The Nanny (33 page)

“About that, son—”

“
And
she said I helped Dad have affairs. Helped him! Said we had some sordid little secret from Vanessa.”

“Well we did,” said Dick. “When you think about it.”

Josh stopped.

“What?” he clipped.

“Well, we were colluding to keep my money problems secret from Vanessa.”

Josh stared at his father.

“Which meant lots of whispered conversations,” continued Dick. “Lots of secret looks—”

“Dad!”

“Maybe Jo just overheard us or noticed something. She was a perceptive one, was Jo.”

Josh stared at Vanessa.

“It's okay, Josh,” said Vanessa. “I know all about it.”

“Crikey,” said Josh. “I was only away for one day. What else did I miss? You haven't had another baby or anything?” He turned to his dad suddenly. “How come you're home on a Saturday?”

Dick explained everything, and for the third time in as many weeks, Josh's world map was picked up, shaken vigorously, and replaced in a different location—a location offering improved views and amenities that he was sure to appreciate once he'd got over the travel sickness.

Afterward, Vanessa came over to him and put her arm on his.

“Josh,” she said. “I owe you an enormous apology. You were right; I have always assumed you were at fault. I've been very unfair to you, and I'm sorry. I'm also deeply grateful that you actually sacrificed your own comfort to help your father's marriage with a woman you hated. Even though I'd have much preferred it if Dick had come to me, I am aware that what you did was unbelievably big and I think you're…well, amazing.”

“I didn't hate you,” said Josh quietly. “I just thought you hated me.”

“Oh dear.” She sighed. “You thought I hated you, and Dick thought I loved him for his money. And there you both were, plotting to keep me in the picture. You're misguided fools, but in a good way.”

There was silence in the kitchen for a while.

“And that's another thing!” Josh suddenly exploded. “She said I disgusted her.
Disgusted
her.”

Vanessa and Dick watched mutely as Josh picked up Jo's car keys, muttered something about going for a long drive over a short cliff, and left the house.

“What shall we do now?” asked Vanessa, after the echo from the slamming door had died down. “When do you think will be the best time to tell him we've decided to give Jo an offer she can't refuse?”

Dick thought long and hard.

“Cup of tea?” he suggested eventually.

“Shall we still phone Jo?”

“Don't know.”

“I'd love one, thanks.”

“Hmm,” said Dick as he switched on the kettle.

They stood watching the kettle boil, which, it being the latest Alessi, didn't take long.

“I think we should call her just to find out what happened,” said Dick.

“But do you think it's fair to get her back in the house when Josh feels like this? I don't want to alienate him any more than I already have. I want him to feel welcome here.”

“Maybe we can try and clear it up,” said Dick, taking milk out of the fridge. “Anyway, he'll be moving into the flat as soon as he can. And I need Jo. They need never see each other again.”

“I wonder what happened between them?” Vanessa took out the only two mugs not in the dishwasher. “Should I tell Jo I got it wrong about Josh not paying rent?”

Dick grimaced. “Do you mind not? I don't really want our—my—personal financial situation dissected.”

“Of course not,” said Vanessa, getting out the tea. “Silly suggestion. And I'm sure it's irrelevant anyway—it'll hardly have been about that.”

Dick spooned the tea into the teapot.

“It was awfully good of Josh to go all that way to get her back for us,” murmured Vanessa, watching Dick pour water into the pot. “I really have underestimated him.”

Dick smiled. “He's a good boy, my Josh.”

Vanessa patted her husband's cheek. “Just like his dad.” They kissed.

A retching noise came from the garden. They turned to see Toby framed by the French windows.

“Do you mind?” he said. “There are children present.”

“I'll phone Jo,” whispered Vanessa.

“I'll bring you your tea,” said Dick, and watched her go.

 

Jo and her parents were sitting at the kitchen table. They'd celebrated Hilda's first solo stair walk with a nice cuppa and were all feeling much calmer and able to take in all the different pieces of Jo's news. She and her father hadn't actually apologized to each other, but he'd made the tea, and when he handed her her cup, she'd said thank you.

When the phone rang, they all stopped. Hilda wasn't expected to
answer the phone anymore. Bill would have done it, but had just made the tea, yet Jo was emotionally fragile and had just pointed out that he had been selfish for the past thirty years. The phone continued to ring.

