The Night Beat, From the Necropolis Enforcement Files (51 page)

“I don’t believe you,” Johnson said calmly. “The Devil has an attractive face and tells beguiling lies.”

“That’s nice. I’m not Satan. He’s a cool guy. Not evil, just doing his job for Yahweh. That’s your god’s real name, by the way. I’d imagine he’d like you to cooperate. But here’s the deal -- my soul belongs to him, and I’m charged with the destruction of any who would destroy all the planes of existence. You stand in the way of the safety of billions of souls, in this and a variety of other realms. So, good of the many versus good of the few. You pick.”

“Don’t bother talking to him.” I turned to see Sexy Cindy and Freddy coming up behind us. “Dude doesn’t see what’s right in front of him.” She went up to Johnson’s wife. “But she does, don’t you? You know why you didn’t see your loser son, when they faked that resurrection?”

Mrs. Johnson shook her head. “They said…they said you were dead. I asked after you because you’d always…been so kind.”

“I am dead. I’m an undead, and damned proud of it. So’s Freddy. Know why we’re here and the others aren’t? It’s ‘cause we had good souls. You know your son could never resurrect on the side of good, so you didn’t question. But I saw him dusted, and it wasn’t by our side, either.”

Mrs. Johnson shook her head. “He just wanted to make us proud.”

“No. He just wanted to hurt you.”

The Johnsons both looked at me. “How can you say that?” Johnson asked.

“I’m a cop, you idiot. I’ve seen plenty like your son. And I had the rare privilege of talking to him, ad nauseum. He wants you two to rot in Hell. He helped set it up so that you would, too. If you don’t help us now, no matter how good the rest of your lives have been, you’ll have caused the destruction of all that’s decent, and Yahweh and the other Gods and Monsters will ensure you burn in the Depths for eternity.”

“Gerald, this…young lady was always decent to me when I visited Jerry.” Mrs. Johnson touched Sexy Cindy’s shoulder than looked at Freddy. “You were always polite and never begged.”

“This is a compliment from the rich,” Benny whispered to me. I realized I was growling.

I cleared my throat. “So, you’re happily joined up with Adolf Hitler? I mean, really? How long have you been listening to him?”

“Months,” Mrs. Johnson answered. “Mister Tomio introduced us. Said he was working with Jerry and the others to try to rehabilitate them.”

“Why are you telling them anything?” Johnson hissed. “They’re evil!”

“No, they’re not.” Mrs. Johnson managed a weak smile. “I’ve seen you, your kind, well, kinds…all my life. Not as much when I was young, but when we moved here, all the time.”

Interesting. “Are you crazy?”

She laughed. “No. I prayed to God for guidance. And…He showed me the way.”

“What way was that?” I felt it was going to pay to ensure she was dealing with one of the Gods and Monsters, not the Prince.

Mrs. Johnson opened her mouth and then stood there, staring. We all turned to see what she was looking at. Martin, as it turned out, wings on full.

He gave us all a gentle, twinkling smile. “Helen, my dear, how delightful to see you, albeit under some quite awful conditions.”

Mrs. Johnson’s jaw snapped shut and she pointed to Martin. “He came to me. Before, I mean.”

Martin did some extra twinkling. “I did indeed. Yahweh does like to provide the personal touch when it’s truly necessary.” He winked at me. “Now, let’s finish off our easiest major minion kill of this century.”

“It’s either a trap, or they’re really unhappy with his performance.”

“I’d go with the latter, Victoria,” Martin tossed over his shoulder as he went to help Black Angels One and Two finish off Hitler in fine, albeit rather horrific, style. Holy water does just terrible things to a major minion, especially when said minion has to swallow it.

Ralph cocked his head. “If it’s punishment, then who made that decision? The Three A’s are all powerful, but I’ve never heard of any of them being given the authority to destroy one of their peers.”

This was quite true. Additionally, the humans -- religious leaders from all over the world -- had been manipulated by Hitler for weeks. Undoubtedly more so once Slimy had come through. Meaning they’d likely been praying up a storm in their minds. Meaning that any being could have come through. And I was pretty certain which one had just joined the party.

“They aren’t the ones who made the decision.” I looked at Johnson. “I want the spell, what you’re all calling a prayer, and I want it now. We have a command performance you’re making us late for.”

Chapter 69

Fortunately, Martin felt it was acceptable to use the old angel influence to clear the heads of all the humans. This saved considerable time, though the angst level remained high. Nothing like finding out you’ve been helping the ultimate evil to put a damper on the moods of those who do religion as their life and livelihood.

We got the prayer out of them. It was well set-up, mentioning evil names all over the place, purportedly to send them away. Only it was sending them away from their normal planes of existence and inviting them to this one, while at the same time creating this aura of holiness around them. I was impressed.

“The Prince and company must have been more than extremely displeased with good ol’ Hitler’s performance, because that is one massively good spell, spoken as a non-practitioner.”

Martin nodded. “We found the rest of the doppelgängers. All destroyed by angelic forces. Easily, I must admit.”

“All subordinates of Hitler’s?” I asked while Black Angels One and Two swept up Hitler’s dust into a container of holy water. Tidy and smart.

“Yes. On the plus column, I believe we’ve finally destroyed what’s left of the Third Reich.”

“Better late than never.” I was touchy about human wars. Because we weren’t allowed in them. “Anyway, Martin, this is Benny the Fence, or, as they know him here, Bill Bennett, realtor. The bag he’s clutching is filled with nastiness. Ergo, once we leave, I’d like to ensure that Benny remains in the most alert and nasty protective custody known to man, beast or undead.”

