
how
women will react. It is a normal mental reaction to uncertainty — trying to figure things out. With enough confidence you will find out and see for yourself, but I will tell you ahead of time so that you know when you are doing it
right
. You will easily be able to tell if you are doing it right by the way that women react to your approach, as the difference between how they react will be like day and night if you make a good or a bad approach.

When you approach correctly, women will be completely stunned. They will be delighted and their faces will light up when you tell them exactly what they want but never expect to hear, and because it will be so unexpected, it will be normal for them not to know what to say at first. Their jaws might even drop, but regardless of a woman’s reaction, you should always assume that she is attracted to you because of your behavior, and you need to move on without her approval and without hesitation. After all, you stated your intentions; you did not ask her a question, so the ball is still in your court.

You should continue by introducing yourself much the same
way you would if you met someone new under so-called normal circumstances. Do this as soon as you can, especially if you meet women on the street. It is enough to say “My name is …” while extending your hand to shake hers, but keep in mind that this will be the first physical contact the two of you have, and it might be the last. Hence, you must not give her a limp and weak handshake, but of course do not crush her hand like an idiot. Feel free to maintain the grip on her hand longer than expected and enjoy her touch; you may even hold on until
she
lets go first, which she actually may not do.

Make an effort to remember her name, as she will feel more flattered if you do, but if you forget it, just ask her again and tell her that you tend to forget new people’s names easily — even when you like them. Chances are that she does too, and you will build some rapport that way while remaining charming.

When you have made a couple of approaches like this, you may notice that women tend to forget
your
name if you only say it once, and if you ask them weeks later
what
you two talked about the first moment you met, they will rarely recall. This is because they are not really listening to what you are saying, but they are paying careful attention to your overall behavior to form that first impression of you. They are completely immersed in the moment — as if in a trance — but you do not have to
intentionally
hypnotize women to get them into bed.

If you go quiet after telling her your reason for approaching and wait for her to respond, such as waiting for her to say something or to start smiling, you will lose some power. You are the man and are supposed to lead, but occasionally women will respond by saying something and start talking to you
before
you have introduced yourself and, if they do, just go along with it instead of interrupting the natural flow, but do not expect them to
do it. If you expect something to happen, but it does not, you will too easily become fazed and be thrown off track, which makes you unconfident in women’s eyes.

Some women will be so interested in you that they cannot stop talking, while some will be shyer or less open. Their initial reaction does not matter that much, as long as they stay where they are, and if they are smiling, they are obviously happy that you approached them. You should be talking about the same things in the same manner no matter what. The only difference really will be the pace of the conversation and how much effort
you
have to devote to making women feel comfortable enough to loosen up.

When you approach women this way, you will always get a positive reaction, because a confident, charming, and responsible approach is the ultimate compliment to women. They absolutely love it. That does not mean that you will always get
the girl
though, because the approach is no more than one of many steps that you take as you “dance” with a woman. What it does mean, however, is that you are on the right track from the beginning, and your chances will be thousands of times higher than if you had approached her indirectly. Anyone who claims that not
all
women will or even can be responsive, open, or happy that you approach them directly simply does not know what he is talking about, and if his own experience is different, it is because he is doing it wrong. I want to emphasize this, as this means that you still have work to do and need to hone your behavior for as long as you seem to get negative reactions from women.

For example, if the woman quickly blurts out that she has a boyfriend when you approach her, you most likely frightened her. You rushed toward her, came up from the side, sneaked up behind her, or invaded her personal space too fast. You started talking to her as if seeking her approval, asking her if it was okay for you to
get to know her rather than simply stating your intentions, or just behaved very unattractively. In all of these cases, she will use an
excuse
to reject you, regardless of whether she has a boyfriend.