“I'll get it,” said Jo eventually.

“Thanks,” said Bill.

Hilda and Jo exchanged glances as Jo left the room.

Bill and Hilda strained to hear the conversation in the hall as they sipped their tea.

Jo was somewhat surprised to hear Vanessa's voice at the other end of the phone and felt a surge of sisterhood toward her. When Vanessa explained that Dick was selling his shop and was going to become a house-husband and that they wanted her to come back as their part-time nanny for a tiny reduction in salary, she could hardly believe her ears. On the one hand it was too good to be true—a message from heaven, the answer to all her prayers. On the other, she'd just told Josh to fuck off. Not only that, but she'd have to spend most of her working day with a cheating husband, which, especially after what she'd just discovered about her own cheating man, would not be easy. And could she live in such close proximity to Josh? The thought brought an angry flush to her face.

“I know about your argument with Josh,” said Vanessa quickly.

“Oh,” said Jo.

“And it might help if you know that he'll be moving out soon.”

“Oh,” repeated Jo.

“Yes,” said Vanessa. “He's the one buying Dick's shop, and he'll be moving into the flat above it. So you've got nothing to worry about on that score.”

“Oh.”

“He's a good boy really,” said Vanessa.

Jo was silent.

“Turns out I've been wrong about him in the past,” continued Vanessa. “He's been much maligned.”

“Hmm.”

“So let's just forget everything I ever told you about him.”

“Hmm.”

“Let's all start with a clean slate.”

Jo started playing for time.

“Wow,” she said slowly. “I don't know what to say.”

“You'll get loads more free time for practically the same money,” urged Vanessa.

“You could get another job if you wanted, or take up some course or something.”

Jo closed her eyes. “I always wanted to study,” she said quietly.

“Excellent!” cried Vanessa. “Perfect!”

“Mm,” said Jo.

“You must say yes,” pleaded Vanessa. “The kids miss you so much. And so do we. Dick can't do it without you. It's a big step for him, he really wants to be the best father he can be. We've had a long chat, and we're going to make a fresh start.”

Aha, thought Jo. It sounded like Dick had finished his affair and confessed all to Vanessa and this was their solution. It certainly sounded as though something had changed. “Okay.” She grinned. “I'll do it. I'll come back.”

She laughed at the sound of Vanessa cheering down the line.

“When?” asked Vanessa.

“When do you want me?”

“Tomorrow?”

Jo let out a quick guffaw. Then she decided that was a very good idea. And her mother could now walk up the stairs unaided.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” she said. “As soon as I can get there.”

 

When Josh returned home that evening from his drive, the kids bombarded him with hugs and kisses and tried to shout over each other. Dick and Vanessa watched, smiling hopefully, from the conservatory sofa.

“Wait!” shouted Josh, Tallulah in his arms, Zak holding on to one arm, and Cassie on the other. “One at a time!”

They all shouted again.

“Cassie!” shouted Josh. “What the hell's going on?”

Cassie jumped up and down.

“You did it! Jo's coming back! Tomorrow! You did it, Josh!”

Josh looked up at Vanessa and Dick.

“Is that true?” he asked.

“Yes but we can explain,” said Dick. “Full-time at first, but then part-time. Just to help me get into the swing of things. We weren't going to do it, but you'll hardly know she's here.”

“Great,” said Josh, shaking the children off him like rain off a raincoat. “Just great.”

“I told her I was wrong about you,” rushed Vanessa.

“I couldn't give a damn what she thinks about me,” said Josh quietly.

Dick and Vanessa nodded.

“I just think she's a…” He looked at three happy young faces and let his sentence hang in the air.

“Babe?” grinned Toby.

“Oh shut up, Tobe!” flashed Josh. “Why must you always say what you know people don't want to hear? Do you
want
to be disliked, is that it?” Toby went silent.

“I think Jo's almost as pretty as Mummy,” said Tallulah.

“Anyway,” said Josh, “I'll be moving out as soon as the flat's been cleared. I would move back to Crouch End, but my room's been rented out.”

“We knew you'd be all right about it,” said Dick.

“We wouldn't have done it otherwise,” added Vanessa.

“Oh don't worry on my account,” said Josh. “I couldn't care less whom you hire.”

“Right,” said Vanessa.

Josh gave a curt nod. “I'll be in my room,” he said, and left them to their evening.

