Authors: Helen Topping Miller
Mike was a little staggered.
He had been braced against this meeting, but he was not quite ready. He had meant to choose the time and the place; he had meant to rehearse a little, invent a speech, practise a mood, and there he had been slowed down, knowing Harriet Hillery. Knowing her cool directness, her keenness at seeing through people, probing their pretensions, discounting their emotions. She approached every situation, with a clear-eyed and almost deadly calm, and a courage that made strong men appear weak. And now she stood up and held out her hand, looking levelly and coolly into his eyes.
“I'm the forgotten woman,” she said, her head up and a little flicker of laughter around her mouth, “but we can still shake hands.”
“I was going to call you, Harrieâthis morning. Hello, Bill.”
For the first time in his brash young life, Mike was at a loss. He felt, somehow, about two inches high. He felt low enough to walk under a door without opening it. He felt defensiveâand crummy.
“Sit down,” said Bill Foster, “we were just talking about you.”
“My ears were singeing my hat. Couldn't think what it wasâI knew it wasn't the climate.”
“Cut the comedyâand you might explain what you're doing here.” Bill did not warm up to Mike's accustomed manner. “No
copy for four daysâand you walk in.”
“Got the copy here,” Mike slapped his pocket but he did not sit down. He was feeling strange and troubled, and he wanted to meet it standing up. “And I had to come home, Billâpersonal reasons.”
“We were talking about your personal reasons.” Bill put his hands together severely, and essayed a magisterial look. He could do itâbehind a desk that hid his round, jovial stomach. “Sit down and deliver. What about this red-headed girl?”
“She's my wife,” Mike jerked his mouth into a slit, “and we won't discuss her.”
Harriet Hillery moved her hands a little in her lap, but not even an eyelid flickered.
Bill Foster scowled. “All right, we won't discuss her. We'll discuss youânot the way you treat your friendsâthat's your business. But I suppose you know that your stuff has been rotten latelyâand that's my business. We've had kicks from half a dozen papers. If getting married makes a lousy writer out of you, that's certainly my business!”
Mike sat down. He had to sit down. “You sent me to write about South America, and I wrote about it. I thought my stuff was pretty good.”
“You wrote about moonlight and mountains and old ruins and dancing Indians,” growled Bill.
Mike's dazed and unhappy look moved over Harriet, briefly. The look said, “Does she have to hear this?” but Bill Foster was adamant.
“I sent you down there to get angles on political affairs,” he said, “not on moonlightâwe've got moonlight up here, we've even got it in the Bronx.”
“You can't touch that political situation,” Mike said hotly. “They're cageyâand even if you got anything, the State Department would kill it.”
“Since when did the State Department ever put a halter on you? I seem to remember stuff that came out of Pragueâand Barcelona.”
“Bill, Dave Martin's down there. Dave can't touch it either. He's fooling around with nitrate fields and suspected air bases.”
“Even a suspected air base beats a lot of goat-drivers sleeping in the sun. Three times you used those goats. One time would have been bad enoughâbut to cram goats into a syndicate column three timesâI suppose this is some more of the same?” Bill turned over the copy Mike had flung on the desk.
“More of the same,” said Mike bitterly.
“Don't want it.” Bill tossed the yellow sheets into the wastebasket.
“I want it.” Mike retrieved the copy angrily. “I'm going to put that stuff into a book.”
Bill pushed his lower lip up under his thick nose.
“He's going to write a book! In a world crawling with travel books, he's going to write another oneâall full of dancing Indians! Listen, bridegroom, your personal affairs may be none of my businessâand the things your best friends are saying about you may not concern me, eitherâbut this column is my business. And I want four thousand words from you by noon tomorrow and it had better be good. And no goats! That's all.” Bill pushed the buzzer, and the girl came in from the outer room with a notebook. “Goodbye, Harriet,” Bill said. “Come up at ten tomorrow and bring that stuff with you.”
Harriet buttoned her coat. “Take me to lunch, Mike,” she said, exactly as if nothing had happened.
“All right,” Mike was slightly punch-drunk, and the wrathy things he wanted to say were still befogged in his bewildered brain. He followed Harriet out. If Bill Foster thought he could talk that wayâto Michael Paull! Michael Paull, whose picture got into the slicks, whose name was known in half the countries of the worldâ. “Who the hell does that guy think he is?” he demanded furiously of Harriet, in the hall.
“He thinks he's sixty or seventy top-rate daily newspapers,” Harriet punched the elevator button, “and he's right. I'm going to work for him.”
“You're going to writeâfor Bill?”
