The Mourning Woods - 03 (22 page)

“Don’t say another fucking word!” Sally shouted, bursting through the ratty curtain dividing our space. All three of us were momentarily stunned into silence, not so much by Sally yelling - that was normal - but by the fact that she was wearing a short night shirt and not much else.

Seeing us all gaping, she gave a quick sigh and said, “Take a picture, it lasts longer. Seriously, Bill, not a word.”

She quickly went back to her side. Tom, Ed, and I exchanged confused looks all the while. A few moments later, she reappeared, hastily dressed. She grabbed her coat, then stalked outside.

“What the hell was that about?” I asked.

“Maybe she’s on the rag,” Tom offered.

“Do vampires even do that?” Ed asked.

“How should I know? Hell, I kinda assumed Sally was permanently PMSing.”

Her odd behavior aside, I quickly brought my friends up to speed on our visitor from the night before.

“So let me get this straight,” Ed said, once I had finished my tale, “This Alex dude wants you to take charge of things, even if it means purposely pissing off the guy who knocked us all for a loop with just three words yesterday. Am I correct?”

“More or less.”

“It’s a good thing we came along then.”

“Why?” I protested. “Don’t you get it? We thought we were maybe wading into shit before. Instead we’re dog-paddling way over our head now.”

“Exactly,” Ed replied. “Everyone else thinks Tom and I are your advisors. Well, I guess we really are now. Well I am, anyway.”

“What about me?” Tom protested.

“Sorry, man, but even you have to admit your snap judgments sort of suck.”

Tom looked a bit crestfallen at that, but he also didn’t protest either. I clapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Don’t worry. I still need you there, even if it’s just to back me up.”

“I’m there.”

“Cool. Although I hate to say it, but you’ll probably need to ix-nay any forest-side trysts with Christy for now.”

“No prob, dude. Besides, it’s pretty fucking cold up here. My dick would probably just freeze and snap off anyway.”

“Thanks for the visual,” I replied, right before we all started laughing.

* * *

After getting dressed, I walked out of the tent in search of Sally. I didn’t have to go far. She was standing a couple dozen yards away, facing the tree line.

“See any knotholes that you feel like competing against?” I asked, walking up behind her. Her response was a quick lifting of her arm followed by her middle finger. Ignoring it, I continued, “So what the hell was that back there?”

“Protection,” she replied.

“For what?”

“Not for what, for who,” she stated. “For
you
and those two fleshbags you keep around.”

“I’m not following.”

“Color me surprised,” she mumbled before answering. “I’m here for you - well OK, I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t dragged me into it - but since you did, I’m here for you. We are partners, for better or worse. But there’s a problem.”

“What?”

“Francois.”

“I kinda figured he wasn’t exactly on our side.”

“No, you don’t understand. You remember yesterday, that compulsion he threw out?” I nodded and she continued. “The guy didn’t look like he put any effort into it, yet he bowled over both my and Nergui’s defenses like they were tissue paper.”

“You’re afraid he might compel you to act against me?”

“Maybe, but if he did, you’d probably see it coming. A compulsion like that wouldn’t be too subtle. What I’m more afraid of is him using me as a spy of sorts.”

“Wouldn’t I notice that too?”

“Not if he just compelled me to spill my guts and tell him everything I know.”

“Ah, I see,” I said. “That’s why you stormed off a few minutes ago.”

“Yes. For right now at least, the less I know that’s not common knowledge, the better off you’ll be.”

I was touched. Sometimes it was easy to forget that in some ways Sally and I were every bit as close as I was with my roommates. She could be a caustic, bitter, sarcastic bitch, but when the shit hit the fan, it was always awesome to see her step up to the plate. Sure, some of it wasn’t exactly altruism on her part. We both knew that she benefited greatly ever since I took over our coven. Still, she could easily broker favor with a higher ranking vampire like Francois by fucking me over. That she was going out of her way to do otherwise was pretty goddamned cool. If I didn’t think I would get decked for the effort, I’d give her a big ol’ hug.

“Fair enough,” I replied. “Just know one thing.”

“I’m already aware of how tight my ass is.”

“Besides that. If I start doing anything stupid in there today...” She raised an amused brow at that. “You know what I mean. If I do anything that seems to go against Francois’s rules, just know that I’m doing it on purpose and not just to piss him off. Well OK, part of it might be to just piss him off. I might as well enjoy myself while I can.”

