The Novel in the Viola (19 page)

‘This is mine.’ I held the dress close to me. ‘You can’t wear it.’

‘Can’t I?’ She spoke very quietly. ‘You’ll tell Wrexham that it’s yours?’

I knew Mr Wrexham would not care whether the dress was mine or not. It was all about their comfort. I was a maid and this was a minor humiliation.

‘You could always run to Kit,’ she whispered.

I stared at her. So this was about Kit. From downstairs, I heard the tinkle of breaking glass. I closed my eyes and thought of Anna. I felt as if I were walking on quicksand, the ground beneath my feet sank and sucked. I was so tired.

Dropping the dress to the floor, I left the room.

I checked my cap in the hall mirror and descended the grand staircase. The panelled reception hall was empty, the servants not yet in position. Everything was ready: tables laid, glasses prepared, drinks pleasantly chilled. I could hear clattering and muffled cries emanating from the service corridor and decided to stay well away. The door to the library was ajar, and I pushed it open. Mr Rivers sat beside his desk, toying with a brandy glass. Kit lounged by the window, for once not smoking. Neither man smiled.

‘Many happy returns. Mr . . . Kit . . . sir,’ I mumbled. I never was sure how to address him in his father’s presence.

‘Thank you, Elise,’ he said, his face grim.

Mr Rivers poured a glass of brandy and slid it across the desk towards me.

‘Herr von Rath is dead. He died several hours ago and there are reports of a pogrom in Germany.’

Feeling dizzy I snatched the glass, taking a glug of brandy. My throat burnt. ‘And Austria?’

‘All across the Reich,’ said Kit.

‘There are reports of arrests. Smashing of Jewish property. Synagogues burning,’ said Mr Rivers, pouring me another drink.

‘Elise, I’m so sorry,’ said Kit, crossing the room and taking my hand.

Conscious of Mr Rivers’ eyes upon us, I withdrew my fingers from his grasp. I drained the brandy and blinked.

‘Is there anything else, sir?’ I said, turning to his father.

Mr Rivers shook his head, his face full of sadness.

‘No, Elise. You may go.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

I bobbed my head and slipped out of the library.

The guests appeared in twos and threes, drifting into the billiard room for an exotic cocktail shaken by Henry or Art, who stood fidgeting in his special occasion suit. Ladies in feather boas sipped champagne in the drawing room, or lingered to gossip on the stairs and in the great hall. Waiters in white tie and tails scurried to and fro, refreshing drinks and carrying canapés on silver trays. A small band of musicians tuned up in the library, and breathy notes from a flute mingled with the chatter and laughter. The two glasses of brandy had been a mistake. I felt hot and my black wool dress clung beneath my arms. I wanted to unfasten a button, but knew I could not risk Mr Wrexham glimpsing the hidden pearls. Maids did not wear jewellery even after six o’clock. Juno giggled with Poppy, clearly oblivious to the fact that my friend was merely middle class and had grown up in a bungalow. I saw Kit talking to Diana, smiling at something she’d said. The flush in her cheeks perfectly matched the soft tones of Anna’s dress. It was larger on her than it had been on me, and she’d tied a rope of crystal beads around the waist so that it clung to her figure. She looked much more beautiful in it than I ever had and, at that moment, I hated her. I wanted to be wearing the dress. I wanted to feel it wrapped around me, still smelling faintly of Anna’s perfume. There had not been time to clean it after the last night in Vienna, and I imagined it to hold the scents of that party, a lifetime ago.

Guests clustered in small groups at round tables, nibbling Mrs Ellsworth’s poached salmon and quail egg tarts. A woman in a lavender gown stroked the cuff of a tall man with a clipped moustache, as she perched upon his knee. Two girls, both in red dresses, ate slices of chocolate cake and drank virulent coloured cocktails from long glasses. I collected plates and helped ladies to slices of cold pie and chicken and watched out of the corner of my eye as Kit flitted amongst his guests. He stole closer and passed me an empty champagne flute.

‘No more news.’

I refilled his glass and fought the impulse to drain the contents. I wanted to disappear with a bottle down to the beach, drink and shout and rage at the sea. Instead, I noticed Diana in Anna’s dress, picking iced rose petals off a sponge cake and alternating smiles between two men.

‘It’ll be all right, Elise. Really it will.’

‘Why do you keep saying that? You don’t know anything.’

Kit looked so utterly dejected that I felt a nudge of guilt. This was his party, and what was happening in Europe was hardly his fault. I took a breath and forced myself to smile.

