The Mind's Eye (22 page)
Authors: K.C. Finn
Tags: #young adult, #historical, #wwii, #historical romance, #ww2, #ya, #europe, #telepathic, #clean teen publishing, #kc finn
Leighton’s eleventh birthday was August
4
th
,
just four days before Henri was due to turn eighteen, but neither
boy was keen for a party, especially when it was announced that
Clive’s funeral had been arranged for a date smack bang between the
two. Idrys was making all of the arrangements to spare his daughter
the horror, so when Henri was occupied with picking up the slack
out on the farm, I started spending a lot of time with Ness Fach in
the summer sun where I could see him going by as he
worked.
“
What’s he doin’ now?” Ness asked, bouncing on my knee and
waving her Dolly in Henri’s direction.
“
He’s picking up the yucky weeds,” I explained, “So they don’t
make all the nice flowers…” I stopped myself before the word ‘die’
fell out of my mouth. “… get poorly.”
“
That’s boring,” Ness said.
strength for a sad smile as the little girl threw her head back
onto my shoulder, looking up into the sky with her huge blue eyes.
I watched her small face as she followed the clouds, one finger
outstretched to point at them. She wasn’t smiling.
“
Daddy’s up there,” she said suddenly. I froze, my heart held
in an invisible clamp. “He’s always up there flying in the sky. But
Blod says he won’t come home no more. He’s going to live up there
now.”
“
That’s right,” I whispered, my throat feeling tight and
dry.
that my body had decided it finally wanted to cry, but there
couldn’t be anything worse for Ness Fach than having the whole
house blubbering, especially since she didn’t have much clue as to
why everybody in her life had suddenly fallen silent and tearful. I
sucked up every drop of water and shook the hotness from my face,
cuddling her up in my arms.
“
Blod says Ieu might go live there too,” Ness
added.
“
We’ll see,” I choked, “He might want to come back here, with
us.” I felt awful as a flash of Ieuan’s cheeky smile and ginger
hair crept in behind my eyes.
“
Can I go and live there if I want?” she asked
thoughtfully.
“
No,” I said all too quickly, burying my head against her long
tawny hair to hide my tears, “It’s only for people who can fly,
sweetheart.”
“
All right then,” she replied. I felt Dolly being flung to and
fro in front of me.
two fathers already in her short little life, two men who made it
clear that they adored her, that neither one had ever wanted to be
separated from her. It made my thoughts turn inwards to London, to
Mum and most especially to Dad. If my father was out there alive
somewhere, then he had made the choice to stay away from us all.
Bickerstaff clearly hated his life in the village, but he was here
all the same, perhaps only here for stolen glimpses of the little
girl playing with Dolly in my arms. His little girl.
There were a
lot of things that couldn’t be put right any more at Ty Gwyn, but I
thought there was at least one thing I could do.
***
On the day of
the funeral it seemed as though the whole of Bryn Eira Bach had
turned out to cry and sing and hang their heads in unison for the
great man that was RAF Flight Sergeant Clive Price. I could hardly
bear the kind words and hopeful wishes in the preacher’s service; I
spent most of it with my head buried in Henri’s shoulder trying not
to make it too obvious that I was covering my other ear to block it
all out. It was so wrong for us even to be sat there, so wrong that
such a good man had died defending his country from the murderous
horde that were still trying to claim the skies over England.
I caught
sight of Doctor Bickerstaff walking through the graveyard after the
burial, his black suit shining in the glare of the August sun, and
knew that my opportunity had arrived. I got onto my crutches as
fast as my newfound strength allowed and called Ness over to me.
Blod gave me a watchful, tearstained look over the assembled
family, but she couldn’t intervene. Thomas was home temporarily for
the service and he was clutching her hand so tightly that the tips
of her pale, perfect fingers were tinged with blue. Ness took hold
of my left crutch as though it was as simple as holding my hand and
we set off at a snail’s pace towards the lonely doctor.
