The Middle Child (24 page)

     Alex was more than happy to oblige.

***

     The day was heavy with a darkness that had never quite lifted.  Alex trudged through the grey sludge left over from the earlier whiteness of the snowfall throughout the night.  She avoided the deeper puddles aware that her old trainers would be lucky to survive the immersion.  Even defibrillator paddles wouldn’t save them.

     Christmas, she mused.  A time for laughter, families, presents and love.  She allowed herself a bit of hippo time and wallowed in the fact that she would have none.  

     With three days to go she anticipated a day similar to every other.  In truth she just wanted it out of the way.  The buzz of excitement and expectation around the shops during the last couple of shopping days only served to remind her that the
Queens speech would be toasted alone with a glass of something soft.

     She ducked into an old book shop, loathe to go home to her empty flat that bore no signs of the coming event.  Through sober clarity the place had a lonely, unwelcome feeling of belonging to someone else so she spent the least amount of time there that she could.

     The shop was busier than she expected and was quite surprised to see a few people queuing.  Most people relied on the big chains and the internet but Alex had spent many hours in here poring over the old books. 

     She gravitated towards the Art section and picked out a book of old masters.  Nikki would love the book but Alex simply couldn't afford it.

     Alex turned as she heard some commotion at the counter.  The woman serving was in her early sixties and Alex vaguely recognised her from earlier visits.  The queue hadn’t shortened and the woman was becoming flustered.  Other people waiting were showing signs of impatience through secret nods and rolling eyes to each other.

    
"For goodness sake, love, I haven’t got all day," said a burly man wearing a large camel overcoat.

    
"I’m really sorry," the woman said.  Her face was flushed and filled with a growing panic.  Alex edged closer, just in time to hear the man sigh dramatically.

    
"It just won’t open," she said, hitting buttons on the cash till.  Alex recognised the contraption from the bar.  It was a computerised system that often locked the till drawer if you didn’t hit the right buttons in the correct order.

    
"If you want people’s business you should at least know how to operate your own equipment," the man said, playing to his audience.  He was rewarded with nods and sighs of approval.

    
"I’m so sorry.  I just…"

    
"May I?" Alex said, before she had chance to analyse her own feelings.  All she knew was that she felt uncomfortable watching the old woman in so much distress.  "I’ve used one of those things before and I think I can get it open."

     The old woman looked at her gratefully and motioned her around the other side of the desk.  Alex quickly saw that in panicking the woman had pressed every button she could find and in doing so had locked the draw up completely.

     It took Alex a few seconds to cancel all transactions before putting the correct price in for the book that the man was holding.  The drawer tinged open and Alex felt like a hero as relief passed over the faces of everyone in the queue.  Alex stepped back as the old woman took the man’s money and bagged his book.  His face was set in stern disgust for the wait he had been forced to endure.

     Alex tried to keep her mouth shut but as he moved away from the counter without so much as a thank you, she shouted,
"Have a nice Christmas, Sir and I hope someone treats your mother the same way."  He turned to retort but Alex pushed herself forward and stared him down.

    
"Thank you, dear.  Thank you so much."

    
"No problem," Alex said, sidling off while she continued serving the customers in line. 

    
"Oh dear, I think it’s stuck again."

     Alex moved back behind the counter and by silent agreement operated the till until the line was gone.

     "I don’t know what to say, dear.  That was very nice of you.  My son insisted that I install this contraption.  He said it would be more efficient but I’m not so sure."

     Alex warmed to this woman immediately.  Her face was pleasant and open and every expression was there for the world to see. 

     "They are quite good when you get used to them.  Because they’re linked to a computer it does all sorts of book-keeping for you and even lets you know when you’re running short of stock."

     Alex could see that the woman had no idea what she was talking about. 

     She thought about returning home to her empty, soulless flat.

    
"Listen, how about if I show you how to use it.  I’ll just show you the basics so that you’ll be able to carry on taking people’s money."

     The woman looked scared but inched closer to the frightening machine.  Alex admired her willingness to learn.

     "I’m Nancy, by the way, and you are?"

     Alex introduced herself and began pointing to certain buttons. 
"You have to press this one first to tell the till that you intend to start a transaction."

    
Nancy nodded but Alex could see that she was terrified by the whole thing.  

    
"Don’t worry, you’ll get it."

    
"I’m quite a slow learner, dear, I won’t blame my age.  I’ve always been a slow learner so it might take me a while to get it.  My son showed me once and then left me to it."

    
"Here comes a customer now.  I’ll talk you through it."

     Three hours later
Nancy had finally got the hang of the bare essentials to be able to get her through.  Alex remained patient and explained what to do every time someone came to buy a book.  The shop was busier than Alex could have imagined and for some reason she was pleased.

    
"You’ve been an absolute treasure," Nancy said, turning the sign on the door.

    
"No problem."  If she was honest she’d enjoyed every minute and the afternoon had sailed by.

    
"I think we deserve a nice cup of tea after all that work," Nancy said, walking to the end of the shop.  She seemed to take it for granted that Alex would follow so she did.  The kitchen was small and dark having no window to the outside world.  It was fitted simply with a couple of cupboards underneath the sink and a microwave against the wall.  There was a folding card table with two deck chairs either side.