‘Anna would love your party. She’d be furious if she knew that you worried about her and did not enjoy yourself.’

Kit stared miserably at his champagne, shaking the glass so that golden bubbles rose to the surface like shooting stars.

‘I promise you, she’d be very angry. If she were here, she’d be standing halfway up the stairs. Perfect acoustics, you see. And she’d have organised the band. And she’d be singing.’ I gave a short sigh. ‘I wish you could hear her sing.’

Over Kit’s shoulder, I saw Mr Wrexham glowering at me. A parlour maid in conversation with the host was not acceptable. I hurried away and, grabbing an ashtray, made for a group of gentlemen smoking on the terrace.

‘Ah, excellent, do you have a light?’ asked a sandy-haired chap, brandishing an empty box of matches.

‘Certainly, sir,’ I said, pulling out a new box from my apron pocket. I’d learnt over the last several months that there were certain things I always needed to keep handy. Mr Wrexham was most gratified when he’d realised that I perpetually carried matches, a spare handkerchief, paper and pencil, a hair net and peppermints in my pocket, viewing it as a sign that I had finally accepted my role in life was to attend to their comfort. In fact, I detested having to hurry away in search of elastic bands or aspirin and found that I saved a good deal of time by keeping a supply of bits and pieces upon my person. It was for my convenience rather than theirs.

It was cold on the terrace, and several candles had blown out, even those inside the storm lanterns. A thick mantle of cloud blocked out stars and shrouded the top of Tyneford hill. The night was black dark and the crash and boom of the sea seemed to come from nowhere. The doors to the house had been thrown open, and music drifted into the air, wafting down towards the beach like an invisible haar. I hovered in the shadows, grateful for a moment’s rest. Beneath the string of glimmering lanterns couples danced, girls floating to and fro in their pastel dresses like soap bubbles on the breeze. I was content to gaze upon them, and remembered the last dancers I had watched at the Opera Ball, the previous March. It was only a few weeks before the
Anschluss
, and on that night at least it appeared that nothing would ever change. Anna was invited to sing of course, and for the first time, I attended with my family. As it was my first ball, I wore white like all the debutantes. Great-aunt Gerda lent me her diamond earrings, which shone in my ears like slivers of ice. For the first half hour, I could not join the dancing. I was transfixed. The girls spun and whirled in their spotless gowns across the ballroom. It seemed that the whole of Vienna was in that one theatre, a thousand girls turning, turning. I grew dizzy. It was like watching snowflakes rushing in a blizzard. At Kit’s party, as I watched a fair-haired girl lean back in her partner’s arms, I saw Margot, her faced flushed with happiness. The church clock chimed the quarter hour and I willed time to turn backwards. I wanted the hands on the clock to rush the wrong way, and whisk me back to that other place. I did not care if I had to live it all over again, minute by minute, second by second; I wanted to return to Vienna and another time.

Diana and Mr Wrexham appeared at my side, half hidden in the gloom.

‘Lady Diana requires your assistance, Elise,’ he said, giving me a curt nod.

‘I seem to have had an accident with my dress,’ said Diana with a giggle, feigning embarrassment. ‘I’ve been such a silly thing. I’ve gone and spilt my wine.’

I examined her, and through the darkness saw a crimson stain down the front of Anna’s dress. Diana watched me, a smile playing on her lips, daring me to complain. Not saying a word, I followed her into the house and up the stairs to her bedroom. We made our way through the throng, weaving through revellers lining the landing. I opened the door to the blue room and Diana slipped inside. She unfastened the dress herself, undoing the hooks along the right seam, and stepped out of it, leaving it in a heap on the floor. She stood in the middle of the bedroom in her high-heeled shoes and her silken underwear, perfectly unembarrassed, and shot me a look of pity.

‘I hear there are problems for your kind at home. Such a shame for you. Not wanted there. Not wanted here.’ She sighed deeply. Anyone who did not know her would believe her heart breaking in sympathy. She gazed at me with her dark eyes, the colour of bruises. ‘I just can’t imagine.’

Kneeling down, I scooped up the spoilt dress and ran upstairs to my bedroom. It was ruined. I buried my face in the fabric. It reeked of wine and Diana’s sickly gardenia perfume. She’d stolen a piece of Anna from me. I was so angry, I scratched at my arms until little beads of red appeared on my wrists. I stuffed the dress into the wastebasket in my room and strode back down to the party. A girl with a long dark plait woven with silver thread stood on the landing, feeding strawberry ice cream to a young man. A half-drunk bottle of wine rested on the carpet beside them. I swept it up and hurried away, despite their protestations. Checking over my shoulder for Mr Wrexham, I darted into the bedroom at the far side and clicked the key in the lock.

