The Nanny (34 page)

“Oh God!” cried Jo. “Give me a moment to get my bearings.”

“I don't think Gerry wants you to get your bearings. Much easier to sweep you off your feet if you're already wonky.”

“You know,” said Jo, “I think we may be overreacting a bit with Gerry. He phoned while I was at home, and he was so friendly it was really nice. And when I couldn't speak to him, he was absolutely fine about it. Better than Josh, who came in person and then blew me off. Did I tell you I slapped him?”

“Oh my God!” exclaimed Pippa. “How exciting!”

“Not really,” said Jo. “It was horrid, I flipped. It's nothing like it looks in the films. It's ugly and embarrassing.”

“How do you think you'll be when you see him?”

“I already have.”

“How was it?”

“Absolutely horrid. He's back to the nasty version. All hard and cold.”

“Oh dear. At least with Gerry you know where you are.”

“Yep.” Jo sighed. “With someone I don't fancy.”

Jo explained that she had to phone her parents and tell them she was safely there and rung off. She lay back and closed her eyes, giving herself a moment before phoning her parents. When the samba started up again, she didn't need to guess who it was.

“Hello, Gerry,” she said warmly, wondering if Josh could hear her.

“Hey! You knew it was me!” He laughed.

“Yup,” she said.

“So!” he said, after a fraction's pause. “I hear you're back then.”

“I am.” She laughed. “It's a short but effective grapevine.”

“And I hear you finished with Shaun.”

“Actually it appears he finished with me.”

“Great!”

“Thank you.”

“I mean—”

“Look, Ger—”

“I wondered if you wanted to go out sometime.”

“Thanks, but not now,” she said.

“Oh. Okay. Give you some time to settle in.”

“Well, I think I'll need a bit of time to adjust to more than that.”

“Just in case you change your mind, we'll all be at the Flask from eight.”

“Right,” said Jo slowly, thinking that it would be nice to see Pippa and Nick, even if she wasn't so sure about Gerry. “Thanks.”

“And I hope everything's alright,” he said.

“Thanks. I'll be fine.”

“Excellent. If you ever need to chat, just give me a call.”

“Thanks,” said Jo, considering that he might come in handy.

“Bye then,” he said cheerfully.

And he rang off. She massaged her temples for a while and phoned her parents.

“I'm here,” she told her father.

“Where?”

She smiled.

“In the bedroom.”

“Ah,” he said softly. “It's nice, smaller than I'd imagined, but nice.”

She closed her eyes and smiled a bit wider, concentrating on her father's voice.

“How's Mum?”

“Fine. She's just watching
The Antiques Roadshow
.”

A warm silence linked them over the line.

“I gave her a permission slip,” he added.

Eventually, she rang off, sat up slowly and, after a moment of sitting cross-legged on the bed and humming, started unpacking.

Things at the Fitzgeralds' abode were changing fast. Josh and Dick had exchanged contracts on the shop and the flat above it, and the family was to have a celebratory dinner that night. Cassie was going to be allowed to stay up for it. Even Jo was invited because Vanessa had said it was good news for her, too, because it meant Dick could spend more time at home so she could start looking for a course. There was a great feeling of excitement in the house that night.

“Why is it such good news, Jo?” asked Zak, as Jo popped up to check that he was getting himself ready for bed. Vanessa was on her way home, so she was getting the littler ones ready for bed while Dick finished dinner. He'd be up later.

“Well,” she said, “it means you get to spend much more time with your dad, and it means Josh can resign from his job.”

“Does it mean you won't be here anymore?”

“No, of course not,” she said. “It means we'll both be at school at the same time. That's all.” Just the thought of it made her excited.

“Why are you going to school when you're a grown-up?”

“Because I didn't do it when I was younger.”

“Weren't you clever enough?”

Jo smiled. “No. I just didn't do it. And now I really want to.”

“Oh.” He eyed her suspiciously.

When she came downstairs, she found Josh leafing silently through her university prospectuses. At his sudden awareness of her, his head moved fractionally, but he kept his eyes fixed on what he was reading. She tidied like a little tornado around him.

“Going back to school then,” he commented.

“Mm.”

He looked up. “What course are you going to do?”

She stopped, surprised. “I'm not sure. I'd like to do anthropology, but I don't know if I've got enough qualifications.”

Josh snorted. She stopped what she was doing.

“What does that mean?” she asked, her tone ice-cold.

His face was blank. “Qualifications are overrated,” he said. “Totally meaningless.”

“No they're not.”

“Yes they are.”

She started to stack the dishwasher. “That's like someone with money saying money isn't everything. Without qualifications you can't get good jobs.”

Another snort. “Define ‘good jobs.'”

She stopped stacking.

“Alright—accountancy.”

