The Nine Fold Heaven (7 page)

9

Forbidden Love

T
hat night I slept restlessly, terrible images flitting through my distorted awareness. Finally, I fell into a deep, troubled sleep and did not awaken in my hotel room until it was already afternoon, the sheets clammy with my sweat. I soaked for a long time in the bathtub, then rested until evening, when I finally summoned the energy to go out. Not wanting to be alone, I decided to visit Edward Miller, hoping he could soothe my chilled and exhausted mind and body. I hoped the ambassador would be at home, but I knew that diplomats like him spend many evenings out at dinners or receptions with politicians, businessmen, or celebrities.

As usual, I asked the driver to let me off some distance from Miller’s house. Then I walked through the nearby wooded area to the gate of his compound. The guards would look me over and question me before informing their boss that I had arrived and allowing me to enter.

Under the moonlight, in the midst of the thicket of trees, from the corner of my eye I spotted a figure a few yards from me. He seemed to be hesitating, uncertain if he should continue. My spy’s mind immediately wondered if I should run to the guards and alert them to a possible intruder. But there was too much distance between me and the guards. So I put my hand on my knife, the one I still had, just in case.

“Who are you?” I called out.

The ghostly figure approached me, branches cracking under his feet. Then in the moonlight, to my utter shock, I saw Gao, the man I had just rescued from hell!

His expression was equally shocked when he realized who I was.

“Camilla?!”

“Shhh . . . Gao, keep your voice down.”

He seemed to make a tremendous effort to do so. “Camilla . . . can it really be you?”

I said in a heated whisper, “Yes, it’s me, Gao. And I’m so glad that you are alive!”

A great pain rose in my heart when I saw Gao was still in his torn, blood-stained “execution” outfit. His once bright eyes were now covered with red threads and his cheeks were so sunken that I believed they could hold water.

“What are you doing here?” we each asked simultaneously.

I signaled for him to go first.

But instead of answering me and before I could think, he pulled me to his broad chest and kissed me hard on my lips. I was not prepared for the intensity of my feelings. But, of course, ours was an after-near-death reunion!

When we finally released each other, he paused to study my face as if he were a museum curator appreciating the unexpected return of stolen artwork.

“I never thought I’d have a chance to see you again in this life, Camilla. Did you reach Hong Kong after I took you to the ship? Why have you come back? It is very dangerous for you here. Tell me everything.”

I didn’t answer him right away but pulled him back so that we were hidden behind a big tree. I ran my fingers down his scared, bony face with all the tenderness I could gather.

”Gao, it’s been . . . I had to come back from Hong Kong.” I didn’t want to mention Jinjin—or Jinying. “Later, I’ll tell you later.”

“But, Camilla . . . tell me now. Who knows if we’ll ever see each other again?”

I remained silent. If we were not going to see each other, what did it matter?

Knowing that he wouldn’t get any information from me, he stroked my cheek and changed the subject. “Camilla, it had to be you who threw the knife and saved my life!”

“How do you know?”

“Camilla, who else? In Shanghai, you’re the famous knife thrower.”

Damn. “Gao, then do you think Police Chief Li will also figure out it was me?”

“Most probably.”

“But
would
he expect that I had come back to Shanghai to offer myself at the tiger’s mouth?”

“He probably doesn’t care. He just wants to catch you.”

“Then should I run for my life?’

“Yes—run with me.”

I was moved by his invitation to escape. At the moment it would have been easy for me just to run away with him. But what about the rest of my life? Though I did feel love for this rough man whom I had just saved from the ax, I knew I could not stay with him. I had to find Jinying and our baby, Jinjin.

Unsure what to say, this time I changed the subject. “Why did you come here?”

“Camilla, I really have no place to go. Haven’t you heard that the Americans are more humane and more willing to help? That’s why I’m here.”

“But with what excuse? The consul people must already know that you’re the ‘traitor’ to be executed.”

“Exactly, then they should also know that the government never gave me a fair trial, just ordered that I be executed.” His voice was losing its
qi
under the dim light of the crescent moon bathing us through the foliage.

