The 'N' Word, Book 1 (22 page)

“Regardless of not being able to see a damn thing—Patti was legally blind—she still drove everywhere, and despite walking like a broken down, rusty robot on the fritz, she had the strength of ten guys, Dr. Owens. I saw this woman move shit that would make many men’s backs break in half. She’d bend low to the ground, swoop up the packages like she was DHL’s secret weapon, and high tail it back to her beaten down, dusty, red Ford pick up truck. ‘Wash Me’ was always written in the rear window by some kid who liked to poke fun… sometimes it was me that had done the writing. Anyway, I’d wait in the passenger seat, sucking on my own sweat in that hot ass thing! I remember how my shirts would stick to me on her runs, the fabric getting darker as it held to my wet skin like I’d taken a bath in rubber cement.

“I’d become one with the thing, but I was happy as I melted to fuckin’ death. Sweat… Dr. Owens, that is a true sign of hard work, you know? I’ve never been afraid to get a little dirty, sweaty, beat up by the grind, hard drudgery. Patti had a good work ethic, I believed that. So,” he shrugged, “I’d just keep sitting there drinking my own perspiration. I’d swipe the tip of my tongue over the corners of my lips, taking in the wet salty flavor of my skin… funny how memories are… I’d forgotten all about that. It was a little thing I’d do when nervousness and excitement got together inside of me…”

“Excitement… So, you enjoyed observing her commit these crimes?”

“I did, but usually I’d just wait in that truck and daydream or sleep. Sometimes, as I waited, I’d look up at her truck roof,” He looked up at the office ceiling, imaging himself back in that vehicle once more. “And I’d stare at all the oddly shaped holes, the missing fabric, and how the crown upholstery was saggy in some spots, ripped apart in others. It was like a monster had climbed up in there and got caught, stuck underneath it and fought like hell to get out. I never knew how her truck got like that… but it intrigued me just the same. She’d come busting back in, get in the driver’s seat, and off down the road we’d go to our next stop. We’d go on, week after week, like the shit was nothin’. She’d jump out and do the same damn thing, until the neighborhood was picked clean. She never got caught, either.”

“Aaron, did you see anything wrong with Patti’s actions at the time?”

He shrugged, his lips twisted to the side as he deliberated.

“I mean, I knew she was doin’ it and I knew she wasn’t supposed to be, if that’s what you mean. I knew it was illegal, too. I was the only one that knew what she did. She only took me along with her, no one else, and I never squealed on ’er. Yeah, I knew it was stealing. But… it was Patti and to me,” he said, pointing to himself, “Patti was a good person, so it was no biggie. She hustled, she endured. She didn’t do it to have
more
shit; she did it so she could pay her damn bills. Her job cookin’ at a restaurant didn’t pay nearly enough, and she helped take care of other people, too.”

“So.” Dr. Owens met his gaze and leaned back in his chair, causing it to squeak. “You excused the behavior, the robberies, because she was a good person and the people she stole from presumably had more money than you and she did?”

“Pretty much, that about sums it up.”

They two men eyeballed one another for a moment or two.

“It’s real interesting,” Aaron smirked as he pointed lazily at the man, “how you sit there and pass silent judgment.”

“I’m not passing judgment, Aaron.”

“Yeah, you are. Not everyone can afford fancy schools.” He quickly broke their gaze and looked around the man’s office, taking note of his various degrees, accreditations, and awards all framed in gold. “Not everyone had parents that believed in their kids, encouraged them to reach for their dreams and get an education.”

“…I know that, Aaron.”

“Yeah, you
know
it.” He tapped his temple. “In your mind, right? But you don’t
believe
it. Not really, not truly in your heart. You can’t help yourself. A little slimy toad will never understand the life of a cunning eagle, and vice versa. They are far too different… Anyway, you have to remember: I was only a kid when this stuff was happening and this woman stepped in when I needed her most. I’d known this woman since I was five, Dr. Owens. Patti was all I had, the only person I could rely on.”

The man before him sat a bit straighter and clasped his hands around his knee. He looked into Dr. Owens’ light blue eyes, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Questions… So many damn questions.

“Okay, Aaron, let’s take a step back for a moment. Tell me more about the stealing.”

“Why is that important? You callin’ the cops on ’er or somethin’? She’s dead, and besides, the statute of limitations has run out.” He smirked.

“Of course not. I think it may play a bigger part here, so, if you don’t mind, tell me what she’d do with the things she’d stolen.”

“Some of the crap she’d taken she’d keep, some she’d give away to other kids, our parents, and to me. The stuff left over she’d sell. Whatever didn’t sell, she’d take to some little store that was like a pawnshop and try to get a buck or two for it.”

“I understand. You stated she was your neighbor, so I imagine, in many ways, she was similar to you and the other people you knew around the neighborhood as well.”

“In some ways she was, in some ways she wasn’t… She was a neighbor, but not right next door. She lived down the street from my parents; her house was a half run down thing with a bright red door and a big American flag on a short pole. She’d always helped out, bringing over home cooked desserts, offering to babysit, things like that.” He fell deeper into the smooth and soothing memories…

Her cheap perfume used to drive me crazy, especially in the summer time, but then, I started to like it… I miss Patti…

A sinking feeling overcame him, began to take him down.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he stated coolly as he glanced at the boy with the gun, then turned back towards Dr. Owens.

