The No Cry Nap Solution (19 page)

will help you know what to watch for. The fi rst helps you deter-

mine if your child does, indeed, need a daily nap. The second will

tell you if your child is weaning from taking a nap every day but

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
115

that on some days he still needs to sleep, and the third list tells

you if your child is ready to give up daily naps but would still ben-

efi t from a daily rest or quiet time.

Signs that your child needs a daily nap

• Responds in a positive or neutral way to naptime and falls

asleep easily

• Resists the idea of a nap but eventually falls asleep and

sleeps an hour or longer

• Wakes up in the morning in a good mood but gets whiny

and cranky as the day progresses

• Has more patience early in the day but is more easily aggra-

vated later on

• Cries more often or more easily in the evening than she

does early in the day

• Demonstrates a deterioration in his coordination over the

course of the day—begins falling down more, can’t manage

a puzzle as well, has trouble pulling up his pants

• Shows tired signs in the afternoon or early evening such

as yawning, rubbing eyes, a slump in energy, or looking

slightly glazed

• Late in the day, becomes wired up or hyperactive and won’t

settle down easily

• Often falls asleep in the car or when watching a movie

• When he misses his nap, the night’s sleep that follows is

disrupted

• Has a diffi cult time waking up in the morning or wakes up

grumpy and stays that way for a while

Signs that your child is weaning from daily naps (he needs

a nap on some days but just a rest period on other days)

• Usually has a consistent personality from morning until

bedtime but on active days tends to become fussy in the

evening

116 Solving Napping Problems

Austin, two years old

• Is generally in good spirits but can be overly grumpy or

whiny on busy days or when his daily schedule is upset by

visitors, playdates, or errands

• When she is put in a dark, quiet room for a nap, she often

lies in bed a long time before falling asleep

• Seems to do alright missing one day’s nap but after a few days

of missing naps, starts to become more whiny or cranky

• Usually goes to bed at a reasonable time and sleeps well all

night long

Signs that your child no longer needs a daily nap but

still might benefi t from a daily rest break or Hush Hour

(described starting on page 120)

• Has a consistent personality from morning until bedtime,

even on busy days

• Is generally in good spirits, with normal ups and downs

throughout the day

• Learns new things easily and has an appropriate attention

span for his age

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
117

• Goes to bed at a reasonable time and sleeps well all night

long

• When put in bed for a nap, rarely falls asleep

• On the days when he naps, takes a long time to fall asleep

that night, goes to bed much later than usual, or wakes up

earlier in the morning

• Is typically healthy and doesn’t suffer from many colds or

other ailments

• Generally wakes up on her own and in a pleasant mood

• Sleeps the number of total sleep hours shown on the sleep

chart on page 8 almost every night

Handling the Transition from One Nap to

No Nap

Children aren’t good nappers one day and nonnappers the next.

There will likely be a transition period of several months (even as

long as half a year) when your child clearly needs a nap some days

but is fi ne without one on others. You have a number of options

during this transition time:

• Schedule naptime on busy, active days. This can be a chal-

lenge because often the busier the day, the more a child needs a

nap but the less likely there will be time for one! If you have an

active day planned, try to work in a rest time at some point.

• If the timing works, set things up for a snooze in the car. Play

soft music, your child’s usual sleepy-time music, or white noise in

the car. Provide a lovey, pacifi er, or bottle if your child has one

he usually sleeps with. If your child is a sound sleeper, you can

transfer him to bed when you get home. If that would wake him,

take advantage of the time by reading a book or resting in the car

along with your child. (It’s not safe to leave your child alone in the

car.)

118 Solving Napping Problems

• Go with the fl ow from day to day, watch your child’s sleepy

signs, and arrange naps when needed. On days when it’s not clear

to you, set up a midday rest period and err on the side of relaxation

just in case.

• Keep your child’s regular naptime every day, but don’t require

that she
sleep
—allow quiet resting instead. For ideas on how to

make this work, see “The Hush Hour” on page 120.

• On days when a nap is missed, move bedtime earlier by thirty

minutes to an hour to get a longer night’s sleep and to shorten the

span from morning to bedtime. Make sure your child’s room is

dark so morning light doesn’t wake him too early, and use white

noise to mask any sounds that cause him to wake up before his

usual waking time. The following day, keep the morning hours

bright and busy to reset his body clock back to his usual schedule.

• On no-nap days when your child is fussy all day long and you

fi nd yourself getting short tempered, make a change to your usual

meal schedule. Move dinner up by an hour or more and follow

it with a very early bedtime—an hour or two early is acceptable

once in a while when it’s sorely needed by everyone. Don’t nar-

rate what you are doing—since your child can’t tell time, he’ll just

Mother-Speak

“I can’t believe it! I actually did it—and it worked! The twins

both missed their naps yesterday and were being absolute

terrors. The crying, whining, and fi ghting were escalating. I

was on the brink of losing it when I remembered your idea

to move dinner earlier. So I threw together some macaroni

and applesauce at 4:00 and sat them down to eat. Then we

followed our regular after-dinner and before-bed routine.

