The Marker (18 page)
His thoughtfulness did something funny to her heart, and she had the strangest inclination to weep. Nicholas was full of firsts for her: he inflamed her, he vexed her, he wanted her, and he cared for her.
The thought took her breath away. Nicholas could have any woman he wanted, and yet he wanted
her
. If she meant nothing to him, he wouldn’t go to such lengths. He would have simply gone ahead with his original plan and stayed in a hotel. Being honest with herself, she would have been willing to stay with him even then, and taken her place as his companion, his lover.
Taking a breath, she made the decision that would change her life forever. “All right.”
The smile he gave her could have lit the heavens. Leaning in, he gave her a gentle kiss on the mouth, his lips pressed lightly against hers, a kiss so tender and filled with longing her heart ached. What on Earth had she just done? Would she be able to let him go when the time came?
She supposed it didn’t matter: she wasn’t certain she could let him go
now
. Though she would be forced to leave him eventually, her heart would never be the same now that Nicholas had laid claim to it.
He gave her a gentle pat on the knee. Standing up, he said seriously, “Like I said, we’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow.” His gaze swept over her, a smile quirking those sensuous lips. “I suspect you will need to pack. Do you need to stop by your father’s house and gather some additional items?”
She closed her eyes against the idea. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
He knelt down in front of her chair, his eyes meeting hers. “I would accompany you, if you wish.”
The smile rose unbidden to her lips. “No. I don’t need anything else. I brought everything I had with me.”
“Really?”
Her lips tightened against sudden shame. “Mr. Wetherby. Not everyone is made of money. I assumed you understood that, given my present living situation,” she said stiffly. She neither needed nor wanted his pity, and she wasn’t in this for the money.
He cupped her face in his large hands, and the intimacy in his touch startled her. “I meant no insult,” he said softly, the remorse evident in his voice, and her heart melted. “We’ll bring the gowns I bought for you earlier, and have arrangements made for more once we’re in San Francisco.”
The thought concerned her. “What do you think we’ll be doing, Nicholas? I’m fine with the dresses I have.”
“Not where I plan on taking you,” he said with a smile. “You’re coming with me as my friend and my companion. I’ve got business to attend to in San Francisco, and I hope you will allow me to escort you to a variety of business functions. You’ll need to dress accordingly.” As he walked to the door, he said, “We’ll make it work, don’t worry.” He paused for a moment, his gaze sweeping over her appreciatively. “Since my plans have changed, if you’ll excuse me, I need to change my living arrangements. Good day, Alexandra.”
She watched as he walked away from her and covered his mane of tawny blond hair with a top hat. “Goodbye, Nicholas,” she whispered.
If she had known that the next time she said those same words her heart would lay splintered on the floor, she never would have gotten on that train.
Until the day they climbed aboard the train bound for San Francisco, Nicholas hadn’t seen her for more than a few minutes at a time, and a part of him was relieved.
He had never wanted anyone with the intensity he wanted Lexie. From the moment he learned she wasn’t impervious to his charms, when he discovered she was open to being seduced, it was all he could do to stop himself from scooping her up in his arms, taking her to his room, and having his way with her. But she needed to do this her way, and giving her space to come to terms with the change in their relationship seemed important to her and, in a way, it was important to him, too. He needed her to understand just what such a change would mean for her, for him, and their future.
The idea made him nervous. From the first time he had kissed her, he knew one touch, one taste, would never be enough, not where Lexie was concerned. A future with a woman—any woman, even one as perfect as Lexie—was out of the question. He charmed women, he seduced them, but love them? That kind of happiness wasn’t in the cards for him. He’d never wanted it, and once he did, he harbored little hope of finding it.
Not for the first time since they had made their arrangement, he cursed Lady Luck. He wanted Lexie with a desire painful in its intensity. That she wanted him in return had been a stroke of good fortune unlike any other. If he had been planning on staying in Sacramento for the summer, he would have jumped at the opportunity, but that wasn’t the case.
Taking her to San Francisco had never been part of the plan. He hadn’t been back since the death of his brother, and hadn’t wanted to. For almost a year, he had avoided it. He had hoped to handle all business from Sacramento, but James had impressed upon him that he was needed in San Francisco, and he couldn’t shirk his duties any longer. James planned to return to the Orient and attend to the business partnerships they had formed and to foster alliances with new trading companies as well as determining the safest shipping lanes for their ships. Lately, pirates had been attacking his company’s ships in the Straits of Malacca, and James intended to meet with captains in the various navies patrolling the waters in order to determine which passages to avoid and which ones were the safest. But first, they needed to make the necessary arrangements, determine which contracts to pursue, both here and abroad, and foster relationships with powerful men both in the major ports of the west and in the Orient. Their operation had grown to such a size no single individual would be able to manage the entire business on his own, not even someone as capable as James's brother-in-law.
