The Navy's Ghost (Bad Boys of Beta Squad) (30 page)

“No, I don’t think so. She made it pretty clear at the dam she’s done with me.”

Todd scowled. “That’s because you’ve done
nothing but run away. What, she’s just supposed to believe you suddenly had a change of heart after all the times she asked for you and you backed off? Come on. She’s a SEAL, but even she knows a bad play when she tries it.”

Retro shook his head.
“Yeah, I know. But I did have a change of heart and I still want her. It’s killing me to stay away.”

“Then don’t.
Man up, Waters, and convince her you’re serious.”

“You make it sound
easy.”

Todd snorted.
“Hell, the only easy day was yesterday. Just stop living by someone else’s rules, by your father’s rules, and figure your shit out.” Magic dropped his hand. “Chris and I wanted you with us from the beginning. Here.” He dug into his breast pocket and pulled out a ring box.

“Aw
, fuck, what the hell is that?” Jim’s gut clenched with a mixture of dread and excitement.

“Stop being such a pussy and ta
ke it. When you have your answer, you know where to find me and Chris.”

He handed Jim the velvet box and strode away to
sit beside Chris on the transport. Jim watched as Todd grasped her hand and she smiled at him with such love and gratitude. It alternately hardened Jim’s cock and made his heart lurch. He wanted the same from her so much it made him sick. Could he really make Chris see he’d changed his mind about her offer?

He glanced down at the box in his hand. Turning his back to everyone, he pulled the lid open and huffed in disbelief. A three stranded ring identical to the ones on Magic’s and Ghost’s fingers l
ay nestled in the black satin. Damn, Magic had made him a ring. How long had he kept this in hopes Jim would come around?

Retro closed the box and held it tight in his hand
as he found his own seat in the plane. He closed his eyes before the aircraft lifted off, his mind churning.
What do I really want?
To be with Chris and Todd. It’d become more important to him than his father’s derision. But could he convince Chris he’d stopped running? Clenching his fist around the box, he swore softly and settled in for the flight. He had exactly a hundred and twenty seven minutes to decide before he had to face Magic, and Chris, again.

****

“What did you say to Retro? He looks like he’s going to throw up.”

Magic glanced over at their swim buddy and
sighed. “I gave him the ring.”

Chris
stared, disbelief pushing through her relaxation. “He just witnessed the worst between husband and wife. Why is now a good time to encourage him to be our permanent third?” She shook her head. “He doesn’t want this, Todd.”

“Aw, d
on’t worry, Ghost.” Todd gave her an enigmatic smile, the same smile she’d seen on his face after he’d pulled off another medical miracle. “He’s ready to hear it this time, I promise.”

Chris
recalled the moment at the dam when Jim had kissed her.
It was just a kiss.
But he’d said he wanted her. “I don’t know, Todd.”

Magic leaned over her and kissed her hard, stealing her breath and excavating her mouth with his tongue. Chris forgot her injuries, the long wait in the cold bunker, hell, even her own name as Todd possessed her with desire and desperation. She
sighed as he let up, his eyes blazing with lust and his fatigues tight at his crotch.

“God, I’ve missed that.”
And she needed it more often.

“You’re not the only one. Take a look at Retro.”

Chris glanced over Magic’s shoulder and caught Jim turning his head away with a muttered curse. She couldn’t hear the word, but his body language told her enough. Her gaze dropped to where his broad hands linked over his lap as he shifted his legs. She wished he sat closer.

“So that’s the method to
your madness. You’re trying to make him jealous?”

“Nope, I’m trying to show him what he could have and is missin’ out on.”

Chris shook her head. “He’s just the same as before the wedding, Todd.”

“You mean the same stubborn sonu
vabitch who won’t admit what he wants?” Todd grinned. “Maybe, but you should’ve seen how crazy he went while you were gone. I’ve never seen him so diligent in his efforts to complete a mission, and he’s scary in the field.” Todd’s expression softened. “He loves you, Chris, and he wants to be with you, with us. He’s just got a lot of demons to work through.”

“What
are you talking about? What demons?”

Todd bit his lip, considering. “We got pretty tight and he told me a few things. Mostly when he was drunk and miserable. In particular, he said his dad used to tell him he was a sick piece of shit because
of his porn magazine collection.”

“What’s the big deal? Almost all guys have
one.”

“Yeah, but this collection was
of threesomes—Two men, one woman.”

Chris swallowed hard. Had she totally misread him?
“Is he gay?”

Todd barked a laugh. “No more than I am, darlin’. But he likes to share his woman.
It’s how he gets the most out of sex.”

