The Navy SEAL's Bride (6 page)

“If I’d met you a year ago and you’d asked what I did, I’d have made up some ludicrous story instead of telling you the truth.” Tom laughed. “The truth is that we have to be so careful to protect our families, and sharing where in the world I was at any given time, or why I was away, had the potential to put those I loved in danger.”

“And family is super important to you, right?” Caitlin’s voice was so soft, unassumingly gentle. As though she understood implicitly what he was trying to explain.

“Family is everything to me. Without…” Tom paused, cleared his throat and looked at Gabby’s tiny sleeping form. “Let’s just say that without Gabby I don’t know how I would have dealt with everything that’s happened over the last few months. It’s been tough.”

“It’s amazing how much little people can help.” Caitlin’s hand skimmed his, the lightest of touches. “They seem to understand so much but at the same time they’re so innocent.”

“It sounds stupid, but Gabby seems to put everything in perspective for me,” he told her. He’d never said it to anyone else, but it was true. “I made a career for myself in the Navy. My brother always knew he’d leave—he only joined to get his qualifications, a means to an end, but the Navy was my life. It was everything I’d ever wanted, and it still is.”

Caitlin squeezed his fingers beneath hers before reclaiming her hand and wrapping both arms around herself as if she was cold, only it was warm in the room. Tom touched his plate then crossed his own arms and leaned back. Part of him wanted to change the subject, but there was something about talking, about getting his thoughts off his chest and being able to be honest to someone other than family that felt good.

“What happened?” Her voice was so soft he could have missed that she’d even asked a question.

Tom took a deep breath. He didn’t have to tell her, could make something up or avoid the question entirely, but he
wanted
to tell her. Liked that she cared enough to ask. Enough to sit up late talking about him, what had happened to him, when they hardly knew each other. And it was different than trying to talk to his family or Navy buddies. Because in them he saw pity. With Caitlin he could hold things back, could keep parts to himself, and share snippets of what he wanted,
needed
, to get off his chest.

“We were on a mission.” His mouth went dry, every drop of saliva gone, his tongue struggling to move. Tom ran a hand through his hair, tugged at the end, then dropped his hands to his side. Stood up because he didn’t know what else to do.

He looked at what remained of the man he’d been so close to. Of the brother he’d served with, the life gone from his body, other guys he knew so well lying injured.

Remembered the screaming pain in his chest, the truest of heartaches, as he’d realized his friend was gone. Remembered how the pain in his ear was nothing like the pain he felt at knowing he’d failed him.

Tom forced his eyes up, made himself connect with Caitlin as she watched him.

“Everything seemed to be under control. We were so careful, like we always were. We all trusted each other so much, knew we were the best at what we were doing, and then it all went wrong.”

Caitlin didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. The look on her face, the open expression and concern in her eyes, told him she wanted to know more. That she was waiting for him to continue. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he wanted to talk.

“The explosion took us all by surprise. One minute we were focused on our mission, the next I was flying through the air.”

Caitlin leaned forward and touched his hand again, but this time her grip was firm. She locked her fingers over his, shaking her head gently. “How could you survive an explosion like that? What happened to you?”

Her eyes were darting across his face as if she was trying to see where he might have been harmed. Trying to figure out what had happened. Wanting to know how it had ended for him.

Tom raised his other hand, trying to ignore the soft, warm touch of her palm over his. He tapped his ear. “I’m almost completely deaf in this ear.” A burst of pain exploded from his chest—the pain of admitting he wasn’t strong enough, that he had failed. “I can’t pass the physical anymore, so it’s all over for me.”

Now she knew. He watched her, really watched her, waited for the look of pity that he dreaded, was becoming so used to seeing.

But it never came.

Tom’s breathing slowed. He relaxed.

Caitlin was nodding, the expression on her face hadn’t changed. “So that’s why you’re teaching at the moment?”

Tom sighed. “That’s why I’m teaching for the rest of my working life.”

