The Marriage Bargain (19 page)

“Don’t even think about contesting the will. It’s already done.”

“Arrogant, are you? You know, I think we’re more alike than you want to believe. We both like money, and we both like women. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Jed pointed his fork at him. “I’m not here to make trouble—I got my own fortune and don’t need yours. But Amber has a bug up her ass about me getting closer to my children. I thought we could all do lunch together. You know, Maggie and you, and Amber’s kids.”

The ridiculousness of the situation caused a moment of speechlessness. Nick thought of all the times he’d begged Jed to have a lousy conversation with him, let alone a meal. And now because his new wife pressed him, Jed assumed he’d jump to experiment with a father/son relationship. A twinge of bitterness leaked through the ice. Too little. Too late. Even worse, Jed didn’t really even care.

Nick drained his coffee. “Appreciate the offer, Jed, but I’ll pass. Haven’t needed you before. Don’t need you now.”

His father’s eyes turned mean. “Always thought you were better than me, huh? The golden boy. Listen up, son, blood is blood, and soon you’ll realize you’re destined to make the same mistakes I did.” He practically snarled his next words. “Wanna know the truth? I married your mother for love, but she only wanted my money. Once I sniffed out the truth, I was going to break it off but it was too late. She got pregnant. And I got stuck. With you.”

Nick swallowed as the nightmare enfolded before him. “What?”

Jed gave a nasty laugh. “That’s right, you were her desperate attempt to keep me, and it worked. A kid means child support and alimony for life. I decided to stay and make it work, but I never forgave her.”

The knowledge made perfect sense as the pieces snapped into place. Jed never wanted him in the first place, nor Maggie. “Why tell me this now?”

His father smiled coldly. “As a warning. Watch this new wife of yours. If she married you for money and feels you slipping away, the oops will be coming. Mark my words. And then you’ll be trapped just like me.” He paused. “Because you are just like me, Nick.”

Nick looked at his father for a long time. A tiny trickle of fear escaped from the box as he recognized the man who had fathered him garnered no respect from his own family. What if Jed Ryan was right? What if all these years he’d been fighting his genes, and his time was up? What if he was destined to become like his father, whether he took the short or the long road?

The past few weeks had tricked him into believing in things that didn’t exist. Love. Truth. Family. Alexa had already lied about the money. What else did she lie about? A chill skated down his spine. What if she had been working a bigger plan the whole time he’d been falling in love with her?

The doubts attacked with a vicious punch, but he ignored them and held his head up. “We’re nothing alike. Good luck, Jed.”

He threw some bills on the table and left, but his spoken words mocked him with every step.

Because in his secret heart, he wondered if it was really true. He wondered if he was more like Jed Ryan than he thought.

Chapter Ten

She was pregnant.

Alexa stared at the closed door where the OB/GYN had disappeared. Yes, she’d been feeling a bit nauseous. Yes, she hadn’t gotten her period when she was due, but easily blamed it on stress. The craziness of the holidays with her family and work and Nick. And why would she have considered the possibility when she was on the birth control pill?

The words from the doctor rang in her ears.

“Did you take any other medicine for the past month?” he had asked.

“No. I just take Tylenol when I have a headache…but wait, I did. I had walking pneumonia and I had to go on…” She trailed off as the knowledge took root.

The doctor nodded. “Antibiotics. Your primary should have warned you it reduces the effects of the pill. I see this slip up a lot, actually. Happy news, I hope?”

A longing welled up from deep inside and burst through like a starburst of emotion.
Yes. It was happy news.

At least for her.

She climbed behind the wheel of her Volkswagon. Then rested both palms on her flat belly.

A baby.

She was going to have Nick’s baby.

Her mind flashed back to the past few weeks. They’d grown closer, until the natural rhythm of husband and wife became second nature. Christmas with her family seemed more relaxed, as Nick made a true attempt to enjoy himself. He made love to her with a passion that reached deep and grabbed her soul. She believed the walls slowly crumbled between them. Sometimes, she caught him staring at her with such raw, naked emotion, she lost her breath. Yet, each time she opened her mouth to tell him she loved him, his entire demeanor shut down like a robot. As if he sensed that once she spoke the words, there’d be no turning back.

