The Ocean (23 page)

He looked at me, and I nodded toward him, acknowledging him. He stood and began to come our way. The man in the tweed jacket ignored him and continued speaking. We left our seats and met him by the back door. Alex looked at him, appraising him for a moment, and then he reached out and hugged him. He hugged him so tightly, and they patted each other on their backs. Then he said, barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry, Dad. I love you.” Oliver actual y coughed, or it might have been the start of crying because he said in return, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry, and I do love you, both of you.” I squeezed into the hug. I wasn’t ready to say the words, but I was ready to begin to forgive him. I at least owed him that much. If I had so easily given Mitchel a second chance after he had yel ed at me, I could begin to forgive Oliver, if he had real y changed his ways. It seemed as if he had. This time I could do something if he did choose to give in to his addictions again. We wouldn’t let it escalate to the point that he was putting his hands on us. Maybe giving our forgiveness would give him the strength he needed to resist.

We left and met up with Brandon’s father, who paid a nice retail price for our car and made our way home. It was getting late, and we had school and a game the next day. We went through the drive-through and ate dinner on the couch, watching prime time television together as a family.

The footbal team had another pep ral y, and we al welcomed the chance to escape class. Abby and I sat toward the middle of the bleachers, and once the team was announced, several players found spots in the stands, including Alex, Mason, and Travis with us. I could tel he was nervous, and I let him pul me closer to him than I would have normal y al owed for such a public place. His tension eased a little when that happened.

Later, I joined Travis and his family for dinner. I helped Melanie by tossing the salad while Travis and Hailey set the table. We had a nice dinner conversation, and Travis and I found ourselves in his room after the dishes were cleaned up. This was becoming normal. We always ended up in a bedroom with a closed door, especial y lately. We always ended up kissing as our hands touched each other, over clothes, under clothes. We knew almost every inch of each other’s skin.

“I want you so bad,” he breathed in my ear.

I simply nodded. “So bad,” he said again, as he moved his lips over my neck, his breath the only thing that touched me. It sent a wave of chil s through me, and instinctively I arched my back, pressing myself into him.

“I do too, but,” I paused and looked at the ceiling past him as he lifted up and hovered over me. I bit my lower lip and looked back into his eyes. I couldn’t finish the statement.

“I understand.” He leaned his forehead against mine. He took a deep breath and rol ed over beside me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I stil looked at the ceiling.

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s OK; we’l wait til when you’re ready. But just so you know, I love you.” He climbed back on top of me and held my face in his hands. “And I want you, too.” He kissed me again, and we tangled ourselves into each other again.

The game was a close one and a tough loss because we could tel that the boys put everything that they had into it. Afterward, we went to a diner for a late snack as did most of the school. We grabbed a table on the patio that overlooked the beach. The five of us were joined by Gloria. I could tel that she was way more into Alex than he was into her. She hung on his every word, but he barely acknowledged her. We talked about the game and weekend plans. We were laughing at something Mason had said when Chiz sauntered over, his arm draped around Jil ian’s neck. He looked only at Alex as he addressed the table.

“My parents are going out of town for a week. Sunday we are having a gathering. Everyone is invited. You guys should come.” We al looked at each other.

“Chiz, Sunday is a school night. You think that’s such a good idea?” Mason asked.

“Wel , I’m going to be busy tomorrow night.” He winked at Jil ian. She smiled. “What does it matter? Next week is a short week because of fal break.” He walked off, Jil ian in tow. I shrugged at Travis. He smirked at me.

“I’l be washing my hair.” Abby gave her usual response.

“I’l probably be helping you,” Mason added, nudging her.

“It would be fun; Chiz throws amazing parties,” Gloria interjected.

“We’l see,” Alex said, as he put his arm around the back of her chair. She seemed to like that answer and tried to snuggle closer to him. I gave him a wary look, and he shrugged.

We went our own ways. Travis and I walked along the surf. The water was starting to get colder, especial y in the evenings. Though I rol ed up my jeans, they stil got a little wet. When we were in the dark, away from the boardwalk lights, he stopped walking and turned to me, taking both of my hands in his. I smiled up at him. We stood there silently for a few minutes. Then he leaned down and kissed me. He was so gentle in his touch I wanted to hold him close to me. I crushed myself to him, and our feet sank in the sand as the waves rushed over them and took it out from underneath us, only to come rushing over us again. I giggled, and he hugged me to him.

