The Not So Invisible Woman

• Praise for The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker
  
• By the Same Author
  
• Title Page
  
• Copyright Page
  
• Acknowledgements
  
• Epigraph
  
• PROLOGUE
  
• Chapter 1. THE COCK DOC
  
• Chapter 2. MY SECRET
  
• Chapter 3. ANOTHER MAN, ANOTHER BLOWJOB
  
• Chapter 4. THE REUNION
  
• Chapter 5. YOUNGER MEN
  
• Chapter 6. SWEET, NOT SPICY
  
• Chapter 7. STAR FUCKS
  
• Chapter 8. ON THE WAGON
  
• Chapter 9. OFF THE WAGON
  
• Chapter 10. ON THE ROAD
  
• Chapter 11. THREE IS NOT A CROWD
  
• Chapter 12. A NOSH WITH A POSH
  
• Chapter 13. PLEASURE AND PAIN
  
• Chapter 14. NOT RIGHT
  
• Chapter 15. PAIN SLUT
  
• Chapter 16. THE TOUR GUIDE
  
• Chapter 17. THE CONTENDER
  
• Chapter 18. THE GANG BANG
  

Praise for The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker

'It was so hot, I just wanted to stop reading and have sex,'
Cosmopolitan

'For once an author has got it right . . . Book of the Month,'
Scarlet

'Ravenous, sexually charged,'
Men's Health

'Intelligently written (and) brutally honest,'
Metro

'Eye-poppingly unambiguous prose,'
Esquire

'Gritty and Explicit,'
The Observer

'As mind-boggling as it is shocking,'
The Mirror

'The woman who has it all has it off,'
Word Magazine

'Breathy and explicit,'
The Jewish Chronicle

Also by Suzanne Portnoy

The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker

Suzanne Portnoy

This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author's and publisher's rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

ISBN 9780753518694

Version 1.0

www.randomhouse.co.uk

First published in Great Britain in 2008 by
Virgin Books
Thames Wharf Studios
Rainville Road
London W6 9HA

Copyright © Suzanne Portnoy 2008

The right of Suzanne Portnoy to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

This electronic book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior consent in any form other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Distributed in the USA by Holtzbrinck Publishers, LLC, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010, USA

ISBN: 9780753518694

Version 1.0

3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

To Michael O'Loughlin – collaborator, friend, editor, confidant – without whom this book would not have been possible.

To Adam Nevill at Virgin Books – for his advice and support.

To my kids – for putting up with having an 'original' mum.

To Carol – for being a great chum.

To the Perverts Tea Saloon – for being so welcoming when I came to NYC.

To Selina Fire – my fellow partner in crime.

To my folks – who have always been so loving and wonderful.

And to all the guys who gave and still give me so much pleasure.

Some names and situations have been changed to protect identities.

The author is aware that the websites and publications mentioned did not and could not control her interaction with members.

'Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.'

– Dame Edna Everage, a.k.a. Barry Humphries

The infamous American radio shock jock Howard Stern recently said, 'If you want to have sex with women, date a divorced woman with young children. Because every other weekend, the husband has the kids, and that means every two weeks she gets to go out for one night – and go berserk.'

Actually, that was me he was talking about. And he's right. At least, he's right about me. Though he got one point wrong – there are actually
two
kids-free nights every other weekend.

I got divorced seven years ago, after a mostly sexless marriage that lasted a decade. Since then, I've been making up for lost time – though I have had a few monogamous relationships along the way, mostly disastrous ones, with guys who cheated on me or who treated my wallet like it was their own. But sexual freedom, I also learned, didn't necessarily lead to happiness, even if it did tend to come with an orgasm. All things considered, however, I've still come to the conclusion that I am happiest when I don't have
one
man in my life, but several.

These days, I rotate a portfolio of men, each of whom I meet every two weeks or so for fun. When one drops out, I find another, mainly via the internet, where there's a fertile supply of good-looking, nice, frisky guys who, like me, aren't looking for a relationship and just want to have good sex. I'm not discounting the idea that some day I might find The One, but I've stopped looking. Now, I just look for fun.

I'm having a good time. I've met some interesting men and some not-so-interesting men. Some of their stories follow. I hope you enjoy my kiss-and-tells.

