The Marriage Pact (18 page)

“It’s not predictable,” I said, feeling defensive. “She has good days. She has OK days. This is one of those.”

Becky’s eyes rounded another inch. “You mean she gets worse?”

I sighed. This was why Jonas and I hadn’t wanted anyone to know. We’d wanted to avoid the constant barrage of questions from well-meaning neighbors, the looks of abject pity. We’d wanted to protect her from that, because on her good days, she would see it and despise herself for being the cause of it. If our motives were just a little selfish, well, who could blame us?

Becky took my silence for the answer she wanted. “I can’t believe you just didn’t
tell
me!” she exclaimed, her voice registering somewhere between a gasp and a screech. “I—we—we’re supposed to be best friends!”

I drew back in surprise at the outrage that colored her face. “We are! I was just thinking about you, Becky. I—”

“Not likely,” she snorted.

“Becky, please, try to understand!” I begged. “You were dealing with all the stuff from the wedding and I just—”

“I would have made time for this! For you!” Her green eyes were glaring daggers my way and I was afraid I’d be impaled by one any minute.

“I know, but I was trying to… I just wanted you to have a good time,” I finished lamely.

“How can I look back at those memories with anything but… you lied to me!” she shrieked, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

“No,” I shook my head. “No, I didn’t lie. I just—”

“First, you run out on the most important day of my life, and now I find out you were lying to me the whole time! Who
are
you?” She spat the words at me angrily.

“Come on, Becky, calm down, let me—”

“No,
you
calm down! You just—you’re not who I thought you were. Period.”

I was starting to lose my cool composure. All this yelling wasn’t good for my headache. “Look, you’re not being fair. If you’d just—”

“You want to talk unfair?” she interrupted, hand propped defensively on her hips. “OK, let’s. How’s this for unfair: I have opened up to you every time I’ve had anything going on in my life, shared every secret. And you never return the favor! My God, you’ve been holding onto feelings for Brody for what now? Fifteen years? I’ve talked and talked to you about it, but you never could admit to still having feelings for him! Maybe if you had, none of this would have happened!”

I narrowed my eyes into thin, angry slits. “If you think you can blame this on me, if you think you can turn it around—”

“Hey, I’m just putting the blame where it belongs. You’re just a grade-A secret keeper, aren’t you? First, denying your feelings all these years for Brody, now your mom. What else aren’t you telling me? Did you even go to medical school?”

We’d never, ever fought before and this was getting nasty quick. Instead of doing the responsible, mature thing and backing down, I snorted a laugh at her. “That’s rich, coming from you. You want to say this is
my
fault? I left your wedding because you couldn’t come clean to me about Brody!”

“If you’d just told me that he—”

I heard a throat clear behind me and I whirled around, eyes still narrowed. I caught sight of Brody, leaning against the door. We’d been yelling so loud I hadn’t even heard him let himself in.

Becky saw him too, and glared at him just as fiercely. At least I could rest easy knowing she didn’t reserve those murderous looks just for me.

“OK, Becky, I’ll take it from here.” He was calm and collective in the face of her glaring fury and I felt a surge of pride in him. Few people could stand up to Becky.

To my surprise, she nodded and my respect grew. No one that I knew of had stood up to her and won. She turned to me with one last piercing glare. “I’m sure you will.” Without another word to me, she walked toward the door and Brody opened it for her.

He didn’t look at me until she’d gone and by then I was already starting to fall apart. When she’d left, she’d taken my anger right along with her and without it all I had was regret to stand on.

“I was just dropping by to make sure you were OK.”

“I’m not OK,” I admitted, meeting his eyes. He was at my side in seconds and caught me when I began to slide down on my unsteady legs. “I’m not OK,” I said as I buried my face into his shirt and began to cry.

“Shh. It’s going to be OK. I’m going to take care of you, I promise.”

“Can you m-make her… forgive me?” I asked, my voice muffled against his chest.

“No, honey, but I can talk to her, if you want.”

“I doubt it’d do any good.”

“I could talk to Seth.”

I pulled back and looked at him, wiping tears from my cheeks. “I didn’t really know you knew each other.”