“He thinks I can do it. Women's angle. Not quite so political as Dorothy Thompson and not so feminine as Mrs. Roosevelt. Stuff women will read. Do you mind taking me to lunch, Mike? I had to get you out of there some way, before you blew up and ruined everything. Bill's right, of course. And you can't kick your job in the face.”
“I'd like to kick him in the faceâthe fat lug!”
“Pinches, doesn't it, Michael the Great? It's always a jar to discover that the king can do wrong. That's the worst about hitting the topâyou have to stay there, and sticking is a slippery business. That's the only thing I'm dubious aboutâso far I've been doing pretty well, slogging along in my comfortable little rut.”
“You've been doing swell. I've been watching your stuff.”
“Have you?” Her eyes came up for a minute, and something odd showed in them briefly, something like pain. Then she was airy again, brittle, her head high. “I'm flattered.”
Mike was puzzled. She was proud, of courseâbut all this was exactly as if nothing had happened.
“Let's go in here,” she suggested. “There are always interesting people here at lunch time, though we're a trifle early. I have to lunch early to get my copy out in the afternoon.”
Though it was still early, there were men there whom Mike knew.
He nodded to them briefly, pulled out Harriet's chair. But, before she sat down, she was waving to a tall, sandy young man, sitting alone.
“Hello, Piggy,” she greeted. “Come on over. You know Mike Paull? This is Piggy Branton. He's U.P.”
“How are you, son?” Mike shook hands with Piggy, who was quick-eyed and eager, and under twenty-five.
“I'm fine, Mr. Paull. Been down south, haven't you?” Piggy jerked out a chair and swung a leg over the back. “
Gar
ç
on
âbring
my chow over here. I'm dining with all the famous people. Well, how'd you make out, Harrie?”
“I sewed him up, Piggy. Two thousand words a week to startâSundays only. It's a beginning.”
“I'll say it's a beginning,” Piggy gloated. “To crash that hard-boiled outfit is more than a beginning. It's being halfway there. Of course, it wouldn't look like much to Mr. Paull, here, but to type-lice like you and me, Harrieâpretty elegant! And you can do it. You'll be up with the big ones in a couple of years.”
“Well, the Lord knows I've worked,” sighed Harriet, scanning the menu. “I want an omelet with jelly, Mikeâand some hot tea.”
“I'll have a cup of coffee,” Mike told the waiter heavily. He felt old. He felt somehow lost. Sitting here, with the enthusiasm of these young things crackling around his head like sparks, he felt sunk and tired and bitter. Bill Fosterâhis rage stirred again. If he thought he could rake Mike Paull over the coalsâtalk to him as though he were some raw cub reporter with fringe on his pants and needing a neck-shaveâ.
Harriet said, evenly, letting her lovely eyebrows drift, “Oh yes, don't let me forget, MikeâI must give you back your ring.”
Piggy looked disturbed, sensing something personal and private. Mike got his breath with a sick gulp and shiver, as though some one had hit him in the stomach.
He said, with some indignation, “But that ring was a present. I finagled all over Europe to get it for you. It's yours.”
“Oh, was it a present?” She kept her cool detachment. “I haven't been wearing it latelyâI think it is unlucky. Anyway, I've had marvelous luck latelyâseveral kinds of extra fancy luck.”
“That's fine.” Mike caught himself before the sixth lump of sugar went into his coffee. What was the matter with him? Here he'd been dreading seeing herâand now she was taking it like this and still he felt all wrong.
“She worked for her luck,” said Piggy fervently.
“Sure, she worked for it.”
“Oh, there's Dade!” Harriet exclaimed. “Call him over, Piggy. I want to tell him about Bill.”
Dade was older, he had another name, but Mike could not remember it. He was handsome, and it was apparent immediately that he admired Harriet intensely. Mike slumped in his chair while they talked across his head. The young men were deferential, too darned deferential. They called him Mr. Paull. They treated him as though he were elderly and pontifical. Mike stood it as long as he could and then made his final gesture. He picked up the check.
He said, “Well, goodbye, kids. See you all again sometime. Goodbye, Harriet.”
“Goodbye, Mikeâand, oh yes, congratulations and everything.”
“What did he do?” asked Piggy, before Mike was out of hearing.
“Oh, he married a girlâsome girl,” said Harriet coolly.
“My gosh!” muttered Mike dazedly to himself as he went out, “she didn't careâshe didn't care at all!”
