The Mighty and Their Fall (21 page)

“It will be a sacred spot. People have more honour when
they are dead,” said Leah, who perhaps gave her own support to the theory.

“It will be sacred to me,” said Ninian, turning to retrace his steps to the house.—“Now how our minds work on similar lines, when they are bound by affection and sympathy! The idea of my mother's passing without visible remembrance was unnatural to them, as it was to me. They are at a stage when the first true instincts have not been blunted.”

“And are you still at the stage?” said Hugo.

“Yes, as regards my mother. I hope I shall always be. I wonder you do not feel more of a son to her.”

“I do feel one. She has given me reason.”

“I was not thinking of the legacy.”

“Neither was Hugo,” said Lavinia.

“Well I was. I do like to dwell on it. It improves me so much. Something of bitterness seems to melt away.”

“It is a strange thing,” said Ninian, almost with a smile. “But we do not accept change. It sometimes goes too deep. I almost found myself saying I must go to my mother.”

“Suppose you had quite said it?” said Hugo. “What should we have done?”

“You do not know?” said Ninian. “Lavinia would once have known.”

“It is true that I do not know now, Father.”

“I know,” said Teresa. “We should have waited for you to realise your mistake. And that would have been in a moment.”

“I could never have done any more,” said Lavinia.

“I should have been at a loss,” said Hugo. “But I don't see how anyone could have known.”

“It would have been clear to me,” said Ninian.

“You are trying to be subtle. And I almost think you are succeeding.”

“You do not emulate me? You are open and simple in your outlook on your life.”

“Not more than the rest of us,” said Lavinia.

“Come, you have not found that,” said Ninian. “Have you forgotten your grandmother?”

“No, I remember her, and everything about her. It is you who are beginning to forget.”

“Why do you want to be estranged from me, my child? In order to marry against my will without compunction?”

“We shall both do that,” said Hugo. “And quite without it. And you are taking your own way to the estrangement.”

“And a sure one,” said Teresa.

“There is no way,” said Ninian.

“I hardly think there is,” said Lavinia, almost wearily. “If there was, it would have been found by now.”

“Would you like to see my mother's will, Hugo?” said Ninian. “And her message to you at the end?”

“No, I should find it too much. Such things go very deep with me.”

“Would anyone of whom that was true, say it?”

“I thought you did not know, Ninian. You did not mean to make a heartless suggestion.”

“I think I should show you the message. She meant you to see it.”

“But must not time elapse, before I face the familiar hand?”

“So you really find it a subject for jest?”

“It is my way of steeling myself against it. In these matters we are always misunderstood.”

Ninian left them and returned with the will, laid it on the library table and stood aside. For a time no one moved or spoke. Then Hugo went up and looked at it.

“Well?” said Ninian, after a pause.

“Well, it is just as you said it was.”

“You see it with your own eyes now?”

“I had seen it through yours. You had the power to bring it before me.”

“You can see my mother forcing herself to form the words.”

“Oh, no, I cannot. It would be too much.”

“The writing wrung my heart,” said Ninian.

“Why did you ask me to see it? So that my heart would be wrung?”

“I hoped it would be touched enough for the words to be their work.”

“Why only touched, when yours was wrung?”

“My words were the right ones,” said Ninian, and left the room.

He came on the children returning from the garden.

“Well, is the memorial complete?”

“We couldn't make it stand,” said Hengist. “And Agnes made the epitaph just from herself and not from all of us.”

“Is there any need to have one?”

“Yes, or it would be a memorial to someone else.”

“Who had no name,” said Leah, “and only lived nineteen years.”

“That disposes of the matter. Is not Miss Starkie with you today?”

“No, it is her free afternoon. Grandma used to wonder why she wanted one.”

“To have a respite from the three of you. I do not share the wonder.”

“I daresay her life does need courage,” said Agnes, lifting her brows.

“Well, run upstairs and behave as if she was with you.”

“Nurse will be there,” said Leah. “We can't be left alone. It has been proved.”

“You turn your eyes on yourselves. I hope you are pleased with what you see.”

The children laughed and ran to the stairs, Agnes chancing to drop a piece of paper as she went. Ninian picked it up.

‘In memory of Selina, beloved and loving grandmother of Agnes Middleton, who died on the——'

His daughter paused and turned, and he let the paper fall and re-entered the library.

“Should not Hugo and Lavinia sometimes be left to themselves?” he said in a cold tone. “If their relation is accepted, it should be observed. Are you not too often with them?”

His wife and son rose and followed him, and the two were alone.

“So we shall never be forgiven,” said Lavinia. “It will work itself into our lives.”

“Further into his. He is planning it himself. He will lose the most.”

“I believe he is trying to serve me. He is honest in part of what he says.”

“What right has he to judge? Has he used you so well? You have not thought so. And I have always been with you. Always, as you remember.”

“At the time of the letter do you mean?”

“Well, at all times.”

“I think you loved the sinner and hated the sin.”

“I could hate nothing of yours. In any place of yours I see myself. But we who have had nothing, want the most. We know what it is to be without. And it has all to be put into so short a time. You may be right in what you say. Your father sees a part of the truth.”

“Egbert, I shall never say it,” said Hugo. “You would not believe me, if I did. It may be no good to try.”

“If you mean me to believe it, you can do your best.”

“Tell me the most unlikely thing you can think of.”

“That Father will make over everything to me. That you will marry Miss Starkie. That he will countenance your marrying Lavinia. That you will give up the idea.”

“Say no more, Egbert.”

“What do you mean? What is it?”

“What you have said. You see I could not say it.”

“You are not going to marry Lavinia! Has she changed her mind?”

“Well, she does not know about it. People do not know their own minds. You will bring her to the knowledge.”