Bickerstaff
was alerted by my ragged breaths and thumping footfalls long before
I got to him, but he waited patiently with his usual expressionless
face until we made it closer to him. Ness hid behind my leg at
first when we reached him, peeping out through the gap in the
triangular wooden frame to watch him with interest. He gave her a
quick glance, his stiff lip softening. He scratched under his chin
thoughtfully, taking in a deep breath like he was preparing himself
for a great undertaking.
“
How’s Blod?” he asked quietly.
“
Frantic,” I answered, “Mam just keeps shutting herself in her
room. Blod’s been trying to run the house, but she can’t cope with
it all. We’ve all tried to help, but she won’t let us.”
“
Perhaps she wants to be rushed off her feet,” Bickerstaff
supposed, “Some people prefer to bury their grief in keeping busy.
I know I do.”
slowly coming out from behind me. She ambled forward, Dolly in the
one hand as always, but she took the hem of her dress in her other
hand and swished it about. It was a black dress recycled from one
that Blod had worn some years ago to her grandmother’s
funeral.
“
Bampi says I look pretty in this,” she mumbled, mimicking the
little twirl she had done for us that same morning in the
kitchen.
resolve broke entirely. He wore a massive smile, but his eyes were
growing damper by the second. He crouched down to the floor to be
at eye level with the little girl, steadying her as she started to
get dizzy from the twirling.
“
You do,” he said gently, “you look pretty as a
picture.”
her nose. “Which picture?”
The doctor
faltered for a moment, but Ness was patiently awaiting an
answer.
“
All the pictures,” Bickerstaff answered, I could hear the
break in his throat where tears were threatening, “Every picture
you can think of, well you’re the prettiest of them
all.”
“
Ooh,” said Ness, smiling all over with her tiny teeth, “I’m
going to tell Blod I’m the prettiest!”
of us could stop her she was jogging away on her small, unsteady
feet back towards the family. Bickerstaff rose again and looked
down at me, sucking in a breath. His watery eyes were threatening
to set me off again, but I did my best to hold it in. I had done
enough crying to last me a lifetime and a fair chunk of it had been
in front of him already.
“
Blod’s not really up to looking after her at the moment,” I
began, looking away from his unbearably sad face to focus on the
chapel, “So I’ve offered for Henri and me to bring her along when I
come to see you next, to get her out of the way for a
bit.”
“
Thank you,” he said quietly. A short silence passed between
us. “Henri knows, doesn’t he?” The doctor asked.
“
He does.” I didn’t see much point in lying.
“
I hope you can trust him, whoever he is.”
to Bickerstaff, whose emotions had receded to leave his usual stern
face. He wasn’t used to believing in people, not like Mam; he still
wouldn’t entertain a word of Henri’s story.
“
I know I can trust him,” I said. It was meant to come out
fierce, but I was too weak for the full emotion to find its
voice.
“
He’s a stranger,” Bickerstaff challenged.
“
Not to me,” I replied.
“
But how? How can you be sure of that?”
“
I have my reasons,” I replied, my face suddenly as stone-like
as his.
narrowed his eyes at me. “You know something we don’t.” It wasn’t a
question.
I nodded, but
gave no reply.
***
We spent
Henri’s birthday under a tree drinking orange pop and trying to
talk about subjects that didn’t lead back to the war. The news of
Clive and Ieuan had shaken Leigh out of his selfish reverie, so if
one good thing had come from the darkness it was the fact that my
brother had finally actually gotten to know Henri. He even sang
Happy Birthday in what he called ‘The Proper English Way’, laughing
so hard he could barely get the words out for lack of breath:
“
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you; you look like a
monkey and you smell like one too!”
for the first time in what seemed like forever and a warmth settled
in my chest, like things were finally going to get back to normal.
I sat in the dehydrated grass supporting my back against the tree
trunk, looking out across the pasture at the now-empty Pengelly
Cottage. Henri was sleeping in what was usually Ieuan’s room at Ty
Gwyn, but he didn’t seem to like spending much time in the room at
all when he was conscious. I could relate, knowing now that I was
sleeping in the sitting room of a man who would never come home to
it again was a hard thing to bear if I dwelt on it too much, but I
was getting better at not letting those thoughts ruin every day. We
all were, except for Mam.
