The Memoirs of Cleopatra (93 page)

We sailed into Alexandria from the lake side, and I saw the white city reflected in the waters and framed by reeds. I had left a lifetime ago, so it seemed; in truth, it was only half a year. The changes wrought in my situation were so profound that I was on guard as we landed; I did not know what to expect from the Alexandrians. How did they feel about my marriage and partnership with a Roman?

A crowd was gathered, and I could not read their faces. They had not been asked or consulted about my decision; it was the fate of subjects, but now I faced them uneasily. They watched silently as the ship docked and the royal trumpeters announced my arrival. Wearing my silver robes, I stepped out and hailed them, and a great burst of shouts erupted—welcoming cries. Relief flooded me; I need not have worried, I smiled and greeted them, genuinely happy to be surrounded by my own people once again.

“The bride! The bride!” they cried. “Isis! Where is Dionysus?”

“In his grape arbor!” they answered themselves.

“We wish you joy, happiness, love—”

“And fertility!” yelled one group.

“Prosperity for Egypt!” cried another. “Peace with Rome!”

“All this you shall have,” I promised them, and then, on impulse, tore off my silver-threaded veil and tossed it out to them. They scrambled for it, and then my shaded litter was waiting to whisk me through the streets and back to the palace.

The children came racing across the marble floor: Alexander and Selene sliding and jumping, Caesarion—who had grown so much!—walking with controlled dignity as fast as he could. Mardian beamed, and Olympos affected his unexcited look. The rest of the staff were delighted to see Iras and Charmian, whom they had missed sorely.

“Married at last?” said Olympos, kissing my cheek. “So you have staved off spinsterhood?” He laughed at his own joke. “I know you did it only to copy me.”

“Indeed, that is the only reason,” I assured him. I was wearing the wedding necklace, and I let everyone feast their eyes on it.

“Antony has departed for Parthia?” asked Mardian. I could tell that something worried him.

“Yes, I saw him off from the Araxes River,” I said. “The army was splendid, and terrible in its weapons. And the war machines…” I shook my head. “But plenty of time for this news later. Let us pull off our traveling clothes, wash our feet, and take refreshment.”

Everything was changed, but nothing was changed—the furniture all stood in the exact same places, the curtains ballooned and billowed from the puffs of sea wind, just as I remembered, even making the same patterns as before, and shoes I had left behind were waiting, silent and polished, for me in my wardrobe. But now I, and Alexandria, were tied to something outside; I felt as though a walled garden had been breached. It was a retreat no longer, nor was it self-contained, as Egypt had always been. Now Rome was here, in the person of Antony and his fortunes, in this very room.

“Your face is sad,” said Charmian. “Is there something amiss in your chambers?”

“No. No, of course not. It is just that, for a moment, it seemed unfamiliar.” I shook my head. What melancholy thoughts! The alliance with Antony would protect Egypt, would preserve it, not compromise it.

The twins came running in. “Where’s our father? Where is he? Where’s he hiding?”

Their squeals told me how excited they were to have discovered that they
had
a father, let alone one who liked to play.

“He’s gone to do his job,” I told them. “He’s a soldier, and soldiers have to go with their armies.”

“Oh.” Alexander looked up brightly. “I have some toy soldiers. Want to see them? Now?”

I let myself be dragged into their rooms, but not before I had motioned to a servant to bring along Antony’s old spear and helmet. “These are for you,” I told Alexander. “They are what a grown-up soldier wears, and your father left them for you to wear someday.”

It was something Antony
would
have done.

Selene was hanging on me, and I quickly pulled off a silver bracelet with ram’s heads that had been presented to me by Artavasdes, and featured the fine workmanship of his country. “This is for you,” I assured her, putting it on.

“And nothing for me?” The ever-taller Caesarion was standing in the doorway, feeling left out. I had to think of something. He was too old for toys and too intelligent to be fobbed off with a makeshift present.

