The Mechanics of Being Human (8 page)

That night when Gavin walked her to the door, Fawn noticed his hands shook. When he saw her looking, he buried them in his pockets and hung his head. She went the last few steps and then lingered. He glanced down at her with a grin on his face. His cheeks were a bright pink as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. Today didn't go as planned." Gavin blew out a sigh. "I got so caught up in laser tag I left you all alone, too. I am such an idiot. I would understand if you never want to go out with me again."

"No." Fawn quashed him quickly and watched his face fall. "What I mean is, no, I would love to go out with you again. And I like your friends. They're nice."

Gavin appeared surprised. "You think so? The kids at school have other names for our group. We're a bunch of oddballs."

"Your friends
love
you, Gavin." Fawn cocked her head. "I think a person who has friends who care about him so deeply is a person worth having around. You have to be a good friend to have them."

"Hmmm. For someone who doesn't remember anything but the last couple of months, you sure are wise." Gavin touched her arm.

She shrugged. "It was just something I noticed."

With a grin, he glanced at his apartment door. "Well, I better start heading back. It's such a long walk back home."

"It might take you all night to walk." Fawn agreed. "Be careful. Walking so far at night you could get mugged."

Both of them looked at each other, then laughed. Gavin's expression sobered almost at once, though.

"But seriously, Remy will kill me." He moved his hand from her arm to her cheek. "I should go."

"I know."

But neither of them moved. Fawn could have spent an eternity gazing into Gavin's eyes. They were so deep she could have sworn they went on for miles. Shakily, he stepped forward, pecked her on the lips, then jumped back as if she'd electrocuted him. He grinned but his face was bright red. He whipped around and darted for his apartment door. She placed her fingers to her lips, stunned by his kiss. As far as she was concerned, it was her first one.

When Fawn entered her apartment abuzz with energy after her kiss from Gavin, she spotted her mom and dad watching a comedian on TV. Neither of them laughed, though the audience on screen did. As she walked over to greet them, her dad turned off the television and her mom looked at her. Her eyes were wide with concern.

"Everything go alright?" her mom asked.

"Yes." Fawn nodded with a grin. "It was fantastic."

Both of her parents exchanged worried glances like a fantastic date was as bad as homicide.
Why are they so concerned? I made it back by curfew.
Her eyebrows furrowed as distrust poked her heart with an angry spear.

After nobody spoke for several moments, Fawn said, "Well, I better get back to my bedroom. I'm tired. It was a big night."

Her mom slowly nodded and her dad's lips tightened. She padded to her room. She stopped short when she realized something was wrong. White blankets lay curled up on the floor. Her mattress was overturned. Some of her books lay strewn about the carpet like trash. One of her curtains hung half off of the copper rod. Her window was ajar.

"Mom!" Fawn screamed. "Mom, Dad!"

Loud feet thundered in the hallway. Her dad burst into the room first then skidded to a stop right behind Fawn. Her mom arrived a second later, gasping from air after the sort stint.

"Did one of you do this?" Fawn turned to look at them.

Both of her parents shook their heads, mouths open wide. Her mom's face was prune-colored and her bottom lip quivered. Her dad's eyes were as wide as goose eggs.

"Have the men you were talking about found me?" Fawn whispered. "Am I in trouble?"

Nobody said anything for a few seconds.

"Fawn, you didn't tell Gavin about what I told you, did you?" Her dad's voice was soft and not accusatory despite his words. "Be honest. We have to know."

"No." Fawn shook her head. "Nobody knows. I didn't tell Gavin."

"Okay." The trusting glance her dad gave her made her realize he believed her. "It looks like we've got to call Jax. He'll know what to do. I can't believe this mess happened. I wonder if somebody came in while we were at the grocery store?"

Her dad disappeared and her mom hugged her. Her blood boiled. Her perfect night was ruined by this horrible event. What did this mean for her future? Could one torn up room mean she would have to be placed somewhere else when she finally got her feet on the ground?
Again?

****

Fawn and her parents sat on the couch in the living room. Somebody knocked on the door. She and her mom stood back and watched as her dad opened the door. Her dad let out a sigh of relief and allowed the person inside. It was Jax. Their eyes met. Even a single look from him made her feel relieved. She wished she could embrace him, but she wasn't sure he would like that.

