The melody in our hearts (19 page)

But she never told Ryan, afraid that he would find himself forced to choose between her and Jennifer, and she knew too well who he would choose then.

Jennifer hadn’t been their only topic for discussion though. Just like he had promised during their phone call, as soon as they met up to talk and catch up, he started teasing her about Jake, driving her crazy, trying to persuade her to give the poor guy a chance.

“Aww, c’mon, Val! You must be blind not to see that the guy has eyes only for you!” he told her during their daily phone call before she would start her shift, a few days after he had come back to Boston.

“He’s flirtatious with every woman he meets. I’m sure he does the same with the female patients, too!”

She shrugged, trying to convince herself so that she could convince Ryan too.

Jake was handsome, five foot ten, with dark blond, short hair and blue eyes – the typical heart-breaker she had heard about so often in her life. Still, she felt pleased that, among all the women in the ward – some of them much more beautiful than she was – it was she who had caught his attention. He had kept flirting with her, asking her out every other day in the past couple of weeks.

As far as she knew, he hadn’t asked any of her colleagues out; she had been the only one. It somehow made her feel special, and this only added up to the list of things that made her want to accept his invitations.

But it felt awkward; even just thinking about it was weird, so she kept declining his invitations and tried to avoid meeting him, especially if there was nobody else around. She knew she wasn’t strong enough to keep him away for much longer, and she wanted to be sure she wouldn’t let her romantic side rule her head.

Ryan wasn’t helping her at all. He just wouldn’t hear of it and kept asking her, every time they spoke, if Jake had asked her out again and what she had replied.

“Ryan, gimme a break. I’m begging you!”

“You should go out with him. You should give him a chance! You’re not getting any younger, Val. It’s time you started looking for your Prince Charming!”

“Excuse me?” She almost choked on the iced tea she was drinking.

He chuckled on the other end of the line.

“You know I only want you to be happy and find your other half. He sounds like a nice guy. And you’re always so picky....”

“Ryan!” she shouted, and he gave a start on his bed, slumping down on the pillow. “I’m not picky! Being a doctor is a tough job; it’s not like selling millions of records and traveling around the world, with women throwing themselves at you.”

“Right, okay. Still, you’re not only a doctor, Val. You’re a woman, and you should really start thinking about finding yourself a decent man and having some babies. I’d like to be an uncle before I retire, you know.”

She put the bottle down on the bench and, holding her phone between her ear and her shoulder, she started unlacing her shoes, while thinking about what he had just said.
A decent man and some babies
. Would Jake be that decent man and the father of her children? She couldn’t picture herself walking down the aisle with him waiting for her; it was too weird a thought. Although she could easily picture herself in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle, she didn’t think Jake would be the right one.

Still, if she never tried, if she never started dating anyone, if she never gave him a chance, she would never really know, would she? She shook her head, and the phone fell onto her lap and then onto the floor.

“Val? You still there?”

She picked it up and looked at the display, to check they hadn’t been disconnected.

“I’m here, you clown. And you’re making me waste precious time here. I’ve gotta go now.”

He giggled, knowing she was trying to avoid the subject.

“Okay, I wouldn’t want to be responsible for people’s deaths because I’ve kept you talking too long. But don’t think I’m done with you, Val.”

“Can’t wait! Go find someone else to torment now, will ya? Talk to you later.”

She hung up and sighed. He would never give up, and she would have to find a way to make him understand she didn’t need (and didn’t want?) a man in her life, that she was content with the way her life was, with her job and his friendship. That was all she had time for right now; she had no time for a man.

Still, as she walked out of the dressing room, she quickly ran a hand through her hair, wondering whether she would see Jake during her shift. But as soon as the thought hit her, she immediately shook her head, fighting it: She didn’t have a crush on him, end of story.

~
Thirty-two
~

It took a couple more afternoons talking with Ryan to make Valerie finally give up. In the end, even though she still wasn’t sure it was a good idea, she decided to trust Ryan and give Jake a chance.

They could go out for a drink, chat for a while, and get to know each other outside the hospital. If she found that he really wasn’t what she was looking for, she could easily tell him that she wasn’t interested in a relationship, or whatever excuse she wanted to make up, and just go on as if nothing ever happened. It wasn’t as if she had to marry him or promise him eternal love; it was only a drink with a colleague, simple as that.

Ryan wasn’t sure either that this guy was the right one for his friend, but she sure needed to start seeing other people – other men apart from him. He knew too well how much she enjoyed his company, just as much as he enjoyed hers, of course, but now he had Jennifer and, even though she wasn’t around much, when she was he would spend time with her, and Valerie would be alone.

Okay, she got on well with Karen, but she was a doctor too and most of the times their shifts wouldn’t allow them to spend time together, even just for a chat or a girls’ night out.

Valerie needed to get out more, to enjoy life when she wasn’t working, and Jake would be the perfect starting point. If it didn’t work out, at least she could say she had tried, and maybe she would consider opening up a bit and start living her life outside the hospital.

“Excuse me? Did you just say yes?!”

Jake couldn’t believe his ears when, after yet another hopeless attempt to ask her out, Valerie had said she would love to.

She giggled at the sight of him, staring at her wide-eyed as if he was just about to drop dead on the floor. He really looked cute, she had to admit it. Heart-breaker or not, his presence was never left unacknowledged wherever he went, and she felt flattered that he hadn’t given up on her yet.

