The Moon Rises (47 page)

“Then act differently. If you seem desperate, act
the opposite and see if it makes a difference?”

“It’s too late. People get an idea about someone
and the image sticks. I’m the loud goofball cocktease. You’re the beautiful idiot.”

“You shouldn’t give up. Just try to be different.
Well not too different because I like you the way you are, but maybe you
shouldn’t be so mean to Michael.”

“I’m not mean to Finn, but he doesn’t ask me out
even though his mother wants him to.”

Gigi didn’t want Ella anywhere near Finn and the
jealousy she felt hurt her stomach.

“Finn is too soft for you. You need someone
tougher because you’re tough. Michael’s tough, but so are a lot of Weres. You
need to act softer though so the males can feel like they’re in charge. Oh, and
you need to tell Declan to stop calling dibs so you can get a date.”

“I know you think it’s that easy, but it’s not.
If I fake being someone else, the guy will either figure it out or he’ll only
like the lie. I am who I am and that means I get to be alone.”

Gigi slurped the last of her soda then sighed.
“If I had let people make the rules, I wouldn’t have saved Justine. If I had
waited for the pack guys to save her, she might be gone or at least the monster
bird would have gotten away. I think maybe you need to stop doing stuff just
because you think you have to, Ella. Someone told me the Circle is full of
freaks. Everyone here is different and people like me because I can’t hide how
different I am. I stare when I’m not supposed to. I say stupid stuff because I
don’t know how to fake being smart. I just do what I want because I don’t know
how to do anything else. Maybe you need to stop caring what everyone else wants
and figure out if you like being the way you are? I think you only mess with
Michael because you like him and resent the fact that he doesn’t like you.
Problem with you being mean to Michael is that you can’t be sure if he would be
mean to you if you weren’t always messing with him. If you were nicer, maybe
he’d kiss you? Yet maybe Michael isn’t right for you, but once you can get one
guy to make a move, it might make it easier for others to try. I know they like
you. I’m not the only one they check out.”

Ella finished her Chinese noodles and studied
Gigi. “Are you dating Finn?”

Gigi nodded. “Don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret
and we can’t be together if people find out.”

“Because of Declan?”

“Maybe. Someone threatened to hurt me if Finn
dated me so he wanted to stay away. I made him date me though and now he loves
me. I don’t care about the rules. I want Finn and he’s mine.”

Ella grinned. “You’re a little vixen, aren’t
you?”

Gigi shook her head. “Someone took my memories
and put rules in my head and they watch over me enough to know when I need
healing. They could be using me as an experiment. They could even be the one
who took Sara and the other girls. Simon thinks people will want to use my
blood as a weapon. He says Vamps might want to kill me to keep me from being
used. I have all these unknowns and I don’t know how long I’ll be allowed to
live. I have to take chances now because I might not have a tomorrow.”

Gigi felt like maybe she was explaining things to
Ella, just in case she died and the others wondered why she behaved so recklessly.

“Finn’s a good guy. I used to have a crush on him,
but he and Declan think of me as their sister,” Ella said, fiddling with her
straw. “Did Finn tell you we went on a date once?”

Gigi shook her head as her stomach clenched with
jealousy again.

“We tried to act like it was a date, but ended up
playing laser tag and eating pizza. I really dug him, but he didn’t dig me. He
digs you though. I’m glad he ended up with someone good and I won’t tell anyone
you’re dating. I know Declan wants you. While I don’t think he’d hurt you or
Finn, I don’t think he’s above making threats.”

“Thank you. I love Finn, but he’s nervous about
someone finding out.”

“Lips are sealed, G. Oh, and I’ll take your advice
and play it cool at our next poker game. I don’t think it’ll make a difference,
but if you believe I mess with Mike because I dig him then he might think it
too. No need to make his ego bigger.”

Gigi smiled, hopeful about Ella finding a boyfriend.
The males just needed a push and maybe Ella would figure out a way to give them
the green light. The idea of all those males in a holding pattern and suddenly
pouncing on Ella made Gigi smile as she told her friend goodbye.

When Gigi stopped at Anton’s office, she was
startled to find the front area empty. It was well past lunch, but the guys and
Melanie were gone. The sound of typing from the back office alerted Gigi to
Anton’s presence. She hadn’t been alone with him since they talked about why he
stood her up. Since then Gigi fell in love with Finn, but her heart still hurt
when she thought about Anton. Maybe Anton’s loneliness could be fixed while
solving Ella’s problem.

Knocking lightly on his open door, Gigi waited
for Anton’s reaction, unsure if he was angry with her. His expression did look
a bit irritated until he saw her then those dark eyes warmed.

“Gigi,” he said in barely more than a whisper.

“Can I speak with you?”

Anton nodded, pushing away his keyboard and
watching her intently as she sat across from him.

“I’m sorry…”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she
interrupted. “I’m still mad at you and I don’t like being mad at you.”

Anton nodded, looking scolded. “I understand.”

“I’m more sad than angry, I think,” she added.
“But anger feels better so I need to be mad for a little while longer. That’s
not what I wanted to talk about though.”

“What do you need?” he asked softly.

Gigi felt uneasy under his gaze. In the past she
thought his expression was full of love, but now she didn’t know what it meant
besides lust. Swallowing hard, she made herself remember the way Finn smiled at
her that morning when he woke up feeling frisky.

“You said you liked Ella’s freckles.  Do you like
the rest of her too?”

Anton frowned, clearly not expecting her
question. “Yes. I like Ella.”

“Do you want to date her?”

Anton flinched, looking as if she slapped him.
His eyes studied the room, avoiding her gaze, and then he sighed.

“Ella is part of Declan’s pack. It wouldn’t be
appropriate for me to date her.”