“Come on, everyone knows everyone here,” he said, stroking me lightly under the chin.

“I know, but…”

“Out with it,” he murmured in my ear, making my toes curl. “What do you really want to ask me?”

“Why did Becky want you to be his best man? It
was
because of me, wasn’t it?”

“A little vain there, aren’t you?” he asked, his tone light as he brushed a lock of black hair behind my ear. “As it happens, Seth asked me.”

“I know that,” I scoffed. “But only because Becky asked him to.”

“She tell you that?”

“No, but…” I trailed off, furrowing my brow. What was he saying? Was it possible I could have misunderstood everything?

“I see. So you jumped to a conclusion and thought, what? That Becky had been trying to set us up? Come on, Shan. She knows you better than that.”

“But I thought…”

“And why wouldn’t he choose me?” he continued. “I mean, I took him to a strip club for his bachelor party, bought him a lap dance and filled him up with as much beer as he could drink. I even own a suit. That makes me the perfect best man.”

I knew he was trying to make me laugh, but it didn’t work. My mind was still trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. “So, if he really asked you, then why…”

Some of the laughter left his face and he suddenly seemed a bit uncomfortable. “Uh, I think that’s something you should talk to Becky about.”

“She won’t talk to me,” I pointed out reasonably.

“This isn’t really something I can—”

“Is
everyone
keeping secrets from me?” I demanded, turning away angrily. I would have stomped off, too, if not for the restraining hand he put on my shoulder.

“That’s a little bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”

My shoulders slumped in defeat. So he thought so, too. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.”

“And you think she’s right… to be angry at me?” I held my breath as I waited for him to answer, my eyes trained on his face. What I really wanted to know, what I didn’t have the courage to ask, was whether or not he was mad at me.

“I don’t really think she’s mad, Shan. She’s hurt right now. She feels like you don’t trust her, and believe me, that hurts. But I really think if you give her time, she’ll come around.”

“So, what do you think I should do in the meantime? Stay in and wallow?”

He barked a laugh. “Well, there’s that, I guess,
or
you could always go talk to her. Without the yelling, I mean.”

I rolled my eyes. “Look at you, the advocate for hugging it out all of a sudden.”

“Yep. I’ve become a real peacekeeper since you’ve been away.”

“Somebody has to keep the Dawg fans and the Gators from killing each other,” I quipped.

“Tough work,” he agreed with a nod. “Especially since I’m a secret Gator fan. But shh—don’t tell anyone!”

I giggled despite myself. No matter what was going on, Brody could always make me laugh. It was one of the things that made him such a good friend.

“Feel better now?”

His eyes were sympathetic and loving all at once and I felt butterflies begin to flap their wings in the pit of my stomach. When he extended his arms to me, I didn’t hesitate. I walked right into them, snuggling into him when he pulled me close. I already knew that my body fit into his seamlessly, that the intoxicating smell of his skin and the steady rhythm of his heart would comfort me immensely.

“Now, see?” he whispered, stroking my face. “Like two pieces of the same puzzle, just like old times.”

Just like old times
, I echoed silently. “Brody?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you know?”

“About your mom?” His cheek pressed into the top of my head and with his other hand, he caressed my hair. “Yeah. Some of it, I mean. The things Mom told me.”

I laughed aloud at my stupidity. She was Mom’s oldest friend, of course she would know and it was only natural she would pass it along to her son. How had I really thought I was fooling anybody? “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to rush it. I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me.”

“Are you mad at me?” The minute the words left my mouth I cringed at how vulnerably girlish they sounded.

Brody pulled back to look at me and I immediately missed the warmth of him. “No, Shana, I’m not mad. And Becky shouldn’t be, either. You were just doing what you thought was best for your mom. She just wishes, like I do, that you’d let us help you.”

I dropped my eyes and fidgeted. “I know. I just… I thought I could handle it.”

“We all need help sometimes, baby.”

“I know, I just… I’ve never been great at asking for it.”

“Oh, yes, how well I know.” His eyes twinkled at me. “I guess that’s something I’ll have to help you with. If you want, that is.”