"Are you all right?" Jax's eyes probed hers. She could see fiery concern bubbling inside of him.

"Yes." Fawn nodded. "Nobody has done anything to me. My room got torn up. Maybe it was nothing."

"I doubt that," Jax muttered. "Oliver told me what happened. I'm guessing Ark is looking for proof you are who he thinks you are."

It felt as though she'd swallowed a cookie all over again. Nobody spoke. Her stomach did somersaults.

"Do I…" Fawn shuddered. "Do I have to move again?"

Jax surveyed her with intelligent eyes. Her dad opened his mouth to speak, but Jax held up his hand and silenced him. In that moment, she saw how powerful Jax was. Even though he looked like a bum, he radiated power. She thought if she concentrated on him hard enough, maybe she could see it as well as feel it. It was a force fierce enough to touch.

"Fawn, this is up to you. This ruse with your parents cost me everything I owned. The plan took a long time to carry out." Jax didn't break her gaze to glance at her parents. "I want you safe, though, and would be willing to take you with me somewhere else if it means keeping you away from Ark and his people. The question is, what do you want?"

Her mom said, "I don't think she's able to—"

"She can make decisions as well as you or I. Better, even, because she's smarter." Jax continued to train his intense gaze on her. "What do you want to do, Fawn?"

She'd never felt so much pressure in her life, not even when she'd woken up in a burning house. The atmosphere in the room could have weighed ten billion pounds at the moment. Yet she knew what she wanted. She didn't want to give up her life here when it had just begun. She didn't want to give up Gavin or her new friends. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she didn't want to throw it away so easily.

"I want to stay here, even if those men have found me." Fawn sighed.

Her dad groaned, but a smile crossed Jax's face.

"Then stay you will. I want you to have all the choices available to you. You shouldn't have to suffer because of my mistakes." Jax's eyes were soft as he spoke but then grew as hard as coal as he continued. "But we have to figure out what to do with Ark and his cronies."

"So you know for sure it's Ark's doing?" Fawn raised an eyebrow and exchanged glances with her parents.

"Yes, I know for sure. I would bet my life it's him or another member of Galliham who ransacked your room. I will not let him do this to me again." Jax's jaw tensed. "I've been keeping tabs on you and him to ensure your safety. He is strong and fast. Unfortunately, he never works alone. All the others at Galliham are just as evil as he is."

With a growl, her dad stepped forward. "How can you let Fawn stay here? She is in great danger. Wasn't what happened to your family last time enough? We can't lose Fawn. She's special."

Jax frowned. "This will
not
be a repeat of what happened to my family. I have a feeling Ark will loathe the day he ever set eyes on Fawn. She is special, but for reasons even you don't know about. And you owe me, Oliver. Or did you forget your part in this?"

Her dad's expression sobered and he fell silent. Her mom shook her head, her bottom lip trembling. Suddenly, Fawn felt uncomfortable again. She thought her parents weren't the only ones who were not being one hundred percent truthful. Now it felt like everyone in the world had a big secret and, while she was a part of the riddle, she was not allowed to hear the answer.

The next day, Fawn stood in the kitchen helping her mom dry dishes. The phone rang. Both her and her mom exchanged worried glances like the phone could blow the apartment to smithereens. Finally, she put down her dish because her mom was elbow high in suds and picked up the phone from the base. She didn't speak a greeting in fear of who was on the other side of the line.

"Hello?" said Mr. Dungam.

"Mr. Dungam?" Fawn asked, shocked it could be anyone else but a blood thirsty group of killers.

"Fawn!" Mr. Dungam drew out every syllable of her name like he was warming up to sing on stage. "I'm so glad I caught you. I tried to give you a call yesterday, but nobody answered the phone. It's about your test results. They're fantastic. Nobody told me you were a genius. It's no wonder you thought the tests were so easy."

Fawn stilled, shocked. "What?"

"You're a genius," Mr. Dungam repeated. "The test results came back. Even after your memory loss, you answered all the questions right in all of the subjects. We wanted to talk to your dad about allowing us to IQ test you. Your intelligence is probably through the roof. You have the potential to go to a university straight away."

