The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (32 page)

Chapter Fourteen

THE CALL

Once you have a woman’s phone number, the
first
time you call her should be to set up a date with her and her alone. No one else is allowed to join the two of you, because you want a date with the chance of having sex with her without the risk of anyone else interfering.

If she insists on bringing someone else, you did not do a good enough job of making her feel comfortable with you when the two of you met the first time, unless you are trying to have a threesome with her twin sister or sexy friend. In that case, the other woman is of course allowed to join. Otherwise, avoid a date with her and her friends, even if it is just with one more female, as that is enough social pressure to make your woman more reserved than she would be if she were alone with you and it would hinder the romantic atmosphere and sexual tension. Although such a date is not the end of the world, it is not ideal.

During the call, you could engage in small talk and get to know each other further, but that is really what the first date is for, and
you should
already
have spoken to the woman long enough for her to feel comfortable with you when you first met her. Save the small talk for the date; it is much nicer to meet in person where you can admire her beauty, communicate using body language, and make advances through touching and kissing her — things you cannot do over the phone.

If you have been exposed to too much traditional dating “advice” with its imaginary rules and regulations, you might wonder
when
you should call a woman for the first time. The answer is when you can and feel like it. You are interested in seeing the woman again, so there is no sense in waiting a certain number of days. If you met her during the day, call her the same evening, or if you went out on a Friday night and got her number then, call her sometime the next day at a time when it is likely that she has woken up already.

How happy and interested a woman will be when she picks up the phone and hears your voice will all depend on how you behaved when you first met her, not on the timing of your phone call. You can even bother her in the middle of the night if you know what you are doing. That is the beauty of doing things right from the beginning.

If you made a confident, charming, and responsible approach, she will be glad you called her no matter when you call — unless you take too long. Congruent behavior is key, and you are just not congruent if you stop a woman in the street and tell her you are interested in her, but then “play it cool” by waiting a couple of days before calling her.

Be aware that, if you are not used to meeting women and advancing
quickly
, it is likely that you will want to postpone the first phone call by making excuses. Your mind will insist that you should do irrational things like take a shower first, drink something,
have dinner, or wait until the house is empty. Ignore such unconfident urges and call her right away. But before you pick up the phone, ask yourself
why
you are calling her because that is exactly what you should tell her.

When she answers her phone, tell her who it is and why you called her. Do not ask her if she is busy or what she is doing. You are more important. Tell her that you had a good time with her the first time you met, because you did, and that you would like to take her to your favorite café, to a nearby park, for a walk on the beach, or wherever you have decided. Make sure you have figured out
where
you want to take her ahead of time. You are the man, you have to lead, and with a basic plan there will be less risk of hesitation. However, just because you lead does not mean you cannot go someplace else if she says she would prefer another restaurant because she is a vegetarian or something, but be sure you have a default plan and suggest it to her first.

The same goes for
when
you will meet for that date. Avoid asking if she is free that day or if she wants to see you. Be assertive and propose a time and place instead, and be confident enough to assume that she wants to see you again. If she cannot make it, she will tell you so, and then you can work something out that fits both of your schedules. If she says that she is busy that particular night and wants to schedule another day without going into details about why, avoid asking her
what
she is doing. She might have a boyfriend she has not told you about, so digging deeper can only hurt you, or if she did tell you she had one, you want her to keep her mind on you. Just change the day without any fuss.

Do not remind her where you first met because you should have made a lasting impression on her when you took her number. This is also why the phone call can and should be brief, as its purpose is only to set up a date to meet. You should have interacted
with her long enough before you called, either before or after you got her number, so she already knows that you are attractive and attracted to her and therefore there is no need to convince her on the phone. However, keep in mind that being brief does not mean being in a hurry. You should not rush, as you need to be relaxed to maintain a comfortable voice.