“You have changed yours? What are you trying to say?”

“I have tried in vain. The words will not pass my lips. I can't forget that you will hear them.”

“Say what you have to. I am waiting to hear.”

“Egbert, a note of reproach is creeping into my tone. Is it like you to make things harder for me? And you did not wish me to be nearer to you. I could not feel I had a true welcome.”

“That may be so. But it is another matter. Tell the simple truth.”

“Well, I cannot bear to be a son to your father. Or bear Lavinia to be a daughter to him. It would keep me in his power. And I have the chance to escape. Your grandmother was a great woman. I should like to be Dickens, so that I could be unrestrained about her.”

“What would he say about Lavinia?”

“That she had come to know her own heart, and feel her father came first to her.”

“Have you no deeper reason?”

“Yes, but it is difficult to make it sound deep. I want to feel my independence and indulge my selfish, bachelor tastes. I don't think it does sound so. You would never believe how deep it is. Perhaps you have not sounded my depths.”

“Have you spoken to Lavinia?”

“No, of course I have not. It would be behaving like a man. She will speak to me through you.”

“You will speak for yourself. It is time you did behave like one.”

“Egbert, it is a thing I have never done. And no one could do it without practice. You are experienced in what you have to do. You know you have done it many times. You did not want me as a brother.”

“I find I want you less in your present character.”

“Well, you will be rid of me. You will speak to your sister about being wise while there is time. What has been done can be done again.”

“She would not listen to me. The result is always the same.”

“Egbert, have you been disloyal to me? I think you owe me some amends.”

“You owe this to yourself.”

“Why do we owe such things to ourselves? Restitution and confession and others of the kind? They are what we owe to other people. I owe myself some ease and freedom before it is too late. You must see it is late enough. No doubt you despise me for it.”

“Are you wasting your pathos on me?”

“You know that nothing should be wasted. You must let it do its work.”

“Have you lost your feeling for Lavinia?”

“No, but I have so much for myself. Even more than I knew. And I have such a small nature. I should be jealous
of her father and of Teresa and of you. And how could I be a husband? He has to be the mainstay of a household.”

“You must have seen yourself as one.”

“No, I saw myself escaping with Lavinia. And the thought filled my mind to the exclusion of any other. So that is a thing that can happen.”

“And the thought failed to hold its place?”

“I can say nothing. I know it is just. And I don't expect justice tempered with mercy. I have only seen that mercy is tempered with justice. I think people get confused.”

“I don't understand the sudden change.”

“It is too bad to be understood. It has come from my having more money. Let your thoughts shy away from it. It is what I do.”

“So you have done what Grandma wanted.”

“Yes, it was the least I could do for her. Her last wish is fulfilled. If only she could know!”

“It seems that she did. Well, the change may be for the best. But Lavinia is not prepared.”

“It is in your hands. And how fortunate that is! Suppose it was in your father's!”

“I wonder you can ask me to do such a thing.”

“It is all I can do. I cannot force you to it. But I know you will not fail me. And I shall not get off unscathed. Your father will not hide his happiness. He will not even try to. That will be my punishment, and a very real one I shall find it. I feel as if I were reading aloud.”

“I wish you were. This business is not imaginary.”

“Egbert, through it all I am glad for you. But I hope it will not draw you closer to your father. I shall have been punished enough.”

“He and I will be of one mind. I do not deny it.”

“I hope the old days will not return for him. My punishment would be almost greater than I could bear.”

“I have no pity for you. You are thinking of yourself.”

“I wonder why that sounds so bad. It is the usual thing.
I think it is the only thing. I have never met any other. It is what I am asking of you now. If you will not do it, things must remain as they are.”

“You mean you will marry Lavinia?”

“What can I do, if you will not think of yourself? That is too rare a thing for me to deal with. I have no understanding of it.”

“Well, it seems I must do what I can.”

“You will succeed. People do, when they are thinking of themselves. That is why everyone is so successful. I have heard of failures, but I cannot think of any. I see that thinking of other people might lead to them.”

“How have you seen yourself?”

“I do not look at myself. I have not dared. They say there are things worse than an honest failure. And I suppose I must be one of them.”

Egbert turned away in silence and went to seek his sister. There was more risk than use in delay. He found her in the library, and spoke as he knew he must.

“Lavinia, there is a word I must say again. I have said it many times. This will have to be the last.”

“It will. The time is short. Is there any need to say it?”

“Yes, I feel there is. What are you to have for what you give? For what you give up? Is Hugo even giving you all he has? And he has so much less than you.”

“What has he, that he is not giving?”

“There is one thing that is our own. Our aloofness and life within ourselves. His will hold him apart. And now his independence will support it. I feel you have not seen the truth.”

“I feel you have not. Truth is deeper than you know.”

Egbert was silent, and his sister suddenly sent her eyes over his face.

“So that is what it is! I felt something in him. That is what it was. There was something different. So nothing is what we think it is. This has not been what I thought.”

“You know it in time. No harm is done. It might have been too late.”

There was a pause.

“Yes, harm is done. I am wiser, and that comes from harm. We don't hear it comes from happiness. ‘Sadder and wiser' is what we say. In a real sense it is too late. Well, everything is at an end. The future is changed in a moment. You did not think it would be so easy. I should not have thought it would. But what did he say? Not the things you have said?”

“It is for you to say the word to him.”

“Yes, it is from me it must come. Anything else would harm us both, And I begin to feel it has always been there and unsaid. That is the thing that can hardly be helped. But we will not say so, as it has not been said. I think I shall be glad it has not. Yes, take the word to him from me. He has chosen to hear it from you. And there is no one else. Father would like to say it, but he would like it too much.”