The Milestone Tapes (28 page)

Your First Love

Your First Broken Heart

Breaking a Heart

Your Father Getting Remarried

High School Graduation

Leaving Home

If You’re Ever In My Position

Mia closed her eyes, trying to the envision her mother writing the note, recording the tapes. She couldn’t. The silver recorder beside her bed tempted her, she wanted to listen to each word right now, skipping the part about waiting. She wanted to have all those moments now. She wanted to hear her mom’s stories and her voice, her soft inflections, the way her voice pitched over certain words and lagged with a lingering Midwestern drawl over others. But she wouldn’t. She would listen to her mother and respect her wishes, trust her logic and wait. The thought almost made her giddy.

Often at school or socially, she would watch her friends roll their mascara rimmed eyes over the gauntlets their mothers laid down, groaning over how unfair it felt to be leashed by their parental laws. Mia had always wished her mother was around to give her rules and boundaries; it was an odd thing to miss, but Mia always knew that behind the curfews, consequences and limits was love. She wanted that, missed that.

Collecting the little tapes, she placed them neatly back in the box along with the envelope and tucked it high up on a shelf. Wondering when the first milestone would come.

The silver phone beside her bed trilled the happy Nokia march and Mia grabbed it quickly, checking the caller ID.

“Hey Sarah, what’s up?” Mia chirped into the phone.

“Where are you?” Sarah whispered aggressively into the other end.

“Home. I’m playing hooky.” Mia looked at the box atop her desk.

“Oh, well, Bryan has been asking everyone where you are,” Sarah laughed. “I told him I would call you and figure it out.”

Mia blushed.

Bryan was older, a senior, and dangerously good looking with dark brown hair frosted with blond tips which was the trend, chocolatey eyes, a wide inviting smile, a broad chest and thick arms. They had started hanging out a few weeks ago when Sarah started dating his best friend, Griff. Mia liked Bryan for the obvious reasons: he was good looking, popular, intelligent and funny. As she got to know him over games of bowling and red cups filled with lightly spiked punch, she peeled back the surface and discovered he was even better underneath the superficial stuff. He wanted to be a teacher, an unusual dream for a high school football star, but that made him interesting. He wanted to go to college in Seattle, same as his parents had, and then come back to Port Angeles to start his life. He was one of the few local kids who actually appreciated the raw beauty of this place and wanted to stay here forever. He liked to read, loved music and taught superhero camp at the local Y for spending money.

“Really?” Mia pretended to be indifferent, inside she was tingling, bubbling. Bryan Devon was asking about her.

“Yes really!” Sarah hissed. “He was worried! Can you believe it? Worried! I think he likes you, like, a lot!”

“Well, I don’t know, just tell him I’m home.” Mia’s blush crept down towards her chest, and she felt feverish.

“Can we come over after school?” Sarah pressed. Mia’s house was the perfect place for lounging around: minimal supervision, wide open comfortable spaces, a huge fire pit in the back yard and plenty of food in the fridge.

“Ginny’s here, but yeah, sure that’s cool—you all can come over,” Mia agreed, excited.

“Okay, perfect. Call you later!” the phone clicked off.

~ * * * ~

The rain held off and Mia hoped that would stay true as she sparked the kindling in the large fire pit. Cans of soda chilled in icy slush beside the seating arrangement in an old metal barrel. Ginny had spun some wings in hot sauce, sliced crisp stalks of celery and filled ramekins with thick blue cheese and ranch, laid the white platter out on the bar beside bowls of nacho chips, candies and freshly baked cupcakes.

“So, this Bryan boy, he’s coming here to see you?” Ginny asked as she filled another bowl with tortilla chips.

“I think so, he was asking about me today.” Mia felt the blush slowly creeping up.

“He’s a good lookin’ boy.” Ginny nodded in agreement. “I like his folks too, nice people.”

“You know his parents?” Mia asked curiously.

“This town ain’t that big, his folks live ‘cross the road from me.” Ginny nodded at the spread and turned to go back inside. “Now, Mia, I’m gonna be around here—so don’t think about doing nothing sneaky.” Ginny winked.

Mia could hear the sound of tires pulling up the drive and tugged anxiously on the hem of her black cashmere sweater. Glancing in the mirror before going to the door, she looked herself over. Her unruly wavy hair was neatly pulled back into a low tied ponytail, her sweater hung casually from her thin frame, her dark wash jeans soft and worn, a hint of pink balm brushed her lips, and a wisp of mascara brushed her long lashes rimming her emerald eyes. She looked fine, she decided.

Sarah burst through the door first, dropping her book bag beside the welcoming bench. “It smells so good in here! You look pretty.” Sarah’s eyes grazed over Mia, nodding with approval.

“Thanks.” Mia blushed and lowered her eyes. “Everything is set up out back, so help yourself, you know the drill.”

Griff and few others ambled in the door, looking around the expansive Chamberland home. Mia knew what they saw, but the luxury had long since worn off. The house was still one of the largest in town, Jenna had managed to hammer down timeless when it was built.

Mia saw him. Bryan walked slowly up the plank and stone steps towards the warmth of her home. He looked shy and handsome, an exciting blend. His blue polo shirt tucked neatly into his jeans, a warn brown leather belt hugged his hips, his hair was messy from gym and his cheeks were flushed with the afterglow of laughter.