All his carefully rehearsed speeches, all the excuses, the pleas, all the nervous alibis he had made up, were so much wasted nervous energy. She just didn't care. She had sent him away with a wave of the hand, just another manâjust another moth attracted by the flameâof her black eyes. Mike felt sick with fury. He went back to his hotel room and threw himself on the bed. He did not unpack Elvira. He did not write.
Bill Foster wanted four thousand words, but Bill could go to hell. Something deep and bright and living in Mike Paull's soul had been violated, something cocksure and confident had been slain. He had no experience by which to gage the pain of this outrage. He had been good, he had been one of the best. He had swaggered and laughed his way through life, taking its gifts blithelyâand now life dealt him a dirty blow under the belt, a blow at his over-stimulated pride.
Copyâby Michael Paullâin the wastebasket! And Bill Foster saying his stuff was rotten!
He stirred himself, later in the afternoon, and began to gather his belongings together. He'd get out of this foul town. Let them look for him. Let them burn the wires up. Let them beg him to come back. He was Michael Paull.
There was some little brightness left in a black and putrid world. There was Ginny. His Ginny. He would still be important to Ginny, he would still be a person. He was her husband. Ginny believed in him. He ached for her suddenly, in every fiber of his heart and brain.
The plane he took was too slow. It was dark when he landed in Washington, and a bleak wind was blowing down the Potomac, dragging the naked boughs of the trees along the Basin, making the street lights dance and sway.
But to Mike the city wore a look of enchantment, because Ginny was in it. Up there, on that historic height was a room, and the windows would be bright with welcome.
She'd have on that little green apron, perhaps, and her hair would be out of its prim curls and shining in the light. Mike breathed so deeply that it hurt. This was coming home. He'd never really come home before. He hadn't had a home to come toânot for years. He felt young again, like a boy returned to his mother. The taxi seemed to crawl.
The ancient bricks of the narrow, uphill street jolted the springs. And there was the houseâbut the windows were dark.
Mike slid forward on the edge of the seat, his hand on the door handle. He was out almost before the taxi stopped. Darkâbut she was working late, of course. She'd written him about Teresa's illness.
He went up the stairs. One flightâtwo flights. He opened the doorâwith a bottle opener. Mail lying on the floor. He picked it up, snapped on the light. The glare of it shone on the bleakness, the emptiness of a place that appeared not to have been lived in lately.
Rust in the sink, dust on the furniture, the refrigerator empty, its door left open.
And on the dressing table, limp and wilted in a glass of yellowed water, one green orchid.
While Mike was chafing and fretting in Lima, affairs at the bureau of Harrison Tours were growing more and more frantic, tilt Virginia's nerves were tightened almost to the breaking point.
Mary Gargan was still in the hospital, her overwrought nerves and weakened body reacting very slowly from the overdose of the drug. She was still too weak to sit up, she had difficulty in retaining food.
Ryder had come to the office the morning after Mary's attempted suicide, and though he had looked more washed-out and thinner than ever, his vague face had been set in a mask of decision.
“I've moved out, Miss Warfield,” he said. “I'm not going back. I told her she could divorce me for desertionâand that she could sue for alimony if she wanted toâand that if she didn't do it soon, I'd file papers myself.”
“And that means,” Virginia said kindly, “that Mary won't be coming back here anymore, I suppose?”
He turned his hat nervously in his hands. “Sheâwants to keep on working. She says she wants to help me get out of debtâget ahead a little.”
“By all means, let her help you then. That is what a marriage ought to beâsharing and helping each other.”
A half-dozen girls had come and gone, trying and failing to carryon Mary's work. Virginia was at the office late at night, she came down before eight, she closed her desk sometimes so tired that her hands shook and her sight was blurred. Bruce Gamble waited for her often, took her to quiet places, made her eat. His manner was gentle and paternal, he did not repeat his passionate outburst, he was merely there, patient and thoughtful and protective. She found herself depending upon him, dreading the day when she would have to send him away forever.
For of course that day was near. She was married to Mike. She held stoutly to the certainty that, ultimately, things would be settled between herself and Mike. She fought down her doubts and uneasiness, even when days passed and no more letters came. She was too overworked, too desperately hurried, too dull with weariness at night, to try to write lettersâand she reminded herself that undoubtedly Mike was weary too.
The Cuban contracts were in a muddle. Someone would have to goâshe studied the list of college men that Teresa employed sporadically, trying to decide which one it would be safe to send on such an important mission, and she was dubiously weeding out the prospects when the door opened and a small, gray, elderly man walked in.
He was slight and stooped and vaguely shabby in a genteel way. His small mustache was white, his eyes blue, and his face anxious and gentle. He wore a gray suit and an overcoat a trifle shiny at the seams.