Nicholas needed to once again establish a presence inside the company.
He should have sold his partnership in the company when he had the chance.
When he’d left San Francisco, intent on never returning, he had sold everything he owned. Originally, he had planned to stay in a hotel near the wharf, well away from his old neighborhood or his brother’s house. But with Lexie joining him, a hotel simply wasn’t an option. He could hardly hope to spare her reputation—and still seduce her the way he intended—if they stayed in such a public venue.
God, he hated San Francisco. Now, unable to drown his ghosts, unable to bury them in reckless living and casual affairs, he was forced to face them with the last person he wanted to share them.
He sighed, raked his hair with his hands, and glanced over at Lexie, who sat ramrod straight across from him in their private car. When his eyes met hers, she said, “You’ve been quiet all day.”
He wasn’t sure if he heard quiet reproach in her words, but he took in her posture, the way she twisted her hands in her lap, and her face, filled with concern. He shook his head and gave her what he hoped was a jovial smile. Holding his hand out to her, he said, “I’m sorry, love. I’m just distracted.”
She studied him, her beautiful mouth twisting into a small frown of concern or disbelief. “Business?” she asked.
“Yes,” he lied. He pulled her into the seat next to him and threaded his fingers through hers. “Nothing to worry about.”
She brushed his hair out of his eyes, her dark eyes anxious. “Are you sure?”
He was sure she could see right through him, see the darkness beating in his chest where his heart was supposed to be. “Of course. What else could it be?” And even though she couldn’t possibly know, he held his breath while he waited for her answer.
“I don’t know,” she said with a dainty shrug. Her fingers softly stroked the line of his brows, trying to smooth away a worry she knew nothing about. “But you seem sad.”
Pushing away those very feelings, he smiled. “Never when I’m with you, Lexie,” he said. A worry line formed between her perfect brows, and she looked ready to say something more. Afraid she would learn too much, he leaned forward and kissed her.
He intended to give her a sweet, chaste kiss meant only to silence her. But nothing with Lexie worked out as he planned. When he touched her, it was never chaste.
Before he had a chance to pull away, Lexie threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, crushing her lips against his. He reached up and pressed his thumb lightly against her chin, encouraging her to open her mouth to him, and she responded with surprising enthusiasm. Giving himself over to the power of her kiss, he plunged his tongue into her mouth to couple with hers, gliding deep, and was rewarded by her soft moan of pleasure. Now that he’d finally coaxed her back to her voice, he couldn’t get enough. Her one small moan, breathy and sexually-charged, inflamed him more than anything else, driving out the malaise and the melancholy. How could one woman affect him so? After a year of women, gambling, and booze, how did this one woman make him forget and want to live again?
He pushed those thoughts aside to revel in the pleasure of Lexie’s mouth. Her scent filled his nostrils—delicate, floral, feminine—and her taste... Good God, she tasted divine. The sensation of her soft mouth and her tongue rubbing against his drove him crazy. Being in her arms made him feel like an over-eager lad on the brink of losing all control.
When he broke their kiss, she moaned again, and his shaft, hard and aching, jerked in response. His plans for their first night together didn’t include taking her here in a train car, though he had to admit the thought was intriguing. Actually, the train, the ferry and any place in between—making love to Lexie anywhere was intriguing.
Cupping her face in his hands, he savored the texture of her soft skin beneath his fingers. He stroked her face with his thumbs, and when she opened her eyes, they shone with desire. If he had nothing in the world, he would be a lucky man because he’d put such an expression on Lexie’s face. He had won huge hands of poker and his business ventures were blessed with unexpected success, but he had never felt luckier in his life.
“You are so beautiful, Lexie.”
She smiled faintly and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. Her eyes locked on his, she traced the line of his jaw with her fingers, and he was forced to close his eyes against the intimacy of her touch. He had never wanted anything so much as he wanted Lexie. More than a small part of him worried she would never want him with the same intensity he wanted her. Women always wanted him, but he wanted more than a mere dalliance with her. So much more.
