The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (30 page)

Read The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 Online

Authors: Athol Kay

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
7.32Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
(15.6) A Gentleman is Always Ready

 

If you are still in the dating market, it’s important to always be ready for sex. You should always have condoms easily accessible somewhere and a little bottle of lube may not hurt either. If you’re with a woman and you’re making progress with her and sex gets put on the table, it can come off the table if you have no condom.

 

Importantly, the seemingly random Single Night Lays almost always happen with a woman that is ovulating. So if she says “Yes” to sex and then changes to a “No” after you reveal no condom, then you are missing the opportunity that her ovulation gave you. Asking for sex four days later as she starts heading into PMS will get you nothing.

 

The other problem is, she might not care about the condom and because she’s ovulating, you’d be quite possibly having a one night stand with your new baby’s mama. Women won’t usually be conscious of their own ovulation and when she is ovulating, it’s the time she’s most likely to dispense with the need to use a condom as well. (The Body Agenda votes to her to get her pregnant.)
(15.7) Have More Than One Woman

 

This is really a dating/player thing, but here we go. Always have more than one woman that you are dating. If you get hooked into just one woman, your entire sex life will be dominated by her availability and mood. If she only offers sex when she is ovulating and a few more times a month, you’re only going to have sex four to five times a month.

 

If you get a case of Oneitis (covered more in the next chapter) on a single girl, you’re going to be very nervous and anxious around her and that will likely decrease her interest in you and cause your seductions to fail. The most likely time to get first sex from a woman is around her ovulation. If you wait two weeks until she ovulates and you mess it up, you’ve probably got another month to wait until your next shot at it, which means you don’t get laid for six weeks total.

 

The solution then is to have more than one woman you are dating and always feel like you have a couple of back up women to fall back on. If you have three girlfriends, if one leaves you, it’s not nearly as dramatic as when you’re only girlfriend breaks up with you. If number three falls off the radar, you just call up girl number four from your cell phone address book. Always be making new friends and flirting with women. Players get laid all the time because women like having sex with players when they are ovulating. It’s just a numbers game to tap them when they are ovulating.

 

If you have multiple women you are playing with, you’re going to have far more sex as you hit multiple ovulation periods. If you really want to play a numbers game, you can approach a great many women let them know that
if they ever are in the mood, you can be discreet
. (The mood being ovulation, but the women won’t realize that.) Then when they do ovulate, the mood strikes and
they can call you.

 

Always track the first time a woman had sex with you. Make sure you call her and try and date her every twenty-eight days after that. There’s a reasonable shot you’re landing a date on her ovulation day over and over. If she sounds grumpy (PMS!) when you call, contact her again in three weeks.

 

Also women are pretty aware of the guys that are really getting laid. The more women you sleep with, the greater the Preselection effect and the more attractive and sexually dependable you seem. When ovulation hits them, they really don’t have much interest in a Nice Guy; they want a womanizing asshole.
(15.8) When She Initiates Sex

 

Because women are sexually responsive to men, most wives hardly ever “initiate sex”. If you’re a husband, you just need to get over this and understand that it’s basically your job to initiate sex. She isn’t really making a statement of dislike about you by not asking for sex, anymore than the TV does by not turning itself on and asking if you want to watch it.

 

You have to get up off the couch and push the buttons. You not initiating sex regularly is a bad sexual signal to her. Get-her-done!

 

However the times when she does come to you and ask for sex, you have to understand that she isn’t really initiating sex; she is already sexually responding to you and it’s very likely because she is ovulating. If you then turn her down for sex, it’s a huge red flag to her Body Agenda that you aren’t really a man that can get it done.
So if she ever initiates sex with you, you must take her up on that or risk her declining sexual interest in you. You have some leeway on this for wives as you have an established relationship, but turning down offered sex on a date typically ends things permanently with that woman, as she will always see you as sexually weak. From a Body Agenda point of view, there’s no reason for a woman to risk getting pregnant to a man that can’t have sex on command and without qualms. Passing on sexual hesitancy to her baby risks the child also being a sexual failure.

 

Declining sex to any woman who offers it usually results in their utter disgust with you. In comparison to men, women are sexually spoiled by the ease in which they can find a sexual partner; being turned down for sex is a shock to their sense of self-worth. So the typical reaction is to become offended by the man that turns them down, and that deep disgust can be permanent.

 

The exception to that rule is when the man is able to frame his declining of sex as not turning down something of value, but that having sex with her would in fact be a waste of an ejaculation. When a man is clearly having sex with better options than her, the frustration of not getting what she wants because the Preselection effect is so strong, primes her to find him enormously attractive.

 

Obviously don’t actually say to a woman
“You’re a waste of an ejaculation.”
That might make things… awkward. Just make it reasonably clear you’re having regular sex with women more attractive than she is.
Chapter 16
Timeline For Using The MAP

 

 

(16.1) Start With Your Weak Areas First

 

If you add up everything that you
could
be doing to improve yourself, it’s an impossible list of things to do. I’ve suggested that you: get in shape, make more money, play with the kids, be more dominant with her, flirt with her, flirt with other women, dress better, do more around the house, pass her fitness tests, fix up the house, and on and on and on. Unless you have a small army of clones, it’s going to be impossible for you to do it all at once.