“OK. Thanks for the heads up. Oh, and if I start getting that glazed look in my eye, you have permission to slap me back to reality.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Just don’t screw it up. Hit me when I’m not compelled and I’ll strangle you with your own intestines.”

Somehow, I knew she wasn’t quite joking on that last one.

* * *

My conversation with Sally quickly fell back into our usual bickering. She was in the middle of complaining about the lack of facilities (it was a fair bet that within a few days we were all going to be smelling about as good as our hosts), when suddenly a shadow fell upon where we stood. We both looked up to find a Bigfoot towering over us. As with the other day, it had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. How could something so big be so quiet?

“
We begin soon,
” the creature grumbled. “
Eat now.
”

“Eat?”

“
I leave food for you in hut.
”

“Thank you, Grulg,” Sally replied. At that, he grunted and lumbered off.

“That was Grulg?” I asked once he was out of earshot.

“Yeah.”

“How could you tell?”

“By scent. Each of these creatures has a
unique
odor,” she replied, wrinkling her nose.

“Oh. I didn’t think of that. Been mostly breathing through my mouth since we got here.”

“You, a mouth breather? What a surprise. Oh, well, let’s go see what our gracious hosts have left us for breakfast.”

* * *

We returned to find Tom and Ed sitting at a makeshift table, several crude bowls in front of them. Ed was busy duct-taping a heavy duty flashlight to the barrel of his gun, while Tom was eating.

“I hear room service has been by,” I said, walking over to them.

“Yep,” Ed replied, finishing up his makeshift night scope. “Sadly, the breakfast buffet in this place leaves a lot to be desired.”

“The nuts and berries aren’t so bad,” Tom commented, scoping up a handful. “Tastes kind of like trail mix.”

“I guess so,” agreed Ed, “But just between us, I’m going to pass on the grubs.” He indicated a bowl in the middle, within which several fat bugs squirmed.

“Nice,” I said. “Nuts and berries it is then.” I reached for the bowl in front of Tom, but he slapped my hand.

“Not so fast.
This
sumptuous feast is
ours
. They dropped
your
meal off in the corner there, or can’t you smell it?”

I turned, taking a breath through my nose and then it hit me. “What the fuck is that?”

“Offhand,” said Sally, stepping over to the source of the stench. “I’d say it was the world’s unluckiest hiker.”

Sure enough, she was right. Lying in the corner was a human corpse, all decked out in cold weather camping gear. Judging by the condition of the body, though, it wasn’t exactly a fresh kill.

“Been dead for about three weeks I’d say,” Sally continued, adding a sarcastic edge to her voice. “So nice of the Bigfeet to stock their larders for us ahead of time.”

“I’ll pass,” I said, stepping over to our cooler. I opened it and noticed just two pints of blood left. “Want one?” I asked Sally.

“You keep it. You like the bottled stuff anyway.”

“You’re not going to actually chew into that are you?”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m going to go out and wander around a bit. I’m willing to bet some of the other vamps here have brought along something a little fresher.”

“Going to bat your eyelashes and convince them to invite you over?”

“Hell, yeah,” she said, walking toward the entrance. “If you’ve got it, use it...and I’ve definitely got it.” With that, she stepped back outside.

She had a point. I knew Sally was over fifty years old, although she was pretty coy about her exact age. *sigh* Even immortal chicks were freaky about those things. Still, regardless of how old she was, I was fairly sure it had been a long time since she had stepped into a bar and paid for her own drinks. I had little doubt when next we met that she’d show up well fed.

So that left me. I downed one of the pints immediately. That would leave me good to go for now. Unfortunately, these talks were bound to last a while. No point in suffering needlessly. I looked again in the cooler and found a near-empty Snapple bottle. I finished off the contents, then poured the remaining blood into it. Remembering one of the primary lessons learned in college, I pulled out a pen and wrote “BILL
”
on the label. I don’t know if Sasquatches drink blood or not, but better safe than having one of those ugly motherfuckers backwash in my drink. That would just be nasty.

That being done, I cleaned myself up as best as I could. When finished, I asked my friends, “So what do you think? Do I look ready to save the world?”

“If they’re judging you by appearance,” Ed replied. “Then I’d say the world is fucked.”

“Works for me. If I’m going to plunge this planet into a global genocide, I’d prefer to be comfortable doing so.”