Chris blinked. “Wait. He
likes to share his woman? Are you sure? Because when I asked him to share all those months ago, he ran like a rabbit.”

“
I think he’d been believin’ his dad so long, it became habit.”

“
What do you mean?”

“H
is old man told him he was deranged, deviant, depraved to want something like that.” Magic shook his head. “Jim tried to ignore what he wanted in favor of his old man’s approval.” Todd grimaced and glanced at their swim buddy. “I met the bastard once. Nothin’s ever right for him, even when Jim made it through BUD/S. It’s fucked up.” He hitched a shoulder. “But when we offered him to be our third, he freaked out. Ran for the hills like the devil was after him with his father’s voice in his head, eggin’ him on.”

“Oh.” Chris
gazed at Retro again, this time with sorrow. “I guess that makes sense.” She grieved for the loss of the man she wanted as much as Todd. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. “No wonder he stayed away from me. From us.”

“Yeah, it was pretty rough.”

“Why do you think he’s ready to change?”

“
Because he damn near lost the one thing that mattered to him more than bein’ a SEAL, and I told him to figure out what’s most important to him.” Todd gathered her hand in both of his and tilted his face close to hers, his expression tender. “That, and I said he had to start livin’ by his own rules. We SEALs do that sort of thing. It’s time he stopped listenin’ to his dad, and decided what he wants for himself. He’s a man, after all.”

“You’re a manipulative bastard, aren’t you?” she asked affectionately.

“Only to those I love.”

Chris
snorted, but it ended in a moan as the pain from her re-located shoulder spiked. Magic’s grin faded into his mask of impassiveness. She’d seen the expression enough times to know his concern. She wanted to laugh off the worry, but she didn’t quite have the energy. Everything would heal in time. At least her leg had worked up until the end. She’d even forgotten she limped. She’d kept the other women safe until the squad had reached them, and they’d all made it out alive.
Yay, me.

“You’re gonna be fine, Ghost. Just hang in there for a couple more hours.”

“I know. Just hold my hand so I know you’re really here.” She tried to smile for him, but exhaustion crept in as the adrenaline ebbed.

Todd wrapped his hand around hers and kissed her knuckles. “I’m here, darlin’, and I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

ThesSquad is here and we’re going home.
Chris closed her eyes.
I’m safe. I’ll just rest my eyes for a few…

The rumble of the engines soothed the tension out of her body and she sank down into the comfort from the sound. Todd’s presence and the strength of his hand around hers carried her into contentment. She’d made it home, rescued by the men she loved, and everyone lived to fight another day.
Keep low, move fast. Kill first, die last. One love, two SEALs. Please, God, make it real…

Chris
let her exhaustion suck her down into the comforting thunder of her ride home.

Chapter Twenty-One

Awareness returned to Chris with the scent of antiseptic and the sounds of mechanical beeps. She opened her eyes and scanned the taupe walls around her hospital bed.

“Dammit
, not again.”

“
Good to see you, too, Ghost.”

Chris blinked in surprise as Jim lifted his head from the mattress beside her and scrubbed his face with one hand. He hadn’t shaved
in days and exhaustion crowded his eyes.

“We gotta stop meeting like this, Retro.” Her voice came out as no more than a croak and she grimaced. At least she didn’t feel hot this time. “You got any water around here?”

He rose and fetched the pitcher before resting the back of his hand against her forehead. “No fever.”

“No, not this time.” She reveled in the cool water sliding down her throat. “Where’s Magic?”

“Debriefing. I told him I’d keep watch until he’s done.”

“How long has he been gone?”

Retro glanced at the clock. “Little over an hour.”

“How is Lindsey Andrews? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, Bronco hovered over her like a mother hen, but all her wounds were superficial and she went home this morning.”

“Good.” Chris liked Lindsey, even more so now. “How’s Greg?”

Jim grimaced. “Not so great, but he’ll be fine eventually. MaryAnn really did a number on him.”

“
Yeah.” Disgust rolled through Chris’s gut. “I don’t understand it and it makes me want to hang her by her ankles over the gunwale of a battleship on full deployment.”

Retro laughed. “Damn, Ghost, remind me not to piss you off.”

She smiled, but it faded as she studied his strong features. This was her other SEAL, a badass warrior she’d never meant to hurt, and couldn’t help but love.
God, I want him.

“It’s good to see you, Jim. I’ve missed you.” She grimaced as emotion bubbled up and made her voice warble. “Sorry, I seem to turn girly every time I get in this place.”

“I like it when you’re girly, Ghost. It’s one of my favorite things about you.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Shaggy strands stuck out at odd angles. He frowned as he gazed at the blankets on the bed, but his mouth remained stubbornly closed.