He smiled. “You fell right into the trap there,” he said. “Accountancy's overrated.”

“But the salary's good isn't it?”

“No. Not particularly. Not for the hours you're expected to put in.”

“Oh, and nannies don't put in long hours?” She looked up at the kitchen clock. “Which one of us is still working?”

He frowned. “Who's talking about nannies? I thought we were talking about accountants.”

“I'm just making the point that with qualifications, I probably wouldn't be working this late in the evening, and I'd probably be earning more.”

She waited for Josh's counterargument, and when none came, continued. “And don't tell me it's because nannies don't use their brains in this job, because I've just spent ten minutes playing a game of Question and Answers that will have huge implications for a bright, emotionally vulnerable eight-year-old.”

Josh nodded.

“Anyone can add up sums,” she concluded.

That sounded quite harsh, she thought, and it occurred to her that now might be an appropriate moment to apologize for slapping him. She looked at him. And remembered him calling her a prick-tease. And saying she was certainly on tap that night. And whispering with his dad about cheating on Vanessa. And she remembered Vanessa's prescient words of warning about the Joshua Fitzgerald charm. Then she remembered what Josh looked like in just his jeans. She could feel a headache coming on.

“I…” started Josh, “probably shouldn't have called you a prick-tease.”

Jo was so shocked she didn't know what to say. Just then her mobile
rang. She went to her bag and answered it without looking to see who was calling. She stared back at Josh as she answered. He was running his fingers through his hair while glancing at her prospectus.

“Hi, Gerry.” She sighed weakly.

She missed the first half of Gerry's speech because she was too busy watching Josh. He looked up from her prospectus, stared baldly at her as if she was some sour milk he'd accidentally smelled and walked out toward the living room, saying composedly as he passed, “Excuse me.”

She wandered mindlessly into her room, shutting the door behind her.

Gerry didn't want to turn into a pest, he said, but it just so happened that Nick, Pippa, and he were meeting up again tonight, and Pippa had wondered if she fancied joining them at the pub. Nothing fancy, just friends getting together. She said she couldn't, she was celebrating with the Fitzgeralds. When there was a knock at her bedroom door, she braced herself and, interrupting Gerry midflow, yelled for Josh to come in. He knocked again.

“Hold on, Gerry,” she interrupted, and walked over to the door with the phone at her ear.

When she saw Shaun standing there, in front of Josh, she felt goose bumps up her neck.

“I have to go now,” she told Gerry, looking through Shaun to Josh, who had obviously let him in.

Gerry kept talking in her ear. “Gerry, I have to go now,” she repeated, and clicked off.

Josh turned and left the room.

She stared at Shaun. He was grave and pale. She wondered why he hadn't phoned to say he was coming. She wondered why he'd chosen tonight. She wondered where Sheila was. She wondered what had happened when Josh had answered the front door to him.

“Hi,” said Shaun.

She nodded.

“Can we talk?”

“It's not a great time, Shaun. You should have phoned.”

“Sorry.”

“Not here,” she said, shutting her bedroom door behind her. “We'll go to the park.”

As they passed the living room, Jo popped her head round the door. Josh was staring at the television.

“Um,” she started. “We're just off to Waterlow Park.”

He kept his eyes on the television. “Don't have to check with me.”

She clenched her teeth. “If Vanessa gets back before I do, please tell her I'll be back soon.”

“Sure.”

“Obviously, start dinner without me. Obviously.”

“Obviously.”

She paused.

“Right,” she said.

No answer.

“See you soon,” she told him.

Silence.

Then as she left the room she heard a sly, “Have a good time.”

Her mind flitted through all the possible answers this deserved. “Oh don't worry,” she said softly. “I will.”

As she sped up the hill, Shaun following fast behind, she hoped Josh stewed in it. Meanwhile, Josh sat staring at the TV, stewing in it.

 

Shaun and Jo reached the park in ten minutes flat and sat down at the first bench they reached.

“So,” she said. “You've got half an hour.”

Shaun sighed.

“I know she told you everything.”

“Yeah, that's right,” said Jo. “She even reminded me of how long it took you to ‘screw' me.”

“It wasn't like that, Jo.”

Jo shrugged. “Who cares?”

“I do.”

Shaun leaned forward, clasped his hands together, and gave his side of the story in a fast monotone. He explained that he had never been serious about Sheila right from the start, and assumed Sheila hadn't been serious about him. When she mentioned that she was Jo's friend, he couldn't believe his luck. He'd had such a crush on her from nursery school—he was determined to meet her again. Yes, he may have told Sheila it was every boy's fantasy to sleep with his first crush, but that was before he'd met her again, and, anyway, it was true. Of course he couldn't remember saying it now, but if he had, he'd probably said it to put Sheila off him. How was he to know she was staying for good and was taking notes? Sometimes we say things about people before we really know them.

