The Mapmaker's War (26 page)

An uncommon Voice was born with a rare gift that required much restraint.

Only the strongest among them were invited to serve on the trails.

You glanced at your sleeping daughter. Your blood carried the possibility of a child like her, and there she was. What other secrets within would be wrought upon her, from you, her unwitting mother?

When will Wei show her abilities? you asked.

Sooner than you might wish, said Aza. We reveal our gifts by our seventh year. You will have an adult Voice to help you at all times. We will guide and teach Wei. You and Leit will be taught as well.

What do I do until then? you asked.

Love her, said Aza. In most ways, she's no different from any other child.

She told you to give attention to Wei's emotional reactions in your presence or that of others. Your daughter would begin to show her sensitivities to others soon. You were not to be surprised if she spoke to you in your native language. You were cautioned that Wei might say strange things or ask odd questions, as if she knew your thoughts, your secrets.

So it was. When you were pregnant, you gave thought to the kind of child you might have. Healthy, you hoped, with a good disposition and ready mind. You hadn't cared whether you had a boy or a girl. You hoped Leit was wrong about the dark legacies you might bear.

For several weeks after your talk with Aza, you felt numb. Tricked, almost, as if you were the object of a joke. How could you have a child like this? How could you raise a daughter you thought you would never understand? Why you? You kept your silence, then shared your feelings with Leit, Aza, Edik, and close friends. Aza and Edik assured you that you wouldn't be alone. If you and others recognized Wei's abilities as gifts, not afflictions, she would grow into them with confidence.

Tell the truth.

At first you wished Wei had not been born that way. A typical child was what you wanted. Instead, you received a little being who defied reason. Then on impulse you spoke to your daughter in your native tongue. | you had not forgotten it | She squinted her eyes as if they were pierced by a bright light. You asked her a question. She smiled and answered in the words of your life before. Impossible, but there it was. You couldn't deny what you heard.

You resolved to accept her as she was and would be. You would do your best to remember the promise you made in your heart.

BY THE TIME WEI WAS THREE, YOU OFTEN WITNESSED WHAT AZA HAD PREpared you to expect. Happiness was her usual condition. But in the presence of others that could quickly change. Wei became tangled with other people's emotions. Aza and Edik explained that she perceived the feeling as part of her. She couldn't separate as most did. Wei collapsed in laughter as well as tears. She ran away in fright or screamed with rage. You often couldn't determine the impetus. Aza told you what stirred under people's skin was as powerful as what Wei could observe.

The Voices were aware of what cannot be seen. Most people understand what is said beyond words. They apprehend an expression or posture or tone of voice. For Voices, the experience is deep within themselves. They feel within their bodies sensations like ripples in a pond or a strike against a hard surface. The Voices perceived that most people had the potential to experience in this way. Most, however, were distracted by what they saw and the discomfort of intense feeling. The Voices couldn't see as others did. They had to learn to move with the feeling rather than block it. They had to learn it was not theirs to keep.

Wei's earliest lessons were for centering and separation. All Guardians were taught to focus themselves, and you learned the power of pause breathe repeat. However, the Voices needed to concentrate on the practice with urgency. Aza taught Wei as well as you and Leit. In calm moments, the training mimicked play. When Wei was upset, the training was part of her survival. Wei had to become still and breathe. She had to place her feet on the ground and look at her hands. She became aware of herself and those around her. Aza told her to notice how far her feelings reached away from her. Aza told her to observe if she felt too full. Wei learned to imagine herself as a large pot that could hold much water but preferred enough for one cup of tea only for herself. What was too much left her in a vision of steam. Wei's little body and mind became quiet. She remained calm.

You needed the same skill on the days when Wei's behavior wore you thin. In the beginning, you had outbursts of your own. If you didn't catch the moment before frustration became poisonous, Wei faced a screaming mother. You could barely contain the urge to shake her. Your reaction worsened hers, and you knew it. Ashamed, you spoke to Edik. He asked what you thought she needed in those moments. Patience, and love, you said. Respond with that even as the anger fills you, said he. You must practice, as everyone does. Every time. You practiced and practiced for your sake and Wei's.

Soon after she turned four, a new stage of training began.

When Leit told you | warned you | of what was to come, you thought it cruel. You protested to him and Aza. You wanted to protect Wei from the worst of human feeling, the worst of human horrors. Leit understood. He, too, wished his daughter to be spared. Yet her encounters would be inevitable whether she joined the trails or served within the settlements. As a warrior, he knew this well.

He explained the warriors' role in the training. The men reached into their memories to recall specific sensations and emotions. The young Voice stated what she felt from them. What would trouble you, Leit knew, was the task that followed. The warriors remembered experiences of their lives in detail. They were given no restrictions. The young Voice's response would hint at the depth of her gift. Some could feel emotions only. Others could describe pieces of the event. In any case, no child could comprehend fully an adult experience. There would be mental blanks, although the emotions could be overwhelming. An adult Voice gave immediate care to heal any wound to the child.

You hoped Wei had a limited ability. You suspected she didn't. Since she could speak in sentences, she had said strange things to you on occasion. | Ahma, you liked to look with one eye closed | You spoke little of your life before. No matter. She seemed to know of objects and experiences that the Guardians didn't possess.