“What, Jim?”

“I’m sorry about staying away from you and Magic. I had a lot of shit to work out. It turns out I’m dumber than a bag of hammers when it comes to…heart stuff.” He shrugged and grimaced. “I’ve been listening to the voices in my head instead of the ones in my heart and, well, you know the result.”

Chris
tilted her head toward him. “Magic said your dad played a role in this. Is that why you ran from…me?”

Jim’s jaw tightened and he reached for her hand.
“Aw, hell, he told you?”

She gave a one shouldered shrug. “
He said you had things to face, and I essentially made them worse.”

Jim squeezed her hand, his expression desperate. “No, no, it wasn’t you. It never was you, Christiana. Even at the engagement party when I pulled away. None of it was ever you.”

Chris scanned his face, trying to read the truth. “I’m glad to hear it.” She waited for more, but he closed his mouth again and said nothing more for several heartbeats.

“So what now, Retro?” She raised an eyebrow at him,
hoping he’d say something, anything, to tell her his decision.

“You telling me to put out or ring out, Ghost?” He
threw her a half-smile.

“
If that’s what you need, I guess I am. I haven’t hidden that I wanted you in my life, in my bed.” She glanced down at the hospital blankets and grimaced. “Though not in this bed.”

Jim snorted a laugh, but still remained stubbornly silent.

“You said at the dam you wanted me, but it wasn’t the time. What did you mean?”

He
scanned her face for a long time, his eyes steady and his expression still. “I meant what I said. I want you in my life. Staying away from you is killing me. But it seems like you’ve moved on and I don’t want to barge in on your marriage to Todd.”

Chris swallowed a growl of frustration.
“You’re not barging in if you’re invited, and we invited you even before the marriage part.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m just done chasing or pushing you. I’ve made my play and you know what I want.”

“You still want me even though you’re already married to Todd?”

“It’s not a one-and-done thing for me, Jim.” She shook her head. “I’ll marry you, too, if it’ll make a difference in your decision.” She hoped it did.

Retro
nodded, his expression thoughtful. “Magic gave me the ring.”

“Good.
”

He
smiled, but his humor fled quickly. “I have strange needs, Chris.”

“No stranger than my need to have two men in my bed.”
She couldn’t help verifying Todd’s information. “Are you gay?”

“No,
I’m not gay. If there’s no woman, I wouldn’t be there. But I love pleasuring a woman with help.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “That okay with you?”

“You can’t do it all yourself?”
She smirked at him to make him relax his defensive pose.

“Not the kind of pleasure I’m talking about. Not even a SEAL c
an give a woman that much pleasure.” The idea made her heart pound, but she raised a sardonic eyebrow.

“A SEAL admitting he can’t do it all?” She tsked softly. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Shut up.”

She grinned and he chuckled
, but it sounded pained. “I’ve been trying to live up to my old man’s idea of what’s right so long it’s become habit. When you told me and Todd you wanted to share, all sorts of red flags went up. My old man told me I was fucked up to even think about it, and here you were offering me everything I wanted and knew I shouldn’t have.”

“
You still stuck in the habit, Jim?”

He leveled her with a pensive
look. “That depends. You still want me as part of your personal team?”

“You know I do
. It hasn’t changed.” She shifted a little, trying to ease her stiff shoulder. “What do you want?”

“I want
you to be happy.” He dipped his head and stroked the back of her hand. “And I want to be with you. And Magic, too.”

“In bed or just as friends?”

“The whole nine yards. I’m done running.”

“
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. It’s about damn time.”

Magic sauntered in the roo
m with a large bouquet of peach-colored roses and a delighted smile. He set the flowers down and gathered Chris’s face between his palms, his eyes blazing with love.

“I’ve missed you, Ghost.” He leaned down and took her mouth i
n a possessive kiss banishing all the pain from her system. When he released her, he extended his hand to Retro. “Thank you for watching over her.”

“No
t a problem.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I should probably give you two some time alone.”

Todd tightened his grip on Jim’s hand. “Stay. We both want to talk to you.”

Jim hesitated, but Todd didn’t release him until he returned to his chair. Todd sat on the bed. “You really mean what you said about wantin’ it all?”

Jim
dipped his chin, his expression wary. “Yeah, I did.”

Chris held her hand out and Jim
wrapped his palm around hers. “I still want you, Jim. I love you as much as I love Todd, just for your qualities rather than his. Does that make any sense?” He nodded slowly. “Sex is just a part of what I want with you, but Todd and I agreed, it’s not enough for us to be without you. We—I need more and I need you to give it to me.”