“You could sneak around like you wanted to do
with me. I know Ella has a big mouth, but she would keep quiet if she could
have a boyfriend. Would you like to be her boyfriend?”

“Did she send you here?”

“No, but whenever she talks about Weres who never
ask her out, she mentions you. I know you’re lonely. You and Ella are both
beautiful and Weres and lonely.”

Gigi knew Ella liked Michael, but it wasn’t clear
if Michael liked Ella. He was a difficult male to read. He acted like he hated
Gigi, like she was the dumbest, most annoying creature he had ever met, but she
knew for a fact he liked her and would have sex with her if Finn wasn’t in the
picture. Before Sara disappeared, Michael treated her like shit, but he mourned
her and fell into spells of silence whenever her name was mentioned. Michael
was complicated and it was possible he didn’t like Ella or would only want to
sleep with her and toss her out of his bed. Ella was a virgin and deserved
better. While Anton might not want a mate, he would be gentle with Ella like
Finn was with Gigi.

“Gigi,” Anton began then lost the words. He finally
sighed, “I love you.”

A shivered rushed over Gigi and she pushed deep
into the chair. “We can’t be together. It’s fate.”

“Fate?”

“The night of our date just happens to be the
night Roger returns. It was fate. We aren’t supposed to be together. I would
have given you my virginity and thought it meant more than it did because I
never listened when you said you couldn’t have a mate. I’m still confused about
relationship stuff. Like I thought you would be happy that I asked you about
Ella, but you’re not happy, are you?”

Anton watched her with eyes overflowing with some
emotion Gigi didn’t understand. He finally shook his head.

“I don’t want to date Ella.”

“Because you don’t like her?”

“Because I like you.”

“But you’re lonely and it’s fate we’re not together.”

“The reason we’re not together isn’t fate. It’s
me. I chose poorly and now I’m alone. Dating Ella wouldn’t fix that.”

“But if you chose differently, I would have given
you my virginity and then you would have dumped me. I would have hated you if
you did that and I don’t want to hate you. I care about you and want you to be
happy.”

Anton sighed deeply and stared hard at the wall. “I
never would have dumped you because I never would have been strong enough to
let you go.”

Gigi hated feeling so much need for Anton when
she loved Finn, but the Were owned a piece of her heart. No matter her feelings
though, Anton and Finn both made choices that fateful night. One led away from
Gigi while one led towards her. It was fate and no amount of second guessing
changed how when she had wanted Anton, he chose to leave her while Finn chose
to stay.

“You’re lonely. You think you love me because you
want things you can’t have. You’re not your own male. You said that.”

When Anton just watched her, Gigi thought he
looked tired.

“I know I hurt you and it might be easier for you
to think my feelings are complicated, but they’re not. I love you, but I made a
mistake that night because I was scared. It’s not complicated at all.”

“But you loved me before you knew me. That makes
no sense.”

“You’re special. Everyone knows that. I fell in
love with you because I knew how special you were even before I kissed you. The
night in the alley when I thought I would lose you, I understood what I was
losing. I know you need things to make sense because it’s new for you, but not
everything falls into order that way.”

“You just need to date so you won’t be lonely.”

“Gigi,” he said too strongly and she flinched.
Anton took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “I am not a virgin. I’ve dated
plenty of females before I met you and dating never made the loneliness go away.
Why would it fix anything now that I know who I want?”

“We can’t be together. It’s fate.”

“Fate implies I didn’t make a choice that night.
A choice I wish I could take back.”

Gigi thought to tell Anton about Finn, but she
feared he might react out of spite and refuse to keep their secret. She also
sensed it would hurt him to know she loved someone else and Anton already
looked unhappy enough.

“I shouldn’t have bothered you. I just wanted to
make things better, but I made them worse,” Gigi said and the pain of the night
when he rejected her returned. Sobbing, she wished she hadn’t spoken to him,
but she wanted to fix things in case she died. “I’m sorry.”

Anton came around the desk and pulled her into
his arms. Unlike the day they argued in his office, this time she let him hold
her. She wanted to tell him goodbye and let him know she didn’t blame him. He
always told her the truth about not having a mate, but she hadn’t listened
because she wanted a different outcome. She didn’t say these things now because
she didn’t want him to suspect her plan to kill the master.

“I miss you,” Anton said in a soft, yet desperate
voice as he held her. “I hate the choice I made that night and I need you to
give me another chance.”

“I can’t,” Gigi mumbled, pulling away. “It was
fate.”

Anton sighed and looked exhausted as if he could
no longer hide his true feelings. Gigi again wished she could tell him about
Finn so he wouldn’t think she was just punishing him. Yet the truth wouldn’t necessarily
help. Anton needed to feel hope. Even as she pushed him away, Gigi found the words
to make him see a hopeful possibility without outright lying to him.

“It was fate that night. I know you can’t see it,
but I believe it was meant to happen the way it did. Maybe one day it’ll be
fate for us to have another chance, but we can’t force it. Fate is just another
word for God and you can’t make God do things.”

The way Anton studied her face made Gigi think
her words did give him hope without promising another chance. While she wanted
to keep Finn forever, Anton was lonely and afraid of the future. Yet one day if
he survived the war, he might find a female who would make him happy.

“I should go before the others come back and see
me crying,” Gigi finally said as she wiped tears from her face. “The guys get
weird when I cry.”

Anton forced a smile, but his eyes were lost with
need. He truly believed Gigi was his only chance at love and he resented
himself for not reaching for the opportunity to be happy. Even loving Finn,
Gigi resented Anton a little too because some part of her would always wonder
what might have happened if he hadn’t left that night and she hadn’t gone home
to Finn. Now they would never know.