She had waited for the perfect time, but now her time was up. She loved him. She craved a real marriage beyond a contract. And she needed to tell him what she’d done with the money.

Tension fluttered in her belly. He’d refused to marry Gabriella because she’d wanted a child. Logically, Nick was afraid he’d repeat the mistakes of his father. But Alexa hoped once he realized the baby was real, and part of him, he’d open himself up and finally let himself love.

She drove home in a state of excitement and anticipation. Keeping the truth from him hadn’t even occurred to her. She expected a reaction of shock and a little fear. But her gut told her Nick would eventually warm to the idea. After all, this wasn’t a planned event so Fate had sent them this baby for a good reason.

Stubbornly, Alexa believed she’d make her husband happy. The news would force him to finally open up to her and take a risk. She knew he loved her.

She pulled her car into the driveway and made her way into the house. Old Yeller trudged toward the door to greet her, and she spent a good amount of time stroking his ears and kissing his face until she saw the healthy signs of his tail thump. She hid a smile. If only her husband could be this easy. A little love and patience, and her dog bloomed.

She walked into the kitchen where he was hard at work with dinner. The apron tied around his waist declared him CHEF OF THE YEAR, a Christmas present from her mother. She snuck up behind him and came up on tiptoes, squeezing him tight and nuzzling her nose against his neck.

He turned around and gave her a proper kiss.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

They smiled at each other.

“Whatcha cooking?” she asked.

“Grilled salmon, spinach, roasted potatoes. And the salad of course.”

“Of course.”

“I have news,” he said.

Alexa studied his face. A gleam of triumph lit his eyes and those carved lips kicked up a notch. “Oh my God. You got the contract.”

“I got the contract.”

She let out a whoop and jumped into his arms. He laughed and swung her around, then bent his head and kissed her. The familiar warmth and heat coursed through her, and she dug her nails into his shoulders and hung on. When he’d kissed her deep and thorough, he eased away and beamed down at her. Her heart pumped up and filled with so much joy Alexa worried she’d burst.

“We’re celebrating, baby. We have an extra bottle of champagne from New Year’s Eve chilling in the fridge. Let’s get drunk and crazy.”

She paused and wondered when to spring her news. A normal woman would wait until dinner was served and they basked in the news of the waterfront deal. A normal woman would bide her time and ease her husband into the idea.

Alexa admitted she’d never been normal. The news of his success bode as a good omen to spring her own news.

“I can’t drink anymore.”

He smiled at her and resumed seasoning the salmon. “Trying to lay off the sauce, huh? It’s not this stupid diet, is it? Wine is good for the blood.”

“No, not the diet. I was at the doctor’s today and he said I couldn’t drink.”

He glanced at her and frowned. “Are you okay? Are you sick again? I told you to see my doctor instead. Yours is that weird holistic guru who likes to give out herbs and stuff. I had to practically tackle him to give you real drugs when you had pneumonia.” He threw the potatoes in the roasting pan and drizzled them with olive oil.

“No, I’m not sick. There’s something else he told me.”

“Oh.” He set the spoon down and turned with a touch of panic. “Baby, you’re starting to freak me out. What’s going on?”

His concern touched her. She took his hands and squeezed tight. Then spilled out the news.

“Nick, I’m pregnant.”

Pure shock glimmered in his eyes but Alexa was already prepared. She calmly waited for the realization to hit him so they could talk. She knew Nick wouldn’t give in to his emotions, but remain logical and rational.

He carefully removed her hand from his and took a step back toward the counter. “What did you say?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”

He seemed to search for his words. “But that’s impossible. You’re on the pill.” He paused. “Aren’t you?”

“Of course. But these things sometimes happen. Actually the doctor said—”

“How convenient.”

She blinked. He looked at her as if she’d become a two-headed monster. Unease trickled through her. She retreated from him and took a seat at the kitchen table. “I know this is a shock. It was for me, too. But a baby is coming and we have to talk about it.”

