The Mason List (18 page)

After
loading up the four-wheeler, Jess looked directly at my face.  A week smile
flashed before he fired up the engine.  I climbed on the back, holding loosely
to his shoulders as we headed toward my house, or rather, the
Masons’
farmhouse. 

We
bounced over ruts in the dirt trail.  I grabbed his shoulders tighter to keep
from falling off the back. 
Jess kissed me. 
The thought floated around
in my head.  I was scared of how it would change us.  I was scared of how it
made me really feel.  For a moment, I closed my eyes, remembering my one and
only kiss with Jess.  I locked the memory away deep inside my heart.

Chapter 25

When
I was eighteen…

Leaving
Arlis.  It wasn't the first time I traveled outside the city limits since we
arrived in the old Bronco.  I did my fair share of trips and vacations,
courtesy of the Masons.  Today was different.  I was finally leaving, for good.

I filled
my car full of boxes for the drive to Austin.  I finally had four wheels of my
own.  The ten-year old Ford Escape was a gift from my father and the only
expense covered by a Tanner.  I dubbed the old car El Chigger since it was a
mini red-hooptie the size of an insect.  The passenger door was just a shade
off from the body and the windows refused to move without a swift punch to get
the little motor running.  I knew it had problems, but at least it had a
working CD player.

As for
Jess, he had left yesterday for early move-in because of his fraternity.  I
looked at the calendar this morning and noted the date.  Six weeks and two days
since he kissed me.  Six weeks and two days since his hands touched my body.

We never
talked about it after that day on the meadow.  It was awkward at first, and then
it was like it never happened at all.  Sometimes I’m not sure it actually did,
except when he looked at me and his eyes got a little dark on the edges.  I
knew Jess was thinking about us again, which made by body remember what it felt
like to be kissed my best friend.   I tried to push those thoughts away, but
lips that tasted as good as his were hard to forget.

I knew
what needed to happen so I counted down the days until I moved to Austin.  I
silently said goodbye to Sprayberry last night.  I hoped one day, my father
could do the same too.

As
thoughts of the past plagued me on the drive, an old image of my mother flashed
before my eyes.  She stayed tucked out of reach on most days.  As the years
past, I forgot the clarity of her face or the exact floral scent of her
perfume.  It hurt sometimes when I realized I would never really know the
person I had called
mother
.  I had been a child and only experienced the
child like aspects of our relationship.

As the
last few weeks haunted me, I felt more like an adult with adult decisions.  I
realized what I never really had in my life.  I wondered what she would have
thought of Jess.  What she would have said about my friendship with him?  Would
she even approve of my choice of college and the Masons’ involvement?   I
shrugged off the thoughts.  It was useless to scrutinize a hypothetical,
alternate world considering it was her illness and death that brought all of us
together.  Without those problems, the Masons would have never been forced into
my life.  The family and Jess only existed because of her cancer.

I
navigated El Chigger through the dorm parking lot, stopping in the first space
I found in the back.  I felt the nervous butterflies in my stomach.  Go big or
go home, and I was
not
returning to Arlis. 

My dad
smiled through the glass waiting for me to get out.   I felt a little sad
knowing he would be all alone in the farmhouse.  I'm sure it was only a matter
of time before the serious relationship with Caroline became permanent.  We had
a few talks on my feelings toward the idea.  I liked her but more than
anything, I just wanted my father to be happy.

Gathering
a few items, we made the first trip to the dorm room.  I had little knowledge
of my roommate except that her name was Sadie.  The name alone divulged nothing
into the character of the person who would share a space smaller than Mrs.
Mason’s closet.  After checking in with the RA, I found our room vacant, but
full to the brim on the side next to the window.

The bed
was covered with a puffy, white-eyelet bedspread and a pile of silver pillows
in different shapes.  The desk was full of photos and trinkets, indicating
someone who came from a past full of exciting moments and trendy friends.  I
wondered why she would take pot luck for a roommate.  My situation was pretty
obvious, but the story sitting on the desk said something else about this
Sadie.

My father
and Caroline carried my simple belongings up from the car while I unpacked. 
With every item I shoved into my closet, I glanced over at the identical door. 
Curiosity got the best of me.  I pulled the adjacent handle and peered inside
her closet. 

The
contents were a little intriguing.  Half the closet contained an assortment of
suits that resurrected the ghost of the original Jackie O.  The rest was rows
and rows of the same pony embossed shirt, just in different colors.  I wrinkled
up my nose with confusion.  Living with this Sadie would be interesting. 

The door
opened while I slammed the closet shut.  It was just my father and Caroline
with the last load.  My father appeared a little lost with no more boxes to
tote upstairs.  It was that time.  We made the last decent down to the parking
lot for our official goodbye.  I watched his face shift between emotions.

“Pumpkin,
I guess this is it.”  The tears glistened in the corners but stayed in place
next to the wrinkles around his eyes.  I never thought much about my father’s
age.  Today, he seemed old with tuffs of gray over his ears.