“Well, you can still take it back, if you want,” she suggested, almost wishing he actually would. “I’ve been saying no for weeks now, so I wouldn’t really blame you if you’d changed your mind.”

He got closer to the reception desk and, leaning on his elbows, his head in his hands, he stared at her, his deep blue eyes searching hers, as if looking for some signs of irony, which would make him understand she had been joking about it all.

But he couldn’t find any. She looked serious, as if she really wanted to go out with him this time.

“I’d be a fool if I took it back, now that you’ve finally said yes! So when are you off this week?”

“I have a morning shift tomorrow. So if you’re free tomorrow night....”

“You can bet I am!” he said and winked at her. “There’s this nice club in the Back Bay area I went to with some friends last week...wait, maybe we should go to dinner first....”

“No, no!” she cut him off abruptly, knowing that dinner would be too much, and she wasn’t ready for that yet. Then, seeing him wince at her tone, she tried to relax and composed herself before speaking again.

“A drink is fine,” she said more gently, hoping she hadn’t sounded too rude.

“Alright then. Guess picking you up at your place is out of the question, right?”

She looked up and saw he was grinning; he was probably joking, but she still felt uneasy.

Much as she wanted to be nice to him, she knew better than to let him know where she lived. She didn’t want him to get too close; she wanted to keep him at a reasonable distance, at least until she got to know him better and knew she could trust him enough to let him know where she lived, in case he became some kind of a stalker.
People aren’t always what they seem
, she thought to herself.
Better be careful
.

“I’ll meet you there. I can take a taxi.”

He shrugged, looking as if he had expected it.

“I’ll give you the name and address of the club. How about nine o’clock? Is that too late?”

“Nine is fine with me.”

It suddenly felt very awkward, and she thought she shouldn’t have listened to Ryan. The thought of going out with Jake, even if only for a drink, made her feel uneasy, and she wished she could take it back and tell Jake she had changed her mind. But it was too late now – there was no going back.

Right then, the automatic sliding doors behind him opened, and a paramedic told Jake that he had been called for an emergency.

“See you tomorrow then!” He winked at her one last time, and he was gone a second later, leaving her alone with her thoughts and worries.

~
Thirty-three
~

In the end, their first date didn’t turn out to be as tragic as she had imagined it. She enjoyed the night out, she enjoyed being with a guy who wasn’t Ryan, and she actually enjoyed spending time with Jake.

They talked about everything without feeling bored or at a loss for words. Once they had finished talking about something, a new topic for conversation would immediately come up, and it was past midnight when they left the club.

As they walked outside, the awkwardness she had always felt when he was around came back, and she started fidgeting with her purse, then with her hair, unsure as to where all this was going.

He had noticed it, of course, but he knew it wouldn’t stop him from kissing her before the night was over. He had been after her for weeks, always thinking that she wouldn’t want to date him because he was only a paramedic, while she was a doctor. When she had finally accepted, he couldn’t quite believe it and had feared she wouldn’t show up at the club. But there she was, looking gorgeous and yet so normal, in a pair of gray pants and a silk, light pink blouse, her long golden hair falling to her shoulders, finally free from the elastic bands she always used when she was working. She looked gorgeous in her white coat and with her hair pulled back in a ponytail too, but tonight her beauty was stunning.

He saw her fidgeting and instinctively took her hand, bringing it up to his lips. She stiffened and looked away, knowing she was going to be defenseless now. She didn’t have much experience with men; the only one who had always been around her had been Ryan, and she sure didn’t think of him in quite the same way as all other men. He was her best friend, her brother, her confidant, the person she would turn to whenever something was worrying her. She had never felt awkward when she was with him. He was family by now, and she cursed herself for not asking him for advice before going out with Jake.

What did this mean? Should she pull back? Should she tell him to get lost? Was there a hidden meaning she should know of?

Unsure and uneasy, she froze, refusing to look him in the eye, but he didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her, and felt her shiver.

“I really like you, Valerie. I guess it would be useless to deny it now.”

She stood still and silent, thinking about something clever to say, but her mind was blank. If he had noticed she was embarrassed, he didn’t show it.

He turned to face her, put a finger under her chin and lifted it up, making her look at him. Then he tilted his head and, before she could say or do something to stop him, his lips were on hers, his right hand on the small of her back, pulling her close to him, his left hand running through her hair.

She wasn’t sure she wanted him to stop, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him to go on either. It felt good, and the gentle way he was kissing her made her feel special. Yet the first thing she thought of as soon as his lips touched hers was that it had been totally different from her first kiss, the very first kiss she had experienced years ago with Ryan.

Of course it was different!
her mind reminded her. That had been only an innocent, fraternal kiss, something they had shared as a seal to their eternal friendship, while this... well, this was more the kind of kiss she had seen in movies, and it was getting more passionate by the minute.

After a while she started to feel dizzy, as if all that sudden passion was taking all her energy, and she was glad when he finally pulled away.

“Did you mind?” he asked, brushing her cheek with his thumb. “You’ve suddenly gone so quiet. I didn’t know what you were thinking. I just hoped you wouldn’t mind....”

She knew she was blushing and looked away. Maybe she should just surrender and open her heart to him; it would be useless to deny she had liked it.