You asked to be present. Aza and Edik accompanied you. She guided Wei. He attended you. Leit watched but did not participate as he had done before.

Several warriors, young and old, sat on the ground. Aza and Wei sat across from them. Aza bowed her head at the group. The men closed their eyes and placed upturned hands on their knees. Wei was told to touch their hands and tell Aza what she felt.

Your daughter knelt before each man for a moment.

Bright, said she. Warm. Empty. Soft. Cool, with air. Happy.

Aza praised her effort. She turned to you and Leit. She nodded.

Wei perceived what they felt with accuracy, said Leit.

The same effort repeated several times. Wei sensed emotions from light to dark. She seemed to take pleasure in her efforts.

The task we spoke about is next, said Edik. Remember, Wei is safe. Aza has done this before.

Leit clasped your hand in his.

Aza instructed Wei to center herself. She told the child that she might feel something different from the men. She told Wei to tell her what she sensed. The child could touch the men or not. That was her choice.

Wei stood within arm's reach of each warrior. She stood straight and calm in front of the first man. She kissed his bearded cheek. He laughed. Aza asked what happened.

Turtles hatching from eggs. He was a little boy, said Wei. He knows I like turtles, too.

You were relieved the man had shared a pleasant memory. You were conflicted that your daughter had such a gift. Edik offered his hand. You accepted. Your spouse and your kind old friend kept you anchored.

The other warriors shared their silent memories. Wei connected to the emotions and the images. They weren't joyful. One man couldn't keep distance from his own pain and wept. Wei rubbed his arm. Aza intervened then. She whispered to your daughter and hummed a soothing tone.

The warriors hugged Wei as they departed. She kissed their cheeks and squeezed their necks. Aza sat with Wei alone. They talked while you sat in silence. Wei ran to you and Leit.

Ahma! Ahpa! Their bodies are full of stories, said she.

Are they? you asked.

Full of them, said she.

You shivered. For an instant you recoiled at your daughter's strangeness. You didn't wish to. You did not intend to. Before and then again, you wondered how human she was. Yet she came from your flesh blood bone. You could look at her. Feel her hair and skin. Clean what she soiled. Hear her voice and see her smile, dance, laugh. What doubt in that could there be, that she was different from any other child?

A deep breath filled your lungs. You smiled at her as you exhaled.

That is fascinating, Wei. You've worked hard today. Would you like to play outside now? you asked.

She did. The door opened. She ran into the twilight.

Aza dismissed the warriors. She asked you and Leit to stay. The older Voice said Wei's response showed her expansive potential. The child described the warriors' memories with accuracy of emotion and image. In some instances, Wei described what your child called the outside stories. She claimed to see the perspectives that were not the warriors'. Aza prepared you that some Voices could perceive thoughts, emotions, and actions of those connected to a person's memory. You wondered how that was possible.

Tell the truth.

You questioned your child's truth, and that of those she stood before. You questioned her sanity, and that of those who said she knew their stories. What delusion did they agree to share? you wondered. Yet none of them had a clear motive to lie or dupe. Still, you wondered whether this was all elaborate trickery. If not, you wondered if Wei had imagined the outside stories. No one, of course, could dispute what she told.

AZA WAS CORRECT. IN MOST WAYS, WEI WAS LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD. THAT she was yours made her remarkable.

She grew into a little girl unlike the one you had been. Wei took great delight in billowy skirts and dresses. She and her young friends traded adornments. They draped themselves in jewelry, belts, wraps, and hats. | your sapphire bracelet wrapped twice at her wrist | Her hair was black like her father's. A white streak grew near her temple. She liked to comb her shiny straight locks. Then Leit would plait her hair in elaborate designs. He had learned and practiced the skill in the nurseries. His dexterity surpassed yours, and Wei knew it. She laughed at your clumsy attempts.

Her movements were a perpetual dance. You had never seen a child so graceful. She learned to use her senses to flow among all that surrounded her. Sometimes she seemed to defy air or accept its gentleness. You loved to watch her with the children at the Wheels. She swayed and kicked in harmony with the twinkling music. She led them to join hands and form ribbons of mirth.

As all Voices did, she had a beautiful voice. The sound was soft and warm, with uncanny depth. She discovered its power when she sang. She shared sweet wordless melodies and renditions of the old and new songs of her people. The beauty overwhelmed others more often than not. Listeners wept without shame. You joined them in their tears.

How much love was in that child? you wondered.

As you witnessed her gifts strengthen, you worried what Wei would see in her father. You both knew that some of her outbursts had occurred when she was alone with him. Leit had told no one except for you the circumstances behind his scar. He seemed somewhat unburdened after your witness, but the inner struggle was not gone.

He didn't return to the trails for long periods when Wei was young. His service lasted only weeks of a given season. Instead, he remained in the settlement to train young warriors or to work in the smithy. Those brief times away stirred him, but that wasn't the only provocation.

You were watchful when the darkness crept into him. It came and went without announcement, without a pattern. You did what you could to protect Wei. You tried not to leave her alone with him. If his mood was especially black, you sent her to play or spend the night with friends. She knew, she felt, so in a way this attempt to shield her was pointless.