“Of course there is something for you. One thing for you to play with, and another for you to keep. I have brought back a jar of the most extraordinary water, from the Dead Sea in Judaea. I thought you might like to taste it and test it to see how heavy it is. And when you are finished with it, you can evaporate it and compare it with seawater. It must have three times as much salt in it. Just don’t make any pets drink it—although I don’t think you could. And the other present—it’s a beautiful Arab horse, small and as fast as the wind.” The bitumen extractors had presented it to me, in relief that they could continue their business unmolested. It was time Caesarion perfected his horsemanship, and I knew he needed a special horse, one that he loved, to do it.

“Oh!” His eyes grew large. “What color is it?”

“He is white, with a gray mane and tail.” I had been quite taken with him.

“His name?”

“He had a Nabataean one that meant ‘Leader,’ but you may call him anything you please.”

Thus my presents were redistributed to eager recipients.

Mid-July, and I was pacing up and down in my workroom. Antony had been gone two months. What was happening to him? I longed for news. But instead I was forced to hear about the wretched Octavian—Mardian had just received a dispatch.

“So, what of him?” I hated hearing what Octavian was doing, but braced myself. Let him be sunk on a shoal.

“His campaign is finally launched,” said Mardian, reading as he spoke. “Or, I should say, Agrippa’s campaign.”

“Ha!” I cried. “Yes, he is completely dependent on Agrippa for both the brains and the brawn of any military action.” The puny Octavian and his robust friend: a happy combination, for them.

“At least he
has
someone he can depend on,” said Mardian pointedly.

Antony fought alone, basically. It would be a comfort to have a reliable partner; yes, it would.

“He is fortunate in his friends,” I admitted. “What plans have they settled on?” I had to know.

“You know about Agrippa’s strategy,” said Mardian. “We had reports all winter.”

“Yes, yes!” I barked. “I know all about his naval training station and his twenty thousand oarsmen.”

“He has mobilized all the forces at his command against Sextus, as his very political survival depends on defeating him,” said Mardian, his eyes darting across the paper. “The battle will be fought in Sicily, on both land and sea. The Consul Taurus is sailing from Italy with the two squadrons Antony donated, and Lepidus is bringing up his twelve legions, plus a fleet from Africa. Agrippa has determined that he will leave nothing to chance. Therefore, against the swift ships and superior seamanship of Sextus he has built such massive ships that they cannot be sunk, but must crush the enemy by weight alone. Last year he struggled under three disadvantages: his ships were no better than Sextus’s, his oarsmen were worse, and he had no secure harbor. He has now solved all these problems.”

If only we had such an industrious, clever lieutenant! Agrippa had indeed grown into impressive manhood.

“Oh, and he has invented a device called ‘the snatcher’—it is a catapult that fires a grappling hook, so that the little boats of Sextus can be hauled against Agrippa’s, and a land battle on decks commence.”

“They will cut the ropes of ‘the snatcher,’ ” I said. That seemed obvious.

“He has encased them in long tubes of iron, so they cannot.”

Damn his cleverness! Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa, that polite boy at Caesar’s dinner—who could have predicted his military acumen?

“They expect naval action at any day,” said Mardian. “And it will come just in time to rescue Octavian from his growing unpopularity with the Roman mobs. They will not tolerate him or Sextus much longer. One has to go.”

The blue seas around Alexandria were innocent and calm, belying the action elsewhere. We waited, day after day, for news, which seemed so slow in coming. Ships limped in with reports. Octavian’s fleet had been wrecked, again. Thirty-two ships of the line and many more light Liburnian galleys were destroyed in a storm. Octavian thought seriously of postponing the campaign for another year. Our spirits soared. That would give Antony the lead he needed.

Octavian thought likewise. He dared not let another season pass, allowing Antony a great victory while he suffered from unpopularity at Rome yet another winter. And he feared that Sextus would find a way to destroy his fleet at anchor. So, with his customary determination and thoroughness, he pressed on grimly. “I will triumph even over the will of Neptune,” he vowed.