My once-muscular bodyguard-lover now looked gaunt and weak as a withered tree. He must have suffered tremendously. Horrible images of beating, flesh slicing, finger crushing, toe hammering . . . forced themselves into my mind. However, despite his longer, matted hair, his eyes were sharp and bright like torches. He was no less handsome, just different.

I took his hands. As I expected, they were all scarred. “Gao, did they . . .”

He nodded. “But no more talk about this, Camilla.”

After a few moments of silence, I blurted out, “Where did you hide? Were you with Lung? How did they find you?”

“After I got you on the ship, I went to an unlicensed doctor who used to treat Master Lung’s men. He took out the bullet and sewed me up. He has reason to avoid the police, too, so he hid me while I recovered.”

“He was really kind.“

He chuckled. “Ha! Not that simple, Camilla. It’s because he got so many favors and was paid so much by Master Lung that he can’t afford to refuse me, in case Lung is still alive somewhere. If Lung makes his comeback someday, a lot of heads will no longer be on their shoulders.”

“Then how did Chief Li find you?”

“One day when the doctor was away, a group of policemen broke into his office and arrested me. I suspected it was a setup. The doctor might have been pressured by the police to sell me out.”

“It’s horrible. I’m so sorry, Gao.”

“Don’t worry about me, Camilla. I’ve always managed to get by. Now, what about you? I’m sure they know it was you who rescued me. If anything happens, I’m not sure I can help you anymore. Do you think there’s any chance that the Americans will give us protection? Is that the reason you came here too?”

I nodded. “Yes, in case something bad happens . . .” My voice trailed off.

Suddenly, it was all too complicated, so I just thrust my small torso against his big one and hugged him tightly like an octopus its prey.

He kissed me with a tenderness one would never expect from a brutal bodyguard.

“Camilla, you’re the only good thing in my miserable life. And you risked your own life to save mine.”

“But, Gao . . .” I moved strands of his hair away so I could take a good look at his gaunt face. “You took a bullet for me, and—”

He cut me off. “I know you think you’re bad, but I know that’s not your true nature—you’re forced to do things. I am too. But when I am with you, I feel it could be different . . . for both of us. “

“How could it be different? We are both fugitives.”

“Camilla, I just hope for something better. To not have to be on guard all the time. To not worry if you will be alive at the end of each day.”

“Gao, I owe my life to you. . . .”

He looked into my eyes. “Then what about . . . him?”

“Who?”

“You know who I mean.”

Of course he was referring to his boss’s son, who was my other lover, Jinying.

I made my answer short and vague. “You know where he is?”

He shook his head. “I’ve been staying out of sight.” Then a desolate expression spread over his sunken face. “Camilla, is there any chance that I’m the father of your baby?”

“Sorry, Gao, but I don’t think so.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Because little Jinjin came to me in my dreams. And he just looks like the young master. I’m so sorry. . . .”

“So you’re coming back for him and your son? But isn’t he . . .”

I knew he didn’t have the heart to say the word
dead.

“Gao, I also came back to be sure you’re all right.”

“You’re telling the truth?”

I nodded, taking out my last, most precious and treasured knife. “Gao, please keep this for protection and as my token of love for you.”

Among the few knives I had, this was special. It was decorated with silver, gold, and precious gems—ruby, crystal, malachite. Lung had given it to me—I suspected, though he never admitted it, that it had come from the body of one of his many victims. Sometimes I thought of the knife as itself like a beautiful skeleton woman, able to destroy men and topple countries. I could not stay with Gao, yet I hoped that my knife would both help him defend himself and remind him of our love.

The bodyguard’s face lit up as he caressed the knife’s hilt. “Camilla, I will keep this with me every day that I live. Even if I’m destitute, I’ll never pawn or sell it. I will treasure this as I have treasured you.”

Fascinated by the sharp blade, he suddenly spun and stabbed it into the tree trunk he had been leaning on.