He remained silent, and she gentled her voice. “I never planned for this. I never planned to make this a real marriage. But I love you, Nick. I’ve just been waiting for the right time to tell you. And I’m sorry I sprung it on you like this, but I didn’t want to wait. Please say something. Anything.”

She watched as her husband transformed. The man she loved and laughed with began to recede. The distance between them grew with an arctic chill that caused a shiver to race down her spine. His face was carved in stone. And as she waited for his next words, Alexa suddenly had a horrible premonition they’d taken another turn in the road.

…

Nick stared at his wife. “I don’t want this baby.”

The crumbling wall of ice suddenly regenerated and slammed back in full force. The only emotions that seeped through the cracks were resentment and bitterness. Oh, she was good. He’d fallen hard for her act and now he’d pay.

She blinked. Shook her head. “Okay. You don’t want the baby. I understand you’re scared, but maybe with some time your feelings will change.”

The words Gabriella had spoken months ago taunted him. His father’s same promise echoed in his head. He’d been warned Alexa would use any means possible to trap him, but he hadn’t believed it. He’d fallen for her innocence, and ended up falling for her.

He’d clearly warned her from the beginning, and stupidly believed she’d respect him enough not to try and trap him.

And now she loved him.

He almost choked on a bitter laugh. Since the moment he had discovered those loan papers and met with his father, doubt battled with his need to believe in her. So, he’d let the matter go and decided to trust her. To trust she’d tell him the truth about what she used the money for on her own.

But now she revealed her deceit, with her glowing face and eyes filled with triumph.

A baby.

She was having his baby.

The rage swirled up and encompassed him in a black, buzzing cloud. “What’s the matter, Alexa? Wasn’t the one hundred fifty grand enough for you? Or did you get a little hungrier along the way?”

He saw pain transform her face but now he knew the ruse and knew it well. Her voice wobbled when she spoke. “What are you talking about?”

“Game’s up. You’re a smart girl. The end of the contract is looming. Hell, we’re already at five months. You weren’t sure what would happen, so you had a little accident to cement the deal. Trouble is, I don’t want the baby. So, you’re right back to square one.”

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Is that what you believe?” She took a ragged breath and her body shuddered. “You believe I did this on purpose, to trap you?”

“Why else would you tell me you’re on the pill so I’d stop wearing condoms? You admitted you wanted money from the beginning, then conned me by pretending to be independent. Kept me off balance.” He gave a humorless laugh. “Refusing the new car was smart. I bought that act good. But you were really holding out for the big time.”

“Oh, my God.” She bent forward at the waist, as if in physical pain, but he stayed where he was and didn’t feel anything. Very slowly, she climbed out of the chair. The glow was gone. Her face reflected a ravaged grief that made him hesitate only a second. Then he hardened his heart and made himself face the truth about his wife.

She was a liar. She’d use an innocent child to get what she wanted, and the only casualty would be the baby. He shuddered with revulsion at the way she still played the game, looking to be the victim.

She gripped the wall and stared with horror from across the room. “I never knew,” she said huskily. “I never knew this was what you really thought of me. I thought—” She took a deep breath and lifted her chin. “I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought, does it?”

She turned to leave and he flung his last words at her back. “You made a big mistake, Alexa.”

“You’re right,” she whispered. “I did.”

Then she left.

The door shut. He stood in the kitchen for a long time until he heard the quiet patter of feet. Old Yeller sat beside him, his yellow eyes filled with a quiet knowledge that Alexa was gone for good. He gave a low whimper. The house rang with an eerie silence. They were both alone again, but Nick had no emotion to cry.

He was glad the dog grieved for both of them.

Chapter Eleven

Two weeks.

Nick stared out the window in the kitchen. Old Yeller lay by his feet. A cup of steaming coffee sat at his elbow.

He wandered his days like a ghost. Work kept him busy, so he poured all his energy into his designs, then tossed and turned in bed all night. He thought of Alexa, and his unborn baby.

