The More I See (17 page)

Sometimes all you had was hope. And she knew firsthand that technology was changing every day. For Cody's doctor to want to try again, he had to feel some confidence that this time it would work. Surely he'd spare Cody the heartbreak otherwise.

"That's wonderful, Cody. You must be thrilled."

"If it's so wonderful, how come you're not giving me a big hug?"

Lyssa closed her eyes and sighed. He was way too good at reading her. His smile faltered as he said the words. She wanted so much to be in his arms right then. But she feared he'd see right through her. And she didn't quite know how to put these irrational feelings she'd been having into words.

Still, it wasn't fair to deny him the joy he felt. Putting the wine glass down, she leaned closer to him. She pushed off his hat, and taking his face in her hands, she kissed him. It was sweet and quick and she had to suck in a breath for fear a sob would escape her lips.

He smiled, reaching his arm around her to give her a squeeze. "That's better. Now I have a favor to ask."

"What's that?"

"I'd like you to be there for the surgery."

"While you're having it?"

He shook his head. "Not in the room. I'd just like it if you were there. I know it'll probably be boring hanging around during the operation. It's just..."

She closed her eyes. "Cody, I'm not sure I'm even going to be here next week."

There, she'd said it. They'd both put off talking about her leaving.

Cody didn't immediately react to the news. He just sat there, lifted his glass to his lips, and took another sip of wine as if weighing her words as he would savor the first drop of wine.

He cleared his throat. "What's so pressing that you need to go running off now?"

"Nothing that hasn't been there all along. My work."

He simply nodded.

"The school was prepared for me to be here the four weeks, but now ..."

"You've finished your business here?"

Her shoulders sagged and she pulled away from him, glancing down at her hands folded in her lap.

"Cody, you don't need me anymore. You really haven't needed me for days now. But other students do."

"I see. I thought you liked being here at the ranch."

Her heart broke, and she had to clamp her teeth down on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. "I do."

His lips lifted a fraction. "Then there's no reason you can't stay for a while longer."

"There's another class starting in a matter of days. Other students that need to be trained.

It's time for me to go home."

Even as she said the words they gnawed at her.

"Other students, huh?"

"It was never supposed to be forever, Cody."

She said the last part quietly, almost to herself, as if it would somehow convince her too.

"Things are different now than when you came here."

Her heart ached just thinking about it. Things had changed, for her anyway. She'd fallen in love with Cody, despite knowing it would only hurt her in the end.

She pushed an errant strand of hair from her face that the wind insisted on forcing back in front of her eyes. "In some ways nothing has changed."

He laughed. "Darlin', a whole lot has changed for me since the day you stepped onto that patio by the pool. You mean to tell me I'm wrong about that? I wasn't just dreaming about you being in my arms, Lys. You were there. Both of us together."

"My reason for being here hasn't changed."

"Why should it change anything?"

"Because it does. I have to leave, Cody."
Or I'm never going to know if what you feel for
me is real.
"I'm your instructor. You're my student. Feelings have a way of getting mixed up in a situation like ours."

"Funny. All this time I was thinking . . ."

"What?"

"That what we had was special. A relationship."

She smiled, but didn't feel it in her heart. "Of course it is, Cody. We've become close."

His voice dripped with sarcasm as he spoke. "Close. Is that how you see us?"

Lyssa fought the tears that were filling her eyes, but one escaped anyway and slowly trailed down her cheek. "I like being with you, Cody."

He simply nodded.

"You don't understand," she said, shaking her head.

"No, I hear what you're saying, Lyssa. There's never been anything wrong with my hearing."

She inched closer to him, wanting to reach her hand up to touch him, but held herself back. "No, I don't think you really do. You see, I've been here before. I know what it's like to have someone come into your world and change it. I'd been with Chad for over a year and I thought I loved him."