“How do you do?” Virginia said briskly. “Something for you?”
He licked his lips nervously. “Could I see Mrs. Harrison, please?”
“I'm sorry. Mrs. Harrison is ill. She is not allowed to see anyone. Can I do anything for you?”
He came and stood beside the desk, looking around uncertainly. He cleared his throat before he spoke.
“I don't know.” He seemed confused. “I wanted to see her. You seeâI'm Oscar Harrison.”
Virginia looked at him in astonishment. She had almost forgotten Teresa's husband in the tension of the past days. Now she studied him keenly. Certainly there was nothing furtive or unpleasant about this man, who was probably sixty or more. He had a good face, a pleasant voice, a face that was patient though there was little grimness of purpose in it. His eyes were kind and a little bewildered.
“Is she seriously ill?”
“Quite ill. It's her heart.” Virginia explained about Teresa's fall and the attack she had had. “So, even if she wanted to see you, I'm afraidâ” she hesitated.
He spoke quietly. “She wouldn't want to see me. She has definitely refused to see meâfor years. ButâI was in townâI thought perhapsâ” he faltered, and his eyes darkened a little.
“If I can help you in any way, Mr. Harrison-” she said, “I'm Virginia Warfield. I've been here nearly six years. And just now I'm running the office alone. It's a trifle strenuous.”
“I know how strenuous it can be,” he said. “I started this business.”
“I didn't know that. Please sit down, Mr. Harrison. Hang your overcoat over there. Do you smoke?” She offered the box of cigarettes always kept for customers. He took one, said, “Thank you,” gravely, seated himself in the chair she indicated.
“I'mâin a peculiar position, Miss Warfield,” he said. “I haven't discussed it with anyone, of courseâbut the truth is, I still own the controlling interest in this business. Ever see the original charter?”
“No, never. Mrs. Harrison never discussed anything butâcontemporary problems with me.”
“We started this bureauâMrs. Harrison and I,” he went on, flipping ashes into the wastebasket. She saw that his nails were very clean, though the edges of his cuffs were slightly frayed. He had nice hands, slender, facile, sensitive hands. “I was handling tours for the railroads thenâI had to be away from home a lot and Mrs. Harrison didn't like it. She didn't like the way we had to live and, of course, I couldn't blame her. So I sold some property I had in Pennsylvania, and we launched this business on our own. It was a success from the first. She made it a success,” he added.
“She's very capable. She has a genius for organization,” Virginia said loyally.
“Yes, she has a genius. And Iâcouldn't keep up,” he said with a little rueful smile.
“So you let her go on alone?” Virginia asked helpfully.
“It came to that,” he said. “It was her choice. I was to give her a free handâstay clear awayâand I was to receive a third of the net profits.”
In his embarrassed, twitching smile, in his eyes, Virginia could read too clearly what had happened. Teresa, ruthless, vain, inordinately proud of her ability and her success, had enjoyed, with vainglorious feminine cruelty, keeping this gentle little man in a state of dependency; doling out money to him as she chose, more and more grudgingly, no doubt; keeping his very existence from her friends. It was not a pretty picture.
She said, “Mr. Harrison, I may as well be very frank. Your wifeâshe is still your wife, I suppose?”
“Yes. We were never divorced. I didn't want a divorceâand I guess she was always too busy, or maybe she thought it would be bad publicity or something. I never troubled her. I worked at various things till times got so bad.”
“I was going to sayâshe may never be well again. She has worked too hard, lived too intenselyâdriven herself without mercy. I'm doing the best possibleâbut our secretary is in the hospital. Mrs. Harrison gave me power of attorneyâreluctantlyâbut it was impossible for me to go on without it. And now I'm not allowed by the doctors to consult her at all, so things are ratherâfrantic here.”
“I wasn't asking for an accountingâanything like that,” he put in quickly. “And I don't ask you to accept my wordâI have identification here,” he brought out a worn wallet, laid a half-dozen cards, a poll-tax receipt, and a driver's license before her. “You can communicate with the bank hereâthey know me. Or you could call the bank in Philadelphia.”
“You're entitled to an accounting, Mr. Harrison. We'll have some one go over the books immediately. But I wasn't thinking so much of that, just now. I was thinkingâthat so long as Mrs. Harrison isn't able to handle her affairsâI was wondering if you might be willing to help me? You say you know this business.”
“Anything I can doâ” he flushed a little, and an eager, wistful light came into his faded eyes.
“Would you go to Cuba for us? There are some contracts down there which must be closed within the next two weeks.”