 

Jo stood for a while in the hall before going back into the kitchen.

“That was Vanessa,” she told her parents as she sat back down at the table.

“Oh yes?” said Bill.

“They want me to come back as a full-time nanny first, but then part-time on practically the same pay. Which means I'll be able to support myself at university.”

Her parents were quiet.

“When?” asked Hilda eventually.

“I'm going back tomorrow,” said Jo. “If that's alright.”

Hilda and Bill looked at each other.

“What you asking us for?” said Bill.

Jo sighed dramatically.

“You're a big girl now,” he continued, taking another digestive biscuit. “You know what you want.”

Hilda smiled. “Better pack,” she said quietly.

“Tell you what!” said Bill. “After you've packed and we've washed up the tea things, let's all go down to the Witch's Arms to celebrate.”

They stared at him.

“
What
?” he cried. “Anyone would think I had two heads or something.”

They continued to stare at him.

“Alright,” he said. “Let's
not
go, it's all the same to me.”

Hilda got up to wash the tea things and Jo rushed upstairs to pack.

The next morning, Jo stood in her bedroom, checking her packing for the fourth time. This time there would be no farewell party at the station. There was no possibility that Shaun or Sheila would come to see her off—which funnily enough, just felt more honest than last time, not more sad—and she'd told her parents she'd be able to get the bus to the station because there was so much less to carry. They didn't offer to give her a lift. All part of them allowing her to be a grown-up, she assumed. She stared thoughtfully at her rucksack as if it might be able to add something useful to the conversation in her head. Instead she found herself remembering the last time she was packing, with the help of Josh, and thinking how different her life was then.

“All packed?” came her mother's voice.

“Think so,” she said quietly.

Jo turned as she heard her father appear behind her mother. They looked nice together like that, framed in her doorway. She looked at them.

“I love you both, you know.”

Surprised, touched, but most of all embarrassed, her parents left her in peace. Jo smiled in some wonder. All these years, and the morning she leaves home she finally works out how to do it.

 

The journey to London was hugely frustrating. She hadn't remembered it taking this long. She sat in the train urging it to move faster, although she wasn't quite sure why. Every time she thought of the Fitzgeralds her stomach twisted. She tried to imagine how Josh had reacted when he'd discovered she was coming back. She tried to recall exactly what she'd said to him in the heat of the moment yesterday, but found it impossible to bring back the precise words. She started to consider the possibility that she might find it hard to be in his presence. When he was nice it was wonderful, but when he was the other Josh she found it painful just to be near him. Then she gave herself a stern telling-off. This was her dream
come true, the job of a lifetime, and she wasn't going to let him spoil it for her. She would just have to cope with Josh Fitzgerald living in the room next door. It was only short-term, after all.

She had to wait four minutes for the High Barnet tube train, and she paced the platform impatiently. When the train arrived, she jumped on it and paced again. When she got out at Highgate Station, she found she was breaking into a grin as she walked along Southwood Lane, admiring the urban yet cosy houses. As she turned down the High Street her mind flipped briefly to Shaun and Sheila, and she waited for the pang. While waiting, she popped in at Costa Coffee and got herself an espresso. By the time she hit Ascot Drive she was practically running, and she rang the doorbell three times. At the familiar sound of stampeding buffalo, she started hopping from foot to foot.

The door opened wide, and there was Dick, surrounded by the children. Even the cats had come to see what all the fuss was about.

“Hello!” he shouted.

“
It's Jo!
” yelled Zak. “Mummy! Lula won't give me back my—
It's Jo!”

Tallulah raced up to her and gave her legs a big hug, her face nestling into her thighs.

Cassandra stood in the hall, leaning against the banister, a smile lighting up her face.

“I'm growing my hair to be like yours,” she said, stepping forward slightly.

“Gimme a hug, gorgeous,” said Jo. Cassie obeyed. Tallulah giggled, and they all squeezed tighter.

Zak took hold of Jo's hand. “I've got a new dinosaur,” he announced, overjoyed that there was someone new to tell. “It's got green eyes and roars and moves its head like the real thing. Dinosaurs are extinct, I like your top.”

“How's your mummy?” asked Tallulah, letting go of Jo's legs.

“Much better, thank you, sweetheart,” said Jo.

Vanessa came into the hall. Jo braced herself and looked up. No Josh.