After a year where nothing moved him, the way Lexie stirred his blood made him want to hold her close and push her away at the same time. After so long of feeling so little, the intensity of his passion for this woman unnerved him.
Mostly because he didn’t deserve it.
Brushing away the idea, he intertwined his fingers with hers and pulled her hand into his lap. Her hands should be soft as lilies, not the calloused hands of a servant.
She’ll never be a servant again
, he mused, squeezing her fingers. He stroked her hand gently with his thumb, marveling that he should be touching her now after all they had been through. That she had agreed to come with him and wanted him in return was a delightful, unexpected gift.
“I’m glad you decided to come with me,” Nicholas said softly, and found himself strangely pained by his admission.
A spark of fear marred her features for a brief second before she flashed him a bright smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Me, too.”
He stroked her arm in a gesture meant to comfort her but did nothing but inflame him. When he touched her, he always wanted more.
Once I’ve bedded her, this will pass
, he tried to reassure himself, though he knew it wasn't true. A night, a month, a lifetime with Lexie—he suspected no matter how much time he had with her, he would always hunger for more.
With a sigh, he leaned back against the cushioned bench and said, “If you are unsure, Lexie, I can send you back.” His voice sounded stiff. Even he recognized it for the lie it was.
The corners of her mouth twitched in the ghost of a smile. “You don’t want that,” she said, her voice a gentle purr.
“No,” he breathed. “I don’t. But I would do it for you.”
She smiled and, with her free hand, gave his chest a soft pat. “Of course you would.”
Rashly, he said, “I would do anything for you.”
And if she asked you to let her go?
his conscience questioned. He wouldn’t even entertain the thought.
“Anything?” she asked, a shadow passing behind her dark eyes. His heart leapt, sudden apprehension gripping him. Would he be able to let her go, if that was what she wanted? She must have seen the question on his face, because with a small smile and a wave of her hand, she said, “There’s no need, Mr. Wetherby. I’m not asking you for anything.”
He sensed she didn’t believe him, and he didn’t protest. Couldn’t. He had made his offer, and she had refused. It would have to be enough.
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and settled in next to him, laying her head on his shoulder, and he put his arm around her shoulders. She snuggled closer to him, sharing his warmth despite the heat of the car, her body pressing into his in rhythm with the motion of the train, a rolling movement reminding him of the carriage ride back from the Governor’s Ball. Then, as now, the movement of her body seemed sinewy and graceful, where for anyone else, it would have been jarring.
And even if she didn’t believe his words, she settled into the space of his arms and closed her eyes as if she believed he were an honorable man.
It had been a long time since anyone had thought him honorable, if anyone ever had. Nicholas was a lot of things—charming, handsome, smart,
lucky
—but honorable? Especially when it came to women? He hadn’t thought honor worth the effort, not when the easy pleasures of a woman’s body were so easily won. But now, with Lexie in his arms, he wondered if he had underestimated its worth.
They sat like that for some time, and Nicholas relished the rocking of the train, lulled by it. After a time, he turned to Lexie to kiss her, only to find she had fallen asleep.
A woman sleeping in his arms. Two months ago, he never would have conceived of the possibility. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman slept in his arms. He doubted such a thing had ever happened. Women liked him enough to dally with him, but that was all they ever wanted from him, and he had never wanted more.
He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead, and she pressed her body into his, snuggling closer to him. Christ, she was beautiful.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured sleepily. “I’m so sorry, Papa.”
What did she have to be sorry for? Her lousy, no good father had gambled her away, called her vile names, and beat her. If anything, he owed
her
an apology. Nicholas kissed her head and whispered, “What for, Lex?”
She muttered something incoherently, and ran her hands along his chest, encircling him in her embrace. She gave a little cry, shifting restlessly in his arms, and he held her tight. While he wanted to know the secrets of her heart, whatever they were, he hated to see her in distress. And he wouldn’t ask her to reveal them while she slept.
“Shh, Lexie, sweet. Shh. It’s okay. Hush,” he murmured against her temple as he stroked her dark hair with his free hand, and she quieted against him.
He held her in his arms, and, after a time, Nicholas, too, fell asleep.
Several hours later, Lexie stood in front of the house Nicholas had procured for them. A white Victorian-style row house facing the bay, it had steep gables and the clean lines typical of the current fashion. The small front courtyard was overgrown with weeds, but Lexie noticed the carefully laid herringbone pattern of the bricks beneath the tinder-dry brush.