Anyway, when he did meet Jo again, she was everything he'd ever
imagined she'd be. He'd wanted to go out with her, and of course, yes, he'd wanted to make love with her, he didn't see anything wrong with that; in fact, there'd have been something wrong with him if he hadn't. When Sheila found out that they'd started dating, she was furious and told him that she'd tell Jo everything, including what he'd said about her before he'd met her again. He was terrified he might lose her. And so began Sheila's power over him, which she went on to wield for the next six years. And the truth was he got used to it. In a way she was the antidote to the niceness of their relationship—and the occasional fling with her was always incredibly passionate, although it always filled him with remorse.

Yes, he had wanted to marry Jo. But when she went to London, he and Sheila suddenly had nothing to hide. And he found himself confiding in her. He discovered that the original lust he'd had for Sheila in the early days was still there, plus something else, an honesty about his darker side he'd never wanted to show Jo. Plus he and Shee knew what it was like to love someone too much, and they found themselves able to understand each other. Before he knew it, they were as good as dating. But they were in a stalemate situation. She wanted him to finish with Jo, yet part of him still wanted to marry Jo. So he persuaded Sheila that if he proposed again, Jo would most definitely refuse him again and he'd have the perfect escape clause. What he never told Sheila was that maybe this time Jo would say yes.

Jo listened with a sober detachment.

“So you're marrying Sheila when part of you wanted to marry me?” she checked.

“Well, if I'm completely honest”—he gave a big sigh—“I don't think I could have given Shee up even if I had married you.”

Jo started laughing.

“Me and Shee—we're two of a kind,” he said simply. “It makes much more sense marrying her instead of you.” He looked up at her, squinting in the evening sun.

“Anyway,” he added quietly, “I couldn't get you, could I?”

She shook her head. After a few moments, she looked at her watch.

“I have to get back,” she said.

“Right.”

They walked to the house in silence, Jo an anxious step ahead the whole way. They'd taken an hour. When they reached the front door, Shaun took both Jo's hands in his.

“What are you thinking, Jo?” he asked.

She walked him away from the living room window, braced herself, and went for it.

“Did I lead you on, Shaun?” she asked. “Was I a tease?”

He glanced away for a moment. “Nah. You didn't need to. I was doing it enough myself.”

They looked sadly at each other and finally shared a resigned half smile.

“I hope you and Shee are happy,” Jo said.

“Do you?”

“Yes. And I think you will be.”

“I do, too, actually,” he said quickly. “It's been like getting off some damaging drug—when you went to London it was cold turkey, and now I'm through the worst and living a normal life again.”

Jo stared at him. “Thank you, Shaun,” she said.

“I didn't mean you—”

“It doesn't matter—”

“It does—”

“No,” she said firmly. “It really doesn't. I have to go back inside now.”

She let him hug her, feeling unmoved by his embrace, then watched him get into his car and drive off.

After a moment, she turned to the house and went inside.

Vanessa was home, and Dick and Cassie were putting dinner on the table. She counted to three, then counted to ten and on fifteen walked into the living room. It was empty. She went back into the kitchen and paced a bit.

“Where's Josh?” she asked the room lightly. “I thought he was watching TV.” Vanessa glanced over from picking at Dick's new improved lasagna recipe.

“Oh, he got a call from a friend,” she said distractedly. “He went out to the pub.”

“Shame,” Dick said to Vanessa. “I really wanted to celebrate with him.”

“You can celebrate with him on the weekend, darling,” said Vanessa, carrying the lasagna to the table. “Tonight you're celebrating with the women in your life.” Jo joined them at the table and tried to participate in the bonhomie. But from the plummet in her emotions about Josh's sudden disappearance, she knew conclusively that she was in serious trouble. It was hell when he was there, but even worse when he wasn't. She stared as Vanessa dished out the salad. Thank God Josh was moving out; other
wise, she wouldn't be able to cope with this emotional roller coaster for much longer.
This is my office
, she told herself firmly.
I cannot risk losing my job by being so emotionally vulnerable
. She managed a smile when Cassie made a face at how much green stuff had been put on her plate.

“Josh and I popped into the flat this evening,” said Dick through his lasagna.

“Oh yes?” said Vanessa.

“He hadn't realized how bad it was, even though I'd told him. Says he might as well do some construction work on it—won't be able to move in for months.”

“That's okay,” said Vanessa. “It's great to have him round the house. And the kids love him.” She turned to Jo. “You're both over your little quarrel, aren't you?”

Jo nodded.

Dick and Vanessa smiled, and Cassie cheered.

And Jo decided it was time to move out.