“You drive me crazy,” he said, stil holding me close to him.

“We’l be crazy together.” I smiled into his chest.

“I’l save you a seat then.” He laughed and kissed me again. Since we had reunited, it seemed as though our pul to each other was stronger than anything I had ever felt before. I didn’t know that I could feel this way about anyone. My heart actual y ached to be near him. It almost didn’t feel natural. I wanted him with me always. I dreamed of him and waited for his letters in the mornings. I was beginning to feel a little addicted to him. I thought I might even understand what Oliver meant when he said my mother was intoxicating. If he felt anything like what I was beginning to feel about Travis, I didn’t know how he was able to be away from her for a whole year. Travis kissed me again before we made our way back to the car.

I felt on top of the world, but also as if I were on display on top of the world. No one watched us. I looked around, but I suddenly felt like we weren’t alone on the beach and we were stil being watched. He didn’t seem to notice. He took me home and we sat on the porch for a little while, not wanting the evening to end.

“When I was a kid…” He leaned back on his elbows. “I used to play this game with my dad, that I was no good at, Othello. He didn’t go easy on me either; I’d lose nine games and then he’d let me win one to keep me interested in it. We would play for hours. Then one day just before he left, I beat him like, five games in row. I used to think that he left because I final y beat him. Then I realized he let me win to make me feel good about myself.” I leaned on my side and watched him staring at the few stars that we could see over us. “Sil y, for me to get so upset when I realized that, but I did.

For a long time I thought that was the reason I was so mad at him, but it wasn’t. It was because he left my mom when she was pregnant and needed him the most. It was because I was the first one in my class who didn’t have a dad around, even on the weekends.” He shrugged. “I don’t know why I just told you that, but I wanted to. He cal ed us the other day. He wants to see Hailey and me this weekend. I don’t want to go, but my mom is taking Hailey. They are going to be staying overnight. I’m gonna be a bachelor for the night, have the whole place to myself.” He looked over at me with a mischievous look on his face. It made me nervous suddenly. I sat forward and leaned my elbows on my knees and looked at him warily.

“I was thinking maybe you could tel Oliver that you were having a sleepover at Abby’s, and we could spend the night together.” He matched my move and held my eyes.

“I’m not comfortable lying to him,” I lied. “We’ve reached this sort of understanding.” This time I told the truth.

“We don’t have to do anything. I’d just like to spend the night with you.” Now he lied.

“I don’t know.” The thought of spending the night with him both excited me and terrified me.

“Think about it.” He scooted closer to me and slid his arm around my waist. I leaned into his shoulder. “I love you,” he said in a low, sexy tone. My heart began to beat out of control, and I was sure he heard it, but he didn’t respond to it. He just held me close to him as I told him as evenly as I could, “I love you.”

The Tension So Thick, You Could Cut with a Knife

Travis

Gianna came through like I had hoped she would. She was going to spend the night with me. I didn’t know what I had planned exactly, but I just wanted to be with her. I wanted to feel her beside me al night and wake up with her in my arms. I didn’t want to have sex with her if she wasn’t ready, but if she was ready, I wanted to make love to her. She stirred such emotions I hadn’t even known existed. I was getting even more nervous as it approached the seven o’clock hour. That was when Alex was dropping her off. He had cal ed me, I assume after she had told him our plans, and asked for his help.

“If you make Gia do something she doesn’t want to tonight, you’l have me to deal with.” His voice was fierce, and I saw what Gia meant by how annoying it was when he didn’t even say “hey” or anything.

“Alex, I just want to be with her. We’re not going to do anything. Just sleep,” I smiled to myself anticipating, then added, “I just don’t want to be alone right now.” I felt lame pul ing that card.

“I’m just warning you. She’s a virgin, and you’re her first boyfriend. I don’t want her to regret her first time if she’s not ready.” I already knew al of this.