“There is even a report that he almost committed suicide,” said Mardian. “He was so discouraged when his fleet was lost, but—”

“With the morning light he thought better of it,” I said. I knew his thinking. Octavian would always wait for the morning light.

More reports came in on the next stage of the campaign. The action had narrowed to the wicked Strait of Messina, which Sextus guarded and Octavian’s forces needed to cross. Agrippa fought Sextus, and his heavier ships proved the worth of his strategy, crushing Sextus’s vessels. But Sextus withdrew and decided to attack Octavian instead as he ferried his troops across; Octavian escaped, but the ships Antony had lent him were ruined, unable to withstand Sextus.

“A lesson for us in that!” I said. “No more small ships!”

“Time had run out for Octavian,” said Mardian, with delight, reading the dispatch. “He had to send Maecenas back to Rome to quiet things down. Oh—but then Agrippa—Agrippa—”

“Agrippa
what?
” I grabbed the letter from him. Was Agrippa some kind of god, always able to deliver his friend?

Agrippa had seized a port on Sicily that allowed him to land his and Octavian’s land forces—a total of twenty-one legions and auxiliaries. They caged in Sextus, who then decided to stake all on a sea battle.

“And what happened?” I waved the letter. It had ended there.

The battle was long over, but we must wait to know the outcome.

We finally learned: On the third of September, the great battle was fought at last, and Sextus utterly defeated. Sextus’s men and ships fought spectacularly and bravely, knowing they could expect no mercy. But Agrippa’s big ships won the day, holding Sextus’s ships captive, hooking them, boarding them, sinking them. Twenty-eight of Sextus’s ships were sunk, against only three of Agrippa’s. Only seventeen escaped, and Sextus fled with them.

“How many ships out of three hundred?” I could not believe it.

“Seventeen.”

“The victory is decisive, then.” Octavian had prevailed.

“Sextus has fled to Antony,” Mardian read in disbelief. “He will throw himself on his mercy.”

“O Isis!” I said. “What will Antony do with him?”

There was more yet. Lepidus made his move against Octavian and Agrippa. It seemed that he had resented being the neglected member of the Triumvirate all these years; swelled with pride in the twenty-two legions he had acquired—reckoning that neither side had had as many at Philippi—he tried to overthrow Octavian and Agrippa. But the troops were having none of it; they were weary of civil war and unimpressed with Lepidus.

“Lepidus was forced to throw himself on Octavian’s mercy,” read Mardian. “To kiss his sandals!”

I shuddered. Then I remarked, “His built-up sandals.” The ultimate humiliation.

“Octavian made a great show of mercy, but he has deprived him of his office as Triumvir, his legions, and his power. Lepidus has departed for an enforced retirement.”

“Octavian is master of the west,” I said slowly. “Sextus and Lepidus gone. He rules all, as far as Greece.”

“Yes,” said Mardian. “He has forty-five legions under his command. Some are undermanned, but they still number at least a hundred and twenty thousand soldiers.”

“Whatever will he do with them?” I asked softly. “For they must either be paid and dismissed, or used, and he has no funds to pay them.”

Work must be found for those soldiers, then. Octavian could, of course, transfer some to Antony. But I knew he would not. He would keep them busy and in training…and find some plunder for them, some untouched treasure trove into which they could dip their hands and pay themselves. Egypt? Or what Antony won in Parthia?

The late summer, one of the clearest and windiest in years, cried out for enjoyment, but I was in the grip of dreadful waiting. As days passed with no word from the east, I grew more and more agitated. It seemed as though Antony and his huge army had disappeared over the horizon without a trace. Ships coming from Cilicia, from Rhodes, from Tarsus—I had their captains whisked ashore to be interrogated, but no one had heard anything from the interior.

Five hundred years ago an entire army of fifty thousand Persians had vanished in the sands of Egypt on their way to the Siwa Oasis—every schoolchild shuddered at the story of the sands opening and taking them, one and all. The Siwa Oasis was not as isolated and vast as the plains of Parthia…. O gods! Why did he go? Why did we not hear any news?