Cody turned away from her, effectively shutting her out as far as she could tell. But she reached for him, placing her hands on both sides of his face, forcing him to face her, even if he couldn't see her. She needed him to understand.

"Chad was my instructor and I thought he was my world. What I didn't know until I was finally able to see with my eyes was that he was in love with my sister."

Cody mumbled something under his breath that Lyssa was sure she didn't need to know.

"Thing is, as crushed as I was at first, I realized that I wasn't actually seeing Chad for who he was. There were a lot of things I had refused to see about us because I really wanted what I thought we had to be real."

"And it wasn't?"

"No. I thought I needed him. I thought he was my soul mate, if you believe in such things. And I did. But I realized soon after we broke up that I'd made up a lot of what I thought we had because I wanted it to be true. And everything we didn't have had been plain the whole time. I just didn't want to see it."

"You think I'm doing that with us."

She closed her eyes. "I don't know. I really don't. All I know is that when I leave here, you're going to be fine without me."

"No, I need you, Lys." He reached for her hand, stroking her skin with his fingers.

"You think you do. But you're going to be fine without me, Cody."

The tears she fought to hold back fell freely now. "This wasn't one-sided, Cody. Being here with you has made me find something I didn't know existed in me before."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. "Then what are you so afraid of now? That my feelings for you aren't real? Because let me tell you, there's never been anything that has felt more real to me in my life that this, holding you like this. Or is this something you're not willing to take a risk on?"

"I've never been much for risks."

"I thought it could be ... never mind. Drink your wine."

She stared down at the glass she'd propped on the blanket before she'd moved closer to Cody. It was too far to reach.

No matter. Lyssa didn't much feel like celebrating. But this wasn't about them. It never really was. A few kisses. Some softly spoken words didn't make reality any different. It didn't mean they were forever.

Truth was, Lyssa truly did want it to be forever. But some crucial things hadn't even come into play yet. Cody needed to think about his surgery. And Lyssa wanted so desperately for him to see her exactly as he saw her now. She wanted him to always believe she was the beautiful woman he saw in his mind. And she desperately wanted to believe that all these feelings he felt for her were real. If he got his eyesight back, he wouldn't need her reassuring hand anymore. He wouldn't look at her the same way at all.

"I need to check in with Catherine, the director of the school. If it means that much to you that I be there for your surgery, then I'll be there." They had, at the very least, a friendship that she wouldn't deny or ignore. And she would be there for Cody even if the next few days were nothing but torture.

"It does," he said, his voice very quiet. "Thank you."

No matter how strong a man Cody was, he was still afraid and Lyssa recognized the fear his voice held. Her heart ached for him as she recalled the fright she'd felt just before her operation. There was always hope for a miracle, but it was riddled with a gnawing fear that that miracle would never come.

Cody had already undergone surgery before, only to be denied his miracle. Something told Lyssa that this time around they were both going to need one.

* * *

The morning of Cody's surgery had come quicker than anyone had anticipated. It brought with it both anticipation and anxiety for Lyssa. Cody could possibly be able to see the world around him again. But that meant Lyssa had to leave.

Beau was already in the kitchen when she walked in that morning. Cody was still

upstairs, tending to Otis and packing an overnight bag for his stay at the hospital. Beau poured himself a cup of coffee and joined her at the table before he said a word.

"Isadore asked me to give this to you before she left for the market," he said, sliding a folded pink slip of paper across the table.

Lyssa swallowed a sip of coffee before reaching for the slip and giving it a quick glance.

She groaned when she read the message from Catherine. She folded the paper and stuffed it in her pocket.

Beau stared down into his cup. "He's not the same man he was when you first got here."

"No, he's not."

"Never thought I'd see it. He's actually smiling. Half the time I don't even think he knows it, but you've gone and made him happy. It's the damnedest thing."

"It's not me, it's him."

Beau looked at her directly. "You underestimate yourself and what you do for him."