If she does not remember who you are, or if she starts making excuses for why she cannot see you again, then you messed up the first time you met her. You clearly did not approach her boldly, you did not spend enough time talking to her to make her comfortable, or you waited until she was too drunk. Her so-called reasons are just her feminine, irresponsible way of saying “No thanks.” Learn from your mistake and do a better job with the next woman.

If you call her and her machine or voicemail answers, do not be afraid to leave her a message. As always, tell her your real reason for calling instead of an excuse, but do not ask her out and expect her to call you back with an answer. You still have to lead, so you need to call her again
until
you reach her. And if you never reach her, she is intentionally not picking up the phone because she is uninterested in you. Once again, you messed up badly somehow. Learn from your mistake and do a better job with the next woman.

Let me also clarify that when I say you should call her, I mean
call
her; do not send her a text message, an email, or chat with her online. Those text-based methods of communication are as timid as passing a note in class, except it is even
less
bold as there is no risk anyone else can intercept the message and read it aloud in the room. You should be more bold, not less.

Never chat with a woman online or send her an email until after you have slept with her, and try to avoid text messages until you have set up the first date. Everyone can
write
a blunt and bold remark, but few are actually able to say it over the phone, and
even fewer are able to say it face to face. This is something you will have the chance to do when you meet her on the date, but you risk not getting that far if you are too timid early on. You have to maintain the same confident manners; otherwise, the woman will erroneously think you are phony or rightfully conclude that you are unattractive.

Chapter Fifteen

THE DATE

My definition of a date is any prolonged period of time a male spends with a female he wants — a female who knows that he wants her. The
first
date is normally the first extended span of time that a male and female will spend together, usually for a couple of hours, but it does not need to be a formal or traditional date, just as long as the female knows she is being hit on.

The purpose of a date is to end up having sex, as that is the final seduction step, cementing the relationship as a sexual one. However, to get that far requires the woman to be very comfortable, and she must have gotten to know you by taste first, as kissing is the last sense used to get to know each other that remains. Hence, building comfort up to the first kiss is what the date is all about initially, before it becomes about making the woman horny enough to have sex.

If the two of you already spent time together when you first met, at a party, in a club, on a plane, or in a park, for example, then that would be considered the first date, and you should have
treated it as such. In fact, those informal dates are often the best ones and something you should always aim for right after you approach a woman. However, sometimes a more planned, formal, or traditional date at a later time is inevitable.

Although you have to take the initiative and therefore should have some idea of what to do
next
, a date should still be enjoyable by itself. Do not get caught up in becoming self-conscious and obsessing over your next move. You still need to be able to appreciate the moment; otherwise, you will never be happy, not even when you have what you want.

To be able to relax and enjoy the date, you must maintain a confident, optimistic mindset. Men assume they will meet the woman
again
and act like it, as they most likely will, and this is yet another self-fulfilling prophecy. To do so will help you to relax and to avoid feeling rushed to get to know everything there is of the woman quickly. Do not consider the first date as a one-time job interview where you have to unload your entire personality, life history, and future plans all at once, expecting the woman to do the same, as if the two of you will never meet again.

Instead, leave some topics of conversation for later dates and even start to schedule your future together by making minor plans for later. For example, if you find out you have a common interest with the woman, you could tell her
that
is what you will do together the next time you meet, not asking about it, but simply confidently stating it.

This is how men display their attractive personality, confidently expecting to see the woman again, in a charming and responsible way. And it also takes care of what to do with women on future dates, which is something males tend to worry about, although they tend to worry about what to do even on the first one as well.

Activity

A common concern among males is
where
to take women for dates, particularly the first one, as they do not expect more than that since they are stuck in a mindset that requires compensating for their low worth by trying to impress women — which they are not sure that they will be able to do.

What they tend to forget is that they asked the woman out for a date because they are attracted to and interested in
her
, not because they love bowling or drinking coffee. Also, females actually do go on dates with males to get to know them. This is why it does not matter much where you go, although for your own purpose of making a woman comfortable with the intention of kissing and having sex with her, there are of course some places that are more convenient than others.

