The Mistress Mistake (21 page)

One large hand slid down from her hair to
pinch her chin. "You think not? I think I am, so let's not put it
to the test. Be the smart girl I know you are and just nod your
head and agree with me."

She glared up at him, but took his advice and
nodded her head.

****

Now that Jessica was working, the next few
weeks flew by. Although not stimulating, her job wasn't boring.
True to his word, Connor picked her up every Monday and Wednesday.
The other nights, he came to her apartment at his usual time and
she was there waiting for him.

Between her job and Connor, she didn't have
much time for anything else and she didn't run into Eric or Travis
again. She spoke to Allison a few times, and told her she'd been
able to score the job, the scholarship and the apartment, and that
she was looking at getting a new roommate next year. Although a bit
sad, the other girl was in agreement with that, as long as they
stayed friends, as she wanted to stay on campus with her sorority
sisters.

Everything was working out well, except for
one major glitch. Connor's lovemaking had shifted, and not in a
good way. Most of the time he treated her as he had of late. He
looked into her eyes, held her tightly and made love to her in the
missionary style or sometimes with her on top. Those times were
amazing and she thought their relationship was evolving into
something more normal, maybe even something permanent.

But sporadically, and for no apparent reason,
he would revert back to his old way, and flip her to her stomach,
with little care for her pleasure, and stroke his way to orgasm. He
never said anything during those episodes, not while it was
happening and not after, and Jessica couldn't help but feel
hurt.

Sometimes she was so hurt and confused that
she wanted to tear her hair out and then roll into a tight little
ball and cry her eyes out. And it was that confusion that she put
down as the reason that she'd temporarily gone off her rocker and
done a bad thing.

A very, very,
bad thing
.

It happened after one of the wonderful
nights, a night when he'd made love to her. Infinite love, slow
love. He'd had her so upset the night before with the whole
flipping her to her stomach episode, that on this night, she'd been
thankful and almost tearful that he'd made love to her again. He'd
held her face in his hands, he'd looked into her eyes as he'd
slowly pumped into her and just before she crested the sun, she
whispered those horrible, sad, three little words. "I love
you."

He froze above her, obviously more shocked by
the words than she was herself. But then, his nostrils had flared
and he'd lost it--coming inside of her with a surge of power that
equaled the orgasm she was experiencing.

And she'd thought everything was okay for a
moment. But it wasn't, because she'd ruined it. Or maybe he'd
ruined it. It didn't really matter, because she couldn't take back
the words.

He'd pulled away from her and walked to the
bathroom as if he couldn't wait to escape from her.

And then it had only gotten worse. He'd come
out fully dressed a few minutes later and stopped by the bed to
look down at her. But before he could make a comment, his cell
phone rang and he scowled, but answered it.

"Yeah?" As he answered, his eyes landed on
Jessica and stayed on her. She felt like a fool lying there,
totally humiliated from what she'd told him, totally stupid. As he
stared down at her, with what looked to her to be accusing eyes,
she wanted to wave a wand and disappear or at least pretend it had
never happened. As she listened only half-heartedly to what seemed
to be a business conversation, her mind began wandering, trying to
blame anyone but herself for the words she'd so foolishly spoken.
Maybe if she'd had a decent mother growing up, she'd have known
better. Maybe a good mother would have taken the time to explain
the birds and the bees and to tell her the salient fact that if a
woman respected a man, and if the sexual chemistry was there and he
treated her well, that if she let him make love to her over and
over and over again, continually dropping her guard and letting him
see into her soul, then there was pretty much no question that she
would fall in love with him. But she hadn't had a decent mother,
and it hadn't occurred to Jessica that she would fall this deep,
this fast.

As she continued to lie there, feeling so
exposed it was cringeworthy, she slowly began to take in the one
side of the conversation she could hear. And when she did, her pain
and shame turned to anger so quickly she thought she might
combust.

She needed armor for what was about to go
down, and with her head spinning, she almost forgot about her
ridiculous confession as fury encompassed her. She glanced around
and hastily grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head.