Jim raised his eyebrow and glanced at Todd. “You okay with her saying that?”

“What, that she needs more?” Todd shrugged. “Yeah, I could feel it, too. It’s not that we weren’t good enough for each other. No way.” He winked at Chris. “But it felt like something—someone—was missing.”

“
You still feel that way? Even after so long?” Jim rubbed the back of his head, his shoulders tight.

“It hasn’t been that long
.” Todd snorted.

Jim
shook his head, but his expression remained uncertain.

“It’s been three
months, that’s long enough.” Chris squeezed Jim’s hand to bring his attention back to her. “I don’t want to waste another minute. Please say you’ll give it a chance.”

Seconds passed, punctuated by the soft dripping in the IV
and the pain in her foot starting to throb with her increasing heartbeat. Chris held her breath, her stomach sinking with each additional moment of time slipping away.
Please, God, bring him around.

****

So what’s it gonna be, SEAL?

Jim sifted through the options in his mind, his father’s voice finally locked away in a
solid box. They wanted him, had asked for him to join them, twice. But for how long? And what about when the honeymoon phase ended? Would it become strained and prone to bickering?

Damn, you sound like whiney little
punk. You gonna run from a challenge? From what you really want ’cause something
might
go wrong later? Are you a SEAL or a pussy?

He’d only heard that voice in his head a few times, but
it had greater strength than his father’s and made him focus on the beautiful woman lying in the bed before him. Chris wanted him. Todd wanted to share. They both held his heart in different ways.

“Chris
—”

“Ah, shit. Not again.” She turned her face away and closed her eyes.

“Jim.” Todd’s voice held warning.

“Shut up for just a minute and listen to me
. I don’t have your ability with words so if you could give me the time to get it out, I might just surprise you.”

Magic raised his eyebrows as Chris returned his gaze, her expression cautious. He regretted putting the doubt in her eyes, but he’d meant it when he said he was done running.
I guess I better make good on the promise.

“I want everything you’re offering me. I want you, and Magic, and all of it. Being without you guys is like Hell Week all over again, only it lasts forever.” Retro paused and clenched his
free hand into a fist.
Grow some balls, SEAL, and man up!
“SEALs are always with their teammates and when you got married, I swore I’d gotten separated.” He held up a hand as Chris opened her mouth to say something. “It’s my own damn fault, I know. You don’t have to remind me, Ghost.”

Magic grasped Chris’
s other hand and squeezed. She subsided. Jim sent him a grateful look.

“
I want back in with my team, my swim buddies. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but we’re SEALs, and we can make miracles outta nothing. So I figure if you guys still want me around, and you don’t mind a thick-headed, stubborn jackass every now and again, then…” He shrugged, his guts tighter than ever. “I love you, Ghost, and it’s killing me being away from you. From either of you.” He met Todd’s gaze and grimaced. Todd smiled back.

All the tension slid out of Chris and her gorgeous smile broke across her face. “Thank God. What finally changed your mind, Retro?”

Images of her dressed in nothing but a camisole and yoga pants hefting an automatic rifle flashed across his mind before he shook his head with a chuckle. “When I found out the tangos had taken you, the world turned gray for me. I didn’t know what was worse. Watching Magic go out of his mind with Bronco and Bam Bam, or knowing you were out there alone, without your squad. And the possibility you might come back so badly hurt…”

The idea still sickened him and he shoved it ruthlessly away.

“Anyway, it made me realize we SEALs protect what’s our own, and you’ve been mine and Magic’s since we started BUD/S training. No fucking way would I run from what I wanted when you got back. And you’d get back.”

“I might have helped a little in that department,” Magic remarked dryly.

Retro grunted when Chris raised her eyebrows. “Yeah, we got across the breakers a couple of times over it, that’s for sure.”

“I knew you’d see reason eventually.” Magic winked.

“I’m glad someone did.” Retro released Chris’s hand and took a deep breath. “So here I am, wanting it all. The home, the team, the friendship, and the…” He clenched his jaw. Why was it so damn hard to say? “Love.”

“With both of us?” Chris’s question hung in the air for two heartbeats.

“Yeah, with both of you.” Retro met Magic’s gaze. “I’ll admit it gives me the heebie jeebies to say the word ‘love’ to you, Magic, but it’s what I feel when I think of you having my back, hanging out drinking a beer, or shootin’ pool.” Jim growled and wished he could punch something. “Part of me wants to say, ‘It’s not the kind of love that means I want to pick out curtains or anything’, but I do want to do that, with both of you. I really want a permanent threesome.”