“Stop hassling the poor girl,” Vanessa instructed the children. “Jo, welcome back. Please come in. Let me take your coat. Your room is all ready for you. Come and have tea. There's a surprise.”

“We've got a cake!”
exploded Tallulah.

“Well, there goes the surprise.” Vanessa laughed.

They all followed Jo into the kitchen. No Josh.

“Go and put your stuff away, freshen up if you want, Josh is out,” called out Vanessa as she set the table.

Jo walked into her room feeling excited and disappointed at the same time. The room was smaller than she remembered. She glanced over to the door separating her room from Josh's.
So
, she thought.
He's out.
She didn't know if she was relieved or insulted. All she did know was that she'd spent the entire journey being psyched up to seeing him, and her body was full of nervous energy with nowhere to go but her nerve endings. Mr. Bojangles had nothing on her. Then she heard the front door bang shut, and her nervous energy found its direction with impressive alacrity. She nipped into the bathroom.

Once inside it, she looked at herself in the mirror, tutted, and walked out again. As she did so, Josh walked into her bedroom. She stopped still. He stopped still. The room stopped still.

“I—” she explained.

“Don't mind me,” he said, walking through to his room. “I'll be out of your hair in a sec, just forgot something.” When he came back she hadn't moved.

“Well, I came back,” she said, as he reached her door. “In the end.”

He stopped and raised his eyebrows. “Mm?”

“I just…I hope it won't be difficult. For us—for you. I mean—”

“Difficult?” he laughed. “Why on earth should it be difficult?”

“Well, we…you know. I said things—”

He shrugged.

“And so did you,” she said.

Another shrug. “So? No big deal. I'd forgotten all about it.”

“Oh! Great! So, me being here isn't a problem for you?”

He smiled pityingly at her. “Get over yourself.” He shook his head.

Jo gave a tight smile. “I didn't think I was under myself.”

Josh fixed her with an intense gaze. “Listen,” he instructed. She listened. “They wanted you back, you came back. Great. It's got sod all to do with me. I couldn't care less what you do.”

She watched him turn and go, her teeth gritting hard. “Tosser,” she muttered halfheartedly—which made her feel a bit better—then joined the tea party.

Within an hour of arriving, Jo felt completely at home. Vanessa and Dick were bickering amid the sexual tension, the kids were rowing, the
cats were unnerving her, and Josh was a dark, oppressive force invading her life. Home sweet home.

 

Monday midmorning, and Vanessa's hand hovered over the phone. After a moment, she changed her mind and phoned Tom.

He answered after only fifty rings.

“Tom? Vanessa.”

“Vanessa! What a delightful surprise! I take it you've seen the rough edit?”

“I have, Tom.”

“She has, Tom. Oh yes she has, in that tough yet womanly voice.”

“Would you like to know what I think of it?”

“I would like nothing more, Vanessa. My life so far has been a prelude to this moment.”

“It looks rougher than a badger's arse, Tom.”

There was a long silence.

“Ah,” said Tom eventually. “Don't tell me. In the post-post-pre-preproduction meeting they said specifically that they didn't want the badger's arse look, because of the award-winning Badger's Arse ad.”

Vanessa raised her eyes to heaven. “Something like that, yes, Tom.”

“Between you and me, Vanessa, that ‘badger's arse' look is a complete fucker to create.”

“Well, you managed it.”

“Why, thank you. Credit where credit's due. Was there anything else?”

“Yes, Tom, I'd like to have a quick word with Anthony.”

“I bet you would. I'll just put you through.”

Vanessa waited, staring at her desk.

“You're a tough woman,” came Anthony's soft voice, “but I like it.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Not a good rough edit, I take it?”

“Not if any of us want a decent bonus this year,” she said.

“Shit. We'll get on it. Perhaps we should meet up.”

“Mm.”

“In a cupboard somewhere.”

“I thought perhaps this evening. In Nachos.”

“Oh! Great.”

“Shall we say seven?”

“Seven it is.”

Vanessa put the phone down and counted the hours to the end of her time as a scarlet woman. Only seven to go.

At three minutes past seven, Vanessa watched Anthony make his way toward her through the crowded bar.

“I know what you're going to say,” he whispered in her ear as soon as he reached her side.

“Do you?” she asked.