“Bye,
Dad.”  I put my arms around him for a hug.  His familiar scent sparked my nose;
a faint mechanical smell that soaked into all his clothes worn to the hardware
store. 

“I’ll be
ok,” I said, quietly. 

My throat
tightened and burned.  I clenched my teeth down on my lip to keep my
composure.  We would be apart for the first time in eighteen years.  I truly
loved my father.  Tragedy has a way of bonding people different than a
traditional relationship.  My father and I were like Velcro in some ways; polar
opposites stuck together, holding down the fort, even during those times our
personalities clashed like oil and water.  I released my grasp and backed
away. 

“Now,
don’t stay out too late and don’t drive too fast.  I don’t want to get a phone
call saying you’ve been in an accident.” 

“I won’t
Dad.  I promise,” I nodded, thinking of a night long ago in a Jeep that never
came to his knowledge. 

“And
don’t drink and drive.  No, just don’t drink period,” he babbled, while his
boots shifted on the sidewalk in a nervous side step.

“I
promise.”  I glanced over at Caroline, looking for a little help.

“I think
it’s time to let her go, Henry,” she smiled, putting an arm around his back. 
His fingers reached down to grab her hand.  Just watching the jesters eased my
sadness a little.  I wrapped them both in one last hug then watched the truck
drive away.  Back in the dorm, I walked through the wooden door to my new
home.  This time I had company.

“Alex?” A
shorter girl with long, blond hair greeted me.  She had a grin as big as Julia
Roberts and a set of emerald green eyes.

“Yeah,
Alex Tanner.  You’re Sadie, right?”  She wasn’t at all what I had expected. 
Living in the honor’s dorm, I had a mental perception of a certain type of
student that occupied the halls but this Sadie fit none of those. 

“The one
and only.  Hope you don’t mind, but I picked the bed by the window.  I got here
early from Richmond, the one in Virginia.”  The smile appeared to be stuck
permanent on her face.

“No,
that’s fine.  I’m not very picky,” I said back with a shrug.  It at least
explained the whole random girl room assignment choice.  No person in their
right mind left that side of the country for Texas.

“Why did
you come to school in Austin?”

“I’m a
legacy on my mother’s side.  She grew up in Dallas.”

“I was
from there, once.”

I watched
her fingers unhook the clasp on the ankle of her dress shoes that coordinated
with the sundress; not the strapless type worn to the lake, but the beautiful,
flowy kind, meant for a garden party.  She exchanged the platform heals for a
matching pair of flats.

“And
now?”  She looked up in interest.

“Oh, I’m
from Arlis.  It’s outside of Fort Worth, sort of.”

Sadie put
the shoes away in a neat row then turned her full attention to me.  In the glow
of the sun, I realize her eyes were not green, but a shade of hazel that could
change with every outfit or the tone of her mood.

“I guess
we are both new to Austin.  It’s a good school though.  Do you have a major
yet?”

“I’m
business for now, I guess?”  It seemed like the typical student answer this
morning, but slightly lackluster telling Sadie.

“They
have a good business program here.  I’m a double major actually.  International
Business and Accounting.”

“That’s
impressive.”

“Well, a
girl needs to learn how to make the deals when running a company, and also make
sure no one else is cheating her.”

I looked
at her again.  Sadie had a presence that was undeniable.  It was hard to
describe.  She was a classic beauty, like her Jackie styled suites.  However,
it wasn’t just her looks that were striking.  I realized why she was living in
the honor dorm.  Sadie had intelligence and charisma.  She would run the world
one day while everyone else sat and watched.

“Oh, I
almost forgot, sweetie.  A really cute guy stopped by looking for you.  Dark
hair?  Blue eyes?” 

“Oh…that's
Jess.”

“Hmmm…boyfriend?” 
She hesitated on the last word fishing for information.  This would get
interesting.  I never had to explain our attached at the hip type connection
back in Arlis.  Everyone just knew.

“No, we
grew up together.  He’s a…childhood friend.” 

“That is
one lucky childhood, sweetie.”

“I guess
you could say that.” 

Her hazel
eyes lingered on my last words while her lips pursed into a bow.  I think she
was trying to see if I was lying.  If she only knew, yet that was the cool
thing about Austin; no one did know about me.

“So I
came back to see if you had arrived.  I’m going to the student organization
fair.  I thought you might like to come?”

“Ok,
sure…I’m really not the club joining type, but I don’t mind going.”

“It’s
never too early to plot the direction of your life.  You need to think about
your future from day one and get ahead.  Everyone here was first in their
class, president of five clubs and nailed the SAT.  You have to do something to
stand out.  I don’t know you, and I have no idea what you plan to do here, but
no woman runs her own company by accident.  It all comes from purpose made
decisions.”  Her eyes studied me again.

“So you
plan to do that?  Own a company?”

“That I
do, sweetie.  I plan to run my own company, and maybe marry someone who plans
on running the country.”

“What?”

“Sorry, I
got off on one of my Hillary moments.”  She rolled her eyes.

“As in
Clinton?”