“She’s on two different emotional levels. It’s like she’s teetering between fal ing apart and being blissful y happy. I see it on her face. You may not because you’re too close to the blissful side, but I see both. And I don’t know what’s going to set her off but something might, and when it does, I don’t know what wil happen. She might become angry, she might cry, she might just shut down altogether. So don’t pressure her to do anything.” I was silent as I thought about what he said. “Are you stil there?”

“Yeah, I’m here, I’m just—” I trailed off.

“I don’t want to be such an asshat, but dude, it’s my sister. I have to look out for her.” His usual tone was back in his voice.

“I know. I love her. I’m not going to do anything to mess this up,” I reassured him and myself.

“OK. I’l bring her over later.” He hung up the phone without a goodbye. Gia hadn’t complained about that; maybe he was stil on the defense.

In preparation, I cleaned my room real y wel . I changed my bed sheets even though my mom had done it a few days ago. I cleaned the rest of the house and rented some movies. I showered and cleaned up then went to the Italian restaurant that we loved and picked up our dinner. I was in the kitchen when she came in.

“Travis?” She was barely audible. I came down the hal from the kitchen in the back of the house. She stood there in a pair of sweat pants rol ed up to just under her knee and a couple of tanks layered with my hoodie, the one that I had loaned her during that first bonfire. She had a tote bag on her arm with her purse. I smiled at how adorable she looked, her hair pul ed up in a bun piled on the top of her head. She real y looked as if she were going to a slumber party instead of sneaking out to be with her boyfriend.

“Are you hungry?” I took her bag and purse and began to climb the stairs.

“You didn’t fix dinner.” She fol owed me, not believing her ears. I chuckled.

“No, I got Gigi’s.” She folded her hands in my back pockets as I now towed her up the stairs. I tried not to let her touch cause a reaction in me, but was failing. When I reached the top and turned to go to my room, she took her hands out. She stil fol owed me. I dropped her bags at the foot of my bed.

“Careful, my camera is in there.”

“Are we taking pictures? You gonna model for me?” I swung around and swept her up in my arms. As I did, we lost our balance and fel into my bed.

“I just thought we could take a few of us. My friends in Indy are dying for more, and this is a big night for us.” She moved my hair around my hairline.

“I told you I’m OK with waiting.” Just the thought of her and me generated another reaction. She looked at me strangely for a split second and then briefly smiled. I was embarrassed; I knew I should have taken care of myself before she came over. This night might be a long one.

“I’m not talking about that; I’m talking about what this night signifies. It’s a cornerstone in our relationship. Like a milestone. Whatever happens, I’m going to remember it forever probably.” She cut her eyes to the side of my room, not looking at me. I kissed her forehead and went to stand. She pul ed me close again. Looking into my eyes, she traced my face with the tips of her fingers and smiled as she watched her fingers move. I couldn’t take my eyes away from hers though. She looked back into mine, and the smile faded. Her eyes held the longing I felt, too. I sucked in a jagged breath. No one had ever affected me the way she did.

“Dinner. Wil . Cold.” I couldn’t even think straight when she looked at me like that. She nodded as I loosened my grip on her and stood again. She let me go, too, and stood with me. I led her again down the stairs. In the kitchen I took down plates, and she looked at me with her head cocked to the side.

“What are you doing?” She began to unwrap our food.

“Getting plates, I thought it was obvious,” I teased.

“We don’t need to dirty your dishes if you don’t want to.” She went to the refrigerator and took out two sodas.

“I thought it would be nice, like a date. I was going to light candles and everything,” I grumbled.

“Hopeless romantic.” She giggled, conceding, and taking the plate I offered her. I took down two glasses and got ice for our sodas.

“I’m your hopeless romantic.” I stepped too close to her and breathed into the back of her neck. I knew it affected her when I came that close to her and did that. She almost dropped the container she was holding. She looked at me with mock annoyance, but she smiled, and I smiled too.

We playful y flirted throughout dinner. Then I went to the living room to put in a movie, but she went upstairs. She came back down after a few minutes with fingernail polish and a file. She sat down on the floor, paper towel in hand as she spread out her toes and began painting them. I looked at her for a long moment.