It was just after 9 a.m. when the doorbell rang.

I ran downstairs from my bedroom, adjusting my stockings, and opened the door. I had delayed my cleaning lady's arrival by one hour, and was relieved to see a tall attractive man in a white coat standing on my front step, and not Anna. He held a leather briefcase in one hand and a stethoscope hung around his neck. 'You must be Doctor Donny,' I said.

'That's me.' He looked up and down my body, then met my eyes and smiled. 'May I come in?'

'Follow me,' I said, and turned back into the hall. 'I assume you wish to examine me in the bedroom, doctor.' I walked up the stairs without looking behind me.

I led him to my bedroom, then shut the door, in case Anna had not picked up the message I'd left the previous evening.

'Clothed or unclothed?' I asked.

He looked over at me while putting his briefcase on the Chinese trunk at the foot of my bed. 'I think unclothed is best,' he said matter-of-factly, in a deep voice I found alluring. He spoke as if he'd been asked that question a thousand times.

'Would you like me to remove my underwear, doctor?' I asked, trying to sound nonchalant to disguise my nervousness. I've had dozens of strangers in my bed, men whose names I barely knew, but usually I met playmates in public places and checked them out before inviting them home. I'd never had a house call before.

'Yes,' he said, authoritatively. 'But you can keep your bra on.'

I unbuttoned my shrug, pulled off my T-shirt and unzipped my skirt. Looking away, I slowly slid my knickers down to my ankles. I stepped out of the knickers, making sure to keep my transparent bra, stockings and high lace-up heels in place. I felt like a cross between Miss Jean Brodie and an Agent Provocateur model. Slowly, I folded my clothing, placed it carefully on the trunk and lay down on my bed. I felt the high of anticipation mixed with the excitement that comes only when I'm being touched by a stranger for the first time.

Dr Donny put the stethoscope to his ears, moved towards me and placed the tip of the instrument over my pubic area. I had shaved the night before, leaving just a small rectangle of hair, and the instrument felt cold against my skin. I was more amused than aroused. I had never heard of a stethoscope being used to gauge the health of a woman's pussy. This was not the doctor fantasy I had in mind.

'Mmmmn,' said Dr Donny, continuing to manoeuvre his stethoscope around my pubic area. 'Your pussy sounds healthy enough.' His tone remained authoritative, just the way professionals speak in a medical centre. I tried not to laugh. The tone was fine but the action was all wrong.

Dr Donny pulled the stethoscope out of his ears, put it beside his briefcase and resumed his examination using his hands. He placed his long fingers on either side of my labia, spread open the lips, and rubbed his fingers in a small circle around my clitoris. 'You have a lovely pussy,' he said.

'Thank you, doctor.' I felt myself getting wet. Then, rather too quickly, I felt a warm tongue on my clit. I spread my legs to allow him easier access.

'I think I need to get you wetter,' he said, suddenly adopting a seductive tone, before carrying on with his oral investigation.

Dr Donny was standing beside me, leaning over while eating me out. His tongue continued to massage my clit for a few disconcerting minutes. It felt good, but as I lay back and let him carry on, I felt a slight twinge of regret that this handsome, dark-haired man was no longer behaving like a real gynaecologist. He was just another stranger in my bed. But I made the most of it and relaxed into the sensations.

I let him carry on for a few minutes. Then I turned my head and saw, just above eye level, Dr Donny's hard-on straining against the fly of his black trousers. Impressive. I reached across to feel his cock through the fabric. It felt large and fat and hard.

Feeling my hand on his crotch, Dr Donny stood up. 'Would you like to have a look?' he asked.

'Yes, please,' I whispered, trying to stay in character as the submissive patient.

Slowly he undid his belt and unzipped his fly, and released one of the most perfect cocks I'd ever seen. It had been two weeks since I'd seen one, and this was a great reintroduction to the species. I slid my hand around the thick shaft. Then I sat up from the bed, pulled his cock towards my eager lips, and took it inside my mouth. I felt hands on the back of my head, pushing me down the shaft. It was far too big to take in my throat.

I didn't want to gag, so I pulled back and began stroking the base of his cock whilst licking and sucking the head.

'That is very good,' he said, resuming a professional tone. 'Very good indeed.'