They were out cold by 6:30! I actually had a cup of hot

cocoa and read a grown-up book. Ahhh.”

—Tami, mother of three-year-old twins, Stephen and Stephanie

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
119

assume that it’s dinner time and bedtime as usual. To prevent an

early rising the next morning, make sure the windows are covered

so the room remains dark when the sun comes up.

Are You Correctly Interpreting Signs

of Tiredness?

If you try to put your child down for a nap
before
he is tired or

when he is
overtired
, he won’t be able to sleep. If you catch him

tired, though, you’ll have a good chance of having him fall asleep.

Look over the signs of tiredness on page 88 and observe your child

for these indicators or other unique signs.

Try to put your child down for a nap the moment you see any

indication of fatigue to achieve the best nap. If you note the time

that this occurs over a period of a week or so, you should see a pat-

tern emerge. Once you can predict when tiredness will arrive, you

can set up a daily nap schedule that suits your child’s tired times

perfectly.

In addition to signs of tiredness, also watch to see how long your

little one has been awake. Remember that homeostatic sleep pres-

sure builds and children can stay awake for only a certain period of

time until they receive a biological pull toward a nap. Take a peek

at the sleep chart on page 8 for sample awake-time spans between

sleep periods to help guide your decision making.

Children grow and change, and their nap schedule should

change with them. What’s perfect today may be different from

what is perfect next month or even on any given day—if it’s par-

ticularly busy. Keep your eye on your child
and
on the clock.

Is Your Child Sneaking a Micro-Nap?

If you’ll look back at the chart showing the many wonderful ben-

efi ts, or “magic gifts,” of sleep on page 12, you’ll note that the very

120 Solving Napping Problems

fi rst stage of sleep can last as little as fi ve minutes and can reduce

feelings of sleepiness. If your child is lying on the sofa, perhaps

watching television, or if he is sitting in the car, he may nod off for

fi ve or ten minutes. This micro-nap may be enough to rejuvenate

him for the rest of the day.

The problem with these micro-naps is that they take the edge

off just enough so that your child
cannot
fall asleep if you then put

him to bed. But if your child actually needs more sleep than a few

minutes, he won’t receive the benefi ts that subsequent stages of

sleep would bring him, such as an increase in alertness, improved

motor skills, a boost to his immune system, regulation of his appe-

tite, release of tension, restoration of energy, and a stabilizing

effect on his behavior and mood.

To avoid having your child sneak in a micro-nap, keep an eye

on him during the midafternoon for signs of fatigue. Avoid, if pos-

sible, car rides or TV time during his possible tired period. Either

keep him active or set him up for a nap or Hush Hour.

Also, take a look at the sleep chart on page 8 and take note of

the average awake time between sleep periods for your child’s age

group. For example, you’ll see that a three-year-old typically can

last six to eight hours before needing a break. That means if your

three-year-old wakes up at 7:00 a.m., then between 1:00 and 3:00

would be a good time for rest. Keep your eye on your child
and
on

the clock, and when the time is ripe, settle your child in bed for a

nap or rest break.

Every child can benefi t from a daily nap, but sometimes there

is nothing you can do to get your child to actually sleep. A

dedicated nonnapper may convince you to stop any efforts

for a rest break during the day. But day after day, week after

week without a nap or rest break can result in a cumulative

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
121

fatigue effect: a fussy, cranky child prone to temper tantrums,

whining, and tears and the resulting spoiled afternoons for

everyone.

Even when a child no longer sleeps, it’s still a great idea to

have a daily quiet-time break from noise and activity. I call this

the Hush Hour, which is a nap substitute and good for:

• a child who is transitioning his schedule and moving toward

giving up naps, therefore sometimes needs “half a nap”

• a child who is usually a good napper but on a given day is

simply too wired, overtired, or involved to sleep

• a child who is ready to give up naps but would still benefi t

from a rest break in the middle of an active day

• a child who won’t nap, can’t nap, and refuses to nap but who

lives with a parent who desperately needs that child to nap

(to preserve said parent’s patience, kindness, and dignity)

In any of these cases, a Hush Hour can provide a wonder-

ful substitute for an actual nap. A child may eventually be past

the need for a daily nap, but no child outgrows the benefi ts of

a daily rest period. In addition, on that rare day when sleep is

actually needed, a Hush Hour sets the stage for your child to

fall asleep if she’s tired.

The Hush Hour is magical in another respect. It can be a

much-needed break for a parent or caregiver whose hours are

fi lled with child-tending responsibilities. The Hush Hour allows

you to leave your child in a safe, restful place so that you can

do adult things or recharge your own battery. No parent should

feel guilty or ashamed for wanting a brief break from constant

child tending. No matter how much you love your child, no

matter how much you enjoy his company, there is a grown-up

person somewhere inside you that benefi ts from these brief