     Within minutes they were both seated and
Nancy regaled her with the story of the cash till being fitted.  The absence of a wedding ring told Alex that the woman lived alone and this book shop was her life.  She guessed that the fitting of the cash till had been the biggest event in her life for some time.

    
"I really don’t know what I would have done without you."

     Alex was embarrassed by
Nancy’s praise.  She’d hardly done anything. 

    
"Please let me pay you," Nancy said, reaching for her purse.

    
"No, honestly, I’ve enjoyed it.  It was a pleasure to help."

    
"Please, dear, I'll feel awful if you don't."

     Alex thought about the book that she’d looked at for Nikki.  It was hardly the cost of an afternoon’s work but out of her price range all the same.  Alex shyly asked
Nancy if that would be okay.

    
"Of course dear, it’s the least I can do."

     They walked out to the shop after finishing their cups of tea and Alex located the book.

     "Can it really do all those things that you said?" Nancy asked, viewing the till like an arch enemy.

     Alex nodded. 
"It’s storing all the information so that you can use it to help the business.  There’s so much it can do to help you once you know how to use it."

    
"Do you know how to use it?"

    
"Most of it."  In her more sober days she had often helped out in the office at the bar.

    
"How did you learn?"

    
"It was the same as the one I used at my last job."

    
"Your last job?"

    
"I don’t work there anymore."

    
"Jolly good," Nancy said, clapping her hands together.  She suddenly looked much younger.  "Would you like to come and work with me?  I couldn’t pay that much and it would only be maybe three days a week, although it may be longer as I’d like to take some more time off, but I’m on my own you see."

    
"Yes," Alex answered to the question.  Her only experience was in bar work and that was no longer an option.  Anything would be welcome at the moment and Alex had a feeling that she could settle very easily into this place.

    
"Oh that’s wonderful, dear.  I feel much better about that thing," she said, pointing to the offending object. "Knowing you’ll be here to help me.  Come back in the morning and we’ll sort the details then."

     Alex left the building far lighter than when she’d walked in.  She had a job.  Somehow, on this dark day, she had done someone a favour and now she had a job.  She trudged back to the flat not caring if the big puddles drowned her worn and tattered trainers.  She had a job and she’d be able to afford new ones.

     She opened the door to the flat to the sound of a ringing phone.  It could only be Catherine and Alex couldn’t wait to tell her the news.

    
"Alex, it’s Nikki."

     Alex sat down, surprised to hear this voice.

     "I think you need to come over."

    
"Why?" Alex asked, hearing the grave tones in her ex-lover’s voice.

    
"Because I’ve found something of yours and it’s something you’re going to need."

     Alex replaced the receiver and headed straight out of the door, clutching the book in her hands.

***

     As the door to the flat opened Alex could smell the scent of fresh pine.  Nikki always insisted on a real tree and delighted in picking the shed pine needles out of the rug in front of the fire.

     Nikki ushered her in, unspeaking and Alex took a deep breath.  The room was bathed in a warm comforting glow from the twinkling tree lights and alter candles spaced around the room.  Nikki hated having more light than she needed and only used the ceiling lights if she was doing close work.

     Alex stood in the middle of the room feeling awkward walking into this intimate atmosphere that was familiar to her because she had once shared it yet alien because on this occasion it wasn’t meant for her.

    
"I bought you this," Alex handed her the book and then stepped back to her place in the middle of the room.  A smile played on Nikki’s lips as she realised the relevance of the book.  She placed it on the coffee table.

    
"I’m sorry, I haven’t…"  Her words trailed off as Alex waved away her apology.  She hadn’t expected any kind of gift.  After the way she’d treated Nikki she was lucky to be in the same room. 

     Nikki wrung her hands.  She had never hid nervousness well.  It was not a natural state of being for her.  It occurred to Alex that she was expecting someone.  The room had been staged for romance and intimacy and that arrangement did not include Alex.  The stab of pain in her heart was a physical wound as she thought about another woman coming into this room that was warm and comfortable and intimate with ambiance made for tenderness.

     "You said something about an item of mine."  The words were sharper than Alex had intended.  She knew that Nikki’s insensitive timing was an oversight but it was crucifying her all the same. 

    
"I have three questions before I show you what I found."  Nikki stood before the full length window beside the tree.  The reflection of the twinkling lights played around her hair.

     Alex was happy to answer any questions as long as Nikki was quick.  She had no wish to meet the woman in Nikki’s life.  Violence was not a part of the twelve step program and she could do without anyone else to apologise to.

     "First question is, do you really fully understand that the things you did to me were wrong?"

     Alex thought about the question.  If Nikki wanted her to detail every shitty thing she’d done followed by the reasons it was so cruel, she could.  There was so much she could say about the mistakes that she’d made but Nikki wasn’t asking for another apology.  She was asking for the truth.

     "Yes."

     Nikki seemed satisfied.

     "Why did you go into that room when you stayed here?"

     Alex felt the shame burn her face.  She felt like a child caught stealing sweets. 
"I…ummm…"