“I’d like to mention that the nasty shouldn’t be focused on me,” Benny added.

“Right. Benny good. All others bad.”

“What are we going to do with the humans?” Ralph asked as Black Angel Two flanked Benny with the same expressions they used when they flanked Martin.

“That’s why I asked for all the black and whites. We’re taking them with us.”

“Are you serious?” Ralph actually yelped.

“Do I look like I’m funning around?” I motioned to Johnson and, as she was insisting we call her, Helen. “We’re going to leave our unmarked police car here, mostly because we don’t have the keys and we’re all tired of hotwiring it. I’m going to take a wild guess and ask if you had your car stolen the other day, only to find it in the church parking lot.”

They both nodded. “You took it?” Johnson asked.

“All in the line of duty. We’re taking it again. I just want to make a quick call, and then we’re all piling into the luxury mobile. I’m driving.” Johnson opened his mouth and I put up the hand. “It’s not optional.”

“I wish it was,” Ralph muttered.

“Can I drive with Martin?” Benny asked. “Or really, anybody else?”

“Actually, no. The angels can fly. You and the bag I want up close and personal. You’re coming with us. Trust me, there’s plenty of room in that car.”

“It was covered with animal fur,” Johnson mentioned. “Does the city reimburse for auto detailing?”

I gave him a long look, turned into werewolf form, then wolf, then back to human. “Wanna ask again?”

“Not at all. I love animals!” Johnson seemed to realize his faux pas, possibly due to Ralph’s growling. “I mean undeads. Whatever you people are!”

“Beings. Beings with souls, just like you. Now that that’s all cleared up and Hitler’s ashes are all cleaned up, let’s get moving.”

Black Angel One ensured the rest of the humans got into their respective cars while I threw the P.D. a bone and checked in. “Darlene, how goes it?”

“Detective Wolfe! You’re alive.”

“Yes.” Well, in that sense. “What have you got for me?”

“Every available squad car is waiting at the south entrance to the Estates. The Chief says he hopes you know what you’re doing.”

“Not as much as I do.”

“Sorry about Detective Wagner.” She sounded sympathetic but also a little angry.

“Ah, just what did you hear?”

“Variety of rumors. I’m sure the more lurid one is the closest to reality.”

“Possibly.”

I heard the radio band click and all the background noises disappear. “We’re secured now, Detective Wolfe. The story around the precinct is that Wagner wooed you, suggested a polygamous relationship, and when you said no, he ran off with Susan from day dispatch.”

“Wow, in a nutshell, accurate. In that very high-level, doesn’t really get to the gist way, I mean.”

“Per the Chief, Wagner tried to lure you to the Prince’s side and if we’re able to dust him, good, though chances are that you’ll beat us to it.”

“How long have you known?”

Darlene chuckled. “Oh, a while. I got it out of the Chief.”

“How?” In my experience, no one got anything out of the Chief he didn’t want to let out.

She cleared her throat. “Let’s just say I see him in the off hours and let it go at that. For now, at any rate. From what we’ve heard, your time would be better spent stopping the forces of evil from destroying all the realms of existence.”

“Succinctly put. Please advise the black and whites that I have about twenty cars, luxury through to POS. I want funeral procession, but the fastest funeral procession ever, and I don’t want any of the civilian vehicles other than mine allowed out of police protection. Someone tries to make a break, shoot out the tires and handcuff anyone in the car, children included.” I heard Cain sharing these instructions with the humans.

“How will the officers know which car is yours and so allowed to drive erratically and fly in the face of all the traffic laws?”

Geez, it wasn’t like I was that bad a driver. “I’ll be in a black S-Class. They’ll recognize it, it was recently stolen and recovered.”

“We do admire your style and dedication to the suggestion, versus the letter, of the rules and regulations, Detective Wolfe.”

“I unlive to serve, and so forth. Oh, and Darlene?”

“Yes?”

“In case…well, we don’t actually make it? I just wanted to say it’s been a pleasure bantering with you all this time and, having just had the opportunity to compare you to the day shift, there is no dispatcher anywhere that’s your equal. And I thought that before I hated Susan on a variety of personal levels, too.”

“I appreciate the kudos, Detective. Same to you, in that sense. I’ll pass your thoughts along to the Chief, however I’d like to mention that we’d all prefer it if you succeeded. Just saying, and all.”

“Thanks, Darlene. I needed that little bit extra pressure to turn into a diamond.”

“Good. They’re pretty much indestructible. Go with that.” The radio went dead. I heard another click, and the standard background bands were live again.

I clicked to All-Band. “Guys and gals of the Night Beat, this is Detective Wolfe. We’re all about to go hunting very bad things. I’d like you all to remember why you’re on this particular shift in this particular town. I’d also like to remind you that what we do tonight will affect everyone we know and care about.”

I took a deep breath and continued. “So, let’s win one for the home team and all that jazz. Sure, most won’t appreciate it and they’ll whine about our destroying a little property or shooting some very bad things dead without reading them the shortest version of their rights. But in the long run, we don’t do this for the congratulations or the adulation -- thankfully, right? No, we do it because we’re cops. So, let’s go do what we do best -- protect and serve…and kick bad guy butt.” I hung up and went to the S-Class.

The Johnsons were in the backseat with Ralph in between them. Benny had shotgun. He gave me a weak look. “We drew lots. I lost.”

“Good grief! I do not drive that badly!”