“Nice place.” Bryan smiled, a deep dimple piercing his cheek.

“Thanks.” Mia smiled back, a blush burning her chest and cheeks. “Everyone’s out back; Ginny put out food, figured you’d be starved after school.”

“She’s right.” Bryan slipped her hand over hers, pulling the door closed.

Laughter filtered through the open door out back, guiding them towards the gathering. The fire pit raged and the chairs were filled with lounging teenagers snacking and slurping on icy soda.

“Great backyard, Chamberland.” Griff raised his soda in approval as Mia and Bryan slipped through the door. He was lounging with Sarah, his arm casually draped across her shoulder. They looked comfortable, and a knot of envy tied itself in Mia’s stomach.

“Oh, thanks. Yeah, my parents really wanted to make this, like, an outdoor living room.” Mia shrugged, helping herself to a diet Pepsi floating at the top of the nearly empty basin.

“Very cool,” Griff agreed and kissed Sarah heavily on her cheek, spinning her into a fit of playful laughter.

“So how was school?” Mia asked Sarah, glancing at Bryan who had walked towards the cliff edge.

“Same old, same old. You missed nothing!” Sarah took a small sip of her soda before heaving herself up from the chair to join Mia. “You should not be standing around here, go talk to him.” Sarah nudged Mia in the direction of Bryan who was haloed in the light of the fading sun.

“What do I say?” Mia asked, wide eyed, horrified by the thought of approaching him, talking to him.

“I don’t know, just talk ... It’s not really that hard,” Sarah sighed, as if what she was saying was common sense and Mia was just slow.

Sarah reached her hand into the tub and pulled out a Sprite, thrusting it into Mia’s hand. “Give him that, it’s an excuse, then just ask him stuff about sports or work ...who cares ... just talk to him.”

Mia felt the can dampen her hand as she crossed the yard. The thick, plush grass padded beneath the soles of her shoes. “Bryan?”

Bryan spun around quickly, and smiled at her approached, his eyes traced the length of her body in the darkening light. “Hi,” he said softly.

“I thought maybe you’d want this.” Mia held the can out, away from her, offering it to him.

“Thanks, that was real nice of you.” Bryan took the can, snapping the top open and taking a long swallow of the bubbly syrupy soda.

“So, um, how was school?” Mia asked quietly, her cheeks burning with the effort of being casual while the blood rushed through her veins almost painfully.

“It was okay. I was looking for you, thought maybe you were sick.” Bryan tilted his head to the side, shrugging his shoulders in nonchalance.

“No, I’m fine, not sick ... just played hooky, mental health day,” said Mia with a
half smile and mimicked his casual shrug.

Bryan took another long sip, and nodded in agreement, “Mental health?” His tone turned teasingly in speculation.

“Oh, no, not like crazy-mental-health!” Mia fumbled her words, the blush that had threatened turned serious, she felt feverish and lightheaded.

“I’m joking,” Bryan laughed easily, it was full bodied sound, deep and thick and manly.

“Oh.” Mia shuffled her feet, feeling the soft grass give, digging her toes into the earth.

“No, really. I think it’s cool. Everyone needs a break sometimes.”

Mia paced towards the cliff edge, allowing the heavy breeze off the bay to wash over her, it felt good on her warm skin.

“So, a break ... What for? Boy troubles?” Bryan pressed, keeping the conversation rolling.

“Nothing like that.” Mia shook her head, glaring out over the open sea.

“So what then? I’m curious ... Maybe you’ve got something I could use with my folks.”

“Hmmm, I don’t think it would work for you ... and I don’t know why I’m going to tell you this,” Mia began slowly, the words fixing themselves in her mind, felt awkward, exposed. “My mom died nine years ago today.”

It was November, Jenna had lived to see Mia dress up one last time for Halloween. Mia had been a princess, Sophia had hastily thrown together something glittery and pink for her from the fading supply at the local costume store. Jenna had held on, Gabe later told her, for one last perfect memory of Mia’s childhood.

“Oh,” Bryan mumbled. “I didn’t know ... well, I knew … but I didn’t … ” His words caught and failed as he slipped into an awkward silence.

“It’s okay.” Mia nodded. “Guess that doesn’t help you with your parents though,” Mia added lightly.

“No. Not really,” Bryan allowed, taking another long swallow of the soda. “I’m sorry.” He turned to Mia, lowering his gaze to meet her eyes, and his warm breath minty and sweet with soda washed her face.

“It’s okay,” Mia repeated, unsure of what else to say. She wasn’t good at talking about her mom, not with strangers, tears always threatened her just below the surface.

“Mia, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

Mia’s heart swelled. She talked about Jenna with only a few people: her father, Ginny, Aunt Sophia, Sarah, and her therapist. But generally, her mother was an off limits topic; it was still too raw and sensitive. Jenna was a weak link, soft and raw like an exposed nerve incapable of healing, always threatening to rip away her composure and calm, leaving her vulnerable and emotional.

“Mia!” Ginny hollered from the open door way, her thick build framed in the buttery light of the kitchen.

Mia glanced woefully at Bryan. “I’ll be right back,” she said before she took off jogging towards the house.