As Connor ended the call and slipped the
phone in his pocket, Jessica scrambled off the bed on the opposite
side to where he stood. Heart clanging and nerves stretched, she
asked, "Who was that?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and gave
her his full attention once again. "Tiffany, a woman I contract to
do graphic design for the business."

"Did I just hear you agree to take her on
some kind of a date?"

His features turned to granite and his voice
hardened. "Not a date. She needs an escort to a wedding next
weekend."

"A wedding. How old is this woman,
exactly?"

"Why do you want to know?"

At his short, glacial question, Jessica lost
it entirely. "How the fuck old is she, Connor?"

"This isn't any of your business, Jessica.
This has nothing to do with any of the ground rules that you and I
have established. You don't get to question me like this."

"I don't, huh?" Rage such as she'd never
experienced shot through her veins like fire.

His jaw clenched. "No."

"You can't date anybody else, Connor."
Jessica laid it out for him in succinct words that he couldn't fail
to understand.

"I'm not going to fuck her, Jessica. She just
needs a goddamn escort on Saturday. I'm trying to be nice, like a
fucking gentleman."

"You can't be that naive, Connor! Have you
looked in a damn mirror lately? Trust me, she doesn't just want an
escort. She wants you."

"That's bullshit. She was very explicit. She
needs an escort, just this once."

"Like Anthony needs an escort for summer
mixer?" Jessica's rage infused her voice with disdain. "You
remember Anthony, right? The hot frat boy you very vocally told me
that I couldn't go to the water park with?" She threw the 'hot'
part in just to antagonize him as her eyes narrowed and her voice
hardened even more. "You go with her next weekend, then I'm going
with him . . . and it happens to be on Saturday. Isn't that just a
lucky coincidence?" Jessica laid the ultimatum down between them,
determination in every cell of her body.

He braced his legs apart and a menacing look
came over his face, one that Jessica should have heeded, but didn't
and she pushed him again, sarcasm lacing her tone. "So you decide
what you're going to do, and let me know soon, okay? Because I need
to tell Anthony."

His face contorted to a mask of fury, and he
began walking around the bed toward her. Jessica was too mad to be
scared, and she stood her ground, giving him a withering stare as
he approached her.

His hands landed on her shoulders and his
fingers bit into her flesh. "You're not fucking going anywhere with
anybody. Get that through that thick skull of yours."

"Are you going with her?"

"Yes."

She dipped her head as if her answer was
inevitable. "Well then, so am I."

His lips thinned in mounting rage. "I don't
pay you to date other men. I told you how this would be when we
started. You don't go anywhere with anybody but me. Nobody gets
near you. That's the deal. I
pay
you. You're mine. My rules.
End of fucking story!"

As his fingers bit into her, his words
pierced through her heart, and she felt her stomach fall and all
her hopes and dreams with it. Her anger slowly melted away and only
sadness remained. It was over.
It had to be over.
She
couldn't let him treat her like this, so it had to be over. Tears
came to her eyes, but she didn't care. She'd already humiliated
herself to the fullest by telling him she loved him. So a few tears
in front of him meant nothing in the long run.

She forced herself to calm down and impose an
iron control over the havoc that bled through her system. "I don't
want your money anymore, Connor. It was a mistake to begin with,
one I deeply regret and probably will for the rest of my life. But
at least now I know how you really feel about me . . . I'll never
be more to you than . . . " She shook her head. ". . . never mind."
Her voice fell flat as twin tears spilled over.

He stared down at her, his expression
inscrutable, and his lungs filled with a deep, hissing breath. "You
can't change the rules just because things aren't going the way you
want them to. You can't just blow me off. For one, you belong
to
me."
His hands tightened and his voice sharpened with anger.
"You're mine, Jessica, and you need to understand that shit
immediately. Secondly, you don't have enough money even with the
job." His voice became a snarling menace and Jessica inhaled
sharply and forbade herself the luxury of closing her eyes to shut
him out as he continued, even more hotly,
"And in addition to
all that, I signed a goddamn six month lease for you!"