 

Your greatest gains are going to come from working on your weak areas first. If you’re already making $100,000 a year, then you making $110,000 a year probably isn’t going to get the same positive result as someone going from $20,000 a year to $30,000 a year. If you’re already in great physical shape, an extra hour a day working out might make little difference to your wife. But for a badly out of shape guy an hour a day of working out could make a huge difference. If you’re a stay at home dad, more time playing with the kids won’t have the same benefit that it will have for those that work outside of the home.

 

The solution in a broad sense is to keep in shape, add Alpha if you’re too Beta and add Beta if you’re too Alpha.
(16.2) The Goal

 

The goal for most husbands is to be in a relationship with a woman who is sexually interested in him and to have an enjoyable sex life with her. That is, after all, the reason most men marry in the first place. Ideally the woman who responds to your changes is your wife, but it’s always important to accept that she may not respond to you doing The MAP. Ultimately the willingness to move on and leave her if you have to is what makes The MAP powerful as a strategy.

 

What follows is a timeline that can be used to estimate how things should play out as you do The MAP. Keep in mind that you don’t have to play things through all the way to the end point where divorce happens. If you get halfway through and she starts responding to your changes and your sex life gets back on track, you’ve reached your goal and don’t have to force the issue further. All you have to do is keep doing what you’re doing and enjoy it! The general goal is to find the sweet spot of your Sex Rank being a little higher than hers (similar to Phase Three detailed below) and stay there until one of you dies of old age.
(16.3) Phase One – When You Have a Lower Sex Rank than She Does

 

The first phase assumes that your Sex Rank is lower than your wife’s. Just be honest here, is she hotter than you? If she is, then you’re starting out here and working your way up from the bottom.

 

The first and most critical thing to do at this point is to start an exercise routine. Physical fitness primes the Alpha pump on so many levels that you simply can’t ignore physical fitness and body appearance. There’s nothing I can teach you that can bypass the need to be as physically attractive as you can be. If you’re badly out of shape, Phase One might take a very long time indeed and you should assume that you’re in Phase One until such time as you are within 5-10% of your ideal body weight. Work on building lean muscle mass rather than pure cardio and weight loss.

 

Also during Phase One you’re going to start educating yourself more and more on what’s coming in later phases and reading around those topics. If there are obvious mistakes that you’re making with your wife, you’re going to try and address them as best you can.

 

In Phase One, because you have a lower Sex Rank, she likely still has control of the relationship and control over the bedroom. You can of course ask for sex, but don’t be overly concerned or surprised if she is still turning you down.

 

It’s also up to you to tell her, or not tell her, what you’re up to. Just be aware that telling her doesn’t impress her one bit, only action can do that. I think you have less chance of saying the wrong thing if you say nothing though. You’ll know you’re making progress when she asks you what you’re up to.
(16.4) Phase Two – When You Have an Equal Sex Rank

 

At some point, you will improve yourself enough to where your Sex Rank is equal to your wife’s. Once you reach this point you should start to notice some changes in her behavior toward a more positive relationship. It’s also possible that she can act more threatened by the changes and attempt to sabotage your progress. An example of this would be if you just lost 50 pounds and she was supportive all the way with your weight loss, but now suddenly she’s shopping and bringing home all of the junk foods that you have a weakness for. She may not be consciously aware she is doing it either – her Rationalization Hamster was the one that suggested she should buy you donuts, because you love them so much and you’ve been working so hard.

 

If you’re in Phase Two just keep doing all the good things that got you there and try to add a new area to work on as well. Maybe you’re learning to cook, starting on fixing up the house or taking a class to learn something useful. Whatever it is, you just add it into your routine and continue to self-improve.

 

You also continue your physical fitness routine towards your target. Fitness never goes away as a need. Start practicing flirting with your wife and other women, just don’t expect wildly excited reactions to it and keep it light and fun.

 

When you ask for sex, you should request a particular sex act rather than asking her if she wants sex. You should be framing the conversation as your sexual interest being valid, rather than directly giving her an opportunity to just say no. Again, it’s no biggie if she doesn’t agree to have sex. If she declines, you just move on with your day and keep self-improving.
(16.5) Phase Three – When Your Sex Rank is Higher than Hers

 

Phase Three can be triggered with a noticeable switch in upgrading your clothing. Once you pretty much hit your physical fitness/weight /appearance target, it makes sense to do a planned wardrobe improvement to show yourself off. Generally your clothing should be the best quality garments you can afford, appropriate to your location. Don’t wear a suit to the Laundromat unless you run it or own it, wearing track pants to the gym is fine, but not to your in-laws for Sunday lunch. Once you switch up your clothing, female heads will start turning in your direction more readily and women will enjoy your flirting. Some previously disinterested women will become interested in you. The clothing upgrade is a bold statement of your wanting to attract female attention.

 

Once women start showing you more attention (that can be as simple as basic flirting and smiles) the Preselection Effect will also start kicking in and will push your Sex Rank up even further.

 

Once you reach this phase there is a reasonable expectation that your wife will start being sexually interested in you, far more than she was in Phases One and Two. You being more attractive and dressing to attract other women
and actually succeeding at it
will strongly engage your wife’s attention. On one hand she is going to be more attracted to you herself, but on the other hand she can feel threatened by your increased attractiveness and seek to compensate for it by increasing her own attractiveness.

Other books

Rescue My Heart by Jean Joachim
The Price Of Darkness by Hurley, Graham
The Inside of Out by Jenn Marie Thorne
Night Visions by Thomas Fahy
Innocent by Aishling Morgan
A Million Dirty Secrets by C. L. Parker
Absolution Gap by Alastair Reynolds