When Leighton
went to get more pop, Henri came to the tree and sat down beside
me, putting a long arm around my shoulders and pulling me in. He
kissed the side of my head gently, his warm breath sinking into my
hair. He hadn’t tried to kiss me properly again even when there had
been opportunity for it, and I was sort of grateful for that. As
much as I wanted to feel that tingling, only-us-in-the-world
sensation again, right now the atmosphere just wasn’t right. But we
were always close to one another when we had the chance, I had
gotten so used to his arms around me that it felt like some part of
me was missing when he wasn’t there.
“
I’ll have to go into the village tomorrow,” he whispered, “to
pass my enlistment papers to the right people.”
blade sank slowly into my fragile heart, but I had always known
this day was coming.
“
It’ll take them a while to process it,” I said hopefully, “I
bet they’ve already got loads of boys waiting to go to basic
training.”
“
Perhaps,” he said softly, his lips still resting against my
head.
sharply to face him, searching his deep brown eyes. “I don’t want
you to go,” I said, racing to find his hand to hold it
tightly.
“
I won’t really be gone,” he replied, “You’ll always be able
to find me.”
“
That’s not the point,” I said, my curls shaking as I
trembled, “This is dangerous Henri, this is war.”
“
You forget where I’ve been already,” he said, turning his
face away to focus hard on the distance. He kept a firm hold of my
hand and gave it a good squeeze. “You came to my head in the quiet
times, the safe times. But I’ve already seen the destruction, the
danger and the death, Kit. I think there are two types of people
during war: those who see the horror happening and run away, never
looking back, and those who want to do something about it.” I felt
his other arm pull me in closer against his strong body. “You know
which type I am, so you know I have to go.”
say anything, because it was all true.
***
The days flew
by in a similar way until my next appointment with Bickerstaff came
around. Now that almost any short distance was doable on my
crutches and my arm strength had finally improved I was fairly
certain there was nothing the once-wicked doctor could do that
would overstrain me, especially since this time Henri’s watchful
eyes would be there to see the check-up. At any rate I was fairly
certain it wasn’t me he really wanted to see. Ness was terribly
excited to sit in the doctor’s lovely white car when it came for
us, the whole journey over the hill she crawled around at an
uncatchable pace to look out of every window and sit on every seat.
By the time we got to the cosy little waiting room Henri was
exhausted from trying to keep her still.
“
How does Blod cope with this?” Henri said as he brought the
struggling infant to sit on my lap, one of the few places she would
willingly stay still, “I’m going to have bruises all over my arms,
she’s a kicker.”
little smile and he put his hand on my shoulder, until we both saw
the old receptionist watching us, her eyes bright and her mouth
hanging open ready to gossip about us to whoever came in next.
Henri went to sit opposite us on a comfy looking chair, but no
sooner had he sunk his back into it then Bickerstaff poked his head
out of his office door.
“
Miss Cavendish, please.”
smiling, not even at Ness. Not a good sign at all.
I let Ness
wriggle off me and amble towards the office whilst I wheeled
behind. When we were settled in our usual places Bickerstaff’s
expression softened for just a moment as he crouched down in front
of his little girl, silently presenting her with something
yellow.
“
Lolly!” she cried happily, grabbing the confection and
stuffing it into her mouth. Bickerstaff picked her up awkwardly and
set her down on the edge of his desk, patting her head just the
once.
“
Sit still here,” he chided, “While I talk to these
two.”
and obeyed, which was most unusual given her wriggle-fest in the
car. Henri looked a little annoyed that she didn’t listen to him
that way, but I put it down to the fact that she was too
concentrated on slurping her lolly to want to do anything else.
When I looked back to the doctor he hadn’t sat back down. I
followed his grave expression to two brown letters on the desk in
front of him. He slowly picked one up and passed it across the
desk, right over my head, offering it to Henri.
