The Nameless Hero (28 page)

“You’re never gonna believe what she wrote!” Milton flapped the magazine in my face.

I’d gone over to his house to play video games—not read
Super Scoop
. I wasn’t too interested in finding out what Cosgrove had to say about me this time. But Milton wouldn’t let the subject drop.

He flipped the magazine open. “It says here you were kidnapped!”

“Oh, that’s a new one.” I rolled my eyes. “And who do they think kidnapped me?”

“The Dread Duo!”

I dropped my controller. “They think that … my parents kidnapped me?”

“Yeah. Except—well … they don’t know that
you’re
you. Or that your parents are your parents. The article says an eyewitness spotted the Nameless Hero in the backseat of a Volvo that was being driven by the Dread Duo. I guess they figured you were their hostage.”

“It must’ve been the night we drove back from Smoothie Sensations. We were all so tired—nobody bothered changing out of their uniforms.”

“It gets worse from there.” Milton read out loud from the article: “ ‘An inside source claims that the rest of the Alliance of the Impossible has gone into hiding, afraid that they’ll be next to fall victim to the nefarious plans of Dr. Dread and his despicable wife, the Botanist. For now, it
seems that the Nameless Hero has gone from five-star hotels to an extended stay in the Dreads’ dungeon of doom.’ ”

“I can’t believe they can print this stuff!” I reached for the magazine.

“Hey, this is a collector’s edition!” Milton held the copy of
Super Scoop
protectively. “Anyway, it’s not
all
bad. There’s this other article that lists overrated superheroes. And they ranked nFinity as the most overhyped supercelebrity of the year.”

nFinity. Nobody had heard or seen anything from him since the night he’d betrayed us. According to
Super Scoop
, he was hiding out from my parents (
and
was overrated). But we knew the truth. He was out there somewhere with Phineas Vex. And I had a bad feeling we’d be seeing both of them again someday.

A few days later, a commercial on TV caught my attention.

“Tune in for the special two-hour premiere of
Hangin’ with Justice
this Thursday!” The voice blared from the TV’s speakers while images of Captain Justice flashed on the screen. “In a very special first episode, we reveal what went down between Nameless Hero, nFinity, and the rest of the Alliance of the Impossible.”

I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised. The camera crew had been there on the night Captain Justice had saved us from Vex. It’s not like they were going to just throw that footage away. But I wasn’t sure whether I
actually wanted to watch any of it. The entire experience had been nerve-racking enough the first time. Did I really want to go through it again on TV?

“Of course you should!” Milton exclaimed when I told him I was having doubts. “It’s our reality-TV debut!”

“But we already know what happens. Don’t you think that’ll be boring?”

“This is reality TV. Nothing’s boring. Besides, there’s something else you should probably know.…” Milton hesitated, examining his fingernails.

“What?”

“I kind of—uh … told Sophie and Miranda that we could watch it at your place.”

At first, I assumed Milton was joking. He knew about my parents’ no-visitors policy. Just because he’d been allowed in my replica bedroom didn’t mean my parents were going to let him see the real thing.

But Milton kept insisting, and so later that day I brought it up with my parents. And big surprise—they weren’t too thrilled about the possibility.

“What happens if one of your friends wanders down into the basement where I keep the zombies?” Mom asked in an exasperated voice. “It would be a little awkward to explain to another set of parents that their kid’s brain has been eaten during your playdate.”

“First of all, nobody says ‘playdate’ anymore,” I began. “And we can warn them ahead of time about the basement.”

Mom shook her head. “Still. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It’s only Milton, Sophie, and Miranda. They know about you guys already. They’ve met you guys. So what’s the big deal if they see where we live?”

“Why can’t you do it at one of their houses?” Dad asked.

“Milton’s mom is hosting her book club that night. Captain Justice and Stanley are going to some kind of big party for the premiere of the show, so we can’t do it there. And Miranda’s still getting moved into her place.”

Mom and Dad considered this for a moment. Even though I hadn’t really wanted to watch the episode to begin with, I was crossing my fingers that they’d say yes. The more I thought about it, the more unfair it seemed that my parents had never allowed me to have a single friend over. No sleepovers. No after-school video games. Nothing.

This was a chance to change all that. A way to feel like a normal kid with normal parents (even if we
did
have to warn my friends about the zombies beneath the floorboards).

“You weren’t exactly
truthful
with us about your summer plans,” Dad reminded me.

“Especially the part about becoming a superhero,” Mom added.

“Or a world-famous celebrity.”

The two of them exchanged a glance. I noticed the hint of a smile at the corner of my mom’s mouth.

“But I suppose it
is
a special occasion,” she said.

“So we’re going to allow it,” Dad went on. “
This
time.”

A huge smile stretched across my face. “Thanks, guys!”

I jogged out of the room before they could change their minds.

Sophie was the first to show up. I felt a squirm of embarrassment as she walked into our house. Sophie and Captain Justice lived in a mansion with more rooms than you could count. Everything was state-of-the-art and glistening.
And
they had a robot butler to bring us whatever we wanted.

My house was another story. The rooms felt crammed with my dad’s half-finished inventions and my mom’s experiments. And thanks to Elliot’s “cleaning,” it looked like a tornado had recently swept through the place. Holes in the walls. Three-legged chairs. Busted lamps.