Then he touched my cheek with his big, rough hand. “You heard the saying that a hero will protect three villages, a dog its three neighbors? As long as I’m still breathing on this earth, I’ll love and protect you as much as I can.”

I was greatly moved by this sentiment. Not that I thought he could really protect me from all the evil people now out to get me, but because he was so unlike the others who cared for me only if I could be useful in their tortuous schemes. In my world, decency was unexpected. Life, as the Chinese phrase it, is like “a broad landscape with winding bridges and tall mountains”—one never knows what is around the next turn.

Gao took the knife and put it inside his pocket. He held his hand out to help me up onto a big boulder underneath the tree, then sat beside me. It was getting dark and chilly, so I tightened my thin blouse around my chest. Poor Gao looked upset that he didn’t have anything to offer me to protect myself from the cold. So he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. We remained silent, savoring these moments, wondering if they would be our last ones together.

The consulate building stood silent and majestic in the distance. Its many lights resembled spying eyes, watching Gao’s and my every move.

But I ignored the spying and asked, “Gao, I’ve always wondered, how come you’re still alone? I’m sure lots of women have wanted you.”

He sighed. “Camilla, you’re the only woman I care about. My wife’s very cold, distant, and proper—”

“I didn’t know that you’re married!”

“It was an arranged marriage. I never loved her and she knew that from the beginning. My family tried to get me a second wife, but none of the girls were to my taste. Too young and frightened, as if I might torture them at any moment. I’m married, but I also live like a single man.”

“Did you . . . go to the turquoise pavilions?”

Turquoise pavilions were high-class establishments where the ladies, though available, were well versed in the four literary arts of music, poetry, painting, and calligraphy.

“I did. But never after I met you. I just lost interest in these women who have lost their hearts.”

“But, Gao, I, too, am a bad person, very bad.”
Although I love two men—not only you, but Jinying—I was also intimate with an ambassador only a few days ago.
But I swallowed my self-accusation.

He pulled me to him and kissed me deeply; then his hand reached to pull up my dress.

I was mumbling between his mouthful attacks. “Gao, stop, what do think you’re doing? This is not a safe place and we’ve already let our guard down. Someone might come out from the building anytime to take a walk here.”

But the bodyguard ignored my warning.

“Camilla,” he went on, unzipping his pants, “we have no idea if we’ll see each other again, nor how long we’ll live. . . .”

His voice trailed off as I felt his ballooning sex, like a mischievous snake slithering around the hole to which it wanted desperately to return. Soon we were lying on the mud and grass kissing, groping, squeezing, shaking, as in the midst of our living hell we entered our temporary sexual paradise.

Just after we finished our frantic pleasure, an explosion slashed the night air, followed by the sounds of shattering glass and collapsing walls. My ears rang as they had during the shoot-out in Master Lung’s villa. We quickly pulled on our clothes and looked around to see where the startling bang had come from.

Gao whispered heatedly to my ear. “Camilla, leave right now before it’s too late!”

“But what about you?”

“I’ll take care of myself, leave.” He gave me a push, but I stalled.

“Gao . . . don’t do this to me again, I beg you . . .”

I was referring to my previous escape from Shanghai when he’d just pushed me onto the ship and driven away.

He gave me another push, this time harder. “Go. Now.”

I was becoming hysterical. “But why, Gao? Didn’t you just ask me to run away with you?”

“Not now. Someone may have guessed that I would come to the consulate for protection. And they do this to threaten the consulate not to take me in.”

Just then another loud sound—it could only be a bomb to be so loud—followed by firing of guns.

I screamed, “Gao, Gao!”

But amidst the clamor, Lung’s former bodyguard had already vanished into the dense smoke, making it hopeless for me to find him. Nor did it seem like a good idea to visit my friend, the Consul General. Because of the bombing, the place would be swarming with police and reporters. So I took advantage of the darkness to sneak out of the wooded area, walk a short distance, then climb onto a rickshaw, my collar pulled up over my face as if to keep out the smoke.