I tried to play with my children, to continue learning Parthian—although I came to hate it, as daily it seemed more and more hostile—to read all the news coming from the rest of the world, to ready my heart and mind for the new baby. These were distractions, though, while I waited for the answer to the great question: Would Antony truly wear Caesar’s mantle and take his place beside him and Alexander in military greatness? Or fail and be accorded a place—where? Or live at all?

The Queen in me yearned for his victory, and prayed for that; the wife feared he would not return alive, and begged Isis only for his life. I was both the Spartan wife, saying, “Return with your shield or on it,” and the Egyptian wife, saying, “Only return—even without the shield.”

The storms of autumn started, and still no word. But my own body, oblivious of anything else, kept nature’s timetable, and in mid-November I gave birth to my new baby—a son. It was an easy birth.

“You are becoming practiced at last,” said Olympos dryly.

I held the little boy in my arms and looked down at him. He was possessed of rosy cheeks and a thick head of dark hair. As always, I was astounded at the beauty of a newborn, and that I could have produced him. At the same time, I somehow knew he would be my last. For that I cherished him more than I could say.

“What will you name him?” he asked, dabbing at the baby’s matted hair.

Nothing had come to me since I had first thought of Ptolemy Philadelphos. I wished it could have been Ptolemy Antonius Parthicus, in honor of his father’s victory over Parthia. Dear Isis, let me not have the right to bestow Antonius Postumus on a son of Antony! Best to retreat into the past, into the height of Ptolemaic glory.

“Ptolemy Philadelphos,” I said.

“That’s a mouthful,” said Olympos, gently wiping the baby’s eyes. “You will have to find something shorter for everyday use.”

“It will come,” I said. “He will name himself.”

Despite the easy birth, I did not seem to recover as I should. My limbs felt heavy and swollen, and my energy did not return. Long after I should have been back in the council chamber, or in the customs depot, or inspecting the progress of my shipbuilding station, I found I tired so easily that spending more than a morning or an afternoon away from my couch was a challenge. I also had no appetite.

“You must eat,” said Olympos sternly, “or your milk will be too thin.” After he had seen how feeding the twins myself had helped my recovery, he had turned against the idea of wet nurses and now had it firmly in his mind that all women, even queens, should nurse their own children.

“Yes, yes,” I said. “But octopus stew is not appealing.” I pushed away the bowl.

“There is nothing better than octopus! The suckers give strength—”

“To an octopus, yes.” The smell was awful. “Please, no more of this!”

“You try my patience!” He sat down beside me, on a footstool, and took my hand, looking searchingly in my face. I knew him well enough to know his frown hid his worry. “The baby is well,” he said cautiously.

“Olympos, what is wrong with me?” I burst out.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “The whole process of producing a child is a complicated mystery. There are so many ways for something to be—difficult. Oh, you are in no danger. You will slowly get your strength back. But perhaps you should not—should not—”

“Have more children,” I finished for him.

“Exactly what I was about to say. But then, the men you take up with seem bent on producing as many as possible!”

“I am a married woman now,” I said with imperious dignity. “So you needn’t talk about ‘the men I take up with’—like one of the temple prostitutes at Canopus!”

“Well, your new…er…husband…sometimes behaves as if he were a devotee of such precincts—” Olympos still did not like him, that was obvious. But he had not seen him, except at a distance in Rome, for almost five years. He would change his mind when Antony returned. When Antony returned…

“You insult my father the late King when you insult the rites of Dionysus!” I said. It was a religion, for all that the Romans thought the grape arbors and ecstatic dancing were obscene. They also thought dancing itself was obscene, and did not understand actors or the theater or—Thank the gods Antony was different!

“Forgive me,” he said. “Obviously I cannot penetrate the sublime mysteries of Dionysus with my little, scientific, argumentative mind. But from the viewpoint of an ordinary man, it just looks like plain, old-fashioned drunkenness elevated to an elite club!”