The room was empty. Curtains drawn. I took a gulp of wine, and marched over to Kit’s closet. The room smelt of his cigarettes. A damp towel hung over the back of a rail and a bottle of cologne left open on the vanity table emitted his scent of sandalwood and honey. I took another sip of wine, straight from the bottle, spilling a drop on my chin, and wiped it away with the back of my hand. Music drifted up through the floorboards like smoke. There was a shriek from outside the window but I did not open the curtain and I did not look. In the distance I felt the black sea, crashing, crashing.

Despite the chaos of the party, Mr Wrexham had still found time to tidy up the customary mess in Kit’s room. All his trousers were neatly folded away into the large wardrobe. I tugged at a black pair. Not part of a dinner suit. I let them fall to the floor. I pulled out another pair and then another, dropping them all, until I came to a dinner jacket and matching trousers – deep grey with a matt black ribbon running along the fold. I unbuttoned my dress and hauled them on. Kit was slim, a lithe man-boy, and yet, to my surprise, they were loose around my waist. When had I become thin? Anna wouldn’t approve. I found a white shirt with a starched collar and, slipping it on, stuffed the shirttails into the waistband. The jacket was big around my shoulders but the trousers were only very slightly too long and I supposed that the suit must have belonged to Kit some years ago, while he was still at school. I picked up his comb, and sitting down at the dressing table drew it through my short hair. His mother smiled at me from the brown photograph. Snatching up the wine bottle, I drained the dregs. It was Diana’s fault. The ruined dress. Red stained. Blood stained. Frau Baronstein’s spoilt fur. The disappeared. Not wanted here. The Jews killed Herr von Rath. Pogrom. Anna’s dress. She stole Anna. The novel in the viola. Diana. It was all Diana.

I checked my reflection in the mirror. Eyes too bright. Lips marked with wine. Leaving my dress in a crumple in the middle of the floor, I unlocked the door and ventured out onto the landing. I half expected a gasp, cries of disgust. Nothing. The girl with the long plait had gone. A couple kissed in the shadows. Snatches of music mingled with the chatter and shouts of laughter but no one noticed me. I supposed they took me to be a boy with my short, slick, smooth hair. Sauntering down the stairs, I scanned the crowd for Kit. No one accosted me for drinks or cardigans or clean plates or the way to the powder room. For a few minutes I was one of them again. Despite the heat and the noise, and the girls banging into me as they danced up and down, up and down, I could breathe. I spied Kit on the terrace and made straight for him.

‘Kit. Kit.’

He stared for a second, not seeing me. I tugged on his sleeve.

‘Kit. It’s me.’

A slow smile of delight spread across his face.

‘You did it. You really did it.’

He grabbed my hand and drew me under a lantern so he could see me better, turning me first one way, then the other.

‘You look fine. Jolly fine.’ He tucked a stray curl behind my ear, smoothing it flat. ‘Almost like a boy.’

‘Well?’ I demanded. ‘Are you going to ask me to dance?’

Kit gave a snort. ‘Or you could ask me. Doesn’t make much difference right now, does it?’

‘Will you dance, Kit?’

‘Delighted. Wait here a mo.’

He ducked inside, leaving me alone on the terrace. I slunk into the shadows, not wanting to be discovered. Not yet. The music stopped. Then, as I listened, there began the lilt of a familiar melody, ‘Tales from the Vienna Woods’
,
Johann Strauss
.
Kit reappeared at my side.

‘I thought a Viennese waltz seemed appropriate.’

Appropriate was not a word I would have used in the circumstances. He offered me his hand and, as I took it, led me towards the lights of the house and the swaying couples.

‘One second.’

I grabbed a stray glass of champagne off a side table and drank it, the bubbles tickling my throat, before slapping it down empty on the tray of a passing waiter. The doors from the large drawing room leading to the great panelled hall were thrown open, and couples waltzed from one room to the next, weaving amongst each other in intricate patterns. I imagined silken threads connecting them all and the waves of dancers making some vast piece of embroidery. The men were all clad in their black tie and tails, while the women formed a bouquet of colours. Ruby dresses swirled and a girl in seawater blue arched back in her partner’s arms, her long, sand-coloured hair brushing the floor.