Fawn almost dropped the phone.

"Did you tell anybody about this?" Fawn asked quickly.

"Well, everyone at the school knows." Mr. Dungam's voice grew squeaky. "This is exciting news for you, Fawn. I should have known you would be this smart with a father and uncle like yours. Genius runs in the family, after all. Your father told me all about your uncle."

"I've…I've got to go."

"Wait. Don't forget to have your dad call me." Mr. Dungam choked. "I need to discuss things with him."

"I'll let him know, Mr. Dungam." Fawn placed the phone on the receiver.

As Fawn remained a statue in the kitchen, her thoughts created a hurricane in her mind.
This is how Ark came to suspect me. It was because of my test results. They were probably looking for something abnormal, and when they found it, they grew suspicious. They probably have been watching my mom and dad too.
Suddenly, she remembered all the times she'd spotted a strange man watching her. She groaned and cupped her face in her hands. This was not the first time she wished she'd been born normal, and she was certain it would not be the last.

"Fawn?" Her mom touched her shoulder and squeezed, even though her hand was wet and covered in foamy orange smelling soap. "What's going on?"

"I think we have some news to share with Jax."

****

Because Fawn knew she must be careful, she lingered in the apartment, though the sameness of her surroundings was driving her slowly mad. It grew so bad that as she stared at the cream colored wall, she fought the urge to scream. Yet she didn't want to put herself in danger by going outside to get over her claustrophobia. As she bit her bottom lip, her mom padded into the room.

"Fawn, are you all right?" Her mom gave her a worried glance. "You don't look well."

"I'm just wondering how long I have to stay in lockdown like this." Fawn's fists bulged. "Maybe I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have Jax relocate me again. It was just I love this place so much, and…"

Her mom sighed and plopped down next to her on the couch. She reached over and grabbed Fawn's hand.

"Jax was right. You can't keep hiding. I know it's dangerous, but running forever will be the same as being dead." Her mom sighed and cupped her face in her hands. "I know how difficult it can be, moving from place to place. I grew up in a military family. My dad's job forced us to go from base to base. I began to wonder whether it was even worth it to make friends because we would just uproot and leave again. I got to see a lot of new places, but it was hard to leave those I cared about behind. I know I don't have a solution to your problem, but I do know you can't run or hide for forever."

The information was new to Fawn. Then again, most was. She stared at her mom, then squeezed her warm hand. Warm love washed over her. The sensation was so euphoric she wished she could keep feeling it for forever. She realized then she felt love for Jax too.

"Thank you for understanding me." Fawn glanced at her. "You are special, and…"

"And?" Her mom frowned at her.

"I love you." Fawn smiled at her.

A spasm of guilt crossed her mom's face. Unlike before, the expression didn't quickly fade away. Fawn stared at her, unsure of what to do or say. Was she wrong to say those words? Just as her heart stung from the rejection, her mom opened her mouth to respond.

"I love you, too, Fawn." Her mom bit her bottom lip. "I need to talk to you about something. You aren't going to like it. It's probably going to hurt you. I—"

The front door banged open. Her dad walked into the room, his face pale as a sheet. When he saw the two of them sat on the couch, he stilled. It was like he could smell something was wrong.

"Was today all right?" he asked. "No events I should know about?"

Her mom gave her a frightened glance, shook her head, then stood up and walked down the hallway. Her dad sent a confused look after her and followed. They shut the door to their bedroom. She heard the lock click.

A series of loud bangs and loud laughter interrupted Fawn. She leapt to her feet and padded to the door. With a worried sigh, she glanced over her shoulder at the hallway where her parents were. They hadn't returned in forty-five minutes, so she assumed they were in the middle of a heated discussion. Probably about her. She stared out the peephole.

Gavin stood with Bo, Mute, and Zelda behind him. Gavin appeared as gorgeous as he usually did with his goofy smile and sparkling blue eyes. Mute wore the exact same clothes, though the stain on his front was gone. Zelda wore all black again, but this time she had on a skull t-shirt and an overly baggy pair of pants that threatened to fall off of her. Bo was just Bo with his tight brown t-shirt and denim pants. With a worried sigh, she opened the door.