I met his eyes, wondering at the meaning underneath his words. Did ‘helping’ mean more spanking? I was too embarrassed to ask him and blushed just thinking about it.

“Looks like you have something you want to ask me right now.”

“Nope,” I lied, flushing hotter.

“I see…”

“So, you’re really not going to tell me what happened with you and Seth?”

“Changing the subject. Wow, you
really
must want to ask me something.”

“Brody…”

“OK, I’ll play along. Let’s forget I mentioned it. Hey, speaking of, I have an excellent way to forget. Wanna see?”

I’d just nodded my head when he pulled me toward him and lowered his mouth to put a kiss on my lips that made time stand still. I wrapped my arms around his neck, standing on tip-toe to return the embrace, hoping to make time hold for just a little longer.

Chapter Nine

Brody left me with orders to go see Becky the next day, his words underlined with the promise of a spanking if I didn’t. It was enough to tie a girl in knots and make her wonder why she liked it so much.

I went, as ordered, carrying a bottle of her favorite wine and a hunk of expensive cheddar that she couldn’t get enough of. Maybe if she saw the peace offerings, she wouldn’t slam the door in my face. Georgia manners dictated that she at least say thank you and if I could get her to say that much, maybe I’d be able to keep her talking. My odds were only fifty-fifty, though. Becky didn’t like to live by the rules.

She was surprisingly subdued when she answered my knock and although she didn’t say a word, she left the door open and walked away. Taking this as my cue to follow her, she led me past the hallway crowded with sealed boxes and into the living room that was just as full.

“Ah, moving day,” I said, a little too brightly. “Need a break?” I held out the wine and cheese, but she didn’t make a move to take it.

“You know where the glasses are,” she said, turning back to her packing and waving me away with her hand.

I took a deep breath and headed for the kitchen. Brody really, really better appreciate this, I thought as I poured the red, fruity liquid into two wine glasses. I put the cheddar on a cutting board and thinking better of it at the last second, I sliced the cheese and left the knife behind.

“Take a break,” I suggested again, waving the cheese under her nose. I could see the indecision playing on her face, but when she reached out and grabbed one of the larger slices, I knew I’d won. Letting out a sigh of relief, I plopped down beside her and peered into the box. “Geez, Becky, how many copies of
Glamour
do you own?”

“I’ve been a loyal subscriber for seventeen years now,” she informed me.

“Yeah, but did you need to keep every single one?”

“Don’t you start in on me too. I already heard enough about it from Seth.”

Something about the way she said it made me look closer. I noticed how carefully she was avoiding looking me in the eye. I’d assumed she was still pissed, but no, this looked like something else. She kept fidgeting, too. “Are you OK?”

Her head snapped up and she rolled her eyes at me. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m having to box up the last thirty-five years of my life, but I’m peachy, thanks for asking.”

I furrowed my brow as I took in her appearance. Becky wasn’t much for makeup, but she didn’t usually look this pale, either. And her normally light green eyes were red-rimmed. “Are you sure?” I asked gently. “Did you and Seth have a fight?”

She shook her head, barking a laugh. “Oh, no, no, you don’t. You don’t get to waltz in here and start quizzing me on my life. Not when you—”

“I’m sorry.” For some reason, the words stopped her flat. She swallowed back whatever she’d been about to say and pressed her lips together. Now I’d seen everything. “I mean it, Becky. You’re my best friend, you’re the sister I never had. I
should
have told you.”

“Then why didn’t you?” This time, it didn’t sound like an accusation, but I could clearly hear her pain.

“Because… it’s stupid, but I guess the biggest thing is that I was embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” she echoed doubtfully. “What do you have to be embarrassed about?”

“Oh, come on, Becky,” I scoffed. “I’m a
doctor
. And all those years of med school, for what? I can’t even help my own mother!”

She had been shaking her head before I finished. “It’s not your fault, Shan. You’ve got to cut yourself a break.”

I took a deep breath and forced myself to admit the thing I was most scared of. “I keep thinking if I hadn’t left… or if I hadn’t stayed gone so long, maybe if I practiced here, maybe I could have caught it in time.”