The bell rang.

He shook his head and made his way to the door. Jim and Maria McKenzie stood outside.

Grief overtook him at their familiar figures, but he pushed the emotion back and opened the door. “Jim, Maria, what are you doing here?”

He assumed they came for one reason—to completely demolish him. He prepared for Maria’s tears and pleas for his unborn child. He expected Jim to punch him and curse him for hurting his baby girl.

Nick straightened his spine and got ready to take it all. He was surprised they’d waited so long. Hell, maybe her parents’ rage would help. He needed to feel something—he’d even welcome pain. Eventually, he needed to contact her regarding the rest of the contract and see what they could pull off for image sakes. He wondered what tale she’d spun to her parents about him.

“May we come in?” Maria asked.

“Of course.” He led them through to the kitchen. Old Yeller slunk behind the curtain, still not used to unfamiliar people. Nick gave his head an absent pat before retrieving two mugs. “I have coffee or tea.”

“Coffee, please,” Jim said. Maria declined and they both sat. Nick busied himself with retrieving cream and sugar and tried to ignore the knot in his gut.

“I’m assuming you’re here to talk about Alexa,” he began.

Jim and Maria exchanged an odd look. “Yes. She’s been avoiding us, Nicholas. We think something’s wrong. She doesn’t take our phone calls. We visited the store to make sure everything was okay, but she made excuses and shuffled us out.”

Jim nodded. “She hasn’t spoken to her brother or Izzy and Gen, either. We decided to come over ourselves and talk to her. Tell us, Nick. Are you two having problems? Where is she?”

The strange
Twilight Zone
feel of the scene made his head spin. Nick looked at the older couple at his kitchen table and wondered what the hell he was going to say. Alexa hadn’t told them about the baby. Or their breakup. Obviously, she didn’t know how to handle the situation.

Nick smothered a groan of agony. No way was he confessing what had happened. They weren’t his family. They weren’t his responsibility. “Um, I think there may be something going on at BookCrazy. Poetry night.”

Maria clasped her fingers around his. The mingling of strength and gentleness made him want to weep. Her eyes filled with concern. “No more lies. You are part of the family now. Tell us the truth.”

Her words shook the lock on the box deep inside him.
Family.
She still believed he was part of the family. If only it was the truth and his wife hadn’t betrayed him. Nick bowed his head. The words burst from his mouth before he gained control. “We broke up.”

Maria sucked in her breath. He imagined Jim glared at him with hatred. Nick surrendered to the inevitable. It was time to confess his sins. Every last one of them. The carefully planned ruse crumbled before him, and he realized he needed to take the leap himself. It was time her family knew the truth.

“What happened?” Maria asked tenderly.

Nick released his hold and got up, pacing back and forth as he struggled for the words. “Alexa told me she was having our baby.” He closed his eyes at the immediate joy that sprung over their faces. “But I told her I didn’t want it.”

He lifted his chin and refused to turn away. The familiar ice wrapped around him protectively. “I warned her from the beginning I can’t be a father.”

Maria looked at him with all the understanding in the world. “Nicky, why would you say such a thing? You will be a wonderful father. You are loving, and firm, and have so much to give.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t. You’re wrong.” The words about Alexa’s betrayal hovered on his lips but he bit them back. He refused to break her parents’ hearts by telling him of their loveless marriage. “There are other personal reasons, Maria. Things I can’t discuss. Things I may not be able to forgive.”

“You’re wrong, Nicholas,” Jim said softly. “There is always room for forgiveness. If you love each other. I betrayed my children’s trust. My wife. I ran and turned my back on everyone I promised to cherish. But they forgave me, and we are whole again.”

Maria nodded. “Marriage is messy. People make mistakes. Sometimes we do terrible things. But the vows you spoke encompassed good times and bad.”

Nick choked on the lump in his throat. “I don’t have staying power. I’m like my father. He’s on wife number four, and he only cares about himself. I can’t stand hurting an innocent child. There’s nothing worse than not being wanted.”