I laughed. “I am pleased to have a man with a questioning mind as my physician. It means common sense will never be abandoned as a remedy. Now tell me—is there not something growing in that garden of yours that would help me?”

“Perhaps,” he said.

“Does your wife—does Dorcas—have an interest in medicine?” I wondered about her. He had not brought her to many gatherings, and I had yet to have a real conversation with her.

He looked as though his privacy had been attacked. So it was all very well for him to invade my marriage, my motives, and my habits—even in bed—but I must keep a respectful distance from his. Physicians!

“No,” he said shortly. “No, she—she is most concerned with literature. Homer and such. Comparing different versions.” He looked acutely embarrassed by it.

“So you have married an intellectual!” I said. “What an odd yoking—the scientist and the literary scholar.”

“No more odd than the cleverest woman in the world with a simple warrior, whose interests revolve around the battlefield and the drinking-board. In some ways he’s like one of those northern barbarians, with their yelling and singing and fighting and drinking…and bonfires….”

“You really don’t know him at all,” I said stiffly.

“Can you honestly say my description is wrong?” he asked, rising to his feet. “Yet I know he makes you happy, and so I pray for his safe return.” On his way toward the door, he paused and turned. “I will send you some medicine from my garden. And you will take it!” he ordered.

All the strength and force of nature seemed concentrated on the sea; none of it flowed into me. Day after day as I dutifully rested in my room and drank Olympos’s foul-tasting potion—made of a pinch of ground mandrake dissolved in the juice of cabbage leaves—I watched the storms breaking against the base of the Lighthouse, and the ships tossing against their anchor lines, saw the naked power of nature. I longed for the emblematic Ptolemaic thunderbolt to descend and charge me anew with fiery life. In the meantime there were the usual winter pastimes—games and music—and bored children to keep me company and hang on the arms of my chair. My pet monkey finally had the opportunity to scamper all over me and ply me with tidbits, to pull the covers up over me until I thought I would slap her thin, nervous fingers plucking continually at my blanket. But then, that is what monkeys do, and I could hardly punish her for being a monkey.

And all the while, nothing…from Antony, from the east.

Yet the news from Rome kept coming in. Octavian formally declared that with the defeat of Sextus the civil wars had at last ended, and put a notice up about his achievement—completing Caesar’s work—in the Forum. Unable to have a Triumph because he had not beaten a foreign foe, he had to settle for what was called an Ovation, in which he was lauded—in a restrained manner. He was also granted the right to wear the laurel wreath at all times, like Caesar before him.

The medicine that Olympos made me take often either robbed me of sleep or sent me vivid, disturbing dreams. One night, when little Philadelphos was almost forty days old, I had a dreadful vision—it seemed more a vision than a dream—of Antony surrounded by dead bodies, grotesque, blackened things, stiffening and drying on a field of stones. He was crawling over them, almost rolling over them as if they were a strewn pile of logs—like the ones I had seen stacked in the fields of Armenia to use against Parthia, but these were rotted and burnt remnants. He was alone on the field, which stretched on and on under a colorless sky.

I woke up, my heart pounding, the sight still before my eyes. Antony’s face…it looked as though he were being tortured.

In the corner of the room, the lamp still burned before the statue of Isis, flickering reassuringly. I flung off my sweat-soaked covers and knelt at her feet. I did not know what else to do.
Banish that evil dream!
I implored her, as the twins did with me when they had nightmares and rushed into my room. But she did nothing, and I knew that meant it was real.

Now I went back to bed and waited. I had seen what was happening in Parthia. Antony was alive, but surrounded by death. I clutched the covers around me and ordered the night to pass quickly. When the morning came, so would the news.

And thus I was expecting Eros, Antony’s personal servant and freedman, who was brought into the palace at dawn, shivering and shaken. Yes, it was Eros and not one of the commanders—not Canidius or Dellius or Plancus, but this youth, scarcely more than a boy, who came from his master.