“Yes. And it's not a Silly-Nibble in my pocket, I'm just pleased to see you.”

Vanessa turned away.

“I'm just ordering,” she said. “What would you like?”

“I'll have a Vanessa Fitzgerald please. On the rocks.”

She had to physically move him away with her hand.

“Anthony.” Something in her voice caught him short. He waited. “This is really difficult for me to say.”

Anthony's features altered fractionally.

“Why? Is it in Greek?” he asked.

Vanessa gave him a look. After a pause, he started nodding and looked down. While he looked like he was resisting the urge to put his fingers in his ears, shut his eyes, and start whistling, Vanessa explained it as it was.

“It's all for the best,” she concluded.

He nodded again.

“Come on,” she said. “It was a one-off. It was hardly serious.”

Another nod.

“We only did some heavy petting,” she pressed the point. “Please don't make me feel like I'm finishing an affair.”

Anthony looked round the bar. “We only did heavy petting because I'm a gentleman, and we'd only just started.”

Vanessa shook her head. “No,” she said. “I'm a happily married woman. I've got three children. I love my husband.”

Anthony snorted. “You weren't thinking of them in the Silly Nibble cupboard, were you?”

“Actually I was,” said Vanessa. “It was more about anger than lust.”

“Cheers.”

Vanessa sighed. “You're not making this very easy.”

“Neither are you. Can you at least try to look ugly while you do this or…belch or something?”

“I can't belch to order.”

“Typical.”

“Look,” lied Vanessa, “there are some things in life we'd like to do but can't. It's as simple as that.”

“Why?”

“Because we have to be grown-up.”

“Why?”

“Because that's what we are. Grown-ups.”

“That's what got us into this mess in the first place. Believe me, if you were a child, we wouldn't be in this position.”

Vanessa started collecting her coat and bag.

“I'm going to leave now,” she said. “Can I…do anything? To make it all a bit easier?”

“Yeah, you could wear longer skirts.”

She smiled.

“And keep your jacket on all the time,” said Anthony. “And don't smile.”

“I was thinking more of not appearing at meetings that aren't absolutely necessary.”

“And get a run in your hose once in a while. Everyone else manages.”

“I should leave.”

Another nod.

Vanessa got up to go, and Anthony stared at the floor while she walked away. As she reached the tube station, he was still staring.

 

Jo began her first evening back in London sitting on her bed in her room, thinking seriously and maturely about unpacking. To her surprise, one of the cats appeared on her bed, stretched out and graciously allowed her to pet it. Then she lay on her back and fell asleep. She was woken by the sound of her mobile phone doing a samba. It was Pippa. She felt excited at the thought that Pippa was no longer her long-distance friend, and they arranged to meet the next day.

Then Jo told her her latest update.

“As soon as Dick sells the shop he'll be at home, and I'll be on practically the same salary part-time!”

“Go to the top of the class!” cried Pippa. “Part-time nanny on full-time pay! You should give talks.”

“I didn't do anything,” said Jo. “It's all because of Dick.”

“Hmm. Guilty conscience?”

“Well, I think he may have finished the affair,” confided Jo. “I don't
think I'll be able to last working with him if he hasn't. I certainly won't be keeping any secrets for him like his son.”

Then she explained about Josh coming to Niblet-upon-Avon and dissected the row they'd had.

“I don't believe it!” cried Pippa.

“I know. Bastard.”

“He came all the way to see you!”

“He called me a prick-tease.”

“He drove all the way to beg you to come back?”

“He called me a prick-tease.”

“How many miles is that?”

“I think you're missing the point.”

“Well one of us is.”

“He called me a prick-tease.”

“Hmm,” said Pippa. “I wonder how he knows?”

“Pippa!”

“Listen, you're going to have to say something to Gerry,” said Pippa.

“Oh God, why?”

“Because he's planned your children's first names. Did you know you were going to have four?”

Just then Jo heard Nick come into Pippa's room, and had to listen to Pippa telling him all about Jo being back. She heard Nick tell Pippa to say hi and invite Jo to join them later that night. She also overheard Nick say, “We can invite Gerry. Make it a foursome.”

“Oh no!” cried Jo into the phone. She wasn't going down that road again. “No need to tell Gerry about me being back for a while, is there?”

Pippa's voice was slightly muffled.

“Too late for that. Nick's already on the phone.”