"Let me go," she demanded in a flat, toneless
voice.

"What?"

"I want to step away from you. Let. Go. Of.
My. Arms." Determination reinforced every syllable she spoke.

He muttered a string of curses, but lifted
his hands from her in an exaggerated motion and she stepped back
from him immediately. "I'm not going to screw you on the lease. I
can't do anything about your signature on it, but you don't have to
pay for it anymore. I've got a roommate lined up for the fall
semester, and I have enough money to make it until then. I've also
been applying for every scholarship that I can get my hands on, and
I've had some success. So, you're off the hook."

The look on his face didn't indicate in any
way that he was pleased by anything she was saying. His features
hardened into a hostile glare and he studied her contemptuously.
"You've been a busy little girl, but you're not going to control
me, Jessica. Don't even think it."

"I'm not trying to control you. I just don't
want to take your money anymore. I don't want anything else to
change . . . not between us. I don't want to break up, but it
sounds like you--"

He cut in viciously, "We're not boyfriend and
girlfriend, or any such shit . . . so don't say juvenile crap like
breaking up
. Don't be ridiculous."

As his words sank in, she was pierced to the
quick.
Wow.
So now he was trying to hurt her. Not just hurt
her by accident or chance or by doing stupid stuff members of the
male sex were known to do, but intentionally. He was intentionally
trying to hurt her. And he didn't choose just any old day, nope,
not Connor. He picked the day she'd told him she loved him. So the
hurt was magnified ten-fold. Pain squeezed her heart, but luckily,
her pride chose that moment to kick in.

Jessica crossed her arms over her chest and
leaned against the bureau. "I guess that's it, then. There's
nothing left to talk about. I'm not going to let you pay me for sex
anymore, and you don't want a normal relationship."

"A normal relationship," he sneered. "That's
what you want?"

"Yes." She'd never get what she wanted if she
didn't speak up so she lifted her chin.

"How exactly do you see this 'normal
relationship', going? What exactly do you want?"

"A committed relationship--"

"I gave you that!"

"Until you decided you wanted to go on a date
with someone else, but won't let me do the same! That's not
equality. The relationship needs to be on equal footing. You don't
make the rules; I don't make the rules.
We
make the rules.
And we don't go out with anyone else."

"What else do you want?"

"Nothing," she shrugged as nonchalantly as
possible and then just went for the rest since she'd already
spilled the beans anyway. "I just want someone to love me as much
as I love him."

"You're trying to control me, Jessica."

"What is this damn hang-up you have about
control? Something your wife did to you?"

"Don't. Go. There.
Ever."

"Whatever, Connor."

Silence, heavy and thick rose up between them
as they studied each other. He looked deep in thought, so Jessica
stayed quiet and allowed him some time. When he spoke, his words
sounded lifeless and deflated. "I'm not ready to give you what you
want. It's too soon and I'm not . . . "

"That's fine," she said as gently as she
could manage. She tried to remember that he'd only recently lost
the love of his life and her feelings weren't the only ones that
mattered. She did care for him, very much, and Jessica knew he was
fighting some kind of inner demon. "I hope you find what it is
you're looking for." She wasn't going to prolong this. She'd made
it this far without falling on the floor and crying her eyes out
but she knew that she couldn't hang on for much longer. Walking
from the bedroom, she went and stood by the front door. He followed
her partway, and stood just inside the living room. "It was nice
knowing you." She bit her lip. "Thanks for everything."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"No. You helped me when I needed help and--"
Her voice cracked and she stopped talking.

Connor came up beside her and lifted her
chin. "This isn't over. I need some time." His eyes turned hot and
then cold again as his gaze filled with hostility. "But I'm going
to tell you one thing and you better listen and listen good. You
best keep those pretty little legs closed, understand me? If I even
so much as catch a hint that some dude's sniffing around you,
there'll be hell to pay."