"Fawn!" Bo drew out every syllable of her name in excitement after she'd opened the door. She thought he and Mr. Dungam should form a choir together and could sing her name all day.

When Bo stepped forward to hug her, Gavin's eyes narrowed jealously and he grabbed his arm to stop him. It pleased her to see it, even with all of the stress in her life.

"Are we bugging you?" Gavin asked sheepishly. "We can leave if we are. I was planning to give you a call later, but these guys said they wanted to see you too."

Fawn glanced over her shoulder at the drab apartment and then shook her head. She stepped back and allowed Gavin and the others to come inside. Her parents never said anything about letting people into the apartment, so she figured it was fine.

"What a puny place." Bo glanced around the room. "What do your parents do?"

"Bo," Zelda hissed in warning.

"My dad's a doctor." Fawn glanced around the room. "My mom runs an online store."

Bo's mouth fell open. "Your dad's a doctor? Shouldn't you be living in a house or something?"

Though Fawn shrugged, his words reignited her own fear. As Zelda shot daggers at Bo's back and Mute was once again immersed in silent introspection, the sound of a door clicking made her glance at the hallway. She saw her parents head toward her, both wearing expressions of confusion on their faces as they entered the living room.

"Mom, these are Gavin's friends." Fawn waved at the three new additions and Gavin. "They came to say hi."

"I'm sorry about the intrusion." Gavin bit his bottom lip. "We actually planned to leave to go to a coffee shop. I just wanted to know if Fawn could come with us, maybe."

Her mom didn't say anything but stole a glance at Bo who walked over to the couch and sprawled out like a giraffe with his tall, lanky body. Her eyes fell on Zelda with her bright green strand of hair and black skull t-shirt. The only one who was semi-presentable to parents was Mute, but at the moment he stared at a watercolor picture on the wall with a glazed expression. She could tell her parents were not impressed.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you leave the apartment right now, Fawn." Her dad sent her a piercing look. "You know why."

Even though Gavin's friends were a little odd, she liked them. She wanted to spend time with Gavin too. The idea of going back to being alone after turning down somebody's offer for company was the equivalent of ripping out her own heart and placing it on the burner to fry as her mom's dinner.

"Can they stay here?" Fawn gave her parents her best pleading look, then turned to glance at her friends. "I mean, if it's all right with you guys and you want to stay?"

Zelda grinned and nodded. "That coffee bar is getting boring, anyway. Plus, the last thing Bo needs is more caffeine. If anything, he needs to get a tranquilizer."

"Hey!" Bo said, but his complaint went ignored.

"Well, I guess they could…" Her mom nodded, though she looked as though she would have rather have used her head as a toilet brush.

"Can I trust you in the house with your friends for a little while, then?" Her dad raised an eyebrow. "Your mom and I want to see your uncle about a
special matter
."

Gavin glanced from Fawn to her parents in confusion. Fawn bit her bottom lip.

"Will you tell me about it when you get home?" Fawn asked.

"Of course." Her mom nodded.

"Good."

****

As Fawn watched, Zelda, Bo, and Mute sat in front of the TV with an overflowing mountain of popcorn in a grey ceramic bowl on the table. On the screen a horror movie played. Gavin lingered to one side, routinely checking his phone but oftentimes stealing worried glances at her. She argued with many parts of herself. She'd so much wanted to not be alone, but now that people were over, she wanted quiet to think. Her parents were obviously talking to Jax. She just wished she knew about what.

While Fawn bit her lip, a commercial started. A young, attractive redhead held up a box of tampons and grinned into the screen. Bo began to pelt Mute with popcorn. Mute took this ambush stoically without even an eyebrow twitch. A statue couldn't have done a better job at holding still. Zelda swiveled in the seat and glanced up at Fawn.

"I could sit on the floor, if you want to sit on the couch." Zelda cocked her head. "You and Gavin don't need to stand."

"I think she's afraid she'll give in to her overwhelming attraction to me," Bo announced.

"I think she's afraid she'll give in to the rising urge to murder you." Zelda punched him in the shoulder. "Now clean up that popcorn before her parents come home and get mad. We don't want to be kicked out of her apartment."