Caitlin’s eyebrows knotted. “When you say the rest of…”

“My ear could get worse but it’ll never get better, and that means I can’t do my job. Ever. End of story.”

Tom wished he hadn’t snapped that last part out so harshly, but it was true. His career as a SEAL was over and he had to come to terms with it. And the fact that they’d lost one of their own when they were usually so careful, usually so precise. The operation had gone from as routine as could be expected for their kind of work to bad and then to worse before they’d even known what had hit them.

“I’m so sorry, Tom. I don’t know what to say.”

He gave her what he knew was a sad smile because it hurt just forcing it. “There’s nothing anyone can say that’ll make me feel any better, so don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Caitlin stood up and walked over to check on Gabby, bending over her, running a hand over her forehead—the same gentle way of moving her fingers that she’d done to him, comforting him with one soft stroke, and he watched her openly while she did it.

She scooped up her cat before walking back toward him, snuggling her pet to her chest.

“I know what it’s like, Tom,” she said, sitting down across from him again. “I know exactly what you’re going through.”

Her voice was low, tense, but it didn’t soften the blow any.

Tom shut his eyes, clenched his fists and tried to push his anger away. Why the hell did everyone always think they could understand! He restrained himself, fought not to explode.

“I don’t think that’s possible, Caitlin.” He kept his voice as even and calm as he could, but he jumped up, ready to leave, all the same. He should have kept what had happened to himself. This was why he didn’t tell people about what had happened, because no one
could
understand and no one ever would.

“You’re wrong, Tom,” she insisted, eyes wide. “I’ve been there and I know how it feels.”

* * *

“You have no idea what I’ve gone through, okay? No one does.” There was a sharp edge of finality to his voice.

The cold, bitter tone sent a ripple of nervousness down Caitlin’s spine. She went ice-cold herself. Didn’t know how to respond, what to do. Other than tell Tom to get the hell out of her house for speaking to her like that. But she was scared. Nervous about the change in him, how he could go from so earnest and gentle one moment to looking as if he was going to erupt like a long-dormant volcano the next. Opening up to her so genuinely then shutting down as if the conversation had never taken place.

She wanted him out.
Now
.

“I do actually,” she said, forcing herself to be as frosty to him as he had just been to her. Not prepared to quiver beneath his sudden show of strength, of power. Because if there was anything she hated, it was a man trying to assert his dominance like that. She could fall into a heap later, but right now she was going to stick up for herself.

Tom glared at her before striding over to the sofa and bundling Gabby into his arms, scooping her up like a rag doll. He held her tightly to him, his big hands firm to her tiny body, mouth touching her hair in the gentlest of ways, so at odds with how dominant, how intimidating she felt he was being.

“Thanks for dinner,” he said, walking straight past her. “I appreciate you helping me out this afternoon.”

Caitlin stood dead still, cat still in her arms, trying to stop her mouth from hanging open as Tom swung open the door and walked out. Left as though they’d shared nothing, as if tonight had never happened.

Good riddance.

“Good night,” he called over his shoulder before shutting the door and disappearing into the dark.

The beast,
she thought, anger pumping like adrenaline through her veins. Rude, arrogant, cold son of a…beast. She corrected her thoughts. There was no way she was bringing herself down to his level.

So she’d thought he was nice, that he deserved a chance. That maybe, just maybe, she could have been attracted to him. That he could prove her wrong, that it was time to trust her man-radar again.

Caitlin put Smokey down, locked up and made herself walk into the kitchen to start loading the dishwasher.

She’d been way wrong about Tom Cartwright. He was
exactly
like she’d originally expected him to be, and she’d been a fool to think he could be anything else. There was a reason she didn’t let men into her life so easily, and he was only making her see that more clearly.

CHAPTER FIVE

T
OM
pushed himself to run faster, punishing his body with every pounding footfall. He lived for the adrenaline of exercise. For the way he could lose himself so completely from his thoughts, push so hard, make his body hurt and scream out from exertion. Sometimes it was his only savior, the only thing he could cling to when his thoughts were at their darkest.