“Sorry it’s such a mess,” I muttered, showing Sophie into the living room.

“Are you kidding?” Sophie looked around, wide-eyed. “I love it! Your house actually looks like a
house
. Like someone really lives here.”

“Um … yeah. I guess.”

“Every house I’ve ever lived in has felt like a hotel. Like a really big hotel and we’re the first guests who’ve ever stayed there. The furniture all goes unused. Half the rooms are empty. And my dad’s never around anyway.”

Sophie wandered from the living room to the dining room. A broken circuit board was lying on the table, surrounded by a bunch of my dad’s tools. In the corner was Micus—

“And you have houseplants!” Sophie gushed, her eyes landing on the mutant ficus.

“Actually,” I warned, “that particular houseplant—”

“I’ve always wanted plants,” Sophie interrupted, too caught up to listen. “But my dad says he’s allergic. Is that even a thing? Can someone be
allergic
to houseplants?”

Sophie took a step toward the mutant ficus. Alarm bells went off in my head. I’d been attacked by Micus so often that I avoided this entire
side
of the dining room. And why was Micus just sitting there? It made me think of a predator waiting for the right moment to strike.…

“Uh … Sophie.” I rushed forward. “That’s not a normal plant! You should probably—”

Too late. When Sophie reached out to touch one of Micus’s leaves, the mutant made its move.

And started doing tricks for her.

Sophie clapped in amazement as the ficus began dancing—its branches flailing from side to side. Afterward, it picked up a few clods of soil and juggled them.

“I see you’ve met Micus,” Mom said, entering the room.

Sophie turned to my mom, smiling. “Did you create that?”

“I did indeed. The world’s first plant that can control its own movements, understand human speech—”

“And attack people,” I murmured.

“What are you talking about?” Sophie petted one of Micus’s leaves. “It looks gentle to me.”

“Maybe now, but I’m telling you, that plant’s dangerous. He’s tried to kill me. Multiple times.”

Sophie gave me a look like she was trying to decide whether I was kidding or not.

“If you’d like, I can show you a few other plants I’m working on,” Mom said.

Sophie eagerly followed my mom out of the room. As soon as they turned their backs, a big clump of soil smacked me right in the face.

Miranda and Milton arrived a little later. As we all settled in the living room, I could tell that I wasn’t the only one who was nervous having guests over. Mom and Dad weren’t used to being hosts either.

“Does everyone have everything they need?” Dad asked.

“We’re fine,” I said.

“If you’d like to sit closer to the television, I upgraded the sofas so they’re remote-control-operated—”

“Seriously, we’re
fine
, Dad!”

Mom poked her head through the doorway. “How about
some drinks, kids? We have water, caffeinated cola, non-caffeinated cola, lemonade, fruit juice, homemade condensed vegetable blend.…”

Meanwhile, Elliot was wandering through the room. A serving tray wobbled in his hands.

“I have cooked snaaaaacks!”

“Sure, I’ll take some,” Milton said.

Elliot handed Milton a plate. “Buffalo wiiiiiings!”

Milton stared down at the plate. The buffalo wings looked more like deep-fried worms. “Uh … thanks,” he said, setting the plate down as far away as possible.

Miranda leaned toward me. “Thanks for having me over.”

“I’m just glad you can stay in Sheepsdale,” I said. “It’ll be fun having one more Gyfted kid around school.”

“By the way, you might want to move to another seat.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just trust me.”

Taking her word for it, I switched over to the recliner. And I was just in time too. A second later, Elliot tripped over the rug and the serving tray flipped out of his grip. A pile of fried blobs landed right where I’d just been sitting.

We were still figuring out refreshments and living room configuration when the show started.
Hangin’ with Justice
followed Captain Justice through his everyday life—eating breakfast, exercising at the gym, getting a haircut. Scenes of him appearing on other TV shows. Business meetings. Photo shoots.

“People think superheroes are constantly battling supervillains, but there’s a lot more to it than that,” Captain Justice said while getting a manicure.

Sophie groaned.

We also got to see Captain Justice’s response to Multiplier’s pranks. He joined efforts to clear all the purple Jell-O out of the Grand Canyon and scrub the graffiti off Mount Rushmore.

“The authorities are still looking for the other letters of the Hollywood sign,” Captain Justice said to the camera. “So at the moment, it still reads ‘LOL.’ Which I assume is some kind of devious code to other supervillains of the world.”

Scarlett Flame showed up a few times in the show, her long red hair flowing halfway down her back and her golden body armor fitting her like a one-piece swimsuit. Since she was the most famous female superhero in the country, I’d seen her plenty of times before. But never like this. Whenever she got around Captain Justice, the two of them flirted like a couple of teenagers. Captain Justice usually acted so authoritative and bombastic, but as soon as Scarlett Flame was nearby, he suddenly became nervous, mixing up his words and fiddling with his armor-plated wristbands.

“They totally like each other!” Milton exclaimed, scooting forward on the couch.

Sophie covered her eyes, as if she were watching a horror movie, not a reality show.

And then I showed up on-screen, dressed as the Nameless Hero. Sophie, Milton, and Miranda were nearby in the shot.