That made me laugh. Clearly, we weren't playing doctor and patient any more.

I was a little disappointed that the curtain had fallen on our little drama so quickly. I had expected more role-playing, had wanted my fantasy doctor to touch and grope and explore my body for more than just that two-minute stethoscope scene. I'd woken up feeling horny and antsy with anticipation. I had wanted to play out the doctor-patient scenario for many years.

The hot doctor's visit was one of the few boxes left on my fantasy list that hadn't been ticked. For as long as this fantasy had been on my mind, I'd had girlfriends who'd giggled about their own. While most of them kept their dirty dreams locked up, unrealised, I learned to act on mine, even if their outcomes often proved less satisfying than my imagination.

I had planned simply to lie back and be used and probed like a patient on the gurney. It was not my intention to be an active, much less an equal, participant in a sex act that morning. After all, sex was nothing new for me. The doctor–patient scenario, however, was new – and long overdue. I'd been to orgies and sex clubs, hooked up with hundreds of strangers and fuck buddies before, and today I was hoping to finally fulfil my number one fantasy – of being completely passive and submitting to another's control and authority and expertise. Even a fake doctor's expertise.

While sucking Dr Donny's cock, and enjoying it, I concluded that probably I should have been clearer about my doctor fantasy when I arranged it. The fixation had popped into my head a decade earlier, out of the blue while masturbating, and it had remained there, unfulfilled, ever since. So when, the night before, I was asked about my sexual fantasies while chatting with guys on Swinging Heaven, I took the opportunity to toss the idea out there. I'd waited too long for this doctor's appointment.

Swinging Heaven is my favourite hook-up site, my one-stop shop for quick cock. Either because I'm a long-time user or one of the few genuine single women on the site, I get a free membership.

After my divorce in 2001,1 decided that until I found a man with whom I could truly be myself, I'd just have fun. Like me, and unlike too many of my previous boyfriends, the new men in my life would have to have moved beyond the idea of monogamy. I didn't believe in it and didn't intend to practise it – at least in terms of sex. I have a monogamous heart but very different standards when it comes to my body. So unless I met my soulmate, I decided, I'd have fun with a portfolio of guys who wanted to have some fun of their own. Most of them, I discovered, were on Swinging Heaven. When I'm on the lookout for a new man to fill an empty space, with a few strokes of the keyboard, I can see exactly what's on offer.

In the 'Jacuzzi' chat room a man named Donny introduced himself. His face pic was blurred, but not so blurry that I couldn't tell he was attractive, dark haired, and in his mid to late thirties. I pulled up his profile to check out his cock. The first photo showed a well-tanned man with broad shoulders and an attractive Mediterranean-looking face. He was wearing a loose white linen shirt similar to one that Daniel, an ex-boyfriend of mine, had pretty much lived in until it turned to shreds after four years. Daniel also was broad and dark and Mediterranean looking, as was my ex-husband, David. Which is to say, Donny was just my type. Or had the potential to be. My type is also well hung, and in his profile Donny advertised a nine-inch cock. So I checked out his other photos. He wasn't lying. Up popped a photo of a baton of a cock, standing bolt upright, almost parallel to his chest. I wanted to meet him.

'Nice cock.'

'thanks would u like 2 meet it'

'Love to. I'm feeling horny as hell.'

We began to discuss interests and he asked me about my fantasies. I told him I had a lot, most of them pretty stupid and typical: being gang-banged, being cast in a porn movie and having to show the director how tight and deep my pussy is – pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.

'hot'

'My number one fantasy is that I'm having an internal examination by a handsome male doctor and he uses his cock as the speculum.'

'i have a white coat,' Donny wrote back, 'and a stethoscope ;)'

'Really?' I was surprised and instantly excited at the direction this chat was taking. Usually I didn't participate in chats and instead just watched guys wank live and issued instructions. I regularly told guys to play with their balls, to lick their pre-come, to play with their nipples. It was a turn-on to be the director of the action and not the subject of it, and guys liked it, too.

'really. what do u say i cum round to yr place n give u a checkup'

'Sometimes I have breakfast meetings,' I wrote. I could drop my kids off at school and be home by nine. 'I just so happen to have an opening tomorrow morning. Do you have an appointment free at that time?'