Lyssa shook her head and laughed. "You're giving me too much credit, and you underestimate him. You've all been doing it for months. When a person gets down like Cody was, it's hard to see a way out. But now he's done it. He's climbed out of that hole. No matter what happens with this surgery, I don't think he'll be going back."

"That was one hell of a climb."

"Yes, it was."

"I'm glad you were there to help him."

"I didn't do anything more than my job, Beau."

"Didn't you?"

"I did my job. Cody did the rest."

Beau sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I haven't been around much these last few years, but I know my brother. He's not one to come right out and say what's on his mind unless he's ticked off. And then he says plenty. Unfortunately, I've been on the receiving end of that on more occasions than I care to mention."

A smile tugged at her lips. "He says what needs to be said."

"I hope so. And if he's not, I hope you're looking at his words real hard and reading between the lines."

Leaning forward, Beau rested his elbows on the table, arms crossed in front of him.

"There aren't a whole lot of women who would have lasted past that first afternoon with Cody, never mind a month. You're still here. And he's listening to you. You're like a beacon of light to him and I can see it. That says something to me."

Lyssa was quiet, weighing her thoughts before she spoke. She and Cody hadn't hidden their relationship from anyone over the past few weeks. They'd kissed passionately in front of a crowd of people at the dance hall. And there wasn't anyone on the ranch who hadn't witnessed some form of affection they'd expressed these last few weeks. But they didn't know reality as she knew it.

She stifled a sigh as she rose from the table and poured her coffee down the drain of the sink. She didn't want to delve into those issues now with Beau. She'd tossed them around in her head a hundred times over the past few nights, wondering if she was being fair to Cody and to herself. All she knew for sure was that this message from Catherine meant the clock had run out on any time that she and Cody had had.

"I'll be leaving the ranch and going back to Houston."

Lyssa didn't volunteer the fact that she should have already gone. She should have left a week ago. If Catherine had had her way, she'd already be back at the school.

But something kept her here at the ranch. Cody. Breaking away from what she felt for him in her heart was the hardest thing she'd ever had to deal with.

"I know," Beau said.

"I promised Cody I'd stay for his surgery. It's important to him that I be there. After all he's been through, I'm not going to let him down. But the deal was for me to stay only a month."

"You can wrap your feelings around any kind of deal you want if it makes you happy, Lyssa. I don't care. All I'm saying is that it's real nice having you here. And I like seeing my brother happy. Maybe you should think about working that into one of your deals."

She smiled and turned to face him, tears stinging her eyes. "Have you always played matchmaker for Cody?"

Beau chuckled and shook his head. "Hell no. He can do that pretty well on his own. I just want to make sure he's not fool enough to let the one good thing in his life slip through his hands."

She couldn't help it. A blush rose, thick and hot, from her toes to her eyebrows. Charm ran deep and strong in the Gentry men. She ought to know. She was well over the moon in love with one of them.

* * *

The procedure lasted no more than an hour. Cody had been through it before, pacing himself through every step with his nerves eating his insides. The cornea was to be placed in his left eye, the one that was less damaged—not that it had mattered the first time. The graft still hadn't taken.

"I'm getting ready to drop the new cornea in place, Cody," Dr. Curtis said. "Let me know what you see, if anything."

Immediately upon contact darkness became light and he could see. Cody wanted to blink, but his eyelids were pulled apart to prevent him from doing so. Nothing was clear. Dr. Curtis dripped a few drops in his eye to moisten it and within a few seconds the blurriness began to subside.

"Anything?" the doctor asked.

"Yes."

Cody's heart swelled and he wanted to break down and cry. The fear he felt inside was just too palpable. To have his sight, even for only a moment, seemed like a miracle. The chance of this graft not taking was the same as it had been before. His burns had been deep. But there was hope. Always hope.

His voice was slurred from the medication they'd given him. "Before you put the bandage over my eyes, I'd like for my friend to come in. Just for a second. I want to see her."