His eyes brightenedâand then his face fell. “IâMrs. Harrison wouldn't like it.”
“Perhaps not. But she isn't going to like having to cancel four Cuban tours either, and three of them are already completely sold. I must send someone down, by the first of next week. Would you be willing to try it?”
“I'd be glad to go. The only troubleâ” he flushed a little, “I couldn't finance any sort of trip just now.”
“I'll arrange all that. You'll know what to doâyou know the contacts we have to make down there, hotels, transportation, sightseeing companies, guidesâI'll get the file.”
“Oh, yes, I know all that.” His grayness seemed to vanish. He straightened, was alert, suddenly shrewd. When she spread out the contents of the file, he knew even better than she, exactly what had to be done. “I know Plantamora,” he said. “I took several parties down thereâthe last one in '29, just ahead of the crash. Had to rush them all back again, scared to death for fear they had lost everything. You'llâexplain to my wife about this?”
“No explanations will be permitted just now. She can't be told anything. Any worryâany agitation would be very dangerous for her.”
“She'd be very much agitated if she knew I was having any part of this business.” He smiled again, but this time there was no apology in it.
“I'll arrange a drawing account for you at once, Mr. Harrison.” Virginia forbore to look at his shabby clothes, but she was thinking of Teresa's bulging wardrobes, her costly rugs, the expensive liquor that was wasted on her chiseling friends.
“I could use another shirt,” he said dryly.
“I suppose I'll be fired as soon as Teresa's strong enough to hear about this,” Virginia told Bruce Gamble later, “but I like him. He seemed such a fine little manâand not resentful at all.”
“Not a bad ideaâyour getting fired. I'm for the dependency of womenâall for it,” Bruce said.
“You're a primitive. You go back to the cave.”
“No, I'm merely a manâin love with you.”
“Not giving up yet?”
“Never giving up. Not till you belong, definitely, to some other man.”
Did she belong? Why must this little uncertainty linger like a barb in her heart? She belonged to Mike. That half-hour in the little church, with the sun casting jewels of blue and orange on the minister's white vestments, had settled that forever. Yet why did this lost and detached feeling grow every day heavierâan oppression, part pain and part a wincing dread, part dull patience grimly held to. Sometimes, waking in the night, it was as if New York had never happened, as though it was a dream she had dreamed, lovely, ecstaticâand brief. And then had come morning, prosaic and drab, tramping the dream to death with doubts and commonplaces.
They went to the hospital to see Mary Gargan and found her changed, looking young and small and glowing.
“You'll be out of here in a day or two at this rate,” Virginia said, kissing her, “and then you must forget it all, Mary, and be happy.”
“Oh, I will. He was hereâFrank, I mean.” Her heavy features wore a rosy flush. “Oh, Miss WarfieldâI owe so much to you! I was such a foolâbut it all looked so hopeless. I hope youâ” she glanced shyly at Bruce Gamble, “will be happy, too.”
Virginia changed the subject quickly, told Mary about Oscar Harrison.
“Good graciousâshe must owe him thousands,” Mary cried. “She never sent big checksâjust fifties and hundredsâand always a long way apart. Two or three letters would come in before she would send one. And that business makes moneyâI ought to know, I've handled the bank account for years, and the income tax, and everything.”
“I'm going to have the books gone over. Mrs. Harrison will be furious. But it's the only right thing to do.”
“She was a dreadful woman.” Mary spoke as though Teresa were already dead. “I worked for her for yearsâshe must have put him out just before I went there, for certainly I never saw him. But now I suppose I'll go back and work for her again. For a while, anyway.” The rose color came back again into her cheeks.
“There,” said Virginia, when they were back in the car again, “you have two aspects of marriage. Poor little plain Mary, whom Teresa insists that she despises, though she does keep her on because Mary does the work of two people and does it wellâMary, eager to help her Frank out of his troublesâand beside her there's Teresa, who practically threw her husband away because he wasn't the spectacular success she wanted to be.”
“You can't judge marriage by two such unusual cases,” Bruce argued. “Look at this townâmiles of roofs and under most of them, happiness and content.”
“Lift off the roofs and you'll see them squirming like worms!” Teresa had said once. That was the Sundayâthey had bought cheese and rye bread and blueberry pieâthat was the day Mike had said, “This is a hell of a life, Ginny Warfield. Why don't you marry me and make a human being out of me?”
Pain, reaching and tender, was in her heartâand then with it came a bitter suspicion that perhaps shrewd and ruthless Teresa had been right. Perhaps she had married the windâthe wind that had no home, and wanted noneâthe wind that must be free!