I insisted on speaking to him alone, in spite of Mardian’s devouring curiosity to hear all. Time enough for that later. For now, I had to hear privately.

I did not bother with thrones or audience clothes, but took him directly into my most private chamber. How many times had Eros been the last to attend Antony and me before leaving us alone for the night? I could not see his face without remembering how eager we usually were for him to depart—and now he held the dreadful knowledge of what had happened since the splendid army, shining like a new coin, had set out on its mission.

I took his rough hands. “He is well? lord Antony lives?” After all, it was hours since the dream.

Eros nodded. “He is safe.”

I looked carefully at him. His face was sunburnt, wind-scorched, and his nails were torn. Then my eyes strayed to his feet and legs—bruised, scabbed, and filthy with the kind of dirt no amount of normal scrubbing will remove.

“Where is he?”

“He awaits you at Leuce Come, in Syria.”

Leuce Come? Where was that? What was he doing there? “Where?”

“A small fishing village in Syria,” he said. “He was—we were afraid to go to Tyre or Sidon, for fear that the Parthians would already be there, waiting, having followed up their…great victory.” He bent his head down, unable to look me in the eyes.

I reached out and took his chin, as if he were my own child. “I know there was a victory,” I told him gently. “But it is enough for me that Antony lives. You must tell me what happened.”

“How did you know?” He allowed me to raise his head.

“It was sent me by the gods,” I said. “Now tell me the details. The gods send pictures, not details.”

“I shall tell you quickly, and then you may question me as you wish,” he said. His voice was thin, uncertain. “The winding mountain passes were slow to negotiate, and the baggage train was acting as a brake to the rest of the army. So Lord Antony left it behind, under the guard of King Artavasdes and King Polemo and two Roman legions—”

Not enough! Not enough guards! Only two legions! Oh, Antony—guarded by twenty-three thousand men, but only ten thousand of them Romans!

“And the Parthians, seeming to have advance knowledge of this, fell on them, and—slaughtered them.” Eros seemed close to tears. I should halt his story and allow him to compose himself, but I found I could not.

“They annihilated twenty thousand men?” That seemed unbelievable.

“No—only the Roman legions. And took King Polemo prisoner. Then King Artavasdes galloped away with his thirteen thousand men, back to Armenia.”

It was prearranged. I knew it. He was always in league with the Parthians! The lying traitor!

Yet he who trusts without foundation—what is the word for him? I had warned Antony about him. As I had warned him about Octavian. Why can a noble nature never foresee treachery? Does it make him blind? Rob him of sense?

“We did not know about this until too late. When Antony heard about it, he immediately sent back a relief force, but nothing was left. The two legion eagles were captured, and the siege machinery was set on fire and destroyed.”

Without it, there could be no conquest. Antony could do nothing, trapped in the midst of Parthia. He could not besiege cities or force their surrender. And unless his legionaries could make the Parthians stand and fight, he had traveled hundreds of miles for nothing.

“And how did Lord Antony take this intelligence?” I asked.

“I saw his sorrow, but he did not show it to his men,” said Eros. “He attempted to make the best of the bad situation, to force Phraaspa to fight him, but it was useless. We were stranded there and he knew it—that was the bitter part. The Parthians had no incentive to make concessions or even return the eagles from either Crassus or the latest loss. Then October came and the weather changed. We would have to retreat.”

Retreat. That most abject of all maneuvers to be managed by a general! And after nothing at all!

“Thus far we had lost only a few men from the main army, since we had fought no actual battles. But that changed. I can tell you, my Queen, that altogether a third of the army has been lost—thirty-two thousand of the best legionaries, more than even Crassus lost!”

Now he did lower his head and weep. I let him cry as long as he wished, leaving him alone in that corner of the room. I stood trembling before the window, seeing—but not seeing—the nasty seas outside. I must control myself. I must hear it all.