He braced himself for disdain and shock. Instead, Maria laughed and crossed the room to take him in his arms in a tight hug. “Oh, Nicholas, how could you possibly say that? Don’t you remember how often you’d sneak into my house to steal cookies and keep an eye on your sister? You are a loving, whole man and nothing like your father. I see this every time you look at my daughter, and your love for her shines from your eyes.”

Jim cleared his throat. “You are your own man, Nick. You make your own mistakes and choices. Don’t go blaming anything on genes or hide behind excuses. You’re better than that.”

Maria cupped his face with her hands. Her eyes reflected love and humor and understanding. “A man like your father would never have given us such a generous gift. The money you and Alexa gave us allowed us to take care of our children and keep our home.”

Nick frowned. “Money?”

She shook her head. “I know Alexa said it was a condition that I never mention it, but really, sweetheart, you must know how grateful we are.”

He played along, as his gut screamed the answer was the final piece to the puzzle of his wife. “Yes, of course, it was our pleasure. And you used it for…”

Maria tilted her head. “To save our home, of course. Now Jim and I can take care of the bills, and the upkeep. We finally have a chance. And it’s all because of you.”

The puzzle lay before him in vibrant glory. Complete. The money he taunted her with had not gone to her business. She had lied and saved her family’s house. That was the reason she married him.

She’d tried to get the loan on her own for her cafe, but was rejected. And now he realized why Alexa had never told him the truth. How could she? He’d never offered her a safe place to confess her truth. She refused to let him pity her or her family, or even hold something over her head. She took care of her own, because anyone Alexa loved she fought for ‘til the death. She was the most loyal, forgiving, headstrong, passionate woman he’d ever met in his life, and he was madly in love with her.

The truth pulsed in every muscle in his body. She hadn’t lied about the baby. She hadn’t tried to get pregnant. Somehow, it had happened, but she had been stupid to trust him enough to tell him the truth, and try to explain. She actually trusted him enough to think he’d be happy about the baby.

And he’d betrayed her. Choosing to believe the poisonous remarks of Gabriella and her father over the woman who loved him.

For the first time since his epiphany, he wondered if she’d ever forgive him.

He stared at Maria. This woman had given her daughter not only the strength to fight for what she believed in, but a heart which gave love unconditionally. A heart he prayed would give second chances.

He thought of his father and his many women. He thought of how hard he had worked to avoid emotion so he wouldn’t be hurt the way his parents had hurt him. The way their relationship had hurt everyone around them.

The lightning bolt crashed through the room and shook him to the core.

He realized if he kept pursuing the same path, he’d be exactly like his father. Nick crushed his fingers into a tight fist. By cultivating distance in his relationships to avoid pain, he created a man who was a shell. But those actions caused the woman he loved more heartache than anyone deserved. He was a gutless coward who hurt people because he only cared about himself.

Inside, the fear still clung to him with a stickiness he’d bred over the years. But for the first time, he wanted to try. He wanted to give her what she needed. He wanted to be a father, a husband, a friend. He wanted to protect her and care for her and live the rest of his days with her. Maybe if he gave her everything he had, everything he was, he’d be enough for her.

The final wall around his heart shook. Crumbled. And broke.

Somehow, Alexandria believed he was enough because she loved him.

His hands trembled as he clasped Maria’s fingers. “I have to talk to her.”

Maria nodded. “Go make it right.”

He straightened his spine and faced his father-in-law across the room. “I screwed up, too. I can only hope she forgives me. But I’m going to try.”

Jim smiled. “You will, son.”

Nick glanced down at the ugly hound dog he’d begun to love. “I think I have an idea.”

…

Maggie set down a steaming cup of herbal tea and whisked away the cappuccino that had taunted Alexa for the past few minutes. “No caffeine. Tea has antioxidants.”

She gave a weak laugh. “Yes, Mom. But I don’t think a cafe mocha when I’m this exhausted is going to cause any damage.”

“Caffeine stunts the baby’s growth.”

“So does stress and not making enough money to afford a baby.”

“Hmm, must be the hormones. You’re definitely cranky.”