Since the point is to spend time together, not to compensate for your imagined lack of value by entertaining or impressing a woman like the mainstream media and movies portray a regular date, it is acceptable and perhaps even preferable to just take a walk or buy groceries together. If you are lazy, just find a café you like, close to your home, where you can sit in a corner with some privacy, and take all women there on your first date.

However, if you take her someplace she has never been before, she will be able to bond faster to you, since even though you may have just met,
you
are the most familiar thing there.

A popular place that couples go for dates that is truly a bad idea is to the movies. It may be a classic, but it should be avoided until you have already been kissing. Since the cinema is not a good place for talking, you would basically only be spending your money to sit next to a woman for two hours without the ability to make out with her or enjoy her beauty, so the date would not really
be a date, as you will not be much closer to each other after it is over.

A better alternative is to watch a movie in your home or hers. But you may not be able to convince a woman to go to your home on the
first
date, as she needs to be very comfortable with you already (or extremely horny and adventurous) before she dares to enter your private territory. You will be able to manage it sometimes at the end of the first date, once you have spent enough time elsewhere, but if you lead her home then and she is comfortable there, having sex is a better idea than watching a movie.

Nevertheless, where you go and the activity you engage in are not going to matter that much to the outcome and success of the date, but
how
you handle yourself and your woman during that time definitely will. If you do something together, whatever it may be, the woman will be observing you, your behavior, and how you handle different situations and thus notice how attractive you really are and how attractive you really think she is. All women will be able to tell if a male lacks confidence, charm, or responsibility when he is with them, regardless of whether they go bowling, watch the stars, or bake cookies together, the same way all males can tell if a woman has a nice pair of breasts regardless of the activity. With this in mind, it makes more sense to avoid any kind of activity that will make you or your woman uncomfortable and use that as a guideline of where to go by excluding such ideas.

Congruence

While the first impression a male makes is essential, because it is the
only
impression a female has of him initially, it is equally important for him to give a congruent impression as females primarily are attracted to behavior. Just as if a male might have been initially attracted to a female with big breasts, his interest in her
will diminish if he notices her chest deflate in front of his eyes. Although that is much less likely to happen in a short span of time for females since their bodies rarely change that fast, a male’s behavior can change in an instant if he is acting like, rather than being, an attractive male.

If you are direct with women and approach them without an excuse, you will make the perfect first impression, but then you also need to avoid any other manners of inadequacy later on. Although most males are unable to approach women at all without some sort of excuse, many are equally incapable of keeping women engaged without even more excuses. Or at least, they believe they are incapable of doing so.

Many males still stuck with a traditional and ineffective mindset have not only developed excuses to approach women, but also developed even more excuses to keep women entertained once they have started up a conversation, such as palm reading, prepared stories, canned jokes, and magic tricks. However, it is these males’ belief that they
have to
entertain women — as they believe themselves to be inadequate otherwise — that is their real and only problem. Their mindset is wrong to begin with. In reality, there is no need for a male to perform to prove himself as long as he is confident and responsible, and it is unnecessary for him to bring along props or any special skills besides charm.

The males who do use a lot of excuses to meet women might get a lot more attention; however, that is all they get. They still need to show their true intentions and real personality eventually, which is something they could have done from the first moment while they were spending energy on attracting unnecessary attention.

A moment spent practicing anything
besides
being confident, charming, and responsible with women would have been better spent actually flirting with girls you want to get. Focus on pursuing
women directly, not indirectly. Make women excited, not entertained. Be a man, not a clown.

This is why the previous parts of this book are so essential, since as long as your general beliefs and behavior are attractive, all your actions and reactions will always be attractive too. If you really are attractive, making a consistent impression is effortless and inevitable for you. Regardless of the specific situation or scenario that you find yourself in with women, and since there is an endless number of combinations of situations and scenarios that you can find yourself in, it is a much better strategy to follow principles than it is to learn specific techniques or tricks.