As Zelda and Bo began to argue, Fawn shook her head. She locked eyes with a frowning Gavin. He finally approached her, hands in his pockets.

"Can we go somewhere alone for a minute?" Gavin asked.

"Um. All right." Fawn nodded. "But not my bedroom, okay?'

Gavin's face became cherry red. "N…no. I didn't mean…I didn't want to…Well, it's not like I don't want to, but that wasn't what I…"

Gavin stumbled into silence. Fawn, filled with bubbling hot embarrassment now too, pulled him into the hallway. Bo bellowed, "Oh, la la. Have fun, you two." Both of them ignored him. The ringing cry of "Ouch!" as Zelda punched him again could be heard echoing throughout the apartment.

Fawn led Gavin into her parents' bedroom instead of her own. Though she trusted him, she also knew she must be careful. She thought her parents' frilly pink bedroom decorated with kitten pictures was as deterring as it could get. Still as the two of them remained close, she was sucked in by his gorgeous, glowing eyes. If she owned a diving board, she could have dove into those pools. He must have felt it too, because he took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest like he was fighting the urge to reach out and kiss her. A part of her wished he would give in, which only made it worse.

"First, I wondered…well…" Gavin shuffled his feet and averted his gaze. "I know our first date was a disaster, but I was hoping you might want to go out again. Without the three extra wheels, I mean."

"I would love to," Fawn blurted out before she could contemplate how she would manage it with armed men hunting her like she really was a deer.

"Really?" Gavin's grin brightened. "I'm glad."

She could tell by the way he shuffled his feet he wanted to say something. The thought made her nervous. There were so many things she wasn't allowed to talk about she felt as though she was Pandora's Box.

"Is everything all right?" Fawn asked.

"I just wondered whether you were okay." Gavin shrugged. "Your parents were talking in code. Not exactly typical parental behavior."

She longed to tell him everything. It wasn't like talking to him would be the worst thing that could happen. Ark and his men knew where she was. Yet she wondered if telling him would be betraying her parents' confidence in her. They trusted her enough to have him and a bunch of his friends around.

Fawn sighed.

"There is something." Gavin shook his head. "I
knew
it."

"But I can't tell you what it is. I promised my family I wouldn't."

Gavin gave her a long look. She was scared he was angry. After a moment, though, he nodded. "I understand."

"Thank you, Gavin." Fawn felt relief gush through her and fill her with warmth.

"Yep." Gavin hesitated then spread his arms, an invitation for a hug. "If you ever need anything, I'm here. You can trust me, Fawn."

"I know." Fawn accepted his embrace. "I trust you more than anyone else in the world. I wish I could talk about it. I do."

Warmth crashed over her. He wrapped his arms around her back and then buried his face in her hair. He began to rub her back quickly, trying to heat her up.

"Aren't you cold?" he whispered in her hair. "You're like ice."

"No." Fawn grinned into his shirt. "I'm fine just like this."

She inhaled Gavin's scent. His smell was mesmerizing. A thousand roses could not have been better than his sweet but musky scent. His golden skin was firm and blemish free, a testament to the universe's perfection. She gave in to the overwhelming urge to touch him and ran her fingertips over the hot flesh of his back. She could feel his throbbing pulse beneath her digits when she reached the inside of his elbow.

He sighed against her hair in enjoyment and goose bumps bubbled over his skin. She pulled away from his shoulder and glanced up into his face. With a small smile, he tucked a golden strand of hair behind her ear and then leaned forward slowly. She shut her eyes and cocked her head. When his lips met her own, she wished she could crawl inside of him and remain there. When he pulled away, he was panting. His eyes flickered toward the bed. A pained expression crossed his face.

"I think I should leave now." Gavin stepped back. "Too much temptation."

She nodded. It was amazing how just one kiss could cause her to be immersed by so many feelings. It was like she'd been hit over the head with a hammer.

"I'm going to stay in here a minute…Recover…" Fawn shivered.

Gavin hesitated then pecked her once on the lips. He scurried out the door.

****

As Fawn sat on the bed, she sighed. She glanced around her parents' room. She'd been in the room only twice before. It wasn't that she was uninvited or told not to come inside. She just never had a reason to go in.