“Why not, Aaron?”

“Don’t push the issue. Just let it go.”

“I simply asked a question,” the man stated calmly as he leaned slightly forward in his chair, a look of concern in his eyes.

“Look, I don’t have a problem talking about this… I agreed to talk about it, but this is enough for today. That’s it for now, alright?” Aaron slowly stood from his seat and tucked his hands under his pits, instantly feeling warmth wrap around his fingers.

“Okay, Aaron. I understand. I know you need to hold on to a bit of control. I understand why you are doing this.”

“That’s not it. That’s not it at all.”

The man looked at him quizzically. “Well, then, what is it?”

“I can’t give you something I haven’t given myself yet.”

“What haven’t you given yourself yet, Aaron?”

“Permission to feel this way…”

And with that, he turned his back and offered not another word as he waited patiently for the guard to arrive, and return him to his cell so he could die and be born again, all at once. His half-dead self was trying to gain strength, to give a damn… His feelings were growing voices and after a long hibernation, they wanted to spread their wings, and be heard once more…

Chapter Ten

“B
ECAUSE IT’S NOT
a good idea, and I want you to stop talkin’ to him, that’s why!” Trudy blurted into the phone, unable to contain herself a second longer. She sat at her kitchen table, drowning in hullabaloo from the television, the noise from outside, and the ruckus of her children fighting and running about. But there were far more pressing issues than a bit of noise pollution. Mia had lost her ever-loving mind…

She’d made the woman come clean after she discovered her the previous night tucked away under her sheets like a child sneaking to read a book past bedtime. Mia had not opened her door to let her in, even though she was well aware that they were to go out for dinner. Miffed, Trudy removed her spare key from her purse and made herself at home, only to stumble into her cousin in her bedroom covered by an avalanche of hand-written letters and the silliest of smiles on her face.

The place smelled of cigarettes, but Mia was a nonsmoker. Trudy had had enough, certain she’d entered an insane asylum as she snatched one of the damn things off the bed. Mia chased her around the home, cursing and demanding her written addiction to be immediately returned. She handed it back alright,
after
she’d run off, driven home, and read all five pages in the comfort of her kitchen… and now she was on the phone with the lady demanding answers, and she wanted them NOW.

The jailbird, prison partner, male in a cell was vying for her dear cousin,
hard
! Trudy had never read such things, some horrifying while others so beautifully penned, you’d swear he was a descendant of Shakespeare himself. This A.P. person was a Machiavellian charmer, saying all the right things in just the right way. Boy, could he lay it on thick, and Mia was falling for it, becoming the snake’s latest victim. Trudy swallowed a bit of relief when she realized Mia had not sent him any money, nor did he request any according to her cousin, but who truly knew the truth? Nothing the woman said could be trusted if she’d keep a secret such as this. And now she was left right back at where she’d begun, full of unanswered questions…

He’s just biding his time. He’ll ask her for some cash, soon. They always do!

She tried to feel sorry for the woman, but danced closer to the edge of anger more than anything else. The complete deception! Mia was always sneaky; the kind of woman who’d smile and parade around as if nothing were amiss, then, come to find out, she’d orchestrate an entire world, such as lavish party planning, trips, you name it – and you’d only become ‘in on the situation’ once she handed you your plane ticket and announced, ‘Be there in three hours…’ It had been only a matter of time before the woman struck again, having the world fall back onto the mercy of her duplicitous ways.

“I
warned
you, Mia.” Her voice shook with uneasiness as she gripped that damn letter tighter. “I
asked
you to stop working there!”

“You invaded my privacy and now are acting like you are owed an explanation.”

“I am!”

“Trudy, last I checked, I’m an adult. I have this under control,” the smart alec heffa said coolly.

“Obviously you don’t! You’re writing love letters ’nd shit with a damn convict! These ain’t no, ‘Let’s pray together’ type correspondence. This is some, ‘When I get outta this here joint I’m going to fuck you so good and hard you’ll wake up with the goddamn kangaroos! In a land down under!”

“Trudy, cut it out,” Mia said dryly, as if her valuable time were being wasted.

“No, I won’t cut it out. This is all because of you being at that damn place! I knew it was only a matter of time… you’re lonely… all that man meat piled up like sliced of bologna at a damn deli!”

“This has
nothing
to do with working there, or the reading class, Trudy. That’s not how we met. That’s not how we met at all.”

“Doesn’t matter! Due to you working there in the first place, volunteering to be a damn hooked on phonics specialist, you got caught up by that head doctor’s proposal for these pen pals and now you’ve lost your damn mind. Mia… Lord have mercy.” Trudy gripped her hair with her free hand and gave a tug. “Turn that shit down!” she screamed out as one of her children played, “Little Einstein” in full blast.

Undoubtedly, being cooped away in the woods like that all by her lonesome had turned her little Mia into some mentally depraved person, someone clinging to an inmate who had, at the very least, put his damn hands on somebody, and it wasn’t for no goddamn massage! The man was in prison for assault and battery according to what she’d read in his letter. She tried to look him up, but on this particular note all he’d done was sign with his damn initials… He could be
anybody
.

“All I see is A.P. on here. What’s his name?”

“I’m not telling you. All you’ll do is try to look him up…”

They both went quiet for a spell.

“Trudy, you don’t understand. Look, I’m tired. We can talk about this in the morning and I want that letter back, too.”