With the proper mindset, a male can pretty much do anything that he likes however he wants, as long as he keeps in line with the three basic guidelines that make a man successful with women:

1. Confidence
   
2. Charm
   
3. Responsibility
   

Those are all the manners a male need to possess, express, and maintain.

Some females will either consciously or nonconsciously put a male’s character to the test by trying to take advantage of him in some way, such as asking him for favors that make him slightly uncomfortable, pointing out his flaws to see if he is insecure, or disrespecting him by crossing his boundaries and getting on his nerves. However, if they do, it is because the male has shown them signs of questionable confidence already, so one cannot blame them for trying to make sure where a male really stands. A man would do the same if he one day noticed signs that his female may not be as attractive as he once thought, perhaps if he suspected
that she had stuffed her bra and her big breasts were two of the reasons why he approached her to begin with.

This is why you should never get defensive if you suspect a woman is testing you because if she is testing you she wants to see how you react, whether you stay confident or become emotional. Either ignore her behavior or return the same treatment, but always shape up so you avoid such situations in the future.

Males who have had a streak of bad experiences with women who were giving them a hard time fail to realize that
they
are the one and only common denominator and, therefore, things will not become better unless they improve. It is not about finding better females, because most women are simply a pleasure to be with. It is about being a better man, more attractive and better at making women feel attractive as well, which in turn will make women treat him better.

Men who are successful with women have a very low tolerance for the games and bullshit that some women
try
to get away with because it is so easy to meet someone new that it is not worth putting up with such hassles, games, or drama. If they did not have that kind of confidence, they would not be as successful with women in the first place.

Ironically, the better a male becomes, the
fewer
hassles, games, and drama he will have to put up with, however, as women treat men they respect and admire much differently from a male they do not. Until a male reaches that level, though, he is bound to experience such issues, and when that happens he has to understand the following: If he
allows
a woman he wants to push him around or to test his limits, that is a sign he cannot have that many options among women or that he does not respect himself very much. Those are turnoffs for the woman, as she would prefer that he did have other options and thought highly of himself and
what he deserves, while still wanting her. When a woman picks up those kinds of unattractive vibes, it is inevitable that she will lose even more respect for the male and will push him around even further because of it.

Nevertheless, a woman will not be testing anything without a reason to do so, and she will already be attracted to you at the start of the date; otherwise, she would not have accepted it — assuming you did not hide your intentions and lure her there under false pretenses. As long as you do not act out of character, such as by appearing uncertain or by trying to impress her, she will remain attracted to you. However, she may not be comfortable enough to be intimate with you
yet
, so that is really what you have to focus on during the date.

You want her to be more and more relaxed until she ultimately has an orgasm or falls asleep with you, but there are some intermediary steps before you get to that.

Comfortable

Part of the seduction process is about moving closer and closer together until the male ends up
inside
the female; another part is to relax more and more together until the male finally climaxes. Physically speaking, those are the only two ingredients of sexual intercourse: closeness for penetration and relaxation for insemination. The ultimate sign of relaxation is an orgasm, which is obviously something that females want as well as males, but if they cannot relax in a male’s presence when they first meet or during their date they will certainly not be interested in going further, as it would be a waste of a woman’s time.

You can make a woman relax in numerous ways, but there is only one thing that is actually necessary to do so, and that is to be comfortable yourself. You have to be cool, as emotions are contagious,
and you can actually influence someone else’s emotions by exuding the very same emotions yourself first for long enough. A man who stays calm will eventually make the woman feel calm too. This is imperative, because if a woman notices that
you
are nervous, there is a risk that she will also be nervous and start to feel uncomfortable.

This is a vital skill for any male, regardless of his level of ability and experience with women. It is quite normal that women will be nervous around a male before they have gotten to know him for several reasons. Before he really knows what he is doing with women, they will be nervous around him because he seems inexperienced or because it is obvious that he is nervous himself. Even when the man does know what he is doing, women will be nervous because they like him a lot and are afraid to ruin it.