'it just so happens that i do,' he replied. 'call me dr Donny. i'll bring my 9 inch equipment.'

Those nine inches were crucial because, when I see a real gyno, they always take out the largest speculum available. I've always been told that I have an almost abnormally deep vagina.

My ultimate doctor fantasy is actually a threesome, with a hot male doctor and a sexy female nurse. I'm lying helpless on an examination table with my legs in stirrups, and a female nurse with great tits and a low-cut uniform is massaging my clit. She's preparing me for the doctor, who'll use his own cock as a speculum.

I knew it was ridiculous, but I got off on the thought of a doctor sliding his cock in and out of me in an attempt to ascertain, to his satisfaction, whether or not I was orgasmic. That was a new twist on my theme. I had read a book about the history of the vibrator and learned that it had once been a common practice for doctors to vaginally massage patients suffering with 'hysteria'. The aim was to take the hysterics to orgasm and exorcise their excitable nerves. Hysterical or not, the hysterics seemed to like the treatment, because the vibrator was invented as a labour-saving device after the queue at the doctor's office became unmanageable. I wanted the same treatment, plus an attractive doctor-and-nurse combo that could sort me out the old-fashioned way. But in the absence of two representatives of the medical profession, a single Dr Donny would do.

The doctor's appointment made, I signed off from Swinging Heaven and went to bed. I could hardly sleep.

Dr Donny lowered his hands and reached inside my bra and squeezed my nipples hard. 'I think you need an internal examination,' he said. 'Just to make sure your pussy is healthy.'

I concurred, but the doctor fantasy was shot at this point, and all I was thinking about was that big cock filling me up.

I grabbed a condom from my side drawer and handed it over. He pushed it down the length of his cock. I noticed it barely reached the base of his shaft. Dr Donny quickly removed his white coat and the rest of his clothes, and climbed on top of me.

Although my fantasy hadn't turned out to be what I'd expected, just sucking that cock really aroused me. So when he said, 'I need to be inside your pussy,' I was ready and plenty wet. But his cock was so thick, it took four or five thrusts before he could enter me. That was horny, too, knowing I was almost too tight for him. He inched his way in until my vagina gave way and his full length was inside. I felt him reach to near my cervix. It was a rush to be stretched and filled by someone so big.

'Your pussy is so tight,' he said, pumping me. 'I think I need to fuck you every day for it to remain healthy.' Then, as if hearing his own words and what they implied, he quickly amended his prescription. 'Well, maybe three times a week.'

I looked up at him.

'Twice a day,' he added.

I said nothing. Despite the pleasure his treatment sent surging through my body, I quickly came to my senses. There was no way I'd be able to fuck this guy that often, unless I put my kids up for adoption and handed in my notice at work.

Indeed, he would have been lucky for the opportunity to fuck me twice a week. And with a regular dose of that cock of his, I'd have been lucky, too. But with a full-time job and a second career ferrying my two teenagers to their schools and football games, I didn't have much time to sleep with anyone. The occasional morning fuck was my only available appointment, aside from two kids-free weekends a month when I had the house to myself. But, as he was pushing his cock deeper and deeper inside of me, I tried mentally reorganising my calendar to see where I could fit him in. I liked the sex, the way he felt inside me. Then I let the idea go and climbed on top of him, forgetting the practicalities while focusing on my fantasy.

We had been fucking for twenty minutes and still he had a rock-hard erection.

'You make me so hard,' he said. 'You're so horny.'

'Only when I have a big fat cock like yours in my pussy,' I said. My comment wasn't aimed at his ego. I was simply stating a fact. 'And a decent brain too. It's the perfect combo,' I added. Instantly I regretted my words. I was as cool to the concept of the one-off fuck, like most of the guys I met off of Swinging Heaven, but I'd just blown it, sounding like a girlfriend wannabe.

'I'm glad it works for you,' said Dr Donny.

I started grinding down, feeling him deep inside me. I came within minutes. Then I lifted my body off of his and, crouching between his legs, pulled off the condom and then grabbed his cock with my hands. I jerked him off until he came all over his stomach.

As I rubbed the come into his chest, I looked at the clock. Forty minutes had passed since the doorbell chimed.