Tom slowed, wanting to keep his control while he trained the young men working hard to keep up with him.

What had happened to him could at least help him produce the most elite of SEALs. He doubted any of the men he was training would struggle with their physical exams. Not if he had anything to do with it. So long as he stayed focused instead of acting as though the demons troubling him were literally hot on his heels.

“Keep going!” he commanded. “Let me hear you!”

The recruits’ feet hit the pavement in time with his as he started the running cadence, singing for them to follow the beat, trying to pick his mood up and encourage the young men. “Hey buba-louba SEAL team baby.”

“Hey buba-louba SEAL team baby,” they chanted back.

“I joined up for this, now people think I’m cra-zy.” Tom ran backward, watching the men, pleased to see them sweating hard. “I shaved my head, make me pretty for the
la-dies,
” he bellowed out.

“I shaved my head, make me pretty for the
la-dies,
” they sang back.

Tom kept up the song along to the
thump-thump
of their footfalls, but he couldn’t help reaching up to run a hand quickly through his too-long-for-his-liking messy hair. Maybe that was his problem. He needed to cut his hair again.

Not that he wanted to be “pretty for the ladies” but he sure wanted to feel like a SEAL still. At least he wanted to look like the team leader he sorely wanted to be, no matter how much he moaned about his new role.

Because training the young recruits was important; the Navy was nothing without them.

Only it didn’t feel anywhere near as important as being out there in the field, and he doubted that for him, personally, it ever would be. No matter what anyone said or how much he tried to convince himself.

“Anyone who do this just ain’t
right,
” he continued, pushing their pace to make them work even harder. “Left, left, left-right-
left.
”

Tom tried to focus on the constant of each foot thumping down, the sounds of all their feet hitting in unison as they ran in rhythm, but there was only one thing he could see, no matter how hard he pushed himself.

Black hair caught up in a ponytail and aqua eyes looking at him as though he’d just run over her cat as he turned before leaving her house last night.

He shouldn’t have walked out like that, not when she’d been so kind to him, but he couldn’t deal with people trying to pretend that they knew how he felt. Because no one did and no one would.

Not his brother, not his sister-in-law, and certainly not a pretty little teacher with not a care in the world. The darkness that he’d lived through was hard enough for him to talk about without people pretending they’d ever understand, without seeing others pity him for what he’d lost.

“Let’s go, boys,” he ordered. “Hit the pool as soon as we get back. And don’t you dare even
think
about stopping for a rest.”

A groan echoed out from behind him. Tom kept his face straight as he ran backward again, pleased that at least his general fitness was better than any of these kids’. He could run for hours without stopping, and before his injury he could easily have stayed as long in the water, too.

“Do you want to be Navy SEALs or not?” he barked, waiting for a
Yes, sir.
“So let me hear you or it’ll be a double run next time!”

“Yes, sir!”

“I wanna be a Navy
SE-AL,
” he sang, “run with
me-e
if you
dare
.”

Tom clamped his jaw tight and gritted his teeth. He wasn’t used to being distracted, and he didn’t like it one bit.

* * *

Caitlin pulled off her trousers and replaced them with her black leotard, wriggling in the confines of the teacher’s bathroom.

“You definitely need a night out.” Lucy was waiting for her on the other side of the door. “Seriously, it’ll do you good.”

At least she hadn’t said
I told you so.

“I don’t know…” Caitlin finished getting dressed, folding all her things back in her bag.

“Did I mention I wouldn’t take no for an answer?”

Caitlin flung open the door, hair tie in her mouth as she fingered her hair into a bun. “Did I mention how bossy you are?” she mumbled as she plucked out the tie and twisted it into her hair.

“I don’t care.” Lucy picked up the bag for her and swung it over her shoulder. “The best thing to get your mind off a guy is to go out and have fun. Believe me, I know from experience.”