“Maggs!”

Her friend tossed a grin and plucked the lid off the tea. “I just like to piss you off. Make sure you haven’t turned into one of those mooning tragic heroines you like to read about so much.”

“Screw you.”

“Better.”

Alexa looked up at her with genuine warmth. She was going to be okay. After two weeks away from Nicholas, every day became a trial of strength and fortitude she was too stubborn not to meet. She’d kept the news a secret from her family, but planned to reveal the truth this weekend. Maggie would help her. And even though she hadn’t secured the loan for the bookstore, BookCrazy was making a more steady profit. She’d survive.

Alexa repeated the mantra every hour of every day she spent away from the man she loved while her baby grew in her belly. He’d made his choice and she needed to face reality.

“The count took me to dinner the other night.”

Distracted by good gossip, Alexa smiled and studied her friend. “And you didn’t tell me?”

Maggie shrugged. “We clashed. All he did was talk about you. He’s in love with you, Al.”

Alexa laughed. “Trust me. There’s no spark and there never will be.” She clucked her tongue with interest. “You fought, huh? You may have finally met your match.”

Maggie snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”

She pursed her lips in interest. “He may be the only man who can handle you, Maggs.”

“Pregnancy has warped your brain.”

For a moment, Alexa caught a glimpse of regret shimmering from Maggie’s eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but the poets lined up and took their seats. Moody music played through the speakers to set the tone. Lights were dim, darkness fell outside. A buzz of creative energy filled the room as the poets began to recite their thoughts and dreams into the mic. She clutched a notebook close to her chest as she watched on the sidelines, and allowed herself to sink back into the comforting fold of images. She closed her eyes and let her senses take over, sharpening, judging, as pictures flowed through her mind like oils seep and blend onto a canvas.

There was a brief pause as the poets changed.

Then she heard the voice.

At first, her mind was open to the deep, gravelly tone of the man who read into the mic. As her heart made the connection, a breathless, nameless fear filled her. Her breath hitched. Slowly, she forced herself to look at the poet standing on the stage.

Her husband.

At first, she thought her vision played tricks on her. The Nick Ryan she knew did not exist on the stage. Instead, a stranger stood before her.

He was dressed entirely in Mets gear. A blue and orange cap was set backward on his head where stray blond locks escaped. He wore a Mets jersey, jeans, and sneakers. He held an orange chain in his hand, and she saw Old Yeller sitting beside him with a quiet dignity that bespoke of purebreds and not mutts. The dog wore a Mets bandanna around his neck. One ear crooked at a broken angle. His tail did not wag. Yet his eyes did not hold the haunted look she usually associated with her broken canine. Propped up in front of his two front paws, a cardboard sign displayed the words: COME HOME
.

She blinked once, twice, then realized the scene before her was real.

Nick held a piece of ragged notebook paper between his fingers. He cleared his throat. She held her breath as his voice spilled into the mic and reached her ears.

“I’m not a poet. But my wife is. She taught me to look for the extraordinary in the simplicity. She taught me about emotion, and truth, and second chances. You see, I never realized a person can keep giving everything with no thought to take. Alexa, you changed my life, but I was too afraid to reach for it. I believed I wasn’t good enough. Now I realize the truth.”

Alexa closed her eyes in desperation as tears leaked from her lids. Maggie’s hand gripped hers. Her husband wanted her back. Yet, to choose that road was like the famous poem, an unknown factor. She understood his darkness better, knew if she turned her back on him she’d be safe. She’d make it on her own. The darkness beckoned her like an old friend. In that moment, she had her own choice. And God help her, she didn’t know if she had the strength to try again.

She opened her eyes.

Low murmurings and comments drifted to her ears. She stared at the man she loved and waited for him to speak.

“I love you, Alexa. I want you and I want our baby. I want this ridiculous hound dog because I’ve grown to love him, too. I also figured out what I don’t want. I don’t want to live my life without you. I don’t want to be alone anymore. And I don’t want to believe I deserve not to have you. And I swear to God, I’ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”