“Yeah, I
tend to be a little obsessed with her at times.  She’s a brilliant lady.  I
find it fascinating to watch the ambition and determination of someone like
Hillary Clinton.  She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to jump in and take
charge.” She finished with a satisfied smile.

 “Wow,
well I guess lead the way.”

“Great! 
I’m thinking debate team.”

“Sure?”

I wasn’t
use to being around someone who was a tight wound up ball of ambition.  In the
moment, I pondered if this girl ever had fun or if college was a business
plan.  It didn’t matter.  Fun wasn’t the motivation for me in college anyway. 
I was here on someone else’s buck and for a very different purpose. 

The more
Sadie talked, the more I felt sucked into my new chapter in life.  She could
push me in the right direction.  As we got in the elevator, I thought about
Jess.  Part of me really wanted to call him, but I knew it was time to get used
to having a life outside of each other.

Chapter 26

Today,
1:33 a.m.

I wait
impatiently, for my father to return.  The beauty queen watches me silently
from the other side of the room.  Lifting up the spoon, I struggle to swallow
another bite of chicken noodle soup.  I will it to stay in my stomach, knowing
the importance of food right now.

My father
comes in the door, but says nothing.  His jaw clenches as he reaches up to
scratch his solid, gray head.  I take another bite to show I am eating. 
Gagging, I force the liquid to go down my throat.  His tired eyes watch me in
the chair.  “I think you should just rest a little longer, Pumpkin.”

“Why?
Just get a wheelchair and get me the hell out of this room.”

“You’re
still not feeling very well.  I…um, think you should just stay here.  Try to
sleep again.”

“You want
me to just go to sleep?  No Dad, I need to see Dr. Mason.”  He absently slips
his eyes toward the beauty queen and then back to me.  He wasn’t telling me
something. “You have to stop lying to me…you have to stop, Dad.  Just take me
to see him and then…I’ll lay down again.”

“I’m
sorry.  He’s not here.”

“What? 
Where is he?”

“Look.  I
think…”

“Shut
up!” 

My words
hit my father like arrows.  I hoist myself from the chair and stumble out the
door.  I hear his feet coming up behind me.  I cut to the left and through an
empty side hallway.  I know the passage ways better than him.  I find a flight
of stairs and make my way down and around a corner.

The
waiting room sat empty except for a lone man in the back corner.  They were
gone; every last one of them.  I pound on the desk with my fist.  The
frizzy-haired woman glances up.  She freezes, seeing my face.

“Where’s
Dr. Mason.”

“Um, he’s
not here, ma’am.”

“Where is
he?”

“He’s in
Dallas, ma’am.”

Fear
cripples me at the ankles.  I slide down the side of the counter.  My father
watches a few steps away.  “I’m sorry, Pumpkin.”

“Why are
you doing this to me?  You know how…how important.” 

I rub my
raw eyes, feeling the dizziness in my head.  It hurts so incredibly bad. 
Biting down on my lip, I feel the comfort of the sharp pain.  I clench tighter
and tighter to take away the raw ache inside my chest.  The metallic taste of
blood coats my tongue.

“I’m just
trying to protect you.  You are not handling this very well and I just thought
being here was better for now.

“Like you
can say anything about handling things,” I snarl at him. “I was there, Dad. 
Remember?
 
I was there.  You stopped existing.  You stopped and…”

His face
twists up in sadness before I could even get the words out.  I want to blame
everything on him but I knew it would make nothing better.  Yelling cruel words
made no difference right now. 

“Your
friend called back.”

“What?” 
In my fog of misery, I fail to see the beauty queen approach in her silent
nurse shoes.  She sits down next to me on the floor.

“Your
friend.  She said her plane should get in around nine in the mornin’.  It’s the
earliest one she could get out of Chicago.”

“Sadie’s
coming here?”

“Yeah.”

“How?  I
don’t understand.”

“Your dad
had me call her.”

Looking
up at my sad father, I watch him swallow hard, his Adam’s apple shifting in his
throat.  He was trying.  He was trying so very hard to help me right now
because he
did
know.  My father was handling things for me while I could
not bear to face this chapter of my life.

“You
called Sadie and she’s coming?”  I peer back at the beauty queen as she nods
yes.  “But she had um, she um had the campaign dinner.  It was yesterday or
today or tomorrow.  I don’t know.  She’s coming?”

“She was
upset about not getting one earlier, but she wants you to know that she’s
comin’ into Dallas.”

“I’ll get
the truck.”  My father mutters in a gruff voice before exiting through the
revolving door.

I turn
back to the girl sitting next to me, knowing our paths were about to split
again as I left the hospital.  Her eyes sparkle with tears.  “Alex, I’m really
sorry.”

Never in
a thousand years did I ever think I would receive an ounce of comfort from
those shiny lips.  She leans over and wraps her small arms around my body.  I
let myself relax against her warmth, clinging to her as we sit on the floor of
the hospital waiting room.   

I whisper
against her shoulder, “Thank you, Ashley.” 

“If you
need anythin’…when, um, you get back…maybe…I could do somethin’.”

“That
would be nice.” I swallow hard, feeling my tears roll down in Ashley’s pretty
hair.