Fawn stood up and meandered over to a figurine with a paper under it on the dresser. The first drawer of the dresser was ajar, revealing some of her mom's clothes. She reached for the figurine and held it in her hands, smiling. The figure was of a ballerina in a pink tutu with her arms extended above her head. As she ran her fingers over the cool porcelain, her stomach jerked. As beautiful as the figurine was, she realized the girl would never be anything more than an impersonation of a real girl.

Her hands shook at the thought and she dropped the figurine on the dresser where it cracked and shattered. Some shards fell to the floor with a 'tink.' She gasped in horror and heard the sound of thudding feet in the hallway.
My mom and dad are going to be so mad. What if that was rare?
She bent down to pick up the pieces as the bedroom door squeaked open behind her.

"Did something happen?" Gavin padded into the room with Zelda behind him.

"I broke my mom's figurine." She bit her bottom lip.

"Where's your broom?" Gavin asked.

"It's in the closet at the end of the hall." Her mind was still on the fact she'd broken the figurine.

"I'll go get it." Gavin left the room.

With a frown, Zelda walked up beside Fawn and squeezed her arm. She gazed down at the shattered pieces of the figurine with a sober expression. "Was it expensive?"

"I don't know." Fawn frowned. "It could have been."

"I'm sure your parents will understand." Zelda squeezed her arm again. "Everybody breaks things every once in a while. Let's just get this cleaned up."

As Gavin walked in with a large red broom and a dustpan, Fawn picked up the paper on the dresser and used it as a cup to hold the broken pieces of glass that still remained on the top of the dresser. She dumped the mess into the garbage can next to her. Gavin began to sweep up the shards on the floor.

"The dresser is open." Zelda placed her hand on the silver handle of the first drawer. "We should probably check inside to make sure no shards got in. It would be bad if your mom cut her fingers on a piece of glass we didn't clean up."

With a nod, Fawn opened the first drawer further and patted down the array of multi-colored blouses. When she reached the middle stack of shirts, she paused when she heard crinkling. She pushed the shirt aside and came upon a stack of papers. She hesitated. Zelda peered over her shoulder curiously.

"Financial stuff?" Zelda raised an eyebrow.

"I doubt anybody would keep bank statements in their shirt drawer." Gavin leaned the broom against the wall and looked over her shoulder too.

"My uncle Ernie puts all of his savings in his underwear because even a burglar would be too afraid to touch them." Zelda shrugged.

I shouldn't look at the papers.
But Fawn wanted to do so anyway. She knew it was wrong, but wasn't it also wrong her parents kept something from her? They already kept enough secrets. Plus, the pages peeking out beyond the sea of fabric screamed, "Look at me! Look at me!" If it was bank statements, it wouldn't matter if she looked. She didn't have any intention of thieving money.

With a frown, she tugged out the first sheet and began to read. Zelda was right. At least, partially. It was a bank statement, but it was one that chorused bad news. There was a long list of charges at casinos. At first they were small—five, ten dollars—then they grew and grew. At the end of the statement, there was a deficit of hundreds of thousands of dollars. She gasped as she pulled out the rest of the papers and glanced at the next one. Gavin stole the first statement from her with Zelda draping herself over him to see.

The next paper was a copy of a check for a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The check was signed by Jax. Her heart hurt. Her parents were keeping more from her. She'd thought they'd taken her into their home out of the goodness of their heart. They hadn't. Her parents were in a financial crisis. Jax bought them out and shipped her off to them. They didn't truly care about her. What they cared about was the check he'd sent them.

Her blood boiled. Her parents put on the pretense of loving her. The truth was, the only one who loved her was Jax. He'd given up a lot of money to keep her safe. She needed to confront them about this, and she wanted to confront Jax too. He knew but hadn't told her.

"Gavin, can I borrow your car?" Fawn asked.

Gavin's face was tense. "It's just a bank statement, Fawn. Don't overreact."

"No, it isn't just a statement." Fawn's back was stiff. "You said you wanted to hear what's been happening to me? Well, I'll tell you all of it. You just have to drive me to my uncle's house."

Gavin's face paled. "You know where it is?"

"My parents told me in case of emergency